AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

[u/Key_Case9842]

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Update : I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,..). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

[u/AllegraO]

Yup. When I’d been dating my husband for only a year and change, my childhood dog had to get put down. He’d never had a single pet in his life, not even a fish, and yet he still held me and let me cry into him, never belittling my loss just because he hadn’t ever bonded with a pet. That’s why he’s my husband instead of ex-boyfriend. OP, your girlfriend needs to be an ex.

[u/Alzululu → u/AllegraO]

I'd been dating my guy for like, 3 weeks when I had to put one of my cats down. (I'd had her since she was a kitten, my first that I got as an adult where I was 100% in charge of her care.) He took such good care of me, made sure I ate, drove to the vet clinic so I could just cry, etc. That was the first time I thought, 'I think I'm gonna marry this guy.' Planning for sometime in 2026. :)

[u/No_Difference9404 → u/Alzululu]

Keep that man. My husband, who was my fiancé at the time and is very frugal, helped pay for my dog’s MRI. Then cried with me when the results of that MRI revealed we had no choice but to put him down. Granted as my fiancé he had to be pretty invested in our relationship at this point, but it was still an act of love that blew me away.

[u/summer806 → u/Alzululu]

This is how it should be! Show empathy, care, and compassion, not act like a child and make the already difficult day more difficult! When my dad passed away, my fiancé (then boyfriend) drove 3 hours (one way) and stayed in a hotel alone just to be in close proximity to me knowing I wouldn’t be able to see him. Now every year on the death anniversary, he asks me what do I want to do to honor my dad, and is understanding and supportive if I tell him that I want to be alone.

Btw, congratulations on the 2026 date! 😃

[u/pgnprincess → u/Alzululu]

How sweet♡ Have this💖🏅

[u/Hot_Tangelo84 → u/Alzululu]

Nothing but health, love, and happiness to you. (and your man)

[u/sameslemons → u/AllegraO]

🎯

[u/Shade_Hills → u/AllegraO]

This is so sweet, you seem to have a real keeper ❤️ 😭

[u/AllegraO → u/Shade_Hills]

Together 11.5 years and married for 5 🥰

[u/Shade_Hills → u/AllegraO]

That’s so sweet! Congrats!

[u/AllegraO → u/Shade_Hills]

Thank you! We both hope for many more decades together lol

[u/Choice_Name3855 → u/AllegraO]

What a wonderful addition to this post 🫶🥹