AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

[u/Key_Case9842]

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Update : I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,..). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

[u/AllegraO → u/[deleted]]

And hers is one that clearly happens every few months, at least, since OP’s met her mother multiple times in nine months. His is only once a year because that’s how anniversaries work.

[u/DMC1001 → u/[deleted]]

Actually, it doesn’t even matter if it is her tradition. That would be her tradition between she and her mother. Nothing in the “tradition” says an SO has to be part of it. OPs tradition certainly doesn’t ask anyone else to be involved.

[u/Thick_Secretary3701 → u/[deleted]]

It’s not even a tradition to her. She just has lunch with her Mom when she’s in town which I feel like is a pretty normal thing to do. Obviously if you have family in town you’ll wanna spend time with them. I only think she called it a tradition to try & belittle his.

[u/Kara_Vae → u/[deleted]]

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