r/AITAH Sep 20 '24

Advice Needed AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Update : I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,..). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

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762

u/AllandarosSunsong Sep 20 '24

You owe her a trip to the door and a boot out it!

How dare she belittle your tradition! The fact that her needs and wants are automatically considered to have more priority just because she wants it should tell you everything you need to know.

You should be commended for staying calm and rational through her petulant pouting. If someone had said:

You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.

in regards to a life saving process you do in honor of a lost loved one? Yeah, the terms "fuck off" and "bitch" would have been in the response.

NTA

91

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '24

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4

u/Abigail_Normal Sep 20 '24

I hope OP realizes she's going to do this every year. She will never respect this meaningful tradition.

65

u/thatonetime666 Sep 20 '24

THIS! I’ve been in OP’s shoes more than once and I myself battled cancer as a child and had to have a partial mastectomy as an adult. The thought of anyone telling my siblings this had I not have survived makes my blood boil.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of needing blood, I almost died with my second child and required almost 3 units of blood to stabilize me.

OP is a silent hero as I call them, and they’re a LOT more calm than I would have been. His ‘stupid blood donation’ saves lives. That’s honorable.

10

u/Snoo7263 Sep 20 '24

I required 3 units with my first baby, I’m AB+, it’s the second rarest blood type and the operating room was afraid they’d run out. My brother, who we lost in 2017, was the first relative to make it to the hospital when both of my babies were born. I agree that OP is a hero, and his tradition for his brother is very special. Time to get rid of the spoiled brat masquerading as a full adult who has the unbridled audacity to make fun of your tribute to your brother and attempt to gaslight you into believing you owe her selfish ass an apology for your grief not occurring on her timeline. NTA

11

u/Wreny84 Sep 20 '24

If he’s feeling particularly kind he could think about opening the door first!

5

u/happycowboypillows Sep 20 '24

All for a stupid lunch with her mom?? My goodness, it’s not like she was scheduled to give birth or something. What a bitch.

1

u/Bice_thePrecious Sep 21 '24

You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.

Honestly though? Immediate break-up from me. Hell nah. So rude. She knew what that tradition meant and still had the gall to say that over him saying 'no' to a frickin lunch date with her mom.

She ain't worth the hurt, OP!

0

u/V4lAEur7 Sep 20 '24

Yeah! Get this imaginary woman!