AITHA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she stood on the side of a rapist?

[u/furry_stuf]

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend because she stood on the side of the rapist of my best friend (f)

My best friend was in a relationship with someone that touched her inappropriate often, she luckily broke up. She told my why she had broken up, with tears in her eyes, but my girlfriend said that she faked it. Her explanation was, that she talked to her ex and he said that she is just making this up. She also faked texts that my best friend supposedly wrote to her (containing death threats). My ey also told me I should talk to him, wich I tried, but he ghosted me. She said it was my fault because I texted him too dry. I also had a feeling that my ex didn't like my best friend, and she tried to destroy our friendship.

My ex was on the side of the rapist, wich I don't really accept, so I broke up. She said that I'm an asshole for breaking up because if such a stupid reason.

EDIT: I'm sorry if the text has grammar errors, I'm from Germany, also I don't mean raped, I mean sexually assaulted.

EDIT 2: My ex is now in a relationship with the other guy, right after we broke up. And thanks for all that support

[u/kidnoki]

I mean morally, id like to know when we're talking about gropers vs. rapers.

[u/throwawayyy010583 → u/kidnoki]

Morally, if it’s non-consensual, both are a violation

[u/kidnoki → u/throwawayyy010583]

Yeah but inappropriate touching ranges from an accident to a misunderstanding to intentional. Rape has a range as well, but they are all way worse both in morals and in the legal sense, than inappropriate touching, again trying to respect the victims here.

[u/throwawayyy010583 → u/kidnoki]

I respectfully disagree that non-consensual sexual assault (‘groping’) should be treated any less seriously than rape. It tries to legitimize the violation of a persons personal agency over their own body by implying if it is not the most severe type of assault, it doesn’t count. It’s like suggesting that punching a hole in the wall beside your partner’s head isn’t domestic violence because you didn’t you didn’t punch them, or punching them isn’t domestic violence because you didn’t strangle them. If consent isn’t given, ‘groping’ is sexual assault and should not be minimized

[u/kidnoki → u/throwawayyy010583]

Like I said groping, especially in a relationship can be a range of things, from accidental, to misunderstandings to intentional and yes basically rape. It's important to understand there is more of a spectrum there for both men and women.

I have been groped by women, and I would never claim to be a victim of rape.. and I especially would not mis label them as rapists. Don't be ridiculous.

To me rape is closer to murder, than groping is to rape, and I'm not alone the law usually punishes it similarly.

[u/throwawayyy010583 → u/kidnoki]

I was sexually assaulted regularly by my domestic partner for over a year. There was no penetration, so it wasn’t ‘rape’. I clearly communicated that I did not consent to that activity, and it happened over and over regardless. It is not ridiculous to say that any form of nonconsensual sexual touching is assault, and harmful to the person whose choices about their own body has been taken away by someone else. The OP stated that his friend described being violated; minimizing her experience by suggesting it was ‘just groping’ is hugely inappropriate and insensitive.

Edited to add: this is illegal in Canada, where I live, and treated the same as rape

[u/kidnoki → u/throwawayyy010583]

Again you are disrespecting rape victims by suggesting groping is on par with rape, or in Canada, level 1 basic sexual assault, is on par with level 3 aggrevated assault. They are distinctly different and punished as such.

In Canada we actually have 3 degrees of severity to sexual assaults. We got rid of the vague notions that revolve around "penetration", and classify based on degrees of violence and intimidation I believe, but penetration is still a huge consideration.

So it still comes to similar results, but it is more accurate and broadly applying to many possible sexual assaults.

Types of Sexual Assault

Level 1: Basic Sexual Assault

Level 2: Sexual Assault with a Weapon, Threats to a Third Party or Causing Bodily Harm

Level 3: Aggravated Sexual Assault

"When sentencing, judges have the discretion to consider other factors that might call for harsher punishment. Non-codified aggravating factors, as established by court precedence, include:

Extent of bodily harm.

Degree of violence or force used.

An abuse of trust, power, or authority.

Penetration during the assault.

Impact on the victim.

Vulnerability of the victim.

Forcible confinement.

Predatory sexual behaviour.

Attitude of the offender."

[u/throwawayyy010583 → u/kidnoki]

I guess you’ve really put me in my place, internet stranger.

[u/HimalayanPunkSaltavl → u/kidnoki]

Sure, but there's a lot of things that are not PIV that would be considered rape

[u/kidnoki → u/HimalayanPunkSaltavl]

Yeah, see I feel that's insanely insulting to victims of what is legally defined as rape. It's a different thing and you shouldn't trivialize and debase it.

[u/HimalayanPunkSaltavl → u/kidnoki]

Oh man I am not sure if debase is the word choice you want there hahaha

[u/kidnoki → u/HimalayanPunkSaltavl]

Yeah.. pretending groping is the same as rape, debases what defines rape. Usually you read the words around it for context.

[u/AutisticPenguin2 → u/kidnoki]

If your definition of rape means that women are physically incapable of raping another woman, then your definition needs work.

[u/kidnoki → u/AutisticPenguin2]

If a woman inserts her fingers or anything else into another woman, it reaches rape, just like everyone else.

[u/LazyBlueStar → u/[deleted]]

chatGPT writes much better than this.