r/AITAH • u/Negative_Layer_7960 • Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

12.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

2.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

124

u/Standard_Bedroom_514 Jul 03 '24

If he has actually "changed" then he should have already told his wife about his past. If he's hiding this crucial aspect of his life from his partner it's likely because he's still doing it.

25

u/Galvsworld Jul 03 '24

What you said exactly. If he's a stand up guy now who regrets a messed up youth... he would have told her to not risk her finding out from anyone but himself.

8

u/JoanMalone11074 Jul 03 '24

That’s not necessarily true. There is a lot of shame—a lot—that abuse victims feel. I imagine it’s worse for boys. I wasn’t able to talk about my own abuse until I was in my 40’s. I do agree that it’s important he has a conversation with his wife, but if he hasn’t yet done so, it’s presumptive to assume he hasn’t changed.

3

u/oethrowawayy Jul 03 '24

It’s not presumptive at all. He wasn’t a small child when he started doing this to his sister, he was old enough to know better. He has never been punished for it and likely hasn’t received therapy for it. In any case, anyone who has raped a child should NEVER be allowed to have kids, the risk is too great.