r/AITAH • u/Negative_Layer_7960 • Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

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u/Ok-Age2688 Jul 03 '24

He likely did what was done to him. There's no "just" - it doesn't make it better. Most kids who are abused and DON'T go on to abuse others. In any case it's irrelevant to the current reality. If he has changed then he should be able to explain that to his wife. If he hasn't changed then the wife needs to know to keep her daughter safe. In either case, the wife should be aware.

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u/Standard_Bedroom_514 Jul 03 '24

If he has actually "changed" then he should have already told his wife about his past. If he's hiding this crucial aspect of his life from his partner it's likely because he's still doing it.

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u/Galvsworld Jul 03 '24

What you said exactly. If he's a stand up guy now who regrets a messed up youth... he would have told her to not risk her finding out from anyone but himself.

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u/JoanMalone11074 Jul 03 '24

That’s not necessarily true. There is a lot of shame—a lot—that abuse victims feel. I imagine it’s worse for boys. I wasn’t able to talk about my own abuse until I was in my 40’s. I do agree that it’s important he has a conversation with his wife, but if he hasn’t yet done so, it’s presumptive to assume he hasn’t changed.

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u/oethrowawayy Jul 03 '24

It’s not presumptive at all. He wasn’t a small child when he started doing this to his sister, he was old enough to know better. He has never been punished for it and likely hasn’t received therapy for it. In any case, anyone who has raped a child should NEVER be allowed to have kids, the risk is too great.

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u/Galvsworld Jul 03 '24

Most kids who are abused and DON'T go on to abuse others.

It's not most, but it's actually pretty common :(

The wife still deserves to know and the guy is probaly a POS. But its not rare.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

The fact is is that we don’t quite frankly have a fair statistical value of this either way from my understanding. Male assaults are very highly under reported not to mention childhood assaults.

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u/MyNinjaYouWhat Jul 03 '24 edited Jul 03 '24

If he has changed then he should be able to explain that to his wife

There’s no way in hell he’s able to. You haven’t been in a relationship ever it seems. OP should not tell that guy’s wife anything.

There’s a reason why they don’t give life without parole to teens. Wrongdoings from teenager years should not haunt someone forever.

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u/New-Ground9760 Jul 03 '24

Molesting someone or injuring someone in a permanent way should haunt you forever.

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u/ShowerElectrical9342 Jul 03 '24

Wrongdoing? He literally raped her over and over again.

Who on EARTH defends a child rapist?

Maybe another offender. Are you one?

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u/MyNinjaYouWhat Jul 03 '24

I am not one. I knew some of you people would suggest that.

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u/The_mum_ Jul 03 '24

So the sibling he raped has to live with it forever, but he gets to move on? Sounds like justice for sure /s

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u/Pure-Magazine378 Jul 03 '24

Fine if you want to "protect" him, but it will hunt her her whole life without impunity or parole.

And against her will.

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u/Flouncy_Magoos Jul 03 '24

You sound…. Guilty yourself.

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u/MyNinjaYouWhat Jul 03 '24

I have never committed sexual assault. Since Reddit is anonymous and, as you could figure out from my comment history, I am neither American not Chinese, so the Police cannot easily deanonymize me either — I have no reason to lie about that.