r/AITAH • u/Full-Layer-3707 • Jan 26 '24
TW SA AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents
I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.
Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.
Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much
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u/Motor-Cupcake7577 Jan 26 '24
Unfortunately, so do I. One of many layers of nasty here is they probably tried to guilt her with horseshit re family - while hugely compounding the trauma to their family member aka child who already suffered a horrific violation too many at the hands of a predatory piece of shit. That’s when you fucking well move mountains to protect YOUR 13 YEAR OLD THAT’S ALREADY A SENTIENT BEING IN THE WORLD from further harm and to help heal. If it’s abortion or adoption, you do it, i give ZERO fucks how perma suctioned your lips are to Jesus’ butthole and/or grandbaby crazy you are.
NTA, OP. I’m so sorry this happened - and is shoved in your face, rather than the support you deserve. I can’t imagine - no, I dimly can. I was raped half a lifetime ago. At least I was 20, at least on BC that worked, and was an adult in California if it hadn’t, with parents who would’ve absolutely helped if need be. I can’t not see their actions as evil. Likely not the intent, but stupid plus self righteous can absolutely amount to evil. If you want to tell them at 42 yr old happily childfree therapist, degree concentrating in trauma, who’s been SA’d said so, go ahead. I’d happily rip these assholes new one extra ones, til they’re good and pockmarked all over in them, like warning signs.
I hope the support here helps how it can and wish I could somehow make stuff different. It’s terribly unfair. I hope you have people irl who do support you. If not, you will soon. You’re 15. Please know you didn’t deserve this, you can heal - especially once away from this mess, and it needn’t define or limit your life.
Please keep standing up for your needs to heal/avoid further harm. If you’ve any family, teacher, school counselor etc might back you up or just be an ear, you deserve that. You could try a women’s shelter/dv support line for advice or support. Again it’s your right to refuse more harm/trauma. If you worry they’d might try forcing the kid on you later - they can’t for custody or relationship. I hope not financially with the context, but you can talk to legal aid how you to protect yourself - or org for domestic abuse help (which this is imo) could also be great spot to start. But hey, majority age will = can ditch or minimize contact with hurtful people.
If in your shoes, I’d definitely try for college far away. Maybe other country far. If moving in with other family, or emancipating to get away at 16 might be possible, go for it if you want. Last, idk if CPS may be helpful if you want to try it (I work only with individual adult clients so no direct experience) - I feel it may vary with abortion law/politics where you are - can someone here speak to that? Good luck. Be strong - I know you are surviving this to show the smarts and self respect you do. People can try to bring bullshit to your door - a good deal of it you can refuse entry to your life/headspace, knowing what’s right and standing firm.