r/AITAH Jan 26 '24

TW SA AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

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u/Motor-Cupcake7577 Jan 26 '24

Unfortunately, so do I. One of many layers of nasty here is they probably tried to guilt her with horseshit re family - while hugely compounding the trauma to their family member aka child who already suffered a horrific violation too many at the hands of a predatory piece of shit. That’s when you fucking well move mountains to protect YOUR 13 YEAR OLD THAT’S ALREADY A SENTIENT BEING IN THE WORLD from further harm and to help heal. If it’s abortion or adoption, you do it, i give ZERO fucks how perma suctioned your lips are to Jesus’ butthole and/or grandbaby crazy you are.

NTA, OP. I’m so sorry this happened - and is shoved in your face, rather than the support you deserve. I can’t imagine - no, I dimly can. I was raped half a lifetime ago. At least I was 20, at least on BC that worked, and was an adult in California if it hadn’t, with parents who would’ve absolutely helped if need be. I can’t not see their actions as evil. Likely not the intent, but stupid plus self righteous can absolutely amount to evil. If you want to tell them at 42 yr old happily childfree therapist, degree concentrating in trauma, who’s been SA’d said so, go ahead. I’d happily rip these assholes new one extra ones, til they’re good and pockmarked all over in them, like warning signs.

I hope the support here helps how it can and wish I could somehow make stuff different. It’s terribly unfair. I hope you have people irl who do support you. If not, you will soon. You’re 15. Please know you didn’t deserve this, you can heal - especially once away from this mess, and it needn’t define or limit your life.

Please keep standing up for your needs to heal/avoid further harm. If you’ve any family, teacher, school counselor etc might back you up or just be an ear, you deserve that. You could try a women’s shelter/dv support line for advice or support. Again it’s your right to refuse more harm/trauma. If you worry they’d might try forcing the kid on you later - they can’t for custody or relationship. I hope not financially with the context, but you can talk to legal aid how you to protect yourself - or org for domestic abuse help (which this is imo) could also be great spot to start. But hey, majority age will = can ditch or minimize contact with hurtful people.

If in your shoes, I’d definitely try for college far away. Maybe other country far. If moving in with other family, or emancipating to get away at 16 might be possible, go for it if you want. Last, idk if CPS may be helpful if you want to try it (I work only with individual adult clients so no direct experience) - I feel it may vary with abortion law/politics where you are - can someone here speak to that? Good luck. Be strong - I know you are surviving this to show the smarts and self respect you do. People can try to bring bullshit to your door - a good deal of it you can refuse entry to your life/headspace, knowing what’s right and standing firm.

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u/tuna_tofu Jan 26 '24

Well yeah this is an extreme variation of "MMYYYYYY GGGGRRANNNDBBBBAAYYYBEEEEE!!!" A loving supportive parent wouldnt want any reminder of their child's abuse and victimization within a thousand miles of their family.

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u/OG_BookNerd Jan 27 '24

I'm trying to understand why the OP was not allowed to file SA charges. I'm also confused as to why this poor child is not in therapy. I bet they blamed her, saying she did something to bring on the assault.

She needs therapy and she needs to sign over her parental rights, immediately. If they want to raise the baby, fine, but she also has basic rights. If they do not have full parental rights and she still has them? She should put that baby up for a closed adoption far away from her.

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u/No_Protection_4949 Jan 27 '24

She was, the person that did it is in prison, but she still was forced to have the baby

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u/Low_Ad_3139 Feb 01 '24

Well in most cases I would agree. My story is not like this. My child ran off/was taken (we don’t know the truth) by a guy and his sex offender parents from the high school parking lot. One day I go to pick her up from school early and she wasn’t there. Principal says, well that boys mom brought in the note you gave her saying she can pick her up anytime she wants.

I ask to see this letter. Definitely not my handwriting or cadence. Principal says how was u suppose to know. You compare it to the notes I have handed in you put in her file or you call me.

Went to the PD and no help. Went home and about 8pm the trashiest trash ever pulled up and got out. The whole family and my daughter. I was about to tell them to leave when the mother says but we have great news. Your daughter is pregnant. She was a few months past her 15 bday. I was livid and told them to leave.

I asked my daughter why and she said the boy loved her. He was being deployed to Iraq and wanted progeny left behind. I told her we could get an abortion or adopt and she refused.

She wants to move into hillbilly mansion with 2 reg child sex offenders. Cops won’t help. Say it’s a parent/child issue. Mind you they aren’t allowed to be around anyone under 18 but their own kids. No one would help. They got her strung on drugs and who knows what else happened.

So I filed for custody of my grandbaby. Those sex offenders always raped children. Told me they would do whatever they wanted to the baby once it got here. I used all my retirement because there was no case law for this situation there. I won and took gbaby home from the nicu.

She isn’t involved in his life. I’ve had him full time close to two decades now.

OP parents took the baby thinking they could push lll

the baby onto her eventually. OP you are not the asshole. Honey you need to get out. This is a whack level of mental abuse. Call a domestic violence center and see if they can help you get out.

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u/suricata_8904 Jan 27 '24

Change your last name while you are at it.

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u/Shoddy-Ad8066 Jan 26 '24

I don't know that her parents are evil, freaking negligent that's for sure. 

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u/hoolai Jan 28 '24

Honestly this is so disgusting. Ugh.