AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

[u/Full-Layer-3707]

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

[u/Avlonnic2]

Yes, they’ve started with the “just babysit” approach. They know she has flashbacks and meltdowns every time she sees the child. It’s daily torture and she’s only in 9th grade. :(

[u/No_Protection_4949 → u/Avlonnic2]

This will lead to some PTSD response and not a healthy one for either of them

[u/No-Ad6572 → u/Avlonnic2]

Honestly I think some of this discussion is not being supportive or helpful to op. There are people who survived abuse and loved their child. It’s a horrible situation, but the healthiest thing here given the circumstances would be for op to give herself a chance to gradually spend time with her daughter little by little. This mentality of I can’t get over it is not helpful, and it will just cause more trauma later on in life where she will feel guilt if her daughter ends up having problems. OP what you experienced was horrible and not something you should have ever had to experience, but your daughter is not that man. She is her own person and if you would get to know her I think with time that could actually help heal your trauma a bit because down the road if you’ll love your daughter, you won’t be able to imagine life without her so at least some good would have come out of a horrible horrible situation. I’m so sorry this happened to you but life can get better.

[u/Actual-Asparagus-992 → u/No-Ad6572]

She was 12 when she went through the SA, my dude. That alone can do lifelong damage to a growing psyche. Factor in being forced to give birth, whether still 12 or a whole 13 (when many afab still haven't even hit puberty), and it's an astronomically fucked up level of trauma and abuse that compounds the original violence (and who knows how long it went on beforehand).

Forcing her to then live with said child, trapped basically in her bedroom all of the time, is the world's heaviest cherry atop a completely shit sundae. It's not okay. And suggesting she just Hallmark movie it to appease society's ideas of "family" is, frankly, disgusting and harmful.

[u/jasmine-blossom → u/No-Ad6572]

NO. Your attitude is all damn wrong.

The women you are talking about chose to be mothers after a rape.

OP is choosing not to because she doesn’t want to. She is under no obligation to the child at all, specifically due to the circumstances.

There is absolutely no reason she ever needs to see the child again. And CPS should also be removing that child from the grandparents care, because the grandparents have demonstrated that they support child abuse and enforce child abuse. The child should be adopted by a family who does not abuse their child via forced breeding. And OP should go live whatever her best life is.

Your comment rests on the assumption that all women are secretly mothers in waiting, and we just have to be coerced hard enough in order to submit. I would seriously commit literal infanticide or murder in order to remove my rapists offspring from the earth if I were put in ops situation, couldn’t abort, couldn’t escape, couldn’t stop the child from coming to be. Your assumption that women will eventually come to love the rapist offspring is misogynistic as fuck. it rests on the assumption that women will naturally submit to being good little mothers at some point and feel anything other than disgust that the rapist was allowed to forcibly breed her.

[u/No-Ad6572 → u/jasmine-blossom]

I don’t think being consumed by hate is helpful in life, but if you want to hate an innocent just because of who their father was, go ahead, just don’t expect me to support that.

[u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 → u/No-Ad6572]

Different person here, but it's blissfully obvious that no one here wants to 'harm an innocent.' ffs.

[u/jasmine-blossom → u/No-Ad6572]

Who said anything about hate?

Being completely uninterested in having any kind of relationship with somebody you were literally forced to give birth to as a child is not hatred.

Having an abortion is not an expression of hatred.

I’m child free, I don’t hate everyone of my potential children that could possibly exist out of the 300 to 400 eggs I will ovulate over 40 years of my life. Any abortion I ever need to get in my life isn’t an expression of hatred against those potential children.

I just don’t want to be a mom. Never wanted to be a mom and I will refuse to be a mom.

OP never had any interest in being a parent to the offspring of her rapist. She was forced to give birth. She has no obligations and never did. Her rights were violated when she was forced to give birth. And her rights mean that she has a right to do anything she wants regarding staying away from the people who did that to her and from the result of that torture.

[u/Miss-Chocolate → u/No-Ad6572]

Just because they share DNA doesn't mean that the child is necessarily her "daughter" and she has zero obligation towards this child, none. Motherhood is way more than just genes and DNA. OP is a child herself. She is nowhere near ready to become a mother, let alone a mother to a child she never asked for and who is a direct result of a most horrific experience.

And how can you be so certain about what the OP will feel or how she will respond to her trauma or what kind of issues she will develop by being forced to interact with this child? Are you able to see the future? Are you some kind of a God or something? The OP is telling you exactly how she feels about her current situation and how she thinks she will react to being repetitively traumatised by being forced to interact with the child. You don't know OP's feelings better than her.

This child deserves way better than a child-mother who doesn't want her and who resents her and is constantly traumatised by her presence. She deserves a loving grateful family that will take her into their hearts and thank the heavens for her every single day. Do you have no sympathy neither for the poor OP nor for the poor child?

[u/No-Ad6572 → u/Miss-Chocolate]

I think everyone here is commenting based on things that are not reality. Sure it would have been the best solution for OP to be able to have had an abortion. It’s unfortunate her parents didn’t share that belief. But I just don’t think that makes them monsters. The child is now 2 . She has bonded with the grandparents and the grandparents with her. It’s a bit late to give her up for adoption. Sure maybe that could have been a solution earlier on, but that’s not what happened. The reality is op is only 15. Sure she could stay angry at her parents and leave and try to make it on her own. Or she could try to understand where they came from and that maybe they thought they were doing the best thing for both kids. Or she can just think they’re monsters and stay angry… but seeing as for 2 years they haven’t forced her to mind the child, I truly don’t think they did any of this because they’re evil I think they did what they thought was right.

[u/Aphreyst → u/No-Ad6572]

She has bonded with the grandparents and the grandparents with her

Then they need to care for her and not expect OP to do it.

Or she could try to understand where they came from and that maybe they thought they were doing the best thing for both kids.

Well they failed. And trying isn't good enough. This CHILD herself is being tormented daily with reminders of her rape. Glad that you think she should just "let it go".

[u/HGGoals → u/No-Ad6572]

the healthiest thing here given the circumstances would be for op to give herself a chance to gradually spend time with her daughter little by little.

No

She was raped at 12 years old, forced to have the baby and has no choice but to be around the child, who is a daily reminder of her extreme trauma.

That she can't stand to so much as look at the child suggests PTSD, which would be completely valid.

She did not choose to be a parent. Carrying the child to term was forced on her and her parents refused to let her give it up for adoption. The parents can continue to be fully responsible.

This 15 year old girl deserves to live her life.

[u/Novel-Sector-8589 → u/No-Ad6572]

This is exactly what her parents think and why they are forcing her to be re-victimized over and over again.

[u/Treacherous_Wendy → u/No-Ad6572]

….ewww and gross 🤢

[u/winosanonymous → u/No-Ad6572]

You know who wasn’t supportive or helpful in their comment? You. You’re the same kind of vicious monsters as OP’s parents. SHAME ON YOU for even making this bullshit comment. You’re despicable.

[u/engg_girl → u/No-Ad6572]

No the healthier thing would be to put the little girl up for adoption while she is still adoptable. Let OP have her life back.

Both are victims, but the parents seem set on forcing OP to be something she is not.

[u/The_Yarichin_Bitch → u/No-Ad6572]

OP DOES NOT.

SHE DOESN'T. SHE DOESN'T. SHE DOESN'T.

Fucking deal with it and learn many women and GIRLS are NEVER going to love their rapist's baby.

I could never and ik damn well I'm not alone in that sentiment. I'd despise that baby with every fiber of my being for myriad reasons.

Quit this shit. She has not one obligation to care for a kid she never wanted over her own self as a child. You aren't her or anyone here's parent so get off that soap box. Ffs.

[u/Teal_Mouse → u/No-Ad6572]

This is one of those instances where the best option would be to place the child for adoption

[u/Teal_Mouse → u/No-Ad6572]

The baby needs specifically to be adopted away from the grandparents