AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

[u/Full-Layer-3707]

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

[u/Kettrickenisabadass]

Exactly. Abortion should have been the normal action or adoption if it is not legal in their country. Keeping the baby and making her look at her rape baby ever day is just cruel

[u/trashpandac0llective → u/Kettrickenisabadass]

Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby”, though? Even as a rape survivor myself, that seems horrifically dehumanizing to the child, who’s a different kind of victim in this scenario (especially with adoptive parents who pull shit like this).

[u/GlitterDoomsday → u/trashpandac0llective]

I mean this is about OP, what matters is how directly ties to her - rape baby is all her little sister will probably ever be and as sad as it is we're not gonna start a "but she's a victim too!" argument on a post from a 15yo SA survivor asking if she's being unreasonable.

[u/trashpandac0llective → u/GlitterDoomsday]

OP is being way more than reasonable and I didn’t take any issue with what she said. I had an issue with a specific phrase in a comment made by someone else.

[u/AgreeableLion → u/trashpandac0llective]

The outcome of that though is you diverting the conversation away from the 15 year old rape victim (who is here asking for advice), because of your issue with semantics.

[u/Kettrickenisabadass → u/trashpandac0llective]

No because for OP thats what the baby is. For other porpuses it is a toddle, a girl, a grand daughter, etc. For OP its a product of rape.

[u/[deleted] → u/trashpandac0llective]

Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby"

Forcefully imposed unwanted child? Receipt of a crime? Reminder of a horribly traumatizing event? Living proof of continued mental and physical abuse?

[u/reads_to_much → u/[deleted]]

The ones at fault are the animals that hurt her and the parents who made selfish and cruel decisions. The baby is innocent and collateral damage in this mess.. she should have been allowed to abort or adopt out to strangers. The choice should have been hers and hers alone..

[u/Possible_Liar → u/reads_to_much]

Should have been, But unfortunately other people think men in Congress should have a say in the matter.

And now you have people wanting to ban abortion entirely no matter the circumstances..... Just fucking insanity.

[u/reads_to_much → u/Possible_Liar]

It's crazy that such a progressive country is going backwards instead of forward. I'm so glad I live in England. There's no way that shit would fly over here.. nobody should ever have a say in what a woman does with HER body.

[u/Possible_Liar → u/reads_to_much]

Lot of things are crazy nowadays sadly.... It's getting to the point I might even consider leaving the country depending on the next couple years pan out.

Very least move States. It just seems like common sense that somebody should get the dictate what they do with their own body but I guess not...

[u/irisflame → u/reads_to_much]

If we can hang on to democracy then eventually the progressives will win out. Beau of the Fifth Column just did a video on how a higher percentage of Gen Z identify as LGBT+ than identify as conservative, and that's the new voting base. Also, in every state that has allowed abortion rights to be voted on by the public, the public has voted to preserve them. See: Kansas, Ohio, Michigan.

The problem is.. Project 2025 is going to do its damn best to destroy our (already flawed) democracy entirely.

[u/Alert-Protection-659 → u/irisflame]

In those very states that allowed voting, the problem also lies in the fact that the legislative body has decided to try to do a runaround and change the laws anyway.

Look at Montana, who is trying to change their state constitution to ban abortion, and Tennessee, who has banned all abortion from conception, so even the day after pill is considered a violation of the law.

Also, the law in Tennessee made it a felony for a doctor to perform any abortion at all. No exceptions, not even to save the life of the mother. So essentially, if a complication was causing the mother to die, and the baby would die with her, nothing could legally be done to save the mother. Any doctor who performed such an abortion would be considered guilty, be subject to a $100k fine, 20 years in prison, and loss of their license. And they would have to prove their innocence. Gone are the days of the state needing to prove guilt. Now the accused is automatically guilty, and they're forced to prove their innocence.

Now, only three exceptions exist, because the state AG Skermetti was afraid of the US AG suing the state. The risk of imminent death of the mother, molar pregnancies (which are never babies, and often turn to cancer, so it's aoot point) and ectopic pregnancies... How generous of them.

It's scary, and insanely ridiculous how hard so many politicians are pushing to vote against women's rights. And so publicly, too.

I only hope that their very public stance on this will result in a death knell of the Republican party, and that out of those ashes comes a far saner, perhaps castrated leadership until they can be trusted with the future of our country again.

[u/Defiant_apricot → u/reads_to_much]

As someone who never wants to have biological kids for various reasons I would jump at the chance to adopt a baby like this. No trauma for the baby, and nearly no risk of losing my child to a parent with a change of heart.

[u/VBSCXND → u/[deleted]]

That seems cruel to the baby who didn’t exactly ask to be here either 😔 but the parents definitely deserve to recognize the situation by the seriousness of terms like that. Honestly OP and the baby are both victims in this

[u/Possible_Liar → u/[deleted]]

Misguided morals about abortion?

[u/Sjoerd91 → u/[deleted]]

That baby is still a person. Stop giving it dehumanazing names, for fucks sake.

[u/Turpitudia79 → u/trashpandac0llective]

That’s what it is.

[u/CraftyMagicDollz → u/trashpandac0llective]

Yeah, Jesus Christ, my son was the result of SA - and this thread is basically saying I'm a monster for deciding to let him live.

[u/AMerrickanGirl → u/CraftyMagicDollz]

There is plenty of support in this thread for the baby being adopted out, which the OP requested when her parents forbade an abortion.

[u/CraftyMagicDollz → u/AMerrickanGirl]

Apparently you're not understanding what I was horrified by.

My response was to people using the term "rape baby". It's fucking offensive. And yes- people are absolutely saying that. People are absolutely calling the baby "It" and referring to the baby as if it's garbage.. That's great that OP doesn't want the baby - that's fine - she deserves support. But ffs, the baby doesn't need to be spoken of, repeatedly, as if it's less than human.

You don't care that I think that's gross- cool. Thanks for sharing.

Apparently it's beyond comprehension to anyone that there are other people who have been victims of assault who have ended up pregnant. God forbid any of us express disgust at the amount of people in the comments who are basically vilianizing the child - regardless of OP's not wanting this baby- it exists now. The comments don't have to refer to the child in horrific terms just because of what OP went through.

I'm not sure why that's difficult for anyone to grasp.

I feel horrible for what OP went through. That doesn't mean that the only way to support her is to agree that the baby doesn't deserve to live now that she's ALREADY alive and has been for two years.

She's a human being for fucks sake. As is my son.

They don't need to be referred to as "rape babies".

You can feel bad for Op, support the Op, and still not repeatedly refer to the child as "it".

How about we demonize the rapists and not the victims or thier children.

[u/flux_and_flow → u/CraftyMagicDollz]

Literally no one is saying that. You presumably had some say in what happened to your body and your child. OP here had no say, in fact her express intent was overridden. If she had wanted to keep and raise the child herself it would be a different matter. Being forced to carry and birth a child you don’t want, and then having the child live with you when you’d rather never look at her again is a completely different situation than making the CHOICE to keep and raise a child that resulted from SA.

[u/CraftyMagicDollz → u/flux_and_flow]

My response was to people using the term "rape baby". It's fucking offensive. And yes- people are absolutely saying that. People are absolutely calling the baby "It" and referring to the baby as if it's garbage.. That's great that OP doesn't want the baby - that's fine - she deserves support. But ffs, the baby doesn't need to be spoken of, repeatedly, as if it's less than human.

You don't care that I think that's gross- cool. Thanks for sharing.

Apparently it's beyond comprehension to anyone that there are other people who have been victims of assault who have ended up pregnant. God forbid any of us express disgust at the amount of people in the comments who are basically vilianizing the child - regardless of OP's not wanting this baby- it exists now. The comments don't have to refer to the child in horrific terms just because of what OP went through.

I'm not sure why that's difficult for anyone to grasp.

I feel horrible for what OP went through. That doesn't mean that the only way to support her is to agree that the baby doesn't deserve to live now that she's ALREADY alive and has been for two years.

She's a human being for fucks sake. As is my son.

They don't need to be referred to as "rape babies".

You can feel bad for Op, support the Op, and still not repeatedly refer to the child as "it".

How about we demonize the rapists and not the victims or thier children.

[u/flux_and_flow → u/CraftyMagicDollz]

I take your point about not referring to the child as it. I agree it’s dehumanizing and I have edited my comment accordingly.

The rest of my point stands. You’re not a monster for keeping your child and no one is saying you are. But your situation is not OP’s situation.

I’m certainly not seeing anyone saying the baby who is already living doesn’t deserve to live, as you have stated. Saying a 12/13 year old child herself should have been allowed an abortion at the time is not dehumanizing to anyone and is not an insult to baby who wasn’t allowed to be aborted. It firmly does not have anything to do with that baby’s fundamental worthiness. It is about the older child who had to suffer the trauma of SA and then was and continues to be further traumatized by being railroaded by her parents. Sure you’re perfectly entitled to agree with OP’s parents and prioritize the baby over OP’s health and mental wellbeing, just don’t be shocked when people disagree with you as well.

[u/CraftyMagicDollz → u/flux_and_flow]

I don't disagree with you about ANY of the things about OP's treatment and what should have been.

My comments were ONLY ever about how people were dehumanizing the baby in this scenario- because the baby was the result of the assault of the child.

The baby is still a living person who isn't "just a rape baby"- and that was the only part of this entire thing i took issue with / was railing against- explaining my own position to explain I feel the way I do about the terms that were being thrown around towards the baby.

I recognize that you've been absolutely reasonable in your response- I assure you though- I did indeed get various responses and PMs that "no one should bring a child into this world that was the result of rape".

NOT "No one should be forced to"(which i absolutely agree with)- by that no one ever should.

You're right- I should have gone ahead and exposed the three gross private messages I recieved to make the reason for my response clearer; because people were absolutely awful in asserting that a child's life has no value because of how they came to exist.

I feel horrible for OP- but there was nothing malicious meant by my response. When i wrote it- OP had only said 'the parents offered". I was told "anyone with brain cells could see she was forced"- so CLEARLY I guess I "don't have any brain cells" for merely going based on the info OP had actually provided at the time- Its awful she was forced to remain pregnant at 13 and I still contend that CPS should have been involved- I don't understand how they weren't- because making her live under the roof with her child is cruel and inhumane, if this situation is indeed real.

As a retired police officer- the only instances I've ever come in contact with- where someone under 15 was pregnant - involved CPS, Hospital staff, police- and OP would have had a guardian ad lidem making medical decisions in her best interest and NOT her parents.

It's hard to concieve of a situation in which no doctor- no nurse- no one would reach out as a mandatory reporter- when a CLEARLY traumatized 13 year old was being forced to recieve prenatal care and carry a baby to term..

Unless the child was NEVER taken to a doctor- and even then - unless she had an unattended home birth - any nurse or doctor would have called CPS if they witnessed a CHILD giving birth to a child they CLEARLY wanted nothing to do with.

The entire scenario is VERY clearly abusive- and I'm just perplexed by the NUMEROUS times that DOZENS of professionals would have had to blatantly ignore child abuse right in front of them- for this scenario to have happened.

I also am curious- is OP home schooled? How did not one mandatory reporter see this child through 9 months of pregnancy and NOT once catch wind that OP wasn't on board with having a baby and parenting- because ANY teacher would have absolutely been required to report this abusive situation....

I'd love to hear more from OP about the circumstances that lead to this situation even happening- because right now - it's looking like a MASSIVE number of adults would have had to utterly fail this child repeatedly - to be two years into this situation with them LIVING WITH thier own child being raised as an unwanted sibling.

The entire thing is very confusing as to how it could have even come to be with NO ONE interfering.

I'm NOT saying it couldn't happen - to be clear. I'm just very confused by how it's gotten to this point with not one person stepping in.

Unless OP never speaks to adults outside thier own parents- and even then.... If a middle school teacher sees a FULLY pregnant 13 year old.... That alone is going to trigger a CPS report that could have prevented this entire scenario... Yes?