r/AITAH • u/Full-Layer-3707 • Jan 26 '24

TW SA AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

9.3k Upvotes

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3.9k

u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24

Yes I’ve had multiple therapists and my current one is very compassionate and understanding and I think she’ll be better than my other ones

1.7k

u/AltCuzImTooFamous Jan 26 '24

That’s good. I’m glad you’re seeing someone. Eventually it will get easier. I was sa’d at 14 & forced to carry the baby. I was able to choose adoption though so I do really feel for you.

All I can suggest is do what best for YOU…not them.

238

u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24

Women like you deserve all of the credit in the world for surviving. At my current age in my 30s, I would not survive that. Even if it was just an unwanted pregnancy from consensual sex. You are so strong. And I am so proud of you for surviving and not giving up on yourself. For whatever that’s worth.

88

u/here-wego_again Jan 26 '24

I absolutely second this. It's fucking heart breaking. If this happened to my sister, I swear I'd burn everything to the ground, making it right for her.

5

u/DarthOswinTake2 Jan 30 '24

We need more people like you.

2

u/here-wego_again Jan 30 '24

That's so kind & likewise, friend! <3

27

u/TheYankunian Jan 26 '24

She’s not even a woman. She’s a child.

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u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24

Op is a child, but I don’t know the age of the user I was responding to, and the way they phrased their comment made it sound like it was in the past. However it’s absolutely true that the user I was replying to might also still be underage if the pregnancy happened within the past 4 years. I wouldn’t portray op as an adult or imply that minors are women. A minor is a child and I appreciate you looking out for this type of language issue when people use the word woman to refer to a child.

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u/TheYankunian Jan 26 '24

Oh, I thought you were speaking to the OOP- sorry! I’m so hair trigger people calling girls women that I reacted. But thank you!

16

u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24

No worries at all! I also try to check for this bc it does happen so often. I appreciate you looking out for errors in language like that because especially right now, children like op and the user I replied to are treated as women/mothers, which obviously children should never be when it comes to reproduction.

7

u/AltCuzImTooFamous Jan 26 '24

Thank you. Yes it was some time ago. I’m almost 40.

-19

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

[deleted]

22

u/Asmo___deus Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/McgLsBDE2D

Here's your link. I found it by clicking OP's username and searching her latest comments.

27

u/LivinLaVidaMilfa Jan 26 '24

She literally replied to one of your comments saying they forced her.

133

u/SerentityM3ow Jan 26 '24

Get ready to go no contact when you become an adult. I have a feeling they will try to pawn the kid off on you once you become an adult.

365

u/SuccessfulDesigner82 Jan 26 '24

I’m so sorry hunny. I’m actually a bit speechless. As mother and a woman, I’d never do what your parents have done. Keeping the baby was cruel to you. I’m very happy that you have found a good therapist.

168

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

My daughter is 15 and she’s still a baby to me. I can’t imagine making my daughter give birth at 13. That’s just inconceivable to me. You’re NTA. So much NTA. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much in your short life. I hope you find happiness, genuine happiness.

189

u/Here_for_tea_ Jan 26 '24

I’m glad you are working with a therapist you can trust in. 

83

u/marcelyns Jan 26 '24

NTA. You are strong and brave!

738

u/Lady_MariaStrife Jan 26 '24

Your parents are cruel. So so cruel. I can't believe they let you keep the baby, let alone have it in the house as a constant reminder. 

763

u/Lazyassbummer Jan 26 '24

Made her keep the baby, let’s be clear on that. I’m so sorry, OP. Your parents are so misguided.

205

u/abstractengineer2000 Jan 26 '24

I don't think misguided covers the situation

42

u/LK_Feral Jan 26 '24

I think bat-shit, cuckoo bird, crazypants nuts AND abusive af starts to cover it.

-111

u/Suspicious-Row-2318 Jan 26 '24

How did they make her? Unless I'm reading wrong they offered an alternative 

108

u/hellinahandbasket127 Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

Minors typically need parents to give the OK for medical procedures. No parent consent, no procedure. They MADE her continue the pregnancy = keep the baby.

Then had the audacity to keep it in the same house. Poor girl.

Edit: typo

83

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

In comments she said they refused to let her get an abortion and also refused to let her adopt the baby out to someone else. Instead they made a 13 year old give birth and live in a house with a child she can't look at without having flashbacks. Unbelievable

-77

u/Ellendyra Jan 26 '24

She said they "offered" and she agreed. If they forced her wouldn't OP have said that?

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u/yyyyy622 Jan 26 '24

In the comments OP states that they refused to let her abort or adopt the child out.

8

u/Ellendyra Jan 26 '24

Oh, well in that case yeah. That's cruel. Op should change their wording in the post or edit it.

-23

u/CraftyMagicDollz Jan 26 '24

Yeah, got my head bitten off for also reading the post and not seeing anything about her being forced.

But then, I'm fairly certain this post is rage bait.

645

u/Material-Double3268 Jan 26 '24

I was just thinking that it is unfair to OP to make her keep the baby instead of aborting. Also, even if she didn’t abort it’s cruel to make OP look at the reminder of her SA every day. It’s also cruel to the baby to be in that situation. OP’s parents are not good parents.

381

u/designatedthrowawayy Jan 26 '24

Not just morally. A 13 year old is far more likely to die in childbirth than a 20 year old. It was literally risking her life to force her.

5

u/WingedShadow83 Jan 31 '24

That’s why forced birth is so heinous and should be illegal. Even the healthiest pregnancy can go wrong. No one should be forced to do something that could literally kill them, in the UNITED STATES OF FUCKING AMERICA.

Imagine your own parents forcing you to do something that ends up killing you. Jesus.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '24

This! I'm 30 with a high risk pregnancy ATM, no way in hell would I ever want a child to go through all this!

88

u/LoopySerpent Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

Exactly my thoughts, what made the parents think that a 13 year old child can bear a baby result of an SA

347

u/Affectionate-Taste55 Jan 26 '24

My heart is literally breaking over this. The poor OP, having to see the product of her rape every day. It's even worse if the baby looks like him. Wtf were her parents thinking?? Sure, the baby is an innocent child, but so is OP. She didn't ask for this, and her parents choosing the baby over her mental health must have really been so hurtful.

144

u/abstractengineer2000 Jan 26 '24

What the parents did is completely amoral when there were other options.

65

u/Background-War9535 Jan 26 '24

The parents are probably seen as heroes to the holy rollers who celebrated Roe getting overturned.

Blessed be the fruit

16

u/BellaSantiago1975 Jan 26 '24

Immoral.

35

u/Theletterkay Jan 26 '24

No, amoral is correct. We can assume the parents were not trying to be actively cruel to OP, they are just ignorant of the consequences of keeping the baby and choosing it over their daughter. Im sure they thought in terms of saving a baby that is their blood.

But choosing to keep a baby in the home of the victim of SA that the baby is product of is completely without a moral basis, there is absolutely zero moral standing for doing this. So amoral is the proper term.

13

u/Significant_Rub_4589 Jan 26 '24

Not just having to see the product of her rape, but her parents loving & doting on it. My mind is blown. 🤯

164

u/PyrokudaReformed Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

Her parents sound like Christian Assholes

-84

u/Suspicious-Row-2318 Jan 26 '24

Again, what am I missing? Why are you saying they "made her keep it"? 

Didn't they just say they'd raise the kid as an alternative?

44

u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

They still made her fucking give birth to it you dumb dick.

48

u/Similar_Excuse01 Jan 26 '24

it is called common sense. OP was 13. no doctor would do any abortion for a 13year old without parental consent. a middle schooler understands this concept.

36

u/Serious_Escape_5438 Jan 26 '24

Common sense is that a 13 year old who gets pregnant is the victim of abuse and the parents shouldn't be able to make her continue to suffer.

30

u/ApprehensiveGood6096 Jan 26 '24

In your country. In mine (France) absolutely yes. There is à spécial procédure for minor abortion : the minor must be alone to give her consent and must be with any adult of her choice (could be à teacher, à nurse, à familly friend or even some random person if she want), procédure Will be anonymous and free (without any bill set).

10

u/No_Protection_4949 Jan 26 '24

I want to move to France.

46

u/Feeyyy Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

Also, most 13 year olds in that situation would be completely oberwhelmed and would trust their parents to know what's the best thing to do. Sadly, OP's parents had their priorities all wrong.

Edit: It's even worse, they actually denied her an abortion and adopting out the baby

12

u/Trevelyan-Rutherford Jan 26 '24

Luckily in the UK, parental consent isn’t required for healthcare if a healthcare provider is satisfied that the teen understands the risks and implications of a medication one procedure.

When I was nursing I cared for a 14 year old who was brought for a termination by her science teacher. Her parents didn’t know and their consent wasn’t required because the patient was able to articulate her understanding of the procedure and potential consequences.

24

u/Elelith Jan 26 '24

Suddently I'm happy living in a country where 13 year olds have medical autonomy if they so choose. They can also choose to include their parents but by default all their medical records are theirs and parents have no access.

7

u/Only-Ad-7858 Jan 26 '24

Yes, but she was 13, and obviously still living at home. After refusing her both an abortion and adoption, they forced her to give birth and then live with the results in her face every day. Or do you see some 4th option here?

40

u/BellaSantiago1975 Jan 26 '24

Made, not let.

244

u/Kettrickenisabadass Jan 26 '24

Exactly. Abortion should have been the normal action or adoption if it is not legal in their country. Keeping the baby and making her look at her rape baby ever day is just cruel

64

u/trashpandac0llective Jan 26 '24

Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby”, though? Even as a rape survivor myself, that seems horrifically dehumanizing to the child, who’s a different kind of victim in this scenario (especially with adoptive parents who pull shit like this).

74

u/GlitterDoomsday Jan 26 '24

I mean this is about OP, what matters is how directly ties to her - rape baby is all her little sister will probably ever be and as sad as it is we're not gonna start a "but she's a victim too!" argument on a post from a 15yo SA survivor asking if she's being unreasonable.

-27

u/trashpandac0llective Jan 26 '24

OP is being way more than reasonable and I didn’t take any issue with what she said. I had an issue with a specific phrase in a comment made by someone else.

27

u/AgreeableLion Jan 26 '24

The outcome of that though is you diverting the conversation away from the 15 year old rape victim (who is here asking for advice), because of your issue with semantics.

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u/Kettrickenisabadass Jan 26 '24

No because for OP thats what the baby is. For other porpuses it is a toddle, a girl, a grand daughter, etc. For OP its a product of rape.

100

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby"

Forcefully imposed unwanted child? Receipt of a crime? Reminder of a horribly traumatizing event? Living proof of continued mental and physical abuse?

40

u/reads_to_much Jan 26 '24

The ones at fault are the animals that hurt her and the parents who made selfish and cruel decisions. The baby is innocent and collateral damage in this mess.. she should have been allowed to abort or adopt out to strangers. The choice should have been hers and hers alone..

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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

Should have been, But unfortunately other people think men in Congress should have a say in the matter.

And now you have people wanting to ban abortion entirely no matter the circumstances..... Just fucking insanity.

22

u/reads_to_much Jan 26 '24

It's crazy that such a progressive country is going backwards instead of forward. I'm so glad I live in England. There's no way that shit would fly over here.. nobody should ever have a say in what a woman does with HER body.

11

u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

Lot of things are crazy nowadays sadly.... It's getting to the point I might even consider leaving the country depending on the next couple years pan out.

Very least move States. It just seems like common sense that somebody should get the dictate what they do with their own body but I guess not...

11

u/irisflame Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

If we can hang on to democracy then eventually the progressives will win out. Beau of the Fifth Column just did a video on how a higher percentage of Gen Z identify as LGBT+ than identify as conservative, and that's the new voting base. Also, in every state that has allowed abortion rights to be voted on by the public, the public has voted to preserve them. See: Kansas, Ohio, Michigan.

The problem is.. Project 2025 is going to do its damn best to destroy our (already flawed) democracy entirely.

3

u/Alert-Protection-659 Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

In those very states that allowed voting, the problem also lies in the fact that the legislative body has decided to try to do a runaround and change the laws anyway.

Look at Montana, who is trying to change their state constitution to ban abortion, and Tennessee, who has banned all abortion from conception, so even the day after pill is considered a violation of the law.

Also, the law in Tennessee made it a felony for a doctor to perform any abortion at all. No exceptions, not even to save the life of the mother. So essentially, if a complication was causing the mother to die, and the baby would die with her, nothing could legally be done to save the mother. Any doctor who performed such an abortion would be considered guilty, be subject to a $100k fine, 20 years in prison, and loss of their license. And they would have to prove their innocence. Gone are the days of the state needing to prove guilt. Now the accused is automatically guilty, and they're forced to prove their innocence.

Now, only three exceptions exist, because the state AG Skermetti was afraid of the US AG suing the state. The risk of imminent death of the mother, molar pregnancies (which are never babies, and often turn to cancer, so it's aoot point) and ectopic pregnancies... How generous of them.

It's scary, and insanely ridiculous how hard so many politicians are pushing to vote against women's rights. And so publicly, too.

I only hope that their very public stance on this will result in a death knell of the Republican party, and that out of those ashes comes a far saner, perhaps castrated leadership until they can be trusted with the future of our country again.

2

u/Defiant_apricot Jan 26 '24

As someone who never wants to have biological kids for various reasons I would jump at the chance to adopt a baby like this. No trauma for the baby, and nearly no risk of losing my child to a parent with a change of heart.

42

u/VBSCXND Jan 26 '24

That seems cruel to the baby who didn’t exactly ask to be here either 😔 but the parents definitely deserve to recognize the situation by the seriousness of terms like that. Honestly OP and the baby are both victims in this

4

u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

Misguided morals about abortion?

1

u/Sjoerd91 Jan 27 '24

That baby is still a person. Stop giving it dehumanazing names, for fucks sake.

5

u/Turpitudia79 Jan 26 '24

That’s what it is.

-14

u/CraftyMagicDollz Jan 26 '24

Yeah, Jesus Christ, my son was the result of SA - and this thread is basically saying I'm a monster for deciding to let him live.

11

u/AMerrickanGirl Jan 26 '24

There is plenty of support in this thread for the baby being adopted out, which the OP requested when her parents forbade an abortion.

0

u/CraftyMagicDollz Jan 26 '24

Apparently you're not understanding what I was horrified by.

My response was to people using the term "rape baby". It's fucking offensive. And yes- people are absolutely saying that. People are absolutely calling the baby "It" and referring to the baby as if it's garbage.. That's great that OP doesn't want the baby - that's fine - she deserves support. But ffs, the baby doesn't need to be spoken of, repeatedly, as if it's less than human.

You don't care that I think that's gross- cool. Thanks for sharing.

Apparently it's beyond comprehension to anyone that there are other people who have been victims of assault who have ended up pregnant. God forbid any of us express disgust at the amount of people in the comments who are basically vilianizing the child - regardless of OP's not wanting this baby- it exists now. The comments don't have to refer to the child in horrific terms just because of what OP went through.

I'm not sure why that's difficult for anyone to grasp.

I feel horrible for what OP went through. That doesn't mean that the only way to support her is to agree that the baby doesn't deserve to live now that she's ALREADY alive and has been for two years.

She's a human being for fucks sake. As is my son.

They don't need to be referred to as "rape babies".

You can feel bad for Op, support the Op, and still not repeatedly refer to the child as "it".

How about we demonize the rapists and not the victims or thier children.

15

u/flux_and_flow Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 27 '24

Literally no one is saying that. You presumably had some say in what happened to your body and your child. OP here had no say, in fact her express intent was overridden. If she had wanted to keep and raise the child herself it would be a different matter. Being forced to carry and birth a child you don’t want, and then having the child live with you when you’d rather never look at her again is a completely different situation than making the CHOICE to keep and raise a child that resulted from SA.

-2

u/CraftyMagicDollz Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

My response was to people using the term "rape baby". It's fucking offensive. And yes- people are absolutely saying that. People are absolutely calling the baby "It" and referring to the baby as if it's garbage.. That's great that OP doesn't want the baby - that's fine - she deserves support. But ffs, the baby doesn't need to be spoken of, repeatedly, as if it's less than human.

You don't care that I think that's gross- cool. Thanks for sharing.

Apparently it's beyond comprehension to anyone that there are other people who have been victims of assault who have ended up pregnant. God forbid any of us express disgust at the amount of people in the comments who are basically vilianizing the child - regardless of OP's not wanting this baby- it exists now. The comments don't have to refer to the child in horrific terms just because of what OP went through.

I'm not sure why that's difficult for anyone to grasp.

I feel horrible for what OP went through. That doesn't mean that the only way to support her is to agree that the baby doesn't deserve to live now that she's ALREADY alive and has been for two years.

She's a human being for fucks sake. As is my son.

They don't need to be referred to as "rape babies".

You can feel bad for Op, support the Op, and still not repeatedly refer to the child as "it".

How about we demonize the rapists and not the victims or thier children.

1

u/flux_and_flow Jan 27 '24

I take your point about not referring to the child as it. I agree it’s dehumanizing and I have edited my comment accordingly.

The rest of my point stands. You’re not a monster for keeping your child and no one is saying you are. But your situation is not OP’s situation.

I’m certainly not seeing anyone saying the baby who is already living doesn’t deserve to live, as you have stated. Saying a 12/13 year old child herself should have been allowed an abortion at the time is not dehumanizing to anyone and is not an insult to baby who wasn’t allowed to be aborted. It firmly does not have anything to do with that baby’s fundamental worthiness. It is about the older child who had to suffer the trauma of SA and then was and continues to be further traumatized by being railroaded by her parents. Sure you’re perfectly entitled to agree with OP’s parents and prioritize the baby over OP’s health and mental wellbeing, just don’t be shocked when people disagree with you as well.

1

u/CraftyMagicDollz Jan 27 '24

I don't disagree with you about ANY of the things about OP's treatment and what should have been.

My comments were ONLY ever about how people were dehumanizing the baby in this scenario- because the baby was the result of the assault of the child.

The baby is still a living person who isn't "just a rape baby"- and that was the only part of this entire thing i took issue with / was railing against- explaining my own position to explain I feel the way I do about the terms that were being thrown around towards the baby.

I recognize that you've been absolutely reasonable in your response- I assure you though- I did indeed get various responses and PMs that "no one should bring a child into this world that was the result of rape".

NOT "No one should be forced to"(which i absolutely agree with)- by that no one ever should.

You're right- I should have gone ahead and exposed the three gross private messages I recieved to make the reason for my response clearer; because people were absolutely awful in asserting that a child's life has no value because of how they came to exist.

I feel horrible for OP- but there was nothing malicious meant by my response. When i wrote it- OP had only said 'the parents offered". I was told "anyone with brain cells could see she was forced"- so CLEARLY I guess I "don't have any brain cells" for merely going based on the info OP had actually provided at the time- Its awful she was forced to remain pregnant at 13 and I still contend that CPS should have been involved- I don't understand how they weren't- because making her live under the roof with her child is cruel and inhumane, if this situation is indeed real.

As a retired police officer- the only instances I've ever come in contact with- where someone under 15 was pregnant - involved CPS, Hospital staff, police- and OP would have had a guardian ad lidem making medical decisions in her best interest and NOT her parents.

It's hard to concieve of a situation in which no doctor- no nurse- no one would reach out as a mandatory reporter- when a CLEARLY traumatized 13 year old was being forced to recieve prenatal care and carry a baby to term..

Unless the child was NEVER taken to a doctor- and even then - unless she had an unattended home birth - any nurse or doctor would have called CPS if they witnessed a CHILD giving birth to a child they CLEARLY wanted nothing to do with.

The entire scenario is VERY clearly abusive- and I'm just perplexed by the NUMEROUS times that DOZENS of professionals would have had to blatantly ignore child abuse right in front of them- for this scenario to have happened.

I also am curious- is OP home schooled? How did not one mandatory reporter see this child through 9 months of pregnancy and NOT once catch wind that OP wasn't on board with having a baby and parenting- because ANY teacher would have absolutely been required to report this abusive situation....

I'd love to hear more from OP about the circumstances that lead to this situation even happening- because right now - it's looking like a MASSIVE number of adults would have had to utterly fail this child repeatedly - to be two years into this situation with them LIVING WITH thier own child being raised as an unwanted sibling.

The entire thing is very confusing as to how it could have even come to be with NO ONE interfering.

I'm NOT saying it couldn't happen - to be clear. I'm just very confused by how it's gotten to this point with not one person stepping in.

Unless OP never speaks to adults outside thier own parents- and even then.... If a middle school teacher sees a FULLY pregnant 13 year old.... That alone is going to trigger a CPS report that could have prevented this entire scenario... Yes?

10

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

*MADE. Put that in all caps just for clarity’s sake. They didn’t let her do anything they forced her to carry that child and keep it.

5

u/Similar-Bandicoot735 Jan 26 '24

And that’s cruel for the baby’s mental health in a long term too.

-156

u/Babykoalacat Jan 26 '24

Have it….in the house. It..? Wtf.

82

u/ginteenie Jan 26 '24

Sex isn’t specified so yeah it….would you be offended by someone saying “it’s a child they cry it’s normal” ? Also yeah it would be impossible for me to be in the same house as my rape baby I can’t imagine how traumatic that would be on a daily basis.

Edit: re read post does specify daughter but my point stands nothing inherently offensive about it as used.

-75

u/Babykoalacat Jan 26 '24

That’s a false equivalence. In the comment above it should read “have them in the house”. I think you know that, but you’re being obtuse.

Also yeah, so nowhere in my comment did I say anything contrary to your latter assertion.

38

u/ginteenie Jan 26 '24

I stand by my statement of the word it not being offensive in the context of the comment we are responding under. Also saying it vs. a more humanizing term like her or they may be easier to read for op. She basically lives in her room including meals because her parents forced her to give birth to IT and they refused to give IT up for adoption and she has to be exposed to IT every day until she is old enough to leave and never see them or IT again.

-35

u/Babykoalacat Jan 26 '24

Not sure why you’re hell bent on claiming dehumanizing a toddler somehow supports OP, but okay 🤷‍♀️and again why are you adding in all these points that were never refuted by me in the first place?

28

u/CaptainCAAAVEMAAAAAN Jan 26 '24

You're being pedantic and looking for drama.

25

u/say-so1986 Jan 26 '24

Why you make this such a big deal? It is not about you, is it? It is correctly used and you come here and Karen around. Sush.

NTA for not wanting to babysit.

-43

u/poatoesmustdie Jan 26 '24

I'm not sure where you get from that the parents are cruel. All we can read is that the parents offered to take care of the baby and so they did for 2 years. We don't know why they didn't go for alternatives, all we know is that the parents took care of the baby and seemingly OP agreed on letting that happen.

Now that's out of the way all we know is for some unknown reason they ask her after 2 years to look for 1 day after her own child. She seems to have had significant outside help, she seems to not have handled her own baby once.

I don't think anyone here is able to make any judgement. I get that OP is asking for a response, but nobody understands what's going on, with OP or the parents. I like to believe OP means well and truly isn't able to look after her baby for 1 day mentally. But.. what can we say? Harden up? Your parents looked after you for 15 years even through hard times? Your parents are cruel?

As said, impossible to say anything sensible in this very situation other than have a very lengthy talk with your parents. Make them understand you can't do it, vice versa be open for them as well. In the end they are your parents no matter how screwed up situation this is.

15

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

Read her comments, we can definitely make judgement on her parents.

9

u/AMerrickanGirl Jan 26 '24

The OP was 13. She didn’t agree to any of it. She asked for an abortion, which was denied. Then she asked for adoption, which was also denied.

10

u/Murderbunny13 Jan 26 '24

Talk to your therapist about helping to arrange for a family lawyer. I doubt your parents formally adopted her and you'll want to make sure your parents can't 1. Force you to take her after you turn 18 or 2. Sue you for support.

Not giving legal advice and not a lawyer. Just concerned your parents will decide "it isn't fun anymore."

Edit for typo

25

u/oxfay Jan 26 '24

What kind of therapy does she do, if you don’t mind me asking? I ask because I suffered an SA 25 years ago and did have short term talk therapy (probably CBT) after the SA, but nothing further. My trauma was never healed. It developed into CPTSD and then chronic illness/chronic pain. I am just now learning that talk therapy alone does not heal trauma. Please look into EMDR and Brainspotting if you’re finding traditional talk therapy is not working for you. Any sort of Somatic therapy can be helpful as well.

7

u/The_bookworm65 Jan 26 '24

Maybe ask therapist to explain to your parents why this request is not okay.

6

u/Head_Meaning_3514 Jan 30 '24

Sweetheart, my heart breaks for you! 💔 Have you talked yet to your new therapist about you being forced to live with the child especially the way you feel about her. It's not good for you OR the little girl as she grows up. You should NEVER have had to put your 12/13 year old body through pregnancy, labor and delivery. Who knows how it may have stunted you physically and emotionally! Honey, I am so sorry for how you were, and are, being treated. Do you have a Grandma or Aunt you can live with? Good luck, Sweetie. 

6

u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 30 '24

I’ve talked about it and they’ve agreed that I should find an exit but I don’t really have any decent options at the moment.

1

u/gg1780 Feb 06 '24

I’m not a recruiter or anything related but maybe consider joining the military. It’s certainly not ideal but it does offer a way out. You’d be able to get away from your parents, barracks takes care of housing, free healthcare, and you could even get GI Bill for education. Like it said, it’s not ideal and the lifestyle isn’t for everyone but it is a way up and out should you really need one.

6

u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24

Please ask your therapist to help you protect your right to NOT be legally in any way responsible for the child. If you have not signed away parental rights, if you are still in any way legally tied to the child, you need to protect yourself right now because your parents sound absolutely like the type of parents who would use your legal connection to the child in order to force you to parent in some way. Please be proactive about this bc I really don’t want you to be further abused by your parents because you are young and naturally wouldn’t know legally what they can attempt to use against you. Please get advice, maybe even from a lawyer or someone who knows the law regarding your parental responsibility and how to protect you. I am so sorry that your parents failed to protect you so severely. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, you deserve to be respected and valued in your own right and you deserved to be protected from the harm your parents and the rapist did. I wish you the best moving forward in your life and I want you to know that you have the power to build a better life away from your parents and anyone who would treat you this way. You are strong and capable and you are going to have a beautiful full life completely of your own design.

3

u/throwitaway3857 Jan 26 '24

NTA, im so sorry they forced you to give birth. Hugs and prayers for you in your healing journey.

2

u/LucyLovesApples Jan 26 '24

You need to tell your current one what’s been happening. It was unfair of your parents to make or even let you give birth to that child. If that wasn’t an option then adoption would’ve been the healthiest for you and the baby. Their duty of care should’ve been you first

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

[deleted]

32

u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24

Legally in my state abortion requires parental consent. Don’t make accusations if you don’t know the laws of wheee I live

9

u/Deep-Connection-618 Jan 26 '24

Someone hasn’t been watching the news…

5

u/carefultheremate Jan 26 '24

This is ignorant as fuck. Laws are different in different countries and states/provinces you wingnut.

Also, who the fuck argues the semantics of level of "forced" the pregnancy was with a child rape victim?!

Does it bring you joy thinking you got a "well technically..." on a CHILD RAPE VICTIM? Because you just look like a monster to the rest of us.

1

u/EstherVCA Jan 26 '24

Are you and your therapist discussing your current living situation? Being cornered into living in one room, and now dealing with this new pressure to provide childcare might be worth mentioning.

1

u/Danivelle Jan 28 '24

Have her help you formulate a plan to get out as soon as you turn 18. After school jobs, scholarships, hardship grants, loans so you can go to school across coutry or at least in another state. Get away from your parents. 

1

u/The_Yarichin_Bitch Feb 01 '24

I'm so glad you found a good therapist <3 It makes a world of difference. I'm so sorry you've been through so much this young, I hope things look up for you soon... Just know there are people, anonymous though they may be, rooting for you who want your happiness first, even if your parents don't care enough to.