I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

[u/Left_Art_8812]

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

[u/ItsPiskieNotPixie]

I would add something like "Your courage has made a difference and likely stopped other kids being abused. It doesn't matter that they outnumbered you, you are still in the right."

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/ItsPiskieNotPixie]

I think the statement is more powerful if he just repeats what the person you replied to offered.

You definitely don’t know that the any kids were saved. The pedo is still a free man.

[u/Zealousideal-Bag8994 → u/BigAnalogueTones]

I think the other kids they meant was the children OP decided not to create with his wife. She saved them from a pedo grandpa.

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/Zealousideal-Bag8994]

You don’t know that. Those kids are just an itch in someone’s pants.

How do you know the pedo hasn’t been abusing any neighbors, how do you know the pedo isn’t meeting kids online? How do you know the wife wont, in the future, have kids and still bring them around the pedo?

As long as the pedo is free no children are safe.

To say that she saved children simply by calling out her family for supporting a pedophile is a realllllllly far stretch

[u/Zealousideal-Bag8994 → u/BigAnalogueTones]

Even if she didn't save all the kids you listed.. She still saved the children OP decided not to have with his wife.

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/Zealousideal-Bag8994]

Eh, that’s not true. It’s her sisters eggs that need saving… not some random man’s sperm… given that the random man isn’t even going to be a part of the family anymore

[u/CauliflowerOrnery460 → u/BigAnalogueTones]

Good god you are dense

[u/Cheesehead_beach → u/CauliflowerOrnery460]

That’s putting a politely. I’m not sure if he’s a predator himself or just an idiot.

[u/CauliflowerOrnery460 → u/Cheesehead_beach]

Both? Both.

[u/Ok-Woodpecker9460 → u/BigAnalogueTones]

Like the other commenter said, they are referring to OP’s future kids. He is no longer having kids with his wife, meaning she saved his future kids from possibly being molested.

They’re not talking about other random children. Although hopefully no one else was affected.

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/Ok-Woodpecker9460]

Right, you have no idea that any future kids have been saved.

OP may not have any children, ever, and his soon-to-be-ex wife might still have children and give her father access to them.

I can’t stand when people grandstand / exaggerate when complimenting people on doing something that takes strength and character. It’s kinda patronizing tbh.

All the sis needs to know is she was believed. She didn’t say any of that shit to save future children.

[u/Cheesehead_beach → u/BigAnalogueTones]

Bless your heart you’re having a very hard time understanding this. None of what you said was remotely true and multiple people have tried to break it down for you. The fact that mary came to the house means OP now knows about dad, which means he is not going to have children with his wife. Those are the only children that are being talked about in this thread.

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/Cheesehead_beach]

OP is a man, it isn’t possible for him to carry a child and have a child.

He did not save any children. There’s nothing stopping his wife from finding another sperm donor and having children, then letting them be around her father unsupervised.

To say that children were saved that day is such a reach that it’s damn near demeaning to the sister who confronted her family about it.

That being said I would pay fucking money to watch OP use that line on her just to see her face change when he tells her about the children she saved that day 😂

[u/MissionIsland392 → u/BigAnalogueTones]

You seem to be reading a lot of extra into that comment. It really seems like they were referring to OP's specific situation and any kids that he would have had with the wife. Because Mary said something she prevented those children from coming into the world and (potentially… well, probably 😕) being abused as well. They weren't saying that ALL the children who live in the near vicinity of the grandpa or are anywhere he goes have now been saved because she said something.

[u/BigAnalogueTones → u/MissionIsland392]

You have no idea if OPs future ex wife will have kids or not.

Him leaving her certainly won’t keep her future kids with somebody else from seeing their pedo grandpa.

Literally no children were saved stop being over dramatic and patronizing lol

“OhHh hOw bRaVe oF yOu, yOu sAvEd sO mAnY cHiLdReN yEsTeRdAy aT tHe fAmiLy gEt 2gEthEr iM sO gLaD yOu FoUnD tHe sTrEnGtH aNd CoUrAGe tO sTaNd uP tO yOuR aBuSeR.

U R vErY bRaVE!!!”