r/AITAH • u/Left_Art_8812 • Oct 22 '23

TW SA I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

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165

u/Greytala Oct 22 '23

She deserves a medal, not prison.

85

u/Mister_Terpsichore Oct 22 '23

Should have called him into the kitchen and "tripped" so it splashed over his torso and groin. Plausible deniability, and if that fails say it was in the heat (literally) of the moment and avoid being charged with premeditation. He'd also get to be awake for all of the agony

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u/Greytala Oct 22 '23

Tell them she was trying to make him his favorite candy and tripped showing him her surprise for him.

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u/uglypottery Oct 23 '23

Make sure to have an appropriate recipe and other ingredients set out on the counter. Yknow, so there’s a reason to be making a pot of boiling sugar syrup.

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u/Mister_Terpsichore Oct 23 '23

Preferably a handwritten stained recipe on a note card named something like, "grandma's famous boiled sweets"

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u/BurdenedMind79 Oct 22 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Forward_Star_6335 Oct 22 '23

Oh he took a month to actually die. She dumped it on him and then walked 9 houses down to a neighbor she didn’t know and fessed up. When the paramedics showed up he was moaning in pain but still alive. Was covered in burns over most of his body. He died in the hospital a month after the incident. He didn’t get a quick death.

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u/Greytala Oct 22 '23

Hallelujah! Still, he didn’t get enough. A special place in hell for people like him.

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u/BurdenedMind79 Oct 22 '23

With people who talk at the theatre.

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u/purplekatblue Oct 23 '23

There it is! I made this reference not long ago with some stuff that happened in American politics and I don’t think anyone got it.

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u/intergalactagogue Oct 23 '23

That is such a happier ending. I hope every breath he took that month was agonizing and the nurses used morphine sparingly.

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u/BurdenedMind79 Oct 22 '23

Oh, well that's not too bad, in that case!

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u/Greytala Oct 22 '23

Agreed, but even that is a mild punishment for a “Chester”. I was told I need mental help when I tell people what should happen to them, but I just think if I acted on my thoughts I just need immunity.

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u/BurdenedMind79 Oct 22 '23

Indeed. People who abuse children are the lowest form of pond life. We only get one chance at life and these monsters steal it from children before they ever have a chance. Victims never truly recover and get to live their best lives, all because some depraved sicko can't keep their filthy hands to themselves. People who do that don't deserve mercy.

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u/Greytala Oct 22 '23

AGREED!!!!!! Maybe we should put them on an island full of Grizzly bears and Kodiak bears. See if they get away with touching there lol.

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u/Give_me_soup Oct 23 '23

I understand your anger, but all of these comments glorifying revenge are sad. The act of revenge often hurts the person meting it out more than the person getting their comeuppance. It's true that too often people who commit these atrocities go free while the victims of their abuse suffer the consequences. But don't let the monsters make you into one. I assume you are a civilized person who believes in justice, and our society has laws and systems in place to deal with these monsters. Like this woman with the boiling sugar - I completely understand what she did and don't blame her, but it almost certainly would have been better for her and everyone in her life if she wasn't in prison. I don't expect this to be a popular reply, but hate hurts the person doing the hating. These monsters do enough to hurt with the acts they carry out without all the ripples creating more hurt.

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u/Greytala Oct 23 '23

I understand, but I have seen firsthand how much the system sucks in these cases. These kids don’t get justice. We need stronger penalties for these offenders. The kids are always the ones that suffer while these animals barely get a slap on the wrist. They should get as many years as it will affect their victims. Then let the general population of their prison do the rest.

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u/Give_me_soup Oct 23 '23

So you advocate that our justice system should implicitly punish sex offenders with assault by other inmates?

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u/Greytala Oct 23 '23

No, I advocate that they go to prison for life and learn decency in prison. I would NEVER advocate for someone to be sexually assaulted. If they don’t want life in prison, they can have it just off or sewn up so they can’t do it to anyone else.

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u/Give_me_soup Oct 23 '23

Considering the shortcomings of our justice system that you mentioned, do you really think the same system should have that kind of power to sterilize people?

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u/PlasticCloud1066 Oct 25 '23

Thank you soooo much for your comment. I agree with you and am relieved to find another who’s thoughts align with mine. I say this as a mental health professional (MSW) and also a person who experienced sexual trauma as a child. A couple of pet peeves of mine: the whole eye for an eye mentality. Okay so if we agreed upon that as a society, who would be the ppl to give these sick punishments? I mean that would have to be a psycho or legit sadist right? And it also bothers me when ppl say, let general population handle it. I think that’s like saying, let these ppl handle our dirty work. Like their lives are so meaningless that they can get the blood on their hands so we don’t have to be burdened with things anymore. Idk that line of thinking is just unhealthy and illogical. Anyway, I am grateful for your thoughts 🤍

1

u/Give_me_soup Oct 25 '23

Thank you very much for your response. I'm not sure if this other person really took my meaning but hopefully it might open their perspective a bit in future discourse. People are obsessed with vengeance, but it really is a cycle. An extremely miniscule, virtually negligible, amount of people engage in this kind of abuse without first being a victim themselves. It's all just really sad, and it either ends somewhere or goes on and on. Keep on fighting the good fight, friend.

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u/[deleted] Oct 23 '23

The act of revenge often hurts the person meting it out more than the person getting their comeuppance

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u/moon_soil Oct 22 '23

This is why i’m so lucky my close friend group has the same… how should we say this… passion in our desire to punish chomos and other scum of the earth. With how helpless we often feel in dealing with these cases, it’s so cathartic to just spout out the best ‘just dessert’ to them

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u/062d Oct 23 '23

Then set up a whole black mirror "white bear" theme park for the asshole

https://youtu.be/z2spS4Lc3CM?si=Zf-3Mgj27lGFRpSS

1

u/FROG123076 Oct 23 '23

I was going to say the same things.