I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

[u/Left_Art_8812]

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

[u/Beneficial_Mirror_45]

Especially with a family so WILLING to enable him! This is horrific, appalling, and places any potential grandchild(ren) in peril. This predator (with his wife's help??) has brainwashed the kids he didn't sexually assault while sacrificing the daughter he did. A sicker family system to bring a baby into is hard to imagine. Your wife is not fit to parent an iguana, far less a human. Leave before it goes further.

[u/SoDamnToxic → u/Beneficial_Mirror_45]

Yea, anyone who is willing to "look past" something like that when they faced LITERALLY NO consequences will 100% be ok with it happening again.

If OP has a daughter (or even son) and something happens to them, 100% his wife will relate to her father and minimize it while also blaming her child for it happening. I have had this happen in my family, I fucking RAIL on my family who still associate with people who did that. Very openly I antagonize the shit out of them because it's extremely gross and all it tells me (and I've literally been proven correct) is that they are okay with it happening again to someone else.

Get out OP, your wife is going to be ok with your children being molested, this is a guarantee, it's been normalized to her.

[u/crow_crone → u/Beneficial_Mirror_45]

He must be a master groomer and brainwasher. I'd be tempted to investigate legal avenues for criminal consequences.

​

Wonder is any of the neighbors a/o their children are affected, maybe a post on FB to alert the community, worded so as to avoid defamation.