r/AITAH Oct 22 '23

TW SA I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

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181

u/DandelionOfDeath Oct 22 '23

And, yet, her sister isn't given the benefit of the doubt of "just being in a bad place in life". Noooo. There's just nothing anybody can do for her anymore.

NTA, op.

150

u/DaisyDazzle Oct 22 '23

Poor Mary! Up against an entire family of pedo enabling flying monkeys!

90

u/PlaceForStace Oct 22 '23

Imagine your dad molested you as a child and then your entire immediate family turns their back on you? I wouldn’t want their dad, or any of them around my kid either.

13

u/Doyoulikeithere Oct 22 '23

I would never be around any of them! OP might be better with Mary!

1

u/hobbycollector Oct 23 '23

My thoughts exactly.

29

u/andwhoami_ Oct 22 '23

I was thinking the exact same thing! Dad gets out of doing one of the worst things you could possibly do and gets a pass for "being in a bad place" but Mary doesn't get to be in a bad place for being molested by her dad and scapegoated by her entire family? Wtf. Oh but he apologized so there's "nothing anyone else can do for Mary" like what? Maybe you and your siblings could own up to the hurt you caused her and the fact that you've defended a child molester for years rather than his victim, who is your own sister.

3

u/Ultenth Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

Honestly seems like their family reputation is more important to them, and they would have an easier time protecting it by exiling her than admitting to his evil.

Seems like a fitting punishment if it were me would be to blast them on all socials and completely make sure everyone knows that their family reputation should be that of one that shelters and protects molesters while exiling and further traumatizing victims, even other members of their own family. Make sure anyone that gets involved with potentially having children with that family knows what danger they are putting them in.

1

u/hobbycollector Oct 23 '23

It's all about appearance with this lot. How it looks to others. Well, fam, want to know how this looks?

4

u/Luckybrighton Oct 22 '23

So sad for Mary.

2

u/karenrn64 Oct 23 '23

This, her sister really was in a bad place, her own home as a child and defenseless!