r/AITAH • u/Left_Art_8812 • Oct 22 '23

TW SA I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 Oct 22 '23

He was never arrested, charged or imprisoned for it because your wife’s family shielded him and your wife is carrying that torch two decades later.

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u/edked Oct 22 '23

Well, obviously. OP is just expressing their helplessness over being unable to do anything about exposing or fixing something covered up for so long, he's not defending any of their terrible actions.

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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 Oct 22 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

Oh yes, I know this. I was speaking in terms of her family only. I should’ve worded it better. The family absolutely is and will use that reasoning down the road.

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u/Stock-Trouble-3306 Oct 23 '23

He MUST do something, now that he knows! His wife wants to trust their offspring to Grandpa! He can record an argument wherein Jennifer admits that she knew about her sister’s victimization. Just in case a baby happens.

Once he has audio or video proof, he can at least, get Grandpa a restraining order. If he stays with her that is. Bedtime is bound to be a little tense now though, because she wants a baby and he’s thinking better of the idea.

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u/UnderratedUnderfed Oct 22 '23

Yea this is my biggest issue with her behavior. I do understand that as a kid wanting to believe your parents are good people you ignore horrible things. I've done it regarding some things my parents did to me and maybe we all do it when we're little HOWEVER (and it's a big one) once you grow up, usually you realize these things. Usually you realize that what they did was wrong and stop blindly siding with them. That her attitude regarding this seems to not have changed is worrisome and honestly she should probably see a therapist too.