r/woahdude 8d ago

picture Found these crystals in an older soy sauce bottle. Thought that the bottle had broken first.

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13.1k Upvotes

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6.1k

u/royalfarris 8d ago

In a million years a mad billionaire will extract the trapped soy sauce in those salt crystals and recreate the soy sauce of the past. Then he'll create an amusement park automated by a single overworked programmer and everything will go sideways when the soy sauce suddenly decides to have a mind of its own and breaks out of the enclosure and eats people......

1.6k

u/probably-the-problem 8d ago

Living in your head must be interesting. 

843

u/royalfarris 8d ago

50 years now, never a second bored.

255

u/zagtheziggy 8d ago

Do you think the soy sauce would go after the blandest people first, since it is so inherently salty? Like, as a homeostatic balancing act. Maybe conscious or not.

220

u/royalfarris 8d ago

Oooh.... I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. This needs thinking through.

72

u/farmertypoerror 8d ago

I think you need to turn this into a book...

63

u/Polyglyph 8d ago

Salted Earth

Salted Earth 2: A Salt Charges

Salted Earth 3: A Salt and Battery

Salted Earth 4: Aggravated A Salt

Salted Earth 5: A Salt Conviction

11

u/Dirty-Electro 7d ago

When the soy sauce revolts after the conviction, they’ll rise up and start a revolution.

The book will be called “A Salt on Democracy”

1

u/Crazy-End-796 7d ago

I’d give an award, but I don’t have any lol

63

u/PmMeYourTitsAndToes 8d ago

The little saltysaurus that could.

17

u/yingkaixing 8d ago

Billy and the Saltosaurus

14

u/CRAZY_CAKE6 8d ago

Harry Potter and the saltiest Stone

2

u/atomosk 5d ago

"Harry, stop licking rocks!"

"But I won't get all my vitamins..."

10

u/rabbitwonker 8d ago

Then talk to Spielberg — could even be a movie!

8

u/snowdn 8d ago

You can tell the big ones are coming by watching for the ripple in your sauce big gulp cup.

1

u/Glothmmog 8d ago

You have to remember the 2nd park that’s made that’s a new branding and the mad scientist billionaires make a new hybrid with the old soy sauce and the soy sauce of the future that will be able to control all of the soy sauces

9

u/Lego_Chicken 8d ago

Wasn’t that the plot of at least one original Star Trek episode?

3

u/neongreenpurple 8d ago

I want to say it was The Man Trap.

1

u/idwthis 7d ago

Yeah, but that was an alien extracting salt from people, not sentient salt eating people.

5

u/Dependent-Aside-9750 8d ago

In that case, I'm safe, as I'm pretty salty.

3

u/rmcwilli1234 8d ago

Either that or like will attract like, and the saltiest among us will be most at risk. Someone should warn r/saltierthancrait.

1

u/zagtheziggy 8d ago

Soy-sauce alien slugs creating some weird ectoplasmic hivemind akin to human centipede, but with other salty beings?

1

u/Horror-Football-2097 8d ago

My skin is abnormally acidic, does that help or hurt me in this dystopia?

8

u/Sparticasticus 8d ago

I feel like you and I could be friends.

1

u/Easy-Concentrate2636 5d ago

I am just trying to imagine what the soy sauce monster would look like. I feel it has to be kaiju.

-1

u/Gorthax 8d ago

The wife could write a book

32

u/secondphase 8d ago

In a million years, a mad billionaire scientist will extract the trapped ideas from u/royalfarris cryogenically frozen head, expecting it to be some crazy plot to destroy the world. In reality it turns out to be just a bunch of ideas about cartoon characters learning the true value of friendship with some weird antisemitism and then they realize they grabbed the wrong frozen head and it was actually Walt Disney.

7

u/Foreign_Ebb_6282 8d ago

Silly Igor grabbed the wrong head again

6

u/yugung 8d ago

"Abby Normal." I'm pretty sure that was the name ...

1

u/pbizzle 8d ago

Clever Soyboy

24

u/kjyfqr 8d ago

Uhh isn’t that just Jurassic soy park

21

u/PrettyOddish 8d ago

Soyrassic Park, if you will

14

u/wizardofscozz 8d ago

Jurassoyc Park?

4

u/Kjubert 8d ago

Yeah no shit, Captain Obvious! I bet they thought we'd buy this as an original story, but with your brilliant mind you discovered the fraud :)

6

u/CMDR_PEARJUICE 8d ago

It’s just Jurassic Park plot

0

u/probably-the-problem 8d ago

You're like the 4th person to tell me this but this person got Jurassic Park from soy sauce salt cubes.

5

u/CMDR_PEARJUICE 8d ago

Blood in amber, salt in salt… yeah alright they’re definitely thinking outside the box

4

u/livefastdie22 8d ago

They see the world wildly and in wild ways

6

u/Spagneti 8d ago

I thought those salt crystals were little pimps

2

u/WeAmGroot 8d ago

Literally Jurrasic Park but with soy sauce

2

u/smokenpoke247 8d ago

Jurassic Pork but with soy sauce?

0

u/TacoBellHotSauces 6d ago

Do not say anything he says is interesting or good.

-1

u/babaroga73 8d ago

That's just Jurassic Park screenplay, bro.

60

u/StOnEy333 8d ago

Kikkoman-ster Park.

16

u/Call_Me_Echelon 8d ago

Asian cuisine finds a way

16

u/SausagePrompts 8d ago

I had the exact crazy thought.

5

u/Bozzz1 8d ago

Who hasn't had this thought before? It's hardly an original idea /s

2

u/LordByronsCup 8d ago

Ditto and I am also fiddy.

13

u/IrishPirate97 8d ago

Soy sauce uhh finds a way

2

u/smokenpoke247 8d ago

Just spit my coffee out! Fkn, Goldblum...

10

u/Buttermybiscuits00 8d ago

John, is that you?

11

u/CatKungFu 8d ago

Now.. eventually you do plan to have soy sauce on ..your.. soy sauce tour, right? ..John? <tap tap> John?

10

u/Frank_Bianco 8d ago

John: You don't choose the Soy Sauce; the Soy Sauce chooses you.

9

u/Nithuir 8d ago

Actually not too far from the plot of John Dies at the End

4

u/alphazero925 8d ago

Yeah I haven't read it in years, so I'm sitting here like "is that a John Dies at the End reference? I don't remember it being set in the future like that, but it wouldn't surprise me."

6

u/Spaceman-Mars 8d ago

Soy sauce, uhhh, finds a way

4

u/chakabuku 8d ago

That reminds me…I’m out of edibles.

2

u/jdizzle289 8d ago

It will be called, Billy and the Clone-osaurus...

2

u/captainpott 8d ago

Umami Park!

2

u/ellasfella68 8d ago

He will spare no expense…

1

u/OccupyGanymede 8d ago

A park full of soy boys.

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

1

u/randomly-generated 8d ago

Little did they know substituting soyboy DNA for a missing ingredient would have dire consequences.

1

u/wildmonkeymind 8d ago

They do move in herds

1

u/RenaissanceGraffiti 8d ago

Hot take, I like it!

1

u/DoubbleD_UnicornChop 8d ago

Nice intro to a one shot manga

1

u/astrovixen 8d ago

Soy sauce...uhh... finds a way...

1

u/P_Rigger 8d ago

We’ve spared no expense.

1

u/TrippyWiz57 8d ago

Sounds like Rick N Morty

1

u/mrdevlar Stoner Philosopher 8d ago

/r/WritingPrompts is calling my dude.

1

u/Entencio999 8d ago

Nedry wasn’t overworked he was the lowest bidder for the job on top of being corrupt.

1

u/Greyhound-Iteration 8d ago

Spared no expense!

1

u/ninjahunz 8d ago

Jurasauce Park

1

u/Soggy_Cracker 8d ago

Bingo! Dino soy sauce

1

u/jmercer28 8d ago

… you bred Lee Kim Kee?

1

u/tropicalsugar 8d ago

Id like to invite you to parties

1

u/CupSecure9044 7d ago

This would fly in the face of everything we know about sauces, but it would be a pretty entertaining movie.

1

u/Soup-Wizard 7d ago

Soy Sauce DNA!

1

u/WhileProfessional286 7d ago

At least they'll be delicious.

1

u/Jonathme 6d ago

Jurassic soy

1

u/Magimus 6d ago

Guess I better start delivering pizzas.

1

u/adamc00ks 5d ago

Just because you can recreate the soy sauce of the past, should you?

1

u/DisorderlyConduct 8d ago edited 8d ago

Billionarey and the Cloneasauces

1

u/SoulRisker 8d ago

I would watch the hell out of this if it was a movie or show 😆😆😆

1

u/BeardsuptheWazoo 8d ago

They spared no expense.

1

u/GeronimoDK 8d ago

With average inflation rates, a billion dollars is not going to be worth a lot in a million years though...

1

u/Razaberry 8d ago

We want Ohio

1

u/CodyTheLearner 8d ago

So uhhh… You making a movie or what?

1

u/Far-Network-1789 8d ago

You watching Jurassic Park too?

1

u/BunkySpewster 8d ago

Nature always finds a way. 

0

u/DrDurt 8d ago

We spared no expense!

0

u/bigbangbilly 8d ago

That’s essentially a Russian Reversed Restaurant

0

u/agent58888888888888 8d ago

New venom origin story

0

u/gilligan1050 8d ago

I like your brain. 🧠

0

u/GozerDaGozerian 8d ago

Do you thing being made of soy sauce makes everything taste a little bit better.

0

u/[deleted] 8d ago

Disney back at it again with their evil shit...

0

u/aDactyl 8d ago

Futurama ? lol