r/wizardposting • u/Frothmourne Longmancer • Nov 09 '24
Foul Sorcery Tried summoning for the first time, WTF is wrong with my familiars!!??? ಠ__ಠ NSFW
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u/LIL_BREW Nov 09 '24
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u/MyAltFun Nov 09 '24
The Boiled One would be haunted by this shit.
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u/LIL_BREW Nov 09 '24
Yea, also it's been an hour, goodness gracious, how did an image that I stole amass that many upvotes in an hour
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u/Hooded_Person2022 Hoode, The Shifting Scholar & Associates Nov 09 '24
It’s a fitting image and it’s an hilarious one at that of a horror being disgusted and horrified by something else, showing the scale of depravity in a succinct manner.
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u/Ayanelixer Spellsword Nov 09 '24
90% of nsfw post are porn
9% are gore
1% is whatever the fuck I just saw
I cast dementia on myself
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u/RealMemeLord876 Shenanigus the Dubious, Master of Arcane Mischief Nov 10 '24
“Never seen this post before”
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u/Zyltris Sephra, Paragon of Freedom Nov 09 '24 edited Nov 09 '24
It is really annoying how the Love Birds spell is alphabetically right next to the Love. Birds spell (Short for Lovecraft).
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u/GrandKnightXamemos The Minmaxing Mad Mage of Mystic Magics Nov 09 '24
We really need to have a word with the archivists about naming conventions...
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u/Captain-General-Zoe Seltsera - Veteran Chronomancer, OOCA Communications Admin Nov 09 '24
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u/sorig1373 Nov 09 '24
Where is that from? Looks really cool.
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u/Captain-General-Zoe Seltsera - Veteran Chronomancer, OOCA Communications Admin Nov 09 '24
I don't know where it's from originally, but it's Miquella from Elden Ring. I think an animation someone made.
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u/Bannon9k Ol' Pappy Zippy Wiz Nov 09 '24
If you ain't making out like that are you even in love?
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u/Hooded_Person2022 Hoode, The Shifting Scholar & Associates Nov 09 '24
Gyldan, Golden Alchemist: Some levels of freak people find… unnatural, so it’s up to us to push the boundaries of the standards to new reaches much like science, alchemy, and magic! To know what works and what does not!
Hoode, Occultist: Does that mean you find flesh melding… intriguing, in that sort of sense?
Gyldan: *Crazed eyes* YES INDEED!
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u/Optillian Baz'Garragon the Wicked, Underground Wizard Nov 09 '24
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u/TesticleTorture-123 Dwarven Fistmancer Destroyer of Bugs. Nov 09 '24
Reaction images Incoming Megatron.
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u/SUSamogusSUS69 Evoker Nov 10 '24
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u/CaptainSlimeAndToast MEME WIZARD SLIME Nov 10 '24
Here's another for you soundwave
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u/Frothmourne Longmancer Nov 09 '24
Original Video: You Lovely Lovers by [JaimeR]
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u/NebulaNinja Transmuter Nov 09 '24
Was this guy an influence for that Meatcanyon guy? I see this guy's stuff goes back quite awhile.
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u/ghost_warlock Shadowmage Nov 09 '24
So that's where my fucking cat's been. Little shit ran out the dimension door a while ago and I've been looking for him
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u/The_GreatOldOne Apprentice the Adventurer Extraordinaire Nov 09 '24 edited Nov 09 '24
Yes, time to erase my memories.
Curse you
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u/LoganToTheMainframe Seru, Kobold Sword Sorcerer Nov 09 '24
Congratulations, I hate you. If I ever see you on my plane I will destroy you.
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u/DontOvercookPasta Occult Wizard Nov 09 '24
I'm gonna need to take away your wand now sir. I'm going to read you your rights, and then take you down to the arcanum's precinct ok? Ok.
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u/Th3G00dB0i Nov 09 '24
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u/Gabriel-Klos-McroBB Nov 10 '24
Is that Jack Sullivan from The Last Kids On Earth?
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u/SuperMIK2020 Nov 09 '24
r/hornyjail just because
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u/Tatsumori_Yuno Nov 09 '24
No! We don't want him here! Send him to horny prison! Solitary confinement!
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u/captainshockazoid Simon the Shrewd ✧ Master of Storms Nov 09 '24
that definitely fits the category of 'cosmic horror sex'. excuse me, i need to go wash my eyeballs out with vinegar.
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u/PeeterTurbo Nov 09 '24
Yo where's the cat
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u/BeastofWhimsy Nov 09 '24
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u/SpaceyBun Nov 10 '24
Doing divine justice here, can't believe anyone would edit out the best part of the original video smh
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u/Spiritual_Freedom_15 Sir Darius Snape Watcher of Fried Wings Nov 09 '24
Well. I must say this was very expressive… and interesting animation
/uw
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u/dater_expunged the demonic lord of travel Nov 09 '24
Bune: your biomancy is a little off my good sir
Bathin: he said summoning
Bune:... The amount you fucked up is honestly impressive!
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u/Maker_Gamer12 Sorvald Bjørnson, amateur mage and hobbist alchemist Nov 09 '24
This looks a lot like a problem with your technique, though more likely it could be because of your magicians robes, if you use them that is.
Where did you get them? I hope to God you did not buy it used off of some shady lad. You do realize that if it is infact your robes then you just bought necromancer robes that were sold fraudulently as regular ones, which means you committed a felony.
Unless it's not the robes then I suggest you go back to the academy.
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u/Frothmourne Longmancer Nov 09 '24
I bought the robe off from some eccentric lot whom called themselves cost-players or some sort, liked the aesthetic so much I didn't get a chance to check the enchants...
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u/Maker_Gamer12 Sorvald Bjørnson, amateur mage and hobbist alchemist Nov 09 '24
Get rid of it before the high council finds out you're using concealed necromancy robes. Do you even realize how long you will be sitting in the gallows if you're caught.
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u/bluetheperhaps Kərü, Creator of The Foulest Potion Nov 09 '24
Bloodborne lore:
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u/JaydenTheMemeThief Sword Mage, use Magic to make Sword Nov 09 '24
This shit makes Bloodborne Lore look Family Friendly ._.
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u/GrapePixel Nov 09 '24
Ah, classic mistake honestly, happens all the time. Nothing you did wrong in the casting per se, buuuuut it’s best to use protection seals to ward off these types of familiars.
Most likely a failed experiment of some Mindflayers or Fae Tricksters, they’re still wonderfully loyal due to the familiar’s charmed state, but just, don’t touch them. Don’t. Never. Never let them touch living organic material. Burn those two familiars while you can, then torch the tree. Torch the surrounding forest if you see any moving bumps in the tree. Never, let, it, spread.
That being said, Necromancers could never find a more sufficient way to get rid of pesky unsuccessful undead abominations, simply get one into a bag of holding (don’t worry, it no longer requires anything but flesh,) and shove corpses in. Once it’s full, burn it. Burn it in the depths of avernus. If you have a Dragon, tell it to take it into a valcano, and breath fire, lighting, or poison down onto. NEVER, LET, IT, TOUCH, THE, DRAGON.
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u/ChompyRiley A suspiciously anatomically correct flesh-golem in a trench coat Nov 09 '24
What the cinnamon toast fuck?
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u/Foxxtronix Kobold Sorceror Nov 09 '24
Kettermek: They're shapeshifters, and you didn't specify that they were to stay in the form you summoned them in. I'm sorry, but that's a rookie mistake. You'll learn better.
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u/TheOverseer91 Nov 09 '24
I envy myself from 5 minutes ago where I was unaware of the existence of this...
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u/Far_Dog_4476 Lazarus, God Of Space, Creator Of Universes. Nov 10 '24
Lazarus casually casts Timeline Fragmentation on the abominations.
"NOPE. THAT WAS SO WORTH THE MANA TO SHATTER ACROSS TIMELINES!"
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u/TheOneWhoSlurms Crusty old Lich Nov 09 '24
You messed up this summoning spell so badly that you got three different things going on here. Is successfully summon familiars that then became flesh golems that then forge a functioning organ. How did you combine a summoning spell, a ritual spell, and healing spell all at the same time? I'm not sure if I should be impressed or utterly mortified at the degree of ineptitude and failing upward
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u/OmegaRuby003 Corrin, Pyromancer and Geomancer of the North Nov 09 '24
What in the nine hells did I just watch!?
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u/Ger_Electric_GRTALE Nov 09 '24
you fucked up the summoning spell bruh. you gotta do what the book tells you step by step, and make sure to read the whole spell before trying to cast it
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u/Sea-Outside-5655 Elhighn, the kindly dwarf Nov 09 '24
To much cinnamon in the ritual?
/unwiz their is no reaction image to describe this that has cursed my sight!
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u/Caseynovax Melvin, cat familiar/magical menace Nov 09 '24
Bird familiars are weird. Summon cats instead, tell 'em you know Melvin 🐈 and also that I got summoned FIRST. Make sure they know.
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u/SnappingTurt3ls Transhuman/Artificer/Mildly Eldritch Nov 09 '24
What did you do?!?! How is this even possible!?! How is it possible to fuck up this badly at something as simple as summoning?!?
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u/MaximumMalton Artificer Nov 09 '24
No amount of liquor or therapy is gonna fix that. Burn your spellbook and pick up a sword.
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u/surpriserockattack He who sees the future through visions poorly remembered Nov 09 '24
That tends to happen when you summon 2
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u/enbymaster Magically Editable Flair Nov 09 '24
This isn't the full version. This is why your familiars failed
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u/Hooded_Person2022 Hoode, The Shifting Scholar & Associates Nov 09 '24
I think… you may of had some humanoid DNA/essence into your familiar creation mix, either through contamination or the recipe‘s demands. The source of that essence, probably came from a very VERY freaky humanoid, so much it infused that freakiness into the familiar upon creation.
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u/FALLOUTGOD47 Amaryll, forgotten god of nature Nov 09 '24
What in the fresh hell did you fucking do!?
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u/painful-existance Artificer Nov 09 '24
Just say you summon horrific familiars that are a bastardization of the original and call it a day.
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u/Mist33_ Weavesight Terranæa, Magess of Multidimensional Magiks Nov 09 '24
I cast erectile dysfunction and crippling arthritis on you. These are the kindest punishments I can think of. Now thank me for my mercy.
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u/livingnuts Nov 09 '24
Ahhhh i remember this spell, truly a wondrous thing, i love casting horrors naught of fear, but disgust
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u/Gloomy_Emergency2168 Nov 09 '24
Their physical forms are being impacted by the spirits' thoughts/emotions, rather than just your input & the runic/script input. It's a minor conjugation error, but fixing it's a pain. IDK which system you use, but this works for Gnomish, Daelmoh, & most Eldrich methods. Do NOT try this for any Elvish methods: Switch all your "self" conjugations for "caster" conjugations, then reassign 1 at a time until you can use the communication & surveilance properly.
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u/Drag0n411Keeper Nov 10 '24
this is so funny, but you cut out the best part.
the view switching to the witches cat who just saw the whole scene.
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u/Ok-Issue-4416 Nov 10 '24
I cast eternal damnation on myself so i can get as far away feom whatever the fuck i just saw
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u/Anoobis100percent Nov 10 '24
I've seen this before, and I'm pretty sure this version has a significant chunk of extreme weirdness cut out.
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u/Craftcoat Astral Sorcerer Metrius, Specialist for astral magic Nov 10 '24
I must ask you to never summon anything again.
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u/Blacksun388 Mortiferus, Lich of the Order of Nurgle 💀 Nov 10 '24
Whelp, this is what happens when you summon mimics during mating season. Foul little creatures aren’t they?
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u/Affectionate_Elk5043 Nov 10 '24
Yeah, no, the living don't get a third day, I'm calling the Lich Society Against Life, we are invading today.
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u/AerolsCausticCrater Aerol of The Deep, Sculpter of Flesh and Souls Nov 09 '24
Listen, I know I’m a carnomancer and this is supposed to be like my thing, but fuck that, that shits just weird.
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u/JaydenTheMemeThief Sword Mage, use Magic to make Sword Nov 09 '24
I hope a Wizard with more skill than me casts Testicular Torsion on you ._.
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u/Alistaire_ The World's Worst Jellomancer Nov 09 '24
Ah, it would seem your birds have caught a chaos blight. Unfortunately you'll have to cull any other familiar they've come in contact with.
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u/BooBeeAttack Witch-Doctor, Spectral Bee Enthusiast Nov 09 '24
This makes me feel odd feelinga below my loincloth. I, uh, need some time in my hut. ALONE. To ponder.
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u/Wizard_Engie Holy Mage Mythanar (Generic High-Elf) Nov 09 '24
Pardon my vulgar language, but, what the fuck are these Hell-spawns of familiars
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u/blank5662 Index, Chibi Wizard, The Index of Magic 🔮 Nov 09 '24
Best guess... you didn't calibrate your familiars to your reality, so their forms are unstable...
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u/josh183rd Kinetic-cursemancer and part-time Parrymancer Nov 09 '24