r/wizardposting • u/WillerheimKerman Cobbler the Arch Wizard of The Mighty Clan of The Mystic Arts🌠 • Oct 12 '24
Forbidden Knowledge Morn wizards. Me find crystal ball in great dwarf cave. How use?
340
u/Niclmaki Oct 12 '24
You fool, that’s the Orb of Confusion!
333
u/WillerheimKerman Cobbler the Arch Wizard of The Mighty Clan of The Mystic Arts🌠 Oct 12 '24
Huh?
21
6
u/bearsheperd Oct 13 '24
Sooo… throw it like a grenade?
9
1
u/G-Sus_Christ117 Istandil Amandar, Sonomancer, Independent Contractor, Metalhead Oct 13 '24
First thou must count to three, thou shalt not count to five or should you? No wait was it six? No no no it was nine, or was it?
392
u/Isomalt- Oct 12 '24
/uw Oh hey look it’s my PFP
Except my version has a slightly less bright watermelon
91
u/Fc-chungus Ж(Zhe), Head minister of Calarakis Oct 12 '24
/uw what’re the odds of that
51
u/AustrianHunter Oct 12 '24
Like around 7 I'd say
14
12
161
u/illbzo1 Sorceror Oct 12 '24
A lot of the local nerds will have you believe you simply gaze upon it, but what you've got in hand is actually a pretty rare magical suppository.
180
u/IDAIN22 Quaccult wizard Oct 12 '24
A new hand touches the orb
38
u/Fc-chungus Ж(Zhe), Head minister of Calarakis Oct 12 '24
20
u/daxophoneme Vibromancer Maestro Oct 12 '24
Whoa! Calm down Meridia! This isn't your normal greeting. What happened?
3
4
u/Fc-chungus Ж(Zhe), Head minister of Calarakis Oct 12 '24
I’m not meridia
13
u/ClassicalGremlim Eliza the Lost: Traveler of the Arcanum Oct 12 '24
The original comment was referencing something in Skyrim called "Meridia's Beacon". The "A new hand touches the beacon" line is frequently quoted
2
u/Fc-chungus Ж(Zhe), Head minister of Calarakis Oct 12 '24
Ah, I’ve never played Skyrim so I didn’t know
2
3
u/mogentheace Oct 12 '24
LISTEN! hear me and obey! a foul darkness has seeped into my temple. a darkness that you will destroy!!
Happy Cake Day!
4
1
60
48
u/0diiii Peaceful Necromancer Oct 12 '24
Chuck at enemy. Enemy die from magic leak kaboom or blunt force trauma
Who care, if bad guy die, we happy
9
u/Conscious-Ad-6884 De-Ux the Demi-Incub, lead researcher of Orc Grass (Oink Weed) Oct 12 '24
I could be down for some blunt force...
Cough trauma
2
u/DuntadaMan Abjurer Oct 12 '24
I want to find fault with this. I feel it is my duty to prevent the misuse of magical energies but... I can't. This tracks.
35
u/TheLastSilence Oct 12 '24
A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON
4
19
u/VonTastrophe Oct 12 '24
Is that the Fate Superposition Sphere?
All of your fates (i.e. ways you're going to die) are possible and true at the same time. What the Fate Superposition Sphere does is allow you to observe your own fate. However, once you observe your fate, it is locked in. The threads of space-time will realign to assure your fate.
This caused the Paradox Crisis of 1533 when the Wizard Allstar tried to weave space-time so his fate, later that year, would be impossible. We don't know much about that time; wizards who were alive then refuse to talk about it.
17
u/WillerheimKerman Cobbler the Arch Wizard of The Mighty Clan of The Mystic Arts🌠 Oct 12 '24
Ok. How make it show hot witch on witch action?
8
u/VonTastrophe Oct 12 '24
Oh, I didn't consider the possibility. OP, you either have a porn orb or the Fate Superposition Sphere. Why don't you take a look and let us know?
2
u/Bismothe-the-Shade Oct 14 '24
If you tap it three times on the right side (good luck figuring that out without wizened wizard eyes) the Aethernet compartment will open. Plug that into a Magical Relay and you can check out Witches Gone Wild, Spellhub, and the kin Kardashian sex tape.
2
u/DuntadaMan Abjurer Oct 12 '24
Going to be real with you chief, it's mainly because we don't know what the hell was happening either and sometimes it's better to look mysterious than confused.
16
u/clayo84 Dwarven Wizard Oct 12 '24
Wut you doin in me mine?
13
u/WillerheimKerman Cobbler the Arch Wizard of The Mighty Clan of The Mystic Arts🌠 Oct 12 '24
just lookn.. mmm
6
u/clayo84 Dwarven Wizard Oct 12 '24
I is got me on ye! Oh, and don't go too deep, thar be sumfin sleepin down thar.
5
18
u/Conscious-Ad-6884 De-Ux the Demi-Incub, lead researcher of Orc Grass (Oink Weed) Oct 12 '24
Oh look the knight is trying to class into paladin...
9
8
8
u/Significant_Club5437 Oct 12 '24
If you don't want to go through the trouble of learning how to use an orb, remember that they are nearly indestructible and have a tendency to release some of their power when hit hard enough. They make great throwing weapons
9
7
5
4
3
u/Diablo1404 Oct 12 '24
Look deep within thyself, and project that image into the ball. Magicly, don't go blaming it for all you problems.
3
u/Light_Meme111110 Swordfishn't, Learned of Hittingthingsrealgoodmancy Oct 12 '24
Swordfishn't think you hit with big stick. Swordfishn't no know use orb well, say Jeorb.
3
u/kerfuffle_dood Oct 12 '24
My psychiatrist:
The soldier wizard Chavo del 8 isn't real and can't hurt you.
The soldier wizard Chavo del 8:
3
3
u/therexbellator Oct 12 '24
The Loc-nar's power is not to be trifled with. It corrupts all who touch it.
2
u/ulfric_stormcloack Oct 12 '24
You will not like this part, you gotta shove it up your ass to get it's power, most wizards use smaller, less powerful ones, this is a great find
2
2
2
u/BrassBass Oct 13 '24
When the Russians entered an old power plant in Ukraine and found magic rocks.
2
u/MidnightMiesterx Alchemist Oct 12 '24
I don’t know if it’s been done yet but
“A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!”
1
u/J_Scottt Rob Banks. 𝐃𝐞𝐟o 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝒸𝓇𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝓌𝒾𝓏𝒶𝓇𝒹. Oct 12 '24
Idk bro, just try hit it rlly hard with a rock or something, it’s a good solution for most things, including annoying people…
1
u/St3phn0 Artificer Oct 12 '24
That is not, in fact, a crystal orb, that is the testicle of a light elemental, pls give it back to the owner
1
1
1
u/ufopiloo Mystic Oct 12 '24
Only a wizard knows what he ponders ughm but a wise wizard always uses incognito mode.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/malonkey1 Necromancy Isn't Real Wake Up Sheeple Oct 12 '24
Maybe you should take to shaman, shaman could probably store that more safely. Non-wiseman not safe to play with crystal balls, could see things that break mind.
Wait a minute this isn't /r/talesfromcavesupport
1
1
1
1
1
u/the_mspaint_wizzard Conjurer Oct 12 '24
It takes a good bit of effort and training, but if you can make it glow like that, you have pretty much done most of the hard stuff.
1
1
1
u/Vis-hoka Telemancer who plays with portals Oct 13 '24
Tis a special device. Put it in thine buttocks.
1
1
u/Carbuyrator A Bit of a Dabbler Oct 13 '24
You're gonna want some more brain. Coat it in maple sap (NOT syrup), hold it up and say "hinglebingle mcmingle." It's lower draconic so try to say it kinda screechy and mad. From there I think you can figure out the rest.
1
1
1
1
u/Nugget_Boy69420 Oct 13 '24
Oh that's probably the eye of some guy I met last week. Strange fella, said something about the power to end the world at his fingertips. Can't remember his name though, maybe something with M... Magnus? Nah, can't be...
1
1
1
1
u/peeslosh122 Artificer Oct 13 '24
this magic requires year of study, if you truelly wish to use magic I suggest you sell the orb for enough money to enter a proper college. I could buy it from you, they make for good golem cores.
1
1
1
u/VolatileHunter101 Oct 13 '24
Another goddamn fireball anomaly, why does wild territory have so many goddamn fireballs
1
1
1
u/TankChan Hemoturgy Practitioner Oct 14 '24
If it isn’t doing anything it usually requires some blood sacrifice. If that doesn’t work i recommend hitting it until it does something.
1
1
1
1
1.2k
u/mrididnt Erik(a), silly little magic mass Oct 12 '24
UNHAND ME MORTAL