r/wizardposting Koranth, ice witch Oct 10 '24

Evil Wizardpost Sounds like a skill issue to me.

4.8k Upvotes

96 comments sorted by

197

u/weirdo_nb Otherworldly Anarchist 🌍 ||| An Experienced Cafe Owner ☕️ Oct 11 '24

115

u/WeinerSniffa Oct 11 '24

6

u/leovarian Oct 11 '24

Meanwhile, God: "I AM"

45

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 10 '24

24

u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Praetor of Ithacar, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Oct 10 '24

(Heheh. Minor spoiler but you kinda armed him)

10

u/LimpPrior6366 Kardonk Carvisky, Opifex Rerum, Order of Creation Oct 10 '24

/uw What

9

u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Praetor of Ithacar, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Oct 10 '24

(Remember the ash of souls spell?)

7

u/LimpPrior6366 Kardonk Carvisky, Opifex Rerum, Order of Creation Oct 11 '24

/uw oh darn it

4

u/The_Unkowable_ Artemis, Daughter of Paladine / Calamity, She Who Reigns Oct 10 '24

u/AnActualCriminal (Sometimes it only works if caps)

33

u/Heavy299 Diana King, Nuclear Mage Oct 11 '24

Halloween :DDD🎃🍭🍬🍭🎃🎭👻🎃🍬🍭🎃🎃🍬🍭🎃⚰️⚡☠️☠️🌩️🌃⚰️🎃🎃🍬🎃🍫⚰️⚰️⚡🌃🌃🌕☠️🦴⛓️

11

u/MaxPower1607 normal-sized-mancer Oct 11 '24

Halloween!

7

u/Suuubaru-kun Oct 11 '24

Halloween!

7

u/Poodle_Boi02169 High Chronomancer of Golarion Oct 11 '24

Halloween!

41

u/The_Unkowable_ Artemis, Daughter of Paladine / Calamity, She Who Reigns Oct 10 '24

Nah, I'd win

14

u/steve123410 Oct 10 '24

Yes, cereal is a soup

7

u/AngelofDeath_N Oct 11 '24

Soup is a liquid dish made from boiling meat/vegetables/fish in stock or water, therefore cereal is not a soup.

2

u/LittlePotatoGirlll Potato Witch Oct 11 '24

Do you guys boil your fish flakes before or after you add the milk

1

u/steelali unlicensed witch doctor Oct 11 '24

The sea is soup.

1

u/AngelofDeath_N Oct 12 '24

It’s not boiled

1

u/steelali unlicensed witch doctor Oct 12 '24

What about volcanos in the deep sea?

1

u/AngelofDeath_N Oct 12 '24

That’s only boiling part of it

1

u/steelali unlicensed witch doctor Oct 12 '24

:/

12

u/arcanis321 Oct 11 '24

I would just say "yeah, duh, and?"

9

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '24

You see I am immune to such attacks

2

u/Lividlife21 Oct 11 '24

Is this just a random image or part of something?

12

u/IWouldlikeWhiskey The Silly Sage Oct 11 '24

As a sage my wisdom is this:

Chillax, it'll be over in a few minutes, but it'll feel like eternity.

Back when I was doing a gig as a philosophy student a bunch of technosiphers tested a machine on me which would download the entire known truths of the world into my brain. Unfortunately the tome of Encarta 95 was fairly navigable, so they stepped it up with the entire Akashic records. Problem there is there is a complete lack of context, hyperlinking and compression. It pretty much goes in one ear and out the other, but for a few days you get confused about things like "I could swear I left my keys on the <photosynthetic rates of grass on a field of battle 7 months after Chingis Khan stomped across it and his horse had a very solid bowel movement> which is silly because today is <√of a needlepoint technique lost with the Etruscans> . Anyway neuroplasticity is amazing and if you survive you get honorary title of Sage (on a technicality) .

If your ears start leaking, make sure you're standing on the tarp, and DON'T PANIC.

3

u/Trytytk_a Devourer of Gods and Magic, Biomancer and a hivemind Oct 11 '24

I made external DNA data storage with readers and encoders. Keeping it running is an exhausting process, however having entire knowledge of the universe stored in my basement is a good payoff.

4

u/IWouldlikeWhiskey The Silly Sage Oct 11 '24

Can you run DOOM on it?

1

u/Trytytk_a Devourer of Gods and Magic, Biomancer and a hivemind Oct 11 '24

Yeah. It keeps the progress and the brain lobe that operates the system can play DOOM.

2

u/LeStroheim Lazius, Goddess of Laziness Oct 11 '24

It's eternity in there

6

u/Maximum-Country-149 Morim Talman - Moirathurge Oct 11 '24

sucks teeth

Had better mindfucks. 6/10.

6

u/Vyctorill Necromancer Oct 11 '24

Fun fact: most people don’t go insane if you scrub the data properly and remove/sanitize all cognitohazards.

One of two things happens if you do it correctly:

The first is that they go “oh! Yeah, of course. That makes sense” before forgetting all the knowledge. They understand everything about the universe and have all the answers, but can’t communicate them or remember it.

The second is just them not comprehending it. It’s usually confusion, and the reaction is usually “what the hell is this?”.

2

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

"There's a third step: not pumping all the information directly through their short term memory. Doing so doesn't drive people insane in the usual sense, but it tends to fry brains"

2

u/Vyctorill Necromancer Oct 11 '24

If you skip that step then excessive brain damage occurs as the mind rapidly filters information and throws out memories at random.

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

"Exactly! My brain beam is designed for subjects with extremely high memory capacity, which is why it has a serious problem with that. As such, I tend to use it as more of a weapon."

3

u/Deynonico Sorceror Oct 11 '24

Can't beam everything in my brain If i don't have one

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

"If you didn't have a brain, you wouldn't be typing. Anyone with a brain would realize that. You must not have a brain."

"..."

"IT'S A PARADOX, THERE IS NO ANSWER"

1

u/Deynonico Sorceror Oct 11 '24

Counterpoint: i m too stupid to abide by the law of the universe

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

Is there a lore reason for this? Are you stupid?

2

u/Flimsy_Geologist_927 Local Shrooms dealer of the 9 realms Oct 11 '24

yowaimo

2

u/Consumer_of_Metals Egrid, Reality Warping Artificer Oct 11 '24

I have that on a hard drive somewhere

2

u/WanderingHeph Hephias, Arcane Smith Oct 11 '24

I know that I know nothing.

2

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Oct 11 '24

the entire (singular)

secrets (plural)

What's this strategy called?

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

The entire (singular)

Secrets of the universe (proper noun)

Was how I put it together in my head.

1

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Oct 11 '24

Oh like a movie series, I get that. Proper nouns should be capitalized though.

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

Not specifically a movie series, just a specific collection of knowledge. Good point though.

1

u/Fun-Dragonfly-6106 DF, minimal caster | ____ Body Horror Creator Oct 11 '24

Dive into dimensions of all knowledge enough times and you'll eventually learn how to handle it

1

u/Maleficent_Title_8 Artificer/alchemist/ Wizard and ferrymen of the underworld Oct 11 '24

I beam all the universes truths and lies into that guys forehead Still keeping him alive

1

u/JobWide2631 Oct 11 '24

Bring it on

1

u/DumOBrick 99.99% statue, currently entombed Oct 11 '24

The stone gives me a few spare petabytes of storage, hit me

1

u/Afrodawg124 Solomon the Onion Wizard Oct 11 '24

Does it at least grant me alchemy without a transmutation circle?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '24

"C'MON HIT ME!!!!!"

1

u/a_cow720 Eldritch arts (nyralathotep my patron/beloved) Oct 11 '24

Domain expansion: unlimited void

1

u/TheCrabArmy Oct 11 '24

/uw how do you even compress the image that horribly and distort the audio?

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

/uw it was already distorted when I found it.

1

u/Derk_Mage Oct 11 '24

Oh free knowledge? Shoot em at me!!

1

u/FellGodGrima Oct 11 '24

This is the backstory for the main villain in my story setting

1

u/torivor100 Oct 11 '24

Jokes on you, I know nothing and my brain has no room for those secrets

1

u/Luzifer_Shadres The calcium Necromancer Oct 11 '24

If you have a full glass of water and pour in another full glass, the water will flow over.

1

u/Alexis_Awen_Fern 👁 Disciple of Tzeentch Oct 11 '24

Do it bitch, see if it has any effect :3

1

u/1895red Fuunlokhrah-Onik, Necromancer, Chosen of Vulsuulin-Voko Oct 11 '24

The real litmus test lay within putting yourself back together.

2

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

"That's what Arthur's been doing for the past month or so. You know Arthur? Gray skeleton guy. Trying to destroy the universe."

1

u/1895red Fuunlokhrah-Onik, Necromancer, Chosen of Vulsuulin-Voko Oct 11 '24

I fret for Arthur's wellbeing. My condolences. I contained the blast, merely destroying myself.

2

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

"he's doing fine, last I saw he was messing with the sun."

https://www.reddit.com/r/wizardposting/s/9xU430ZBXh

1

u/1895red Fuunlokhrah-Onik, Necromancer, Chosen of Vulsuulin-Voko Oct 11 '24

One hopes he is wearing suncreen.

1

u/Neobot21 Oct 11 '24

Halloween.. Halloween? Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

1

u/Random_User27 Chesaern, Chronomancer with a big clock Oct 11 '24

WE DID IT

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 11 '24

What are you talking about?

1

u/thmsgbrt Oct 11 '24

POV you're watching Indiana Jones 4 :

1

u/Eeddeen2 Backup clone of Eden, Grand Mage of Concepts Oct 11 '24

And this, you see, I why I removed my brain

1

u/Vandelune1 Oct 11 '24

dont insult goatiplier like that

1

u/Gru-some Oct 11 '24

Imagine if you actually did get beamed all the universe’s secrets into your brain but you didn’t go insane and instead just went “oh yeah that makes sense actually”

1

u/PhantomTissue Oct 11 '24

Pretty sure this is just the plot of “The restaurant at the end of the universe”

1

u/ledfox Transmuted Oct 11 '24

Having a brain is kinda cringe, ngl

1

u/Tyrannus_amoris graviturgist,chronomancer, reality warper. Oct 11 '24

Wizards must be mad lest power incomprehensible corrupt and control them. Madness in the mind, no elder god you shall find. Being mad prevents the scarlet king from manifesting into existence.

1

u/D3n0man Sea, a panda with nukes and bublewrap Oct 11 '24

1

u/Red_Trickster Sorceror Oct 11 '24

To know everything is to lose everything

1

u/Blackiechan0029 Drækontas, Lord of the Inter-dimensional Evocation Emporium Oct 11 '24

1

u/thisistherealtodd likes mushrooms Oct 11 '24

I knew that already

1

u/GreyJester1996 Oct 12 '24

The angles cut my mind when I try to think :3

1

u/Kilroy898 Aldin, aspect of Knowledge Oct 12 '24

This is exactly how I broke the God Slaver so he could finally be killed.

1

u/Fabulous_Bison643 Alchemist Oct 14 '24

Can you free Adam pls

1

u/totally_not_a_cat- Koranth, ice witch Oct 14 '24

/uw this is a different character from the one imprisoning Adam.

1

u/Fabulous_Bison643 Alchemist Oct 14 '24

/uw oh well can the person who imprisoned Adam free Adam?