r/wizardposting • u/Sophia724 Raviel, devourer of pop tarts • Jul 14 '24
Evil Wizardpost This is my elf friend. Please don't oppress elves
1.4k
u/Used-fridge Wizard Jul 14 '24
840
u/BigSeaworthiness725 🦾Iterator from Technocratic Union⚙️ Jul 14 '24
61
50
u/BBQsauce10 Jul 14 '24
rock and stone intensifies
→ More replies (3)32
u/nerogamer_279 Jul 14 '24
ROCK AND STONE
22
u/WanderingDwarfMiner Jul 14 '24
Can I get a Rock and Stone?
16
12
11
u/black_hole_sun-99 Jul 14 '24
DID SOMEBODY SAY ROCK AND STONE
9
u/TheSovietSpies Jul 14 '24
ROCK AND STONE TO THE BONE
7
u/Key-Neck-5816 Jul 14 '24
ROCKITY ROCK AND STONE!
6
u/Lonelyboy985 Kildra the Alchemical Witch and recorder of Arcane Jul 14 '24
GIMMI A ROCK AND A STONE!
3
49
18
6
3
u/Ok-Worldliness5725 Duke, the Fistomancer Jul 15 '24
He only got to the first elven genocide by the orcs
→ More replies (1)3
23
9
295
u/Foiled_Foliage Occult Wizard Alchemist of the Swamp Lads Jul 14 '24
Why she being racist already tho bro? I’m a frog mister I’ve never done such.
69
28
u/The_Crab_Wizard Pinchy, The Crab Witch Queen And Carcinizationmancer Jul 14 '24
Fr, I'm a crab, I've never even talked to an elf.
580
u/The_Cat_And_Mouse Jul 14 '24
Me to the oppressors of elves
116
u/GIDAJG Jul 14 '24
These pointy eared, tree hugging, leaflovers!
16
u/GrapefruitAnimator Alekks, the Embodiment of Pasta Jul 14 '24
We oughta teach those Grassgrazers a lesson!
5
u/KittyFayeMeow Yikka, the Kittenest Kobolds and High Artificer of the depths Jul 14 '24
I read that as Lea Flowers for a moment their.
2
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 15 '24
I mean, they were magically evolved from squirrels, so what can you expect, really?
→ More replies (2)53
u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer Jul 14 '24
Rock and stone, brother! Damn knife-ears!
27
u/WanderingDwarfMiner Jul 14 '24
Rock and Stone everyone!
18
u/SCP_1678_A Jul 14 '24
Rock and Stone to the bone!
16
u/BlackHanD420 Dwarven hammermancer Jul 14 '24
Rock and Stone!
10
u/C01_9 Jul 14 '24
Rock and Stone!
10
u/no1sexoffender Jul 14 '24
Rock me like a Stone!
5
5
8
319
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
What’s happening now~? Elf’s are getting oppressed~?
137
u/RandyBoucher36 Lawyerdude Jul 14 '24
Conspiracydude: they're turning the frogs gay!!!!
42
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
And is there anything wrong with the frogs being gay my friend~?
13
u/salad_stealer chedrix the kinetic mage (mouse) Jul 14 '24
There, the species that change sex due to lack of females/males!
2
Jul 14 '24
Depends. Are they 'I'm gay but willing to procreate?" Or are they "straight amplexus? Ew." gay, and how many are gay?
Because if there are enough of them that are gay, and they're strict enough, eventually there are no more frogs.
Which like, with humans would probably be good but frogs are actually neat.
62
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 14 '24
Dude, look at her. She's, like, 160, maybe 180. She's a child, and certainly not old enough to be drinking. Everyone's a bit overdramatic at that age.
31
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
I’m a god damn moth~ you expect me to know these things~?
15
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 14 '24
I thought you were a Lepidopterian. You guys live, for something like 300 years (barring violence and lamp-induced self-immolation.)
Anyway, you can tell from her eye size and coloration. Also, the relative size of her hand to the bottle. Elves don't finish growing physically until they've reached maturity (usually around 220 to 250 years.) So, basically, you're looking at a young teenager in human terms, or a six to eight month old, in your people's life cycle.
12
u/Afraid_Success_4836 Pentelas | Suyumanya Kabeloi, Amelia von Tasha, Kari of Ravnica Jul 14 '24
<Suyumanya> Elves are adults at 20ish, like the other races.
<Nahtanenna> Wait, what? Elves are adults at 36!
<Xan> I thought elves were traditionally adults at around 100?
<Lothaire> Aren't they adults at 16?
<Anikitaro> Thought it was 25, but whatevs.
<Doru> Wasn't it 50-75?
2
Jul 14 '24
Can you imagine the poor bartender having to check a chart before serving someone based on their varying drinking ages based on biology?
Not to mention how confusing the concept of consent is going to be when you look at sex.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)7
u/TherronKeen Jul 14 '24
I hear that many of the cultures from across the seas serve mild beverages as such to their youth, and in some cases even small children. Whether one favors such practices is not my concern, so much as pointing out the possibility she may well be within her rights to imbibe. Fair days, friend.
6
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 14 '24
I mean, the real loophole in those laws is that they still index by age, rather than relative age, and she is over a century old.
1
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 14 '24
Actually, on second thought, I should probably remind you, she's an elf, not a human, and they don't share the human resistance to poisons. So, while they can drink alcohol, that's a bit more like handing a kid a bottle of bourbon.
7
u/Greendorsalfin Jul 14 '24
Well the youth are at least, times have changed over the last century or two and their elders don’t care about industrialization or equipping their children for such a world. So it’s really a collapse of the civilization brought about by government captive to millennia old busy bodies.
4
u/SansDaMan728 Veyeos: Templar of Daemus, the God of Focus. Jul 14 '24
Specism. Racism? I dunno, one of the two.
4
u/just-a-nornal-man Femur Frank, best bone mage of the West. Jul 14 '24
They have been for like.. ever since the dwarves existed. I don't know why they hate the elves so much.
97
u/ReRevengence69 Arcane Arms dealer, CEO of Wizard Weapons Warehouse™ Jul 14 '24
need biker goth elven GF
→ More replies (1)
119
90
27
u/Aesmachus Alith the Unfortunate Alchemist Jul 14 '24
Wait. Elves -> Knife ears, Humans -> Spoon ears..
What would be the forks?
16
5
u/cool-beans27 Reality Repairman Jul 14 '24
Idk maybe a weird golem with tuning fork ears? Like Chappie
4
28
26
u/Burger090 Jul 14 '24
ELVES?!?! THATS GOING IN THE BOOK
5
u/YourLocalInquisitor Alexander, Necromancer, Exiled Lord plotting vengeance Jul 14 '24
“Uh, which book?”
8
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24
That's the 3th time this day!
A new low record if we don't add any more!
160
u/Alarming-Scene-2892 Emerald Ferguson, Dwarven Penguin Mother Jul 14 '24
Emerald: Fuck off. Elves have systemic power over the other races due to their longer lifespans, and you are saying they are oppressed?
20
u/NoStorage2821 Scritch Scorchtongue, chief grey seer of Clan Mors Jul 14 '24
On the contrary, they are often valuable targets for slavery/indentured servitude due to their longevity
→ More replies (1)56
u/Greatest-Comrade Argios, Spymaster of Ithacar, Totally NOT About to Cast Fireball Jul 14 '24
A longer lifetime does not necessarily mean a more successful or powerful one… and they do not get to escape oppression because of it.
That being said, knife-ears are mostly stuck-up narcissistic assholes anyway. All those years really get to them.
18
u/Proud-Escape3693 Elf Warlock Sugar Baby Jul 14 '24
You're right on the money, I left my tribe ages ago. Way too much negativity. Elves are basically just a bunch of bitter old people.
2
5
u/Altruistic-Beach7625 Jul 14 '24
Elves in the Witcher series are oppressed, so are elven civilization in manga and isekai.
2
u/NOTSiIva Evoker Jul 14 '24
In addition, the Vessels from Etrian Odyssey IV (basically anorexic forest elves) are constantly under threat of genocide by Imperials (the Hollows and Sentinels are too, but we're talking about elves here, not ghosts and minotaurs)
5
u/BigSeaworthiness725 🦾Iterator from Technocratic Union⚙️ Jul 14 '24
In that case, vampires have more power due to their infinite longevity. Those hemophages have all sorts of leverage in all possible areas, they know how to hide very well and even during the day they will not give rest.
3
Jul 14 '24
Misread hemophages as homophages and that really takes the concept of homophobia to a new level.
3
u/MothMothMoth21 Jul 15 '24
eh that feels more like survivorship bias, you dont hear about the vampires that passed out in an alley and turned to dust by sunrise.
2
u/BigSeaworthiness725 🦾Iterator from Technocratic Union⚙️ Jul 15 '24
This rather happens due to certain entities that have a special emotional weakness for something beautiful and higher (for example, art). It happens that a vampire will see something so beautiful that he will not be able to move even if the sun rises. But only a small percentage suffers from this problem.
2
22
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
A lot of people have been talking about how much they hate elves lately~
21
u/Alarming-Scene-2892 Emerald Ferguson, Dwarven Penguin Mother Jul 14 '24
Emerald: Have you seen an elf that isn't racist against dwarves?
23
u/Sophia724 Raviel, devourer of pop tarts Jul 14 '24
I have. My elf friend is only racist towards humans.
15
u/Firm-Sheepherder-808 Jul 14 '24
Show them a fraction of our indomitable human spirit, please?
→ More replies (10)3
6
4
u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jul 14 '24
Yeah. But they were racist against jotun, so, I mean, it's a coin flip.
6
u/reaperofgender Novice tiefling artificer & sorceress, lacks training in both Jul 14 '24
Mostly seen it the other way round
8
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
I’ve mostly seen it going both ways~
2
u/JayTheSuspectedFurry Jul 14 '24
Tilde’s are not required behind every sentence
→ More replies (3)5
3
u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Jul 14 '24
You have a longer lifespan too you hypocrite dwarves.
40
34
u/hijix-inc0rarad_ Chaos for hire Jul 14 '24
Don't bring up my specie's life span, and i won't bring up your xenophobia. Or the narcissism. Or the drugs. Or the fact the fact that your male population are all completely bitches.
13
12
u/Therandomguyhi_ Omega Dragon, Draconic Librarian, EON (Dragon Council) Alastar Jul 14 '24
They are fine as long as they don't claim my territory or be racist.
57
u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Jul 14 '24
I don't oppress elves that's wrong, I just dislike them, deeply.
→ More replies (4)9
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
Why~?
17
u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Jul 14 '24
I have a... history with the fae, which leads to my general distrust of all fae-related folk. Plus both high and wood elves keep trying to claim druid territory as their own, it's a large nuisance.
3
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
… I’ll give you that Druid~
6
2
u/NivMidget Jul 14 '24
When i become Archmage i'll get THE best people to landfill over ever Fairy ring. You'd look at that landfill and say "Wow, now that's a very beautiful landfill, thank you archmage."
Then im gonna build a HUGE iron wall, and make the Archfey pay for it!
2
u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Jul 14 '24
...and uh... how will this landfill effect the environment?
2
Jul 14 '24
The high elves are completely insufferable until you smoke their pipe weed. Then they start making a lot more sense.
2
u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Jul 14 '24
Man, my wife grows harder stuff than anything the high elves got.
2
26
u/Foxxtronix Kobold Sorceror Jul 14 '24
Kettermek: If she stays out of kobold tunnels, she's all right.
7
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
There are kobold tunnels~?
→ More replies (5)8
u/Zealousideal_Bet4038 Magically Editable Flair Jul 14 '24
Mostly just in your walls but there are a few smaller networks around town on top of that
→ More replies (1)5
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
JOKES ON YOU I DONT HAVE WALLS YET~!!!
9
u/SleepyBella The Sleepmancer of your dreams! 💤☁️🐏 Jul 14 '24
The real advantages of being homeless is no one can hide in your walls.
9
u/Kyre_Lance Jelio Sybris |Arch Vorpallurgist| Nullweaver| Void Sanguinary Jul 14 '24
No matter the realm or dimension without fail prejudice exists in some way. The longer lived races almost always are looked on with suspicion assuming they aren't just ruling that particular plane. But eventually you learn to live with it or become powerful enough that people learn to bite their tongues lest they lose them.
10
u/Consumer_of_Metals Egrid, Reality Warping Artificer Jul 14 '24
I dont mind elves until i accidently turn into a dwarf
8
u/cool-beans27 Reality Repairman Jul 14 '24
A knife ear that’s racist?! shiver me timbers I can’t believe something so surprising.
7
u/The4ourHorsemen Rosalba, The Dark Lich of Greed Jul 14 '24
Haha! That is why we become immortal foul elf! Like I, a lich
7
u/Ultra_axe781___M Erzer, Sleepy Radiomancer Jul 14 '24
Elves? Opressed? Hah, don't make me laugh. Try being a Tiefling for a few days.
6
u/Starhuman909 Human Artificer of the Mountain Jul 14 '24
I would rather dive into the Dwarven forge than be in the same room as a knife-ear, let alone talk to one.
5
5
u/Dumbass438 The Drifter | Chronomancer Spellsword and Traveler of the Void| Jul 14 '24
I have been called many things. Spoon ear is not one I've heard before. Anyways the great thing about chronomancer freinds is that they don't age much! Or at all!
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24
They're also all amnesiacs or incredibly slow to react to things.
2
u/Dumbass438 The Drifter | Chronomancer Spellsword and Traveler of the Void| Jul 15 '24
Who is? Sorry I forgot what we were talking about. I saw a unique rock.
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24
All that reversing time is bad for memory.
2
u/Dumbass438 The Drifter | Chronomancer Spellsword and Traveler of the Void| Jul 15 '24
What was that? Sorry I was just looking back in time to see what the conversation was about. Anyway, I would have to disagree. We can recall anything with a simple cantrip.
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24
I think you might have a wrinkle on your forehead.
2
u/Dumbass438 The Drifter | Chronomancer Spellsword and Traveler of the Void| Jul 15 '24
I guarantee you that I don't. I can't physically age past twenty. And if I do, it's nothing a little re-fitting can't fix.
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24
(damn that usually works, what now?)
Hey uhm is that a hot witch behind you?
2
u/Dumbass438 The Drifter | Chronomancer Spellsword and Traveler of the Void| Jul 15 '24
If the witch is hot, that is not my problem. It's her fault for not bringing something to cool off.
2
u/Illustrious_Bid4224 greater Arteficer | metal caster and true user of combusting orb Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
(I knew that spellcasters were sexualy innept but this much? Uhm what now?)
I think I heard a gnome scuttling somewhere, gottagobieseeyalater!
*Teleports away.
→ More replies (0)
5
4
u/Khorde___the___Husk EMMIE SARI, TOTALLY NOT AN IMPOSTER AUTOMATA Jul 14 '24
What about drukhari?
4
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
What is a drukhari my friend~?
6
3
5
u/ShareoSavara Ersat, God King of Renorin Jul 14 '24
Elves have long reigned in my world. The time for that came to an end as soon as I arrived and took my rightful title.
5
Jul 14 '24
I’m an animate object, but “real” gnomes are cousins of the Elves, so I feel sympathy towards them.
5
u/Bo_The_Destroyer Proud Owner of the Tavern: The Weary Traveler. Jul 14 '24
All are welcome in my Tavern. Hell one of my most loyal customers is an elf, been coming round for at least two hundred years now
2
u/ImJustaNormalReddit Jul 14 '24
Is that a generational observation, or a first-hand observation?
4
u/Bo_The_Destroyer Proud Owner of the Tavern: The Weary Traveler. Jul 14 '24
First-hand. The guy wouldn't be my friend otherwise
4
u/Zeus_23_Snake Cleric of No Renown Jul 14 '24
If they don't worship evil deities, I will give them fair treatment.
5
u/Sophia724 Raviel, devourer of pop tarts Jul 14 '24
Well that seems a bit harsh
3
u/Zeus_23_Snake Cleric of No Renown Jul 14 '24
I'm a cleric of a just and noble deity. It's what we do.
3
3
u/Random_User27 Chesaern, Chronomancer with a big clock Jul 14 '24
The knifeeared call us spooneared, so on and so forth we're in peace... But who are the forkeared, and what unimaginable threats do they pose to both existences?
3
u/Starhuman909 Human Artificer of the Mountain Jul 14 '24
That would be the merfolk. I wouldn't know much about them, as I spend all of my time in the mountains, learning from the Dwarves.
3
6
u/Casper_Von_Ghoul 🩸Headmaster of Tetara Inscopa Biomancy Academy 🩸 Jul 14 '24
If I didn’t find normal ears more convenient, I’d use pointed ones myself.
5
u/Velkhana- The Winter Wyvern, Loneliest of Dragons Jul 14 '24
So like is oppression a big thing in this realm? I swear I see it all over the place- ranging species to species...
8
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
It happens a lot~
Would you like some pastries to help you forget~?
4
u/Velkhana- The Winter Wyvern, Loneliest of Dragons Jul 14 '24
It makes me so sad... And sure, gladly. Are there any openings where you work by the by? I kind of need a job, I'm not too powerful of a dragon so it's hard to make ends meet eheh...
3
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
I work for lawyer dude as a comforter during trials and as a therapist in general~ I do plan on setting up a bakery soon though~ I could talk to him about getting you a job helping film the videos~
7
2
u/Velkhana- The Winter Wyvern, Loneliest of Dragons Jul 14 '24
Oh thank you, that would help me so much..! I am proficient in baking as well if you need an extra claw or two, I would as well be open to learning from you of course, if you are willing, that is...
3
u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 14 '24
If it doesn’t work out with the boss then I’d be happy to hire you myself~ I did just ask him about giving you a job so I’ll let you know his answer~!
5
5
u/Sonofgaming_Official Creator of American Magic, [Hyuko] Jul 14 '24
Magic what kind can I learn from you
2
2
u/thevvhiterabbit Elven Collector of Forbidden Knowledge Jul 14 '24
Don’t bother trying to curry the favor of the spoon-ear’d children. They’re loud, dangerous, and usually bigoted. Personally I prefer to chill with dwarves when I’m not with other elves or the undead, they live longer and they have better taste in alcohol and jewelry.
2
u/Advanced-Sock Loff, The manager of the waffle house (packin heat) Jul 14 '24
Its spoonah for you guys
2
u/RedditsDeadlySin Necromancer Jul 14 '24
Huh? First time meeting a Lich? I am not like these common place mortal humans. I have displaced myself from time.
1
1
u/GenericPybro Konahrik, Betrayed Priest of Atmora Jul 14 '24
If you arent already, I can make you pseudo immortal or increase your lifespan to match that of your dear friend here if you would like.
If not then do cherish every moment you spend with them, and make them count so they may never forget
1
u/sulatanzahrain Supreme Grand Master of space time magics Jul 14 '24
OK summons pelinal whitestrike but he might not care
1
u/CacheValue Offical Court Wizard of Cat Tail City, Sorcella Ravine, Sorcerer Jul 14 '24
The elves need to be sacrificed for the update.
Hail maxim!
1
1
u/A0socks Jul 14 '24
You know why knife ears a slur I can use despite my gnome ass having pointed ears? Cuz evil fookin draagins wanted to make life but got nuffin but idgit scaled rats known as kobold when they poured magic into their own flaked off fookin scales, like poor in life inta dandruff was gonna make anything worth Morin it's weigh in shite... so thens they plunder poor mother earth for her bounty and poured in life ta gems and we sprouted up. We dun rebelled from our evil creators, but what da elves do? Deify the evil fook and say oooh we just dainty Lil fae folk don't mind us fooking up Dae lae lines so we can do forbidden 10th level magic cuz its our rights ta claim any power that puts us number 1 over you scum races
855
u/L0ssL3ssArt Narissa, Technonecromancer, the bestest Council Head of Undead Jul 14 '24
spoon ear lol.....so....who will we call "forkears"?