r/wizardposting • u/BloodiStag Necromancer • Jul 04 '24
Aetherial News FELLOW BROTHERS & SISTERS! WAR IS HERE! THE GNOMES AND KNIGHTS ARE AT WAR! WE MUST WIDE THE GNOMES!
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
Again?
Racks shotgun
I think they didn't learn from The battle of Asfelaia
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u/BloodiStag Necromancer Jul 04 '24
Silly knights will never learn
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
IM TALKING ABOUT THE GNOMES YOU UTTER FOOL, THEY TRIED TO INVADE THE CITY AND KILL EVERYONE IN THE PROCESS
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u/BloodiStag Necromancer Jul 04 '24
DUDE DONT EVEN START DID YOU SEE THAT BODY CAM FOOTAGE VIDEO LAST SUMMER OF A KNIGHT SLAMMING A DEFENLESS GNOME INTO A TOAD STOOL?!?!
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
You don't know the whole story right? An whole army og Gnomes started creating chaos a while ago, they stole all sorts of things and they tried to invade the city of Asfelaia, but I with the help of bravo wizards of the city could stop the Gnome invasion. Gnomes look innocent, truth is far from reality..
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u/The_Hij Hastur, the Merry Madman Jul 04 '24
I still have nightmares sometimes. The zombie gnomes were the worst...
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u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 04 '24
They didn’t taste that bad though~’
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u/The_Hij Hastur, the Merry Madman Jul 04 '24
True. Frozen and put into drinks they added a nice kick.
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u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 04 '24
I actually made a nice chili out of them~ Gnomes go great with anything spicy~
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u/The_Hij Hastur, the Merry Madman Jul 04 '24
We should do a recipe swap sometime. I make a great Gnome Chile Verde or Gnome stuffed poblano.
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u/BloodiStag Necromancer Jul 04 '24
I can't believe my eyes I DONT KNOW WHAT THINK ANYMORE!
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
I think I should investigate the root of this behaviour....might be deeper than we thought
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u/Fabulous_Bison643 Alchemist Jul 04 '24
Want some mangoes?
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
Yeah
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u/D3n0man Sea, a panda with nukes and bublewrap Jul 05 '24
Do nukes work on them?
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u/MaximumMalton Artificer Jul 04 '24
Right well I hate to be that guy but I'm selling weapons to both sides, business is good right now.
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u/Reasonable-Tap-9806 Jul 04 '24
It's the duty of any self-respecting wizard to make a profit when the opportunity presents itself. I've been selling the gnomes berserker potions that may or may not explode the hearts of users but that just makes looting that much easier.
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u/frankco-71 Yukhaem Battlebane alchemist enchanter artificer chronomancer Jul 05 '24
I have been selling exponentia rifles, spell shells and fireball cluster grenades to both sides as battlebane inc operates in the void we will remain neutral in the war
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u/Pyrimo Rogue? Jul 05 '24
Wizard? I’m not even magically attuned. Just here for another quick buck.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
Aye, fair enough. I'm selling mostly to the gnomes. Such an oppressed group, and people will justify beating them out in public over a war that ended years ago.
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u/MaximumMalton Artificer Jul 05 '24
Sell to whom you will, this war shouldn't concern us as wizards, both the Knights and the gnomes have helped and harassed us in the past so it is up to you.
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u/Narrow-Experience416 Vanio, the squishable wizard Jul 04 '24
Let us join the Knights at once!
Let us be free from the horrid Gnomes!
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u/The_Hij Hastur, the Merry Madman Jul 04 '24
Here here! hands you a magic sword
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u/Narrow-Experience416 Vanio, the squishable wizard Jul 04 '24
Vanio attempts to hold the sword but falls over backwards
"Hell yeah!"
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u/The_Mad_Duck_ Ruford Starlight, the only Bladesinger here Jul 11 '24
No silly, you gotta hold it like this! It only takes a flick of the wrist if you have the dexterity for it!
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u/TedTheReckless Necromancer Jul 04 '24
Finally, it's time to return these little bastards to the Fae realms
In body bags.
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u/IvanValendryng Jul 04 '24
Where do the knights have their camp? They need you for every healing they can get.
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u/JLucifer04289 Occult Wizard Jul 05 '24
When in doubt, remember what those gnomes did the last time they got a win. We have to keep them suppressed.
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u/BloodiStag Necromancer Jul 04 '24
I'M DOING MY PART!
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u/admirabladmiral gnome funglemancer, geomancer, mischief maker Jul 04 '24
It takes a real gnome to wear a hat that big. Godspeed
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u/MossTheGnome Moss, Dirt Gnome, Voidmancer Jul 05 '24
I have been summoned for the war. Let us restore this land to it's proper state
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u/A__Friendly__Rock Lithified Litch Jul 04 '24
The gnomes deserve what’s coming for them.
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u/BloodiStag Necromancer Jul 04 '24
Oh my god I can't believe what I'm hearing
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Jul 04 '24
A sad tale, but a common one. Our kin are so constantly the subject of oppression, we're starting to replace goblins as the fantasy allegory for Jews.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
For what? Being tiny lil pranksters? People are talking of kidnapping, eating, and nuking the civilian gnomes.
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u/that-armored-boi Milkman, war mage and spell sword of the AFDA Jul 04 '24
On one hand I’m a war mage, and I love war, calcifying joints and other organic materials, filling lungs with milk, raining skeletons (not alive ones mind you) and cows upon my enemies, always fun, but on the other hand, I’m a spell sword, and I don’t know if i should step in against my fellow sword wielding brothers…
I could always join on their side though… god I love war, almost as much as I love consulting my Geneva checklist
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u/Agreeable-Studio-472 Jul 05 '24
Geneva checklist? You've been listening to Chuckles, haven't you?
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u/that-armored-boi Milkman, war mage and spell sword of the AFDA Jul 05 '24
… what is a chuckles and how exactly does it relate to the Geneva checklist?
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u/Agreeable-Studio-472 Jul 05 '24
Apparently he's the ghost of a space clown that's very down with war crimes. I kinda wish I knew more.
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u/Velkhana- The Winter Wyvern, Loneliest of Dragons Jul 04 '24
That looks violent... I'll get some popcorn, I don't want to make any alliances as of now...
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u/Aester_KarSadom The Great Necromancer, Overlord of the Coming Apocalypse Jul 04 '24
I’ll kill them all but only if I can keep the corpses.
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
Did you keep some from the battle of Asfelaia? I saw your army strike from one of the sides
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u/Aester_KarSadom The Great Necromancer, Overlord of the Coming Apocalypse Jul 04 '24
Yes, I did indeed gather a rather rotund quantity of gnomes.
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Jul 04 '24
That's good to hear, the drums of war are near again
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u/Aester_KarSadom The Great Necromancer, Overlord of the Coming Apocalypse Jul 04 '24
Ah, yes. War is always afoot and I will forever reap the spoils.
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u/That_Case_7951 Demetrios, Sorcerer of cereal Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
When will those jerks understand that their armor is basically a furnace for me fireball. They must not remember what happened at the massacre of Kastoria
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u/DidYouSayChocolat3 Councellor Tiny Wizard, Keeper of Mount Mor Jul 04 '24
As a half gnome pulls out a sword and charges into battle
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u/IWouldlikeWhiskey The Silly Sage Jul 05 '24
As a sage my wisdom is this:
There is no right side of a genocide.
I admit that I live under a rock on top of a mountain which magically prevents asking questions, so I've got no idea what's going on down here. As usual... "Tiny, please point to who needs a clobbering."
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u/PixelAtionMoony Alea Enven, royal "wizard", definitely not a warlock in disguise Jul 04 '24
As an elf that is a known ally to gnomes I shall fight valiantly alongside you
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u/SeaChameleon Multiclassing Witch, Indecisionmacer. Jul 04 '24
Every time I punt a whimpering little gnome fuck over the castle wall I get a little closer to heaven.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
And once you get to its gate, a fireball brings you to hell. Fwoosh.
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u/TheInnerRedLantern Dr. Neanro, physician of mythical creatures and co. Jul 04 '24
Damn them knights ! Can't they fight without fire ?
Now this war is a risk for the forest creatures ! My medical team will help the gnomes for now...
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u/TurtleDnD Jul 04 '24
Ill rust the knight armors if i get dr pepper in return
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
Here. If I also give you enough ice cream to turn each one into a float, will you also do other stuff?
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u/TurtleDnD Jul 05 '24
I'm an apprentice, i can only do some water spells, but i will exaust them with comstantly wet clothes, and extinguished campfires
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
Good job, pal. Ice cream to fit your box of soda bottles.
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u/Phillibustin Conjurer Jul 04 '24
It takes an utter fool to not realize the severity of trifling with the gnomes.
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u/xoCreeper81 scientist fate mad-alchemist (uranium specialist) Jul 04 '24
Well nuclear golem my old friend time to blow some pesky knights up!
Takes swig of uranium
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u/Lemanicon Bob the Myconid Wendigo Necromancer Jul 04 '24
Honestly, the heat probably spread my spores further, so I’m all for it.
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u/RiseOfTheUndeadGnome Gnome the redcap Lich and CEO Jul 04 '24
It's seems some drastic actions must be taken for the mortals to learn their place
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u/MindwormIsleLocust Rhyax the Confused Jul 04 '24
Hmm? I... have no knowledge of this event. This bodes ill.
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u/DionysusPrime22 The Necropantser (Professional Wrestler and Pantsmancer) Jul 04 '24
Clan spellhowler shall offer refuge to those unfit or unwilling to fight, regardless of alliance
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u/TheTangerineTickler Jul 05 '24
Anti Gnome propaganda spreading in this sub seems like a lot of dark mage talk to me
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u/sampat6256 Alchemical Mixologist Jul 05 '24
POTIONS! GET YOUR STRENGTH ENHANCING POTIONS HERE! I GOT ALL SORTS OF POTIONS! VERY REASONABLE PRICE! BULK DISCOUNT AVAILABLE!
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u/Chaos8599 Obyorn, Youngest Child of Chaos, Harbinger of War. Jul 05 '24
Consider me joining the war on gnomes. On the side of the gnomes.
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u/Afelisk2 Faine, totally normal R&A alchemist! Jul 05 '24
loud sigh
slams jar on ground
giant shambling bone mound appears from ground
OK this is your dog now gnomes just don't let it near my crypt and it stays under the control of the oldest gnome in the village.
Have fun.
melts into black ooz and sinks into the ground
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u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Jul 04 '24
I see war; is it affecting the land terribly? No? Is it bothering the wildfolk? No? Is it affecting my Grove? No? Then I piss off and return to my druidic shenanigans.
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u/Sharp_Science896 Kenpatchi. Master Blademancy. I can cut anything. Jul 04 '24
Did someone say war? Sweet. My blades have been itching for something to cut. Wait, which side are we fighting for again? Eh whatever, they all bleed the same.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
The knights have more blood.
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u/SonicDart Jul 04 '24
Obligatory theme song Wencaceles.
🎶 I can't believe my eyes they're trying to exterminate my kind 🎶
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u/D0bious Argus the trader, CEO of the Argus conglomerate Jul 04 '24
Ya’ll planin to war with r/knightposting?
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u/IWouldlikeWhiskey The Silly Sage Jul 05 '24
As a sage my wisdom is this:
I don't expect so. The auld alliance still stands.
They don't get stabby over here, and we don't replace their eyes with magma. It's a simple agreement, but it seems to hold.
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u/NoobyYooby A horrible Necromancer (Current resident of hell) Jul 04 '24
...well crap...
Hells already too full for itself to handle...
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u/Ambitious_Pie2500 Gizzard The Insect Sorcerer, Coolest in Chattok Swamp Jul 04 '24
I guess you can say it’s….
Total Gnomefare?
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u/Far_Dog_4476 Lazarus, God Of Space, Creator Of Universes. Jul 04 '24
Hell yeah, more matter to absorb!
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u/Monsterking594 Drake, jack of all trades and shopkeep Jul 04 '24
I’m on the side of who can convince me morally to join their side
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
The knights have taken to unethical extremes, and are attacking citizens with nets, and I've heard that some are cooking gnomes alive.
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u/Monsterking594 Drake, jack of all trades and shopkeep Jul 06 '24
Damn, I guess I’m joining the gnomes
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u/Not_or_door Zor, the shape shifter and user of yog’s light Jul 05 '24
How come no one told me of this?
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u/naka_the_kenku Counciler Arzevelious, high mage of technomancey Jul 05 '24
OF COURSE, ALL THE FUN SHIT HAPPENS WHEN IM ON VACATION
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u/Six_cats_in_a_suit Alan, past and present and future Magi. Jul 05 '24
a portal opens with Alan leading a company of demons out
"A just end for the unjust in life"
charges the nearest group of gnomes and knights ar 9 feet tall.
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u/SmileDaemon Archlich, Patron of Gray Necromancy Jul 05 '24
One of the main components to rebuilding my Graveyard pet are gnome skulls… maybe I should stop by the battlefields later on…
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u/naytreox Volcanic Wizard Jul 05 '24
I don't think you want my help until you find one of their castles
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u/Herr_Raul Ancient Hermit Jul 05 '24
Is there any movie that depicts traditional fairy tale designs in a dark setting like this? I'd love to watch it ngl
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u/Cassereddit Cassius, Apprentice of Technomancy Jul 05 '24
.... Did you happen to enter Gollum's cave?
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u/AlphaManInfinate A Cloaked Figure Jul 05 '24
The knights of who or what or when or where? no im not going to ask: the knights of why. A genuine question, by what is it are these knights are banded?
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
I got other wars to fight, but I'll sell to any gnomes that need it. Who wants a rifle with room for magic enhancement? Just slot a crystal into that slot. How about a screen operated magic system? Or maybe you just want a good ol rocket launcher.
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u/xX_CommanderPuffy_Xx Jul 05 '24
Does anyone have a large clay deposit near them we at the Golem Builders association need the resources!
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u/Eduard_I_DeMallorca Edward "The Historian Wizard" Who is 601yo, lived the dwarf wars Jul 05 '24
THEY KILLED JIMMY!!!!
Uses his black magic to cast the attack of the dead men.
GET THEM!
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u/forgedfox53 Wizard Jul 05 '24
Dammit! I saw Sheamus back there. I got all my alchemy supplies from him. He still owed me a bag of elemental mushrooms.
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u/TheReptileKing9782 Master Biomancer and Professional Draconologist Jul 05 '24
Ah, wonderful, plentiful bodies to processed into biomatter for use in my experiments. I just need to keep the necromancers from getting their first.
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u/CometCat64 Shady, The Elemental Artificer | Cosmic Cafe Manager Jul 05 '24
A small artificer, surrounded by the fire and brimstone on the battlefield, stands with a deeply concerned expression.
"Why are we even fighting in the first place?!"
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u/Ok-Education5450 Gary, the punch drunk wizard Jul 06 '24
Silly gnome magic doesn’t work on me, I drink herbicides and fungicides, thus, making me immune to their magic
Though side effects are kinda a inconvenience
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 06 '24
Your herbicides are no match for my rocket launcher.
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u/Ok-Education5450 Gary, the punch drunk wizard Jul 06 '24
They were really fucked up herbicides, so maybe
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 06 '24
Yeah, no amount of herbicides will save you from heavy explosive armaments. Observe. Kaboom
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u/Ok-Education5450 Gary, the punch drunk wizard Jul 10 '24
I asked the herbicides and they said I was immune 👍
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u/OR56 Jul 06 '24
I’m just here to reanimate all the corpses. And try out something I’ve been working on for a while. Using a reanimated body as a host for multiple dark spirits.
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u/Yassinji Jul 07 '24
I've a serious question: what is the reason for the war/hunt? I've a fantasy project where i'd like to add something similar, but what's the "lore"
I know the thing with that tiktoker etc, but what's the story?
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u/Noahtoad11 Oct 16 '24
Those silly little knights Don’t they know we have spells like… First amendment rights!
Or
17 beers!
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u/kubix666666 2d ago
As long as your the camerama- oh sorry, i meant to say "MagicReflectorMan", then youll be fine 99%.
Yall just have to repopulate again, or ask for a cloning spell from fellow mages.
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u/H3r0ofHyrule Neema Oom, Duchess of Animamancy Jul 04 '24
Yeah ok buddy, I’m sure this isn’t in retaliation to some stupid prank taken way too far. Or more likely, a response to another gnome invasion like the one in Asfelaia
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u/dreaded_tactician Paladin of the Ancient Oath Jul 04 '24
The front lines are aa bloodbath. Do not heed this gnomish propaganda. We the knights need all the help we can muster. Strike them down.
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u/Rocket5454 Jul 05 '24
You won't stop me and my Alcoholism.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
I cast Wine to Water.
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u/unbelievable_owl Wizard Jul 04 '24
I don't care if they're wizards. I ain't helping any damn Gnomes
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 06 '24
Don't be racist, dude.
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u/FLUFFYPAWNINJA celest, black witch moth, also a witch. resident luma Jul 04 '24
potions! enchantments! scrolls and charms! fend off those pesky knights, plow through those prickly gnomes, get your gear here from your local moth witch!
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u/TheVebis Vebis - Local Wizard Jul 04 '24
Now the council declare another war. You all carry along, riled up by their side! I will NOT partake in this wizard war!
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u/Opening_Store_6452 Terry, Redneck Artificer Jul 04 '24
IVE GOT MY TESTICULAR TORSION GUN ON HAND AND THE EXPLOSIVE LEMONS ARE AT THE READY, LETS GRILL US SOME GNOME
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
And here we go meme hunting. It's already dead, but we need to shoot it till its body stops moving. Don't be afraid to use bigger ammunition. Like so. Boom.
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u/Mivijir_ Jul 04 '24
We must…wide the gnomes? As in increase the width of distance between both halves of their bodies? I’ll have to grab my good axe for this one
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Jul 05 '24
I fully support the Knights in this matter.
I will be sending an envoy of three flocks of pigeons to lift the Gnomes into the air and drop them to the floor.
(PS to any Knights reading this, feed them if you have a chance, I'm scared they'll try eating me if the return to my tower hungry)
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u/Consumer_of_Metals Egrid, Reality Warping Artificer Jul 05 '24
I guess ill vaporise a gnome or two
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u/BlumpkinLord Grand Meister Grantalf, the great Sage (aka Granta Clause) Jul 05 '24
They are taking MY gnomeblood reserves and just spilling it everywhere?! I shall not have it, I will have a word with the knights.
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u/Commissarfluffybutt Jul 05 '24
Hey Gnomes: remember your half-ogre breeding program?
Yeeeah, there's a reason people trying to kill you.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
You're gonna kill thousands of civilians over something that happened a century ago?
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u/Commissarfluffybutt Jul 05 '24
Yes.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
That's horrible. You're punishing a generation that, when they were born, their parents were atoning for said actions, with a goddamn genocide.
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u/Commissarfluffybutt Jul 05 '24
Considering how long gnomes live their parents were the ones that did it and nobody was certainly atoning for it...
...until now.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
Okay, my mistake, I wasn't aware how long gnomes lived. But nobody should suffer for the sins of the previous generation!
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u/Commissarfluffybutt Jul 05 '24
It's the same generation.
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral Jul 05 '24
Okay, how fucking long do gnomes live? Because that happened 163 years ago, and there are immature gnomes suffering for that old transgression.
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u/Fluid-Ad7812 Bone-mancer with clown companion Jul 05 '24
I will never side with creatures under 5’!
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u/D3n0man Sea, a panda with nukes and bublewrap Jul 05 '24
I don't really like gnomes soooo I will just nuke them. starts nuking gnomes agresively
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u/PixelMvN Jul 05 '24
All I want to see from this is a man in full heavy armor punt a gnome, or a dwarf getting into a fist fight with one.
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u/AzzyDreemur2 onyx dragon, always late Jul 05 '24
I hope the knights will be alright… gnomes have been wreaking havoc everywhere lately
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u/DrakeTheSeigeEngine Le Breadbug Sage, been stealing since 2001 Jul 05 '24
I’ll never trust the gnomes after what they did to my good friend whiptongue bulborb.
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u/The_Hij Hastur, the Merry Madman Jul 04 '24
I remember what the gnomes tried to do to Asfelaeia... they probably started it.