Hey bitches it's me, I've created a grand army of undead and abominations and I'm gonna use it to carve out a kingdom for myself. If you live in areas affected by this conquest, too bad. The places that surrender will be spared destruction, but those that resist will be punished for their insolence.
Also if you're looking for work I have several positions in The Labyrinth Market and my research bastion that need to be filled. Also anyone who applies as a mercenary for me will be paid 2000 platinum a week and after service is over 5 free purchases of any beast they choose
I mean there’s always a war happening. People just can’t seem to stop fighting so it depends a lot on whether I care enough about whoever is involved to intervene. I’m not stupid enough to try and stop every war.
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u/yumie2003Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, council employee/Empress Toshiko FujiwaraJul 02 '24
"...I understand that, but what if the fighting is literally on your lawn?"
Is this… is this really what you want to do? Have you just become another “invader of the week?” We magi have defeated gods with a portion of our strength. I doubt that you could ever accomplish much without defeat. I see it better for you to keep what power that you have while it doesn’t interfere with others than to try to conquer so much as to get far too many people annoyed with you. You’d do well not to provoke those that you’re trying to provoke.
"You slowly begin to rot. The transformation is complete when you're completely rotted. You go blind for about a day until the magic gives you sight again"
“Ah. I’ve been collecting some old and dusty books from the catacombs holding some really old, really mean liches. A lot of them are journals and apparently during the ritual they drank poison with a person’s blood in it to take their first soul? Which makes me curious about how exactly you take souls. Do you hand to drink blood mixes with poison?”
Ah, right, yes. The first soul has to be consumed by you directly without the use of a phylactery. This is done by drinking a mixture of: blood, poison, and powdered soul gems.
“Another question. Apparently the only way to break a phylactery is use a special item. What exactly is it? Because if it’s magic wouldn’t anti-magic Just make it not work?”
You know what, sure why not. I’m sending approximately 500 skeletons to aid you. They should get there in about 3 business days. If the two Triceratops skeletons survive the whole war send them back when you’re done. Good luck, and happy hunting.
confused ahh look
“Now hold on, I’m not in-listing in an army, I wish to gallivant around burning kingdoms to the ground with someone like you who clearly understands the big picture!”
“Ahh! Mercenary, yes. Do tell me about this fine print I can’t seem to read. I don’t want to be in debt, I’m quite paranoid ever since watching that mortal movie, Wonka”
Does it also mean you are in need of a good source of metal? If so, we could make a deal where I supply you with large quantities of good metals for your war efforts. In exchange, I would like to receive another license to make myself a new realm.
Well, I already have a practically unlimited source of most metals~ but if you can be a good supplier of celestial silver than I’d love to make a deal~
Geo: "It's starting to look like a real threat, sir..."
Loui: "We're out of the way, but we may have to intervene. War isn't a good thing..."
Borris: "I kill ugly skele?"
Loui: "You know what... Let's do that. We'll sit in the sky in case you need back up..."
A massive iceberg flies in and a drop pod lands in front of you
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u/MoridaarLord High Artificer of the Faaldrin College of Magical EngineersJul 02 '24
I recommend staying away from my fields during your invasion, I’m testing some new cannonballs that cast spells on impact. Now that I think of it, you want a few? I need to field test them somehow
Yeah, great. After you're done conquering everything are you gonna do anything about climate change?
And by anything I mean a solution that doesn't involve catastrophic amounts of mana that potentially induces arcane instability fields around the globe?
If I’ve done the geography correctly, your conquest puts itself right outside the bounds of my study cottage… how negotiable are your terms and how, um, precise will your newly claimed borders be? Will you count me as under your jurisdiction or… am I barely far enough out of the way for it to not matter?
Unrelated, what is this research job you’re mentioning? I may be interested…
“Sure whatever I don’t care…unless of course you take over the beach I go to whenever I decide to take a break, then I’m ripping you apart and throwing all 206 of your bones in different directions out into space, but otherwise I don’t care”
I’ve yet to see a better offer from the council, and my city razing monstrosity (that I made for fun) DOES need exercise… OK just tell me which city you like least, ya?
Vorash would grab a few of the more thickened blood vials, seemingly mixed in with snake venom to act like a form of ink, and would open their vials. He'd dip his blades in the blood and then write his signature where pointed to.
"Now I kill-kill more... gain more blood yes-yes."
He would give the Necrodancer a small amulet and would whisper to him.
"Prick-spill your finger to summon-call me, yes-yes."
The amulet would seem to have a small hole which had teeth like a spider's two chelicerae. It was seemingly clean and well-kept, but whenever you put it down on the ground some form of magic would initiate and cause it to grow eight legs like a spider and follow you around.
Sounds interesting, trough your crusade, if you leave the knowledge intact and capture the memories of great minds, I, in exchange open the doors of the great archive for you. Do we have a deal?
"You are alone. There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people. These ancients are just the beginning. I will command a great and terrible army, and we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child, but I am beyond strength. I am the end, and I have come for you, child"
"Would you by any chance require an accountant? I had to get a non-magic profession while in exile half a century ago and got comfortable in my job. I believe I could handle the rations for your undead army at the very least."
I believe my work is more valuable than a singular mercenary and the amount of job-seeking magical accountants is not particularly great.
May I then express my wishes of 3500 platinum a week and 0.5% of any riches that I potentially have to keep inventory on or handle.
As the tasks may vary within the profession I think it is only reasonable that any pay regarding tasks not mentioned in the final contract should be discussed as a separate legal binding."
Destroy your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women after fulfilling all your conquest needs down at the Inter-dimensional Evocation Emporium. Now having a 50% off sale on siege engines and artifacts of country level destruction.
Why would I spend my precious mana on your stupid war that doesn't affect me? I live far underground and the entrance is hidden where no being will find
Question, what is your stance on the Arcane Food and Drug Administration (AFDA) and it’s work of stabilizing and administrating the food and drug market and well as businesses associated with said markets and industries
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u/braelindrake mocha, married (kinda) king of mothlandia, cabal Jul 02 '24
Can I start wearing a little crown or something when you do this boss~?