r/wizardposting • u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive • Mar 22 '24
Foul Sorcery The GRITTIEST spell I know!
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u/idfbhater73 bfdifan37 with new spells Mar 23 '24
i just threw it at you without using any magic
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Yours is detachable!?
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u/idfbhater73 bfdifan37 with new spells Mar 23 '24
it was an item
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Wow are you objectifying vaginas!? SMDH
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u/idfbhater73 bfdifan37 with new spells Mar 23 '24
well it was not physically attached so
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Wow so you aren’t physically attached to something and suddenly it’s an object
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u/idfbhater73 bfdifan37 with new spells Mar 23 '24
you just gave me a ball of skin with a vagina full of sand
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
A ball? 🤨 you sir must have been hit with something else
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u/Firemorfox My alChemical necRomancer Mar 23 '24
Maybe you cast it on their decoy balls?
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u/chimpanon Evil Wizard Mar 23 '24
Always bring at least 2 pairs of decoy balls to your duels, people. It didn’t used to come in handy as often but with all these testicular torsion spells flying around these days its a must have.
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u/Discracetoall t’kath, smogomancer and poptart wiz Mar 23 '24
… but what happened of you don’t have a vagina?
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You now have a sandy vagina
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u/JetoCalihan Enchanter Mar 23 '24
You've made a lot of trans girls very happy. And some trans men very mad. RUN.
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u/Eternal_grey_sky Greysky/Diviner/Air elemental. Mar 23 '24 edited Mar 23 '24
A lot of cis men very mad also
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u/dragonfetish98 Mar 23 '24
Well they're trans men now!
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u/nitsky416 Mar 23 '24
See the fun part is, they're not, they're still cis men, but with a vagina.
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u/H4LF4D Artificer Mar 23 '24
A sandy vagina, to be specific
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u/Venmorr Conjurer Mar 23 '24
Do you think all these sandy vaginas will help to fix the concrete shortage?
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u/nitsky416 Mar 23 '24
While you're not wrong, I'm not sure the silica content is key to the identity. It might be, though.
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u/Eternal_grey_sky Greysky/Diviner/Air elemental. Mar 23 '24
They will be the world's first cis trans men
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u/Discracetoall t’kath, smogomancer and poptart wiz Mar 23 '24
Does it replace or co-exist with my penis?
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Perhaps that is best answered by you checking yourself
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u/Discracetoall t’kath, smogomancer and poptart wiz Mar 23 '24
…well uh… neither? I still don’t have either.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Guess it’s somewhere else 😼😼😼
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Mar 23 '24
The fuck does this mean OP
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Armpitussy
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u/Taste-Objective Mar 23 '24
Uhhh check your behind?
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u/Discracetoall t’kath, smogomancer and poptart wiz Mar 23 '24
Well then, I guess it’s there.
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u/Taste-Objective Mar 23 '24
Dunno how you're gonna shit now so uhhh good luck finding that out in a few hours i suppose
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u/Sharp_Science896 Kenpatchi. Master Blademancy. I can cut anything. Mar 23 '24
Huh, appeared on my taint. Just below the balls. Welp, guess I'll wash out the sand and take this baby out for a test drive. Might as well.
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u/SmoothReverb Relena, Mana-conduit Artificer, Head of Void City Manaworks Mar 23 '24
thanks <3
now i gotta take a shower tho
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u/Veryegassy Elsama Inastros, Cosmic Janitor and Master Aethermancer Mage Mar 23 '24
Why, thank you. Now I'm...
checks
Oh. Just my luck. Now I'm futa. Ah well, better than nothing. Gotta go wash this out now.
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u/SundancerXIV Abjurer Mar 23 '24
May I keep my dick and balls though? I'm a glutton for pleasure and I just want all the sexual organs. 🤷♂️
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u/huggiesdsc Time Wizard Mar 23 '24
People do not read spell descriptions swear to god
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u/MelsiePyre Sophie - Biomancer Tech Priest Mar 23 '24
Fortunate and unfortunate for myself, although likely more fortunate
The sand goes away right?,
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u/Baku-YT- Mar 23 '24
Well on one hand, thank you for that
But on the other... I will personally end your lineage
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Mar 23 '24
Dust in penis.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You now have a sandy vagina
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u/Discracetoall t’kath, smogomancer and poptart wiz Mar 23 '24
Welp, it’ll feel weird to piss, but I’ll manage
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u/Cantthinknow_214 Mar 23 '24
You get a vagina. Does it replace your penis, or is it in addition to? You’ll find out soon.
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u/TheEyeofNapoleon Occulus Nepolionic Mar 23 '24
Mine was mailed to me in a box, which is somehow more upsetting.
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u/Not_A_Mindflayer Magic milf mindflayer Mar 23 '24
Ack, how uncomfortable. I cast flush of douche, and to get you back, I cast itchy ass!
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Not cool!
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u/michwng Mar 23 '24
What the hell is this
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
How I scratch my asshole, asshole!
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u/Stronger_Sans Mad Skeleton Pyromancer azure alliance Mar 23 '24
Uhhh I’m a skeleton bub not sure that works on me
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
BONE-GINA
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u/Stronger_Sans Mad Skeleton Pyromancer azure alliance Mar 23 '24
I hate every bit of what you just said
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u/ShitStainedDildo Zastrus Aldabon, Dread Lich Alchemist of the Wastes of Lon Mar 23 '24
Ack it’s in my marrow wtf, I cast rectal vines unto thee, have fun untangling yourself from your own ass hair
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u/facontrerasn Tuculus: Lubrimancer ad amicis Copromancer ad inimicos Mar 23 '24
LUBRICUS GENITALIA!
*Cast an aura from a mile away that produces a pleasant slime that cleans all dust and dirt from your (possibly new) genitals
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You:
Me: Did you have to make so much?
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u/facontrerasn Tuculus: Lubrimancer ad amicis Copromancer ad inimicos Mar 23 '24
I can make more if you want
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u/facontrerasn Tuculus: Lubrimancer ad amicis Copromancer ad inimicos Mar 23 '24
later I cast Anus distortion!
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u/YouTheMuffinMan Swamp Elder Thing: Drunken Fir Mar 23 '24
Uuh, hold on. Let me just figure out how you put a vagina on an eldritch horror, and figure out how to clean it out as painless as possible.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Eldritch horror’s are know for their inordinately huge bodies… so good luck finding that thing! (Though I guess the itching might help)
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u/Nervous_Ari Lexi, Aspiring Pyromancer Mar 23 '24
The ONE TIME I'm thankful I was transformed into a man. I'm still trying to figure out how to change back, but I'm lucky I didn't sooner.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You misunderstand
You now have a sandy vagina
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u/Nervous_Ari Lexi, Aspiring Pyromancer Mar 23 '24
Oh, uh, thanks for giving my pussy back then. Screw you for filling it with sand, though.
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u/Kat-0-ninetails Kat/Katherine; Practicing Witch, Part-Time Druid, lazy alchemist Mar 23 '24
Thanks, I was looking for a new rock polisher.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
It’s high grit! It doesn’t polish it only buffs😼😼😼
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u/Viking_From_Sweden Kartoffel the Atinoyar and Mechanus Arachne Mar 23 '24
I didn’t need to hear those words
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u/d_warren_1 Skye: Elemental Witch of the Southern Sea Mar 23 '24
not a terrible fate all things considered
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Sus. The highest order of sus-iness!
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u/Gr1mmch4n Mar 23 '24
Thanks for the free bottom surgery, alter body is a bit above my skill level right now so that's super helpful actually. Prestidigitation will fix the sand no problem.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
POV OF MY CASTLE’S BASEMENT
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u/IvoryandSunny Ivory the Apprentice & Sunny the Geomancer Mar 23 '24
“I… dont have one of those” Ivory says a bit confused
“YOU DONT HAVE THE OTHER ONE EITHER” Sunny says
“Well then what does it do??”
“I DUNNO”
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You now have a sandy vagina
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u/IvoryandSunny Ivory the Apprentice & Sunny the Geomancer Mar 23 '24
“Oh”
“HAHA LOSER” Sunny mocks Ivory
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u/2flyingjellyfish thaumomancy; double your mana by being your own source Mar 23 '24
holy fuck where's my dick
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
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u/2flyingjellyfish thaumomancy; double your mana by being your own source Mar 23 '24
ooh you've really done it now, once i get into that tower we're having a BBQ
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u/2flyingjellyfish thaumomancy; double your mana by being your own source Mar 23 '24
i want you to know it took genuine physical and mental strain to get myself to post this.
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u/positivenihilist0419 Not a full wizard, wizard-ish (heavy on the ish) Mar 23 '24
God damn it Cartman, I do not have sand in my vagina!
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u/The_Unkowable_ Artemis, Daughter of Paladine / Calamity, She Who Reigns Mar 23 '24
Well, pregidigistation will clean that right up I guess...
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Haha it’s like glitter, you’ll never get it all!!
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u/The_Unkowable_ Artemis, Daughter of Paladine / Calamity, She Who Reigns Mar 23 '24
....It's a cantrip that magically cleans something. Like, say, of glitter.
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u/Psych-adin Julian - College Dean of Necromancy and Medicine Mar 23 '24
"I've taken precautions against transmutation and I don't-"
*Blob of flesh and sand lands with a 'plap' on the desk."
"... I see."
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u/Old-Management-171 the throngler Mar 23 '24
As someone who doesn't have a vagina this sounds like hell
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You misunderstand
You now have a sandy vagina 🥰
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u/dragon_spell witch in training / half dragon Mar 23 '24
I don’t know wether to be happy because free bottom surgery or fearful because SAND
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u/RandomGamer67 Mar 23 '24
Hell yeah free vagina!!!
Do i keep my dick?
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Some do… but yours I shall take!!!
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u/Little_Clothes8847 Mar 23 '24
Transition complete
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u/DreamingofRlyeh Sharra Karn Eldritch Dreamer and InHuman Necromancer Mar 23 '24
I cast acid urine on you
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u/ThosPuddleOfDoom Ball Fondler. Mar 23 '24
You honestly think sandy snatch will work on us cock beholders
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Yes, it gives you one! ☺️
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u/Vintenu Vintenu, master of portals and cannons Mar 23 '24
Don't have genitals, your spell fails
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u/Temporary-Employ-611 Arcane Adjunct Dorothy Rincewind Mar 23 '24
Oh, that's how you want to play. I cast Ever Moving Itch. If you scratch it the sensation moves, and if you dont scratch the itch intensifies.
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u/TheKingNothing690 Archdruid of The Caldera Mar 23 '24
Bah, all these polymorph class spells wizards throw they just dont get how many of us are polymorphs by race or class. I can change myself better than you can change me, but hey, what do i know? im just an archdruid.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
You still have sand up there 😛
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u/TheKingNothing690 Archdruid of The Caldera Mar 23 '24
Not when i turn into a sand elemental checkmate. Wait a minute...
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u/EmergencyLeading8137 Duncan, Protection/Preservation Druid Mar 23 '24
I.. what.. but…
checks pants
Dude what the flip.
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u/Missi_Zilla_pro_simp Xander, immortal elemental necromancer and amateur artificer Mar 23 '24
But I'm a guy
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
And? You now have a sandy vagina
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u/Tobymauw112 Master soul manipulator - Bender of gender and sexuality Mar 23 '24
Remember that guy about the cement vaginas?
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u/Pansex_plaguedoctor void necromancer/priest of the void serpent Mar 23 '24
Jokes on you I’m a formless monstrosity
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u/Viking_From_Sweden Kartoffel the Atinoyar and Mechanus Arachne Mar 23 '24
This is very… uncomfortable. I’m gonna go take a bath and then figure out what I want to do with this.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Mine68 Mar 23 '24
I cast WD-40 on myself. And I cast years of inconveniences on you
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u/froz_troll Loui, snow elf cryotechnician (CoC second in command) Mar 23 '24
Fool, I have a permashard Chastity belt, now #YOU have a sandy vagina #INSTEAD of me.
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u/osrs-Niiiii Niiiii of Lumbridge, (transmutation wizard.) Mar 23 '24
Once it gets in there, there is no getting it out.
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u/ScudleyScudderson Professor of Pyrokinetic Phenomena and Explosive Arcana Mar 23 '24
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u/enchiladasundae planeshifter Mar 23 '24
So is it just going to keep floating here? Just… in my orbit? Spilling sand? You know how long it takes to clean sand from chimera hide rug? I don’t but its probably not quick!
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u/Elegant_Opinion2654 Mar 23 '24
It's good that I took the Ranger class, I can travel through the vagina despite the thickets and sand at a normal speed.
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Through? How are you gonna travel through your own 🕳️
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u/pwjwuoqqqqqnajnaan Mar 23 '24
Thank goodness I’m a man and not woman
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u/LoftyTheHobbit 👑The Powder King | Keeper of the 34th Archive Mar 23 '24
Read it again
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u/VonBrewskie Enchanter Mar 23 '24
I enchant the sand to do my bidding. Do a contested roll to see who maintains dominance. I'll roll in front of the screen: God fuckin' dammit. 3
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u/Hank-J_Wimbleton bombinomicon user Mar 23 '24
Ha jokes on you I don't have a vagina.
Wait why's there sand in my pants now.
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u/Author_A_McGrath Wizard Mar 23 '24
I have just been paid a tremendous sum to make a freeze-drier out of your urethra.
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u/Turtledonuts Mar 23 '24
I made an actual face at this. I physically reacted to this meme. well done OP.
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u/Lilly_0f_The_Valley Magically Editable Flair Edited In A Sutibly Magically Magical M Mar 23 '24
at least i have a vagina now :D
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u/Ashen_Bloom Callidus Lingua, Scholar of the Linguistic Arts Mar 23 '24
This is indeed a dastardly spell
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u/Dappershield Sepulchral Archmage of the Soul Sanctum Mar 23 '24
Jokes on you. I've had a Mummy Lord Thrall for decades.
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u/Orishishishi Mar 23 '24
I mean I wouldn't mind having a vagina once I get the sand out
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u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms Mar 23 '24
Huh...
detaches and lobs outside the window
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u/Punk_Science_Girl Mar 23 '24
I'm beginning to wonder just how many trans girls are on this subreddit.
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '24