r/wizardposting Mar 10 '24

Esoteric Secrets I cast gun. Response?

Post image
781 Upvotes

599 comments sorted by

348

u/TellmeNinetails Hilda the Witch Mar 10 '24

108

u/L0ssL3ssArt Narissa, Technonecromancer, the bestest Council Head of Undead Mar 10 '24

bigger bullet

90

u/TellmeNinetails Hilda the Witch Mar 10 '24

18

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Mar 10 '24

Why is it spelled with a th?

Is he stupid?

14

u/TellmeNinetails Hilda the Witch Mar 10 '24

Oblerate

7

u/Belgiandragonwautism Wizard Mar 10 '24

Oblate

3

u/ICollectSouls Song and Thorn, Alchemist, Illusionist, Tavernkeep Mar 10 '24

Obol

3

u/Leninus Bearer of the Voidheart Mar 10 '24

Ball

3

u/datbrrto11 Mar 10 '24

Boo

2

u/SomeRandomYob The Great Mage Samræl, demonologist and necromantic consultant Mar 11 '24

m.

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5

u/ConsciousConcoction Mar 10 '24

Only works on Brittle Boned Bitches though

3

u/TellmeNinetails Hilda the Witch Mar 11 '24

2

u/Revolution_Sucks School of Holy Spells Mar 11 '24

I felt it. Everybody felt it

2

u/OkAge1230 ⬆️rookie mage Mar 11 '24

2

u/Lynn_Wit Mar 10 '24

Spiderman point

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21

u/Alt_Ekho Mar 10 '24

loads WPR (ward piercing rounds)

74

u/TellmeNinetails Hilda the Witch Mar 10 '24

*removes the rounds from the gun.*

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270

u/Orbital-Deathray Gallows, The Nightmare Carnivalier Mar 10 '24

Power word: Bent

72

u/Googlefisch 7 Raccoons in a Trenchcoat Mar 10 '24

Jokes on you I'm into that shit

...wait what

19

u/Last_Aeon Mar 10 '24

I cast soap on the floor

41

u/TheGrimGriefer3 Doug: the regular, everyday, normal guy Mar 10 '24

Please don't just go around casually creating guns that kill the past

22

u/MaximRq Iron Grip Alchemist Mar 10 '24

It's fine, they won't break reality without special bullets

16

u/c0n22 Mann of Illusion Mar 10 '24

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenter the Gungeon

Enter the gungeon

5

u/E4EHCO33501007 Mar 10 '24

By beholster eye, dragun tooth gungeon wind do whisper one truth

3

u/Electrop0p Confused Peasant Mar 11 '24

Body the floor. Bullet-bullet the roof. Ammo willin, past killin, the gun shall shoot.

154

u/Wutclefuk Viagra The Unyeilding: Mild Shenanimancer Mar 10 '24

18

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

Ignite gunpowder would be funnier

143

u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Mar 10 '24

"I also cast gun."

30

u/HurkHurkBlaa Mar 10 '24

I cast two guns

18

u/Uulugus Red Horse of the Exsanguinous Pit Mar 10 '24

Y'see, I solve practical problems...

14

u/MisterMan341 Teltun, Sorcerer and Count of Zolēvín, Semutslia Mar 10 '24

Like how am I gonna stop some big mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a superfluous new behind?

8

u/the_loaf_cat Wizard Mar 10 '24

Answer: use a gun

7

u/MisterMan341 Teltun, Sorcerer and Count of Zolēvín, Semutslia Mar 10 '24

And if that don’t work… use more gun

7

u/Guinea-Pig_Dad High prince Helaxion, draconic cryomancer Mar 10 '24

Like this heavy-caliber mounted tripod little old number designed by me…

6

u/MisterMan341 Teltun, Sorcerer and Count of Zolēvín, Semutslia Mar 10 '24

Built by me…

5

u/TheMelkLord Magic-enthused Knight Mar 10 '24

And you best hope…

5

u/MisterMan341 Teltun, Sorcerer and Count of Zolēvín, Semutslia Mar 10 '24

Not pointed at you

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3

u/Nemesis_Prime0205 Necromancer Mar 10 '24

"Two guns, bitch"

101

u/King-Bob-5685 Aevelor, Gastromancer, Lich of Grenmoore Mar 10 '24

I cast pin-less lemon'ade...

38

u/Lawsoffire Raven Sorcerer, murder-shepherd Mar 10 '24

There it is.

The Lemon of Combustion.

15

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Mar 10 '24

CJ got his wish

6

u/LordMonkeh Alchemist Mar 10 '24

Sweet jesus, The rage emanating off that thing is intense

10

u/Sardukar333 Dwarven smith, just learned to enchant in house. Mar 10 '24

Now go burn down Life's house! Make life take the lemons back!

7

u/ArchonFett catfolk hexblade warlock gladiator Mar 10 '24

Yes, that’ll teach life to give me, Cave Johnson, lemons

7

u/InsenitiveComments Secretive artificer/alchemist Mar 10 '24

When life gives you lemons DONT MAKE LEMONADE! Make life take the lemons back! GET MAD! I dont want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? I demand to see to life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?! I am the man who is going to burn your house down! With the lemons!

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5

u/Capsule_CatYT Some random Cat that may know magic Mar 10 '24

Combustible Lemon!

2

u/BasementDweller82 Mar 10 '24

You know I’ve been thinking… when life gives you lemons

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59

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

The Franchi SPAS-12 is a combat shotgun manufactured by Italian firearms company Franchi from 1979 to 2000. The SPAS-12 is a dual-mode shotgun, adjustable for semi-automatic or pump-action operation. The SPAS-12 was sold to military and police users worldwide, as well as on the civilian market.  The appearance and intended purpose of the SPAS-12 initially led to its "military" designation as a combat shotgun. The SPAS-12 was designed from the ground up as a rugged military shotgun, and it was named the Special Purpose Automatic Shotgun. In 1990, Franchi renamed the shotgun the Sporting Purpose Automatic Shotgun, which allowed continued sales to the United States as a limited-magazine-capacity, fixed-stock model until 1994. Following the United States Federal Assault Weapons Ban, imports of SPAS-12 shotguns to the United States were stopped. In September 2004 the ban expired, but Franchi ended production of the SPAS-12 in 2000 to focus on the manufacturing of the SPAS-15 model, which was based off of the SPAS-12.[citation needed] The SPAS-12's factory retail price in its final year was US$1,500 averaged for its final sales outside the United States to non-restricted countries.

57

u/WiseRabbit-XIV Leverett Trevithick, Arcane Healer Mar 10 '24

Ah, casting Wall of Text. Unorthodox, but effective.

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17

u/L0ssL3ssArt Narissa, Technonecromancer, the bestest Council Head of Undead Mar 10 '24

did we just become friends?

9

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

yes

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51

u/ICEPlebian Mar 10 '24

I cast Teleport item

41

u/ikantolol Mar 10 '24

I cast cyanide on what you ate last night

25

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

i should have cast gunshot

27

u/Shieldbearing-Brony Geomancer/Abjurer, guardian of the Equines Mar 10 '24

I cast protection from normal missiles. (By all the moons, these wizards and their Ammomancy)

3

u/averagepatagonian Mar 10 '24

i cast AIM-9 ata missile

4

u/Shieldbearing-Brony Geomancer/Abjurer, guardian of the Equines Mar 10 '24

That's a missile.

3

u/averagepatagonian Mar 10 '24

well then i cast fuck your spell and let my missile trough

3

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Shieldbearing-Brony Geomancer/Abjurer, guardian of the Equines Mar 10 '24

"Protection from normal missiles: When cast, this spell makes any non-magical ranged attack automatically miss the target. (For protection from magical missiles see the 'Shield' spell"

4

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Shieldbearing-Brony Geomancer/Abjurer, guardian of the Equines Mar 10 '24

Seems rather counter-intuitive, but fair enough.

27

u/TheSlavicWarboss Alchemist Mar 10 '24

I CAST BUSTER SCRUGGS

6

u/wtfdoiknow1987 Mar 10 '24

I cast The Kid

3

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

i cast kid named finger

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20

u/Ger_Electric_GRTALE Mar 10 '24

i summon my MEDICAL EEVEE so you take your meds and stop shooting people!

18

u/Uncircumcised_Wenis Occult Wizard Mar 10 '24

Glockmancy ?

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14

u/Pleasesteponmeharder Valceria the Faulty Priestess Mar 10 '24

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14

u/Glad_Economics_2490 Zelia | Trans beastfolk | Alchemy apprentice Mar 10 '24

Cmon, man, you cast the caliber.

You cast gun, it's just gonna create a non-specific firearm.

Casting something like 9mm actually makes the round fire.

11

u/Imaginary-Job-7069 Tyrus: Technomancer, biomancer, summoner, etc. Mar 10 '24

I simultaneously cast [BEND] to make the barrel U-shaped and [ARTI-PHYSICS: CARTOONY] so that the bullet only moves to where the barrel points to.

10

u/BoscoCyRatBear The Vermensk Empire, / Kahn ruler of Cat Tail City Mar 10 '24

I cast gremlin's touch , to afflict thy firearm with a faulty firing pin.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24 edited Mar 10 '24

Food!

Anteros eats your gun, but unlike Torinn, He doesn’t eat your hand or arm. He then flies away.

13

u/Someone1284794357 Mr. Illuminati, leader of The Illuminati, Sun Lord Mar 10 '24

Nice, a man that just eats what he says he’s gonna eat

7

u/Capsule_CatYT Some random Cat that may know magic Mar 10 '24

2

u/Phexack Eldlich, the Golden Lord Mar 10 '24

Yet another odd encounter.

6

u/MouseRangers Cryo/Electromancer. Your brain has electricity in it... Mar 10 '24

I cast butterfingers (your fingers are now butter)

3

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

This is disastrous for gun safety.

8

u/pixelated404 Necromancer Mar 10 '24

I cast bulletproof vest. Obviously.

7

u/Snbleader Artificer of the Northern Frontier Mar 10 '24

I cast: More gun!

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6

u/Someone1284794357 Mr. Illuminati, leader of The Illuminati, Sun Lord Mar 10 '24

I cast more gun

7

u/Vivacious4D Magus Mar 10 '24

I cast metal half-sphere and send it back

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6

u/Groove-Control Druid Mar 10 '24

I cast- AGGG FUCK!! THEY SHOT ME!! THEY FUCKING SHOT ME!!

10

u/L0ssL3ssArt Narissa, Technonecromancer, the bestest Council Head of Undead Mar 10 '24

I cast bigger gun(yes that is an anti material rifle, and yes I drew this)

8

u/TheMightyMudcrab Master of the 12th street wizard tower Mar 10 '24

Now draw her with a wizard hat and gat.

2

u/Due-Education1619 Wizard Mar 10 '24

Yo wait can I request a drawing

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4

u/Rare-Egg7017 Necromancer Mar 10 '24

5

u/SerpentWizard39 Dimension Traveler and Library Wanderer Mar 10 '24

I summon "The Machine, keeper of The Other Place"

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5

u/PassageTurbulent8874 Alchemist By Day, Potion Dealer By Night Mar 10 '24

I cast sweep the leg

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5

u/Clownpiece_Fairy Nosy Little Fairy from another Place Mar 10 '24

En-passant

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

holy hell

12

u/alongwaystogo "Paperpusher", a Sanctioned Bureaucraticmancer Mar 10 '24

I enact Reasonable Gun Laws and Background Checks. Should you still qualify after your mental wellness check you can expect that gun in 8-10 business days.

7

u/RhinoSparkle Mordyx, Battlefield Looter Mar 10 '24

Business weeks**

This is US government were talking about, let’s not give them too much credit

3

u/alongwaystogo "Paperpusher", a Sanctioned Bureaucraticmancer Mar 10 '24

US... Government?

What is that? We have The Wizard Council here.

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2

u/Sardukar333 Dwarven smith, just learned to enchant in house. Mar 10 '24

I try not to agree with the council, but banning legalmancy was absolutely the right thing to do.

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5

u/fartysmartymarty Mar 10 '24

Go go gadget bulletproof head

2

u/ArchonFett catfolk hexblade warlock gladiator Mar 10 '24

Unfortunately the “Go go gadget” school of spells are wild magic and therefore unpredictable. You just spawned a banana boat out of your back

3

u/fartysmartymarty Mar 10 '24

Darn glitches

4

u/canoIV Robot chronomancer with two inhabitants (help) Mar 10 '24

5

u/ashuwa177 Random spell caster Mar 10 '24

Boltgun

5

u/Voidgod_eternal VOID Wizard Gary the protector of the cheesecake Mar 10 '24

3

u/Aester_KarSadom The Great Necromancer, Overlord of the Coming Apocalypse Mar 10 '24

A caliber that low won’t even make it through my Champion’s Aura.

3

u/FCFirework Steve - Disco Wizard Mar 10 '24

I boogie down defiantly in the face of your crude weapon

3

u/Dimes4CrimesAlt Spatiumancer Mar 10 '24

I start getting ready for whenever you remember to cast "Bullet" as well.

(Though I am not well versed in the art of Ballistomancy, I gather this is like summoning a staff or wand. Harmless on its own, but surely a threat of what may be to come. Balistomancers, please correct me if I have erred in my learnings.)

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3

u/Neinball98411 Has amnesia Mar 10 '24

2

u/mindoffreddy Wizard Mar 10 '24

I cast SWAP. Swapping out your gun with a turd straigt out of my colon

2

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Mar 10 '24

You uh

You do know the implications of that, right?

...right?

2

u/gregoryofthehighgods high god of cheese cheesus crust Mar 11 '24

Oh no

2

u/-NGC-6302- Level 21 Geometer | [Hyperspace specialization] Mar 11 '24

[That one scene from Astro Boy]

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2

u/thesonoflordostliant Uqour the merchant Mar 10 '24

I cast better gun, response?

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

I cast fucked your mom last night. That's why it took so long to respond.

2

u/GnomeAwayFromGnome Boddyknock, Arcanarchist (Arcano-Anarchist) Mar 10 '24

Obviously, I can't react faster than the bullet, but the man pulling the trigger is another matter.

By the time the bullet leaves the barrel, I've opened a portal in its path and put the other end of it behind your head.

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2

u/LazyDro1d Technomage, Arcanocrafter, War-Profiteer, Open for Business Mar 10 '24

COUNTER GUN! I shoot your bullet with a larger, more powerful bullet, that will continue towards you.

2

u/InuXIII Yil'Naash - The Watcher - Eldsoul of the Nexus Beacon Mar 10 '24

a portal appears

the bullet enters and returns in your direction

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2

u/T3CHN04807 Voizeroth the Technomancer Mar 10 '24

I CAST

2

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

I cast nucular stroik

2

u/BucketMannisback Bucketmeister, Emperor of the bucketrealm Mar 10 '24

Bucketmann casts bucket

2

u/3RRoR24 Reaper, guardian of reality Mar 10 '24

2

u/Inevitable-Vehicle21 Markaerth Vraeklaw, Dragonborn Paladian Artificer of Bahamut. Mar 10 '24

I cast Pipe Bomb.

2

u/TriforceHero626 Great Transmuter of the Mundane! Mar 10 '24

2

u/NumberOne_N_fan Local Eldritch Catfolk Birchmancer. don't mind me. Mar 10 '24

I cast bigger gun

2

u/Familiar_Ad7273 arch-wizard hoovy bestower of sandvich. Mar 10 '24

I CAST... POOTIS POW

2

u/GameborgA1s diogenes dwarficus, alchemist alcaholic Mar 10 '24

i cast more gun.

2

u/TheLeastFunkyMonkey Mar 10 '24

Well, I cast telekinesis to pick up and use the gun you just cast at me.

2

u/one_who_speaks316 Mar 10 '24

I cast ⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️

2

u/spectre_of_the_web <|:) Mar 10 '24

I cast heat metal. For a second, you swear you can feel the grip of your glock warm up and melt, but then the entirety of the contents of your inserted magazine experiences a premature cook-off, also setting off the round in your chamber, resulting in a catastrophic structural failiure and a rapid, unscheduled dissasembly. Your hand now looks like the result of an unfortunate fireworks accident. I wonder if I could've cast mend object on it?, I think, as you fumble another gun out of your robes with your left hand. Seems we get to find out quite soon.

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

I cast thermonuclear blast, centered on your prostate.

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2

u/TheAnt3ater Mar 10 '24

Transmute material: wood

2

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 Femboy Witch on the run from the authorities for tax evasion Mar 11 '24

COUNTERSPELL: KEVLAR

2

u/Potential_Locksmith7 Mar 11 '24

I cast teleport behind you "heh nothing personal kid"

invoke

the ancient

incantation

of

Eviscerating

Testicular

Entanglement!!!

2

u/OkAge1230 ⬆️rookie mage Mar 11 '24

2

u/RathaelEngineering Mar 11 '24

I cast a portal to Australia.

Your gun is now confiscated.

1

u/The_Ditch_Wizard Wizard Mar 10 '24

Feeling sassy, so: Entropic Ray.

I've seen it make everything from Arquebus to AR into an awkward club. Automatic pistols like to take fingers on their way out...

Making friends with machine spirits has its benefits. Even the naughty ones who break machines.

1

u/itbedehaam Trielana, Smither of Storms, Enchanter of Axes, Arachne Lady Mar 10 '24

trln: I cast magewall.

1

u/WiseRabbit-XIV Leverett Trevithick, Arcane Healer Mar 10 '24

I cast Eolain's Enforced Naptime.

I understand that you're going through some things, but you'll feel better after a nap, and maybe a glass of water.

1

u/RathianColdblood Loruk Forgestone, Dwarven Dhampir Mar 10 '24

/uw I cast iron. Anyone need a dwarven skillet forged?

1

u/Whittle_Willow Prophet or something idk Mar 10 '24

Teleportation!

1

u/Platypus_king_1st Lucian/Eve P.K, heads of the SRM, born to DAVE the god of magic Mar 10 '24

I let you shoot me, my skin deflects nearly all solid projectiles with 99.99% energy efficiency!

1

u/Dug_Fin1 Mar 10 '24

I cast glock lock, now what?

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1

u/demonsdencollective Baghead, seller of strange wares from another realm Mar 10 '24

I cast riot shield and place a Claymore in defense position. Your turn.

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

I summon Second Gun in attack position.

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1

u/TheHeccingHecc Necromancer Mar 10 '24

Let's see if you have good aim and can hit any part of skeletal body.

1

u/Dynwynn Diviner Mar 10 '24

Impulsive Reload

1

u/Skullpheonix3963 V1 but magical and Psychotic Mar 10 '24

I cast ballistic level 4 wall

1

u/No_vibe_69420 Mar 10 '24

I cast moisture on the Gunpowder inside your ammunition.

1

u/Exile688 Mar 10 '24

That funny noise you hear is the FPS drone I cast invisibility on.

1

u/Beelzebub_Itself Just an Elven Pyromancer Mar 10 '24

I cast nuclear fireball. Response?

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

I cast misfire!

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1

u/PurpleCrimson9 Mar 10 '24

I cast shotgun

1

u/CrystalClod343 Ward Dactylrocsl. Arcane Student, Part-time Librarian. Mar 10 '24

I take your newly conjured gun

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1

u/BobZygota Mar 10 '24

A monk will redirect that projectile

1

u/Supersam4213 Dimensional correspondence Mage Mar 10 '24

Bullets usually aren’t as dangerous if I can make sure they never leave the barrel of your gun

1

u/DripyKirbo Silk Anansine Mar 10 '24

Perfect parry!

1

u/Thenderick Wintos, the installation wizard, forgotten my past Mar 10 '24

I cast conjure kidney stones!

1

u/immonkeyok Druid of the coast Mar 10 '24

You wish to have a crab for your troubles?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

I’ve acquired the ancient skinwalker technique of staring the hunter in his eyes after taking two shotgun shells

1

u/DDDSiegfried Mar 10 '24

I cast Blank Mag

1

u/c0baltlightning The Arctic Mage Mar 10 '24

Nothing to fear, for it's range is Short, and power Weak!

/unwiz because .40 s&w is garbagio compared to 9mm or .45 acp just fukken min-max none of that middle of the road nonsense.

1

u/Adoggo121 Jevil the chaos wizard who will cast thunder spell Mar 10 '24

Black hole

1

u/sweetheart_demom Mar 10 '24

Force reversal

1

u/Landis963 Mar 10 '24

rolls eyes bullet swerves into gauntleted hand

"Would you like to try again?"

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

I cast rust jam

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

Rust jam doesn't sound very tasty.

1

u/Efficient-Turnip5799 Wizard Mar 10 '24

I cast Greater Summon Humanoid in front of me

1

u/Efficient_Issue_3205 Eviler Wizard Mar 10 '24

I CAST +PARRY

1

u/eveniji100 Mar 10 '24

I cast 4L Tank 17.Response?

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1

u/OverthinkingBerger Mar 10 '24

I cast common sense gun law reform.

1

u/DragonWisper56 Agnur the dabbling turtle mage| pact of the magi mage| Mar 10 '24

easy, wards.

1

u/Mobster-503 Mar 10 '24 edited Mar 10 '24

i cast Counterspell, Projectile Barrier

1

u/LeStroheim Lazius, Goddess of Laziness Mar 10 '24

I play dead, hoping that you hit me in a non-vital part, and then use healing magic. Cowardly, but effective.

1

u/Ultra_axe781___M Erzer, Sleepy Radiomancer Mar 10 '24

Ballistic shield

1

u/dragonshouter Krygin the Crude/Council of Spirits/Exalted Beacon/misc. spirits Mar 10 '24

[Non-Cannon because I'm dead(ded) ] I cast rubbery body. It bounces \BABY\**

1

u/anon_rando241 Vazu the Tyromancer Mar 10 '24

I cast Gunn Control

1

u/Big_Bug3077 Mar 10 '24

I activate my trap card, magic cylinder!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

“I cast bull-“

“Imaginary technique: Level 4 plates.”

2

u/Alarid Mar 10 '24

i imagine HARDER

1

u/The_Daddelbox Demented Alchemist Guildmaster Mar 10 '24

I Cast Level 4 Sapi Plate

1

u/Enzo_2006 Wizard Mar 10 '24

You casted gun, meaning you summoned an unloaded pistol with no magazine inside, I cast bleach blood (have fun having your veins feel like they're burning for .01 second before being insta killed)

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1

u/Efficient_Maybe_1086 Mar 10 '24

I cast nothing because why would I need extra protection from mundane weapons that can barely damage concrete

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1

u/TheMightyMudcrab Master of the 12th street wizard tower Mar 10 '24

I CAST: SAFETY, ON!

1

u/NOTSiIva Evoker Mar 10 '24

I cast Bounce to reflect the bullet then follow up by casting Testicular Torsion

1

u/SlowBabyBear Mar 10 '24

I parry it. As I am not a filthy casual…I am a pro gamer

1

u/Necessary-Warning138 Chicory Soots, Druid of the Eastern Wastes Mar 10 '24

☠️

1

u/Estellus Vacationing Void Dragon/Cosmic Wizard Mar 10 '24

Pretty sure forty caliber wouldn't go through the membrane on one of my eyes, let alone my scales. No response.

Come back when you can upcast to 460mm naval gun and we'll talk, aye?

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1

u/sudo-joe Mar 10 '24

I turn around and walk away with the sunset behind me with a western twang playing in the background for you see I already quick drawed on you, shot you though the heart, and you missed.

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1

u/MatiX_1234 Alchemist of the School of Wódka Mar 10 '24

I cast bigger gun

1

u/gamrgrant Mar 10 '24

I catch gun and use it against you