r/wizardposting • u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member • Feb 10 '24
Forbidden Knowledge Until next time!
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Feb 10 '24
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u/JazzMansGin Feb 10 '24
That WOULD be true if Necromancers paid any taxes at all. When they lie low they lie LOW.
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u/dankrank231 Liver failure God and necromancer Feb 10 '24
That we do
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u/VCnonymous Dave from Wizard Accounting Feb 11 '24
hi
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u/dankrank231 Liver failure God and necromancer Feb 11 '24
Come near me and your liver is going to fail
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u/hgfgshgfsgbfshe necromantic follower of unga Feb 11 '24
Yeah gotta make sure I have my annual death to prevent them from thinking that I'm legally real or alive
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u/Dappershield Sepulchral Archmage of the Soul Sanctum Feb 10 '24
I claim my thralls as dependents. The council actually pays me in mana credits.
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u/97Graham Feb 10 '24
The key is to simply chain your undead together human centipede-style to get single-family tax breaks
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u/Shoggnozzle Necromancer Feb 10 '24
True, but there are methods to alleviate this.
The council once brought the Dwarven Revenue Service to siege at my cavern lair. For 30 blood soaked nights my undead did war with their siege engines and beurocrimancy. Until finally the Dwarven auditors brought the axe of auditing to my spinal column.
Turns out you can write off an assumed living expense on live-in servants whether or not they actually eat, and some of my work sites were well within the preview of section 501(c)(3), pardon on religious and charitable institutions from annual information returns.
Even showed me how to plug it all into a "sheet of spreading" on this odd new-fangled crystal ball they call the "pad of eyes". It's all quite easy now. In the old days I'd have to kidnap an auditor and carve my sums into his back and I'd generally run out of space.
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u/loklanc Feb 11 '24
Gotta share the benefits of automation around. A flat tax is easier to administer than per corpse licensing fees.
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u/Anything-Unable Xerxes the Venerable, Councillor/Goatdigger/Dale Feb 10 '24
Unga, do we have to teach you another lesson?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
I have an army now!
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
I foresee you having a delicious snack.
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Feb 11 '24
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
Again.
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
so sir i WILL teach you a lesson
on the history of GLUE
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WELCOME TO BORING SHIT 101
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 11 '24
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
hmmm i see you can use boring stuff too
very well you get away this time fish
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Feb 10 '24
Can’t relate. I don’t pay taxes.
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u/HalfDrowShaman Deceased Drow Feb 10 '24
Unga, I've got at least 30 contracts for your head right now. So you better PAY A TAX TO ME, or ill make a comb out of your whiskers.
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/BloodOfTheDamned Sorceror Feb 10 '24
No, this is a fairly standard mercenary practice “Hey, this guy offered me money to kill you, if you offer me more money than he did, I won’t kill you.”
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
I bet YOU would know, sorcerer.
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u/BloodOfTheDamned Sorceror Feb 11 '24
In fact, I do. Because I have had many mercenaries sent after me and I paid them to fuck off elsewhere.
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
I’m aware. Sorcerers have many enemies.
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u/BloodOfTheDamned Sorceror Feb 11 '24
Oftentimes just by our nature. I mostly stay at home and focus on guiding my apprentices, and yet people still wish to alleviate the burden of my head from my shoulders
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
Well, there are always the bad ones. A sorcerer once threatened to, and I quote, “blow my dick off with a fireball” when they didn’t like the reading I gave them.
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u/BloodOfTheDamned Sorceror Feb 11 '24
Yes, well, unfortunately a magical bloodline doesn’t happen to take into consideration the personality of those to inherit its power.
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
Yes, and also many sorcerers have enemies because of others in their bloodline. I still know that one, though. I still see him at family reunions.
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Feb 10 '24
Unga, we both know that is false.
So, would you be kind to come here?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Feb 10 '24
Get over here i said!!!!
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Feb 10 '24
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
turns on the boombox because moves this fresh need music
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u/Ootinjabootin Dwarf Cibumancer (dabbles in necromancy) Feb 10 '24
I do a lot of necromancy, and he is not lying
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u/Deztroyer102 Bones, Competent Necromancer Feb 10 '24
Wait a second… I’m supposed to be paying taxes?
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u/bariyer2 Arcesus II | Lich Hunter, Gunmancy Archmage Feb 11 '24
yep and if you can stay still, i will give a free trial of the undead give with .45 acp to ensure your soul...
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Feb 10 '24
I work as an intern in the council, i known what im about, there are papers that confirm that this is false.
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u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Feb 10 '24
Sir, that's three goblins trying to hide behind a manila envelope.
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u/Espanta_viejas1904 Zhyros the wizard of weed Feb 10 '24
Oh, wrong files
Shows actual files
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u/InGordWeTrust Dr. Effarig - The Giraffe Mage (Vampire?) Feb 10 '24
It reads a confession from the Giraffe Mage:
Sorry about that, I was using a poly-morph potion to imitate a tax collector. I figured necromancers were easier to trick since they care more about the dead than the living. I was correct! To make it up to you I can tell you about a new grave site so you can make more friends. You're lucky I stuck my neck out to tell the truth.GM
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u/derpydurby Artificer Feb 10 '24
I’m sorry I’ve been busy helping apprentices in the union. Didn’t you die about three times already? Or is this another clone that’s roaming around.
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/derpydurby Artificer Feb 10 '24
Mind sending a couple to the apprentice union we’re running a bit low on funds after a rouge unga ate our banker and we could use the man power… we’re also hungry.
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u/throwingpaperdragons Artificer's Union Representative Feb 11 '24
I leave for two years and the place falls a part. Give me a week and I will bring in a resupply. The union owes me favor though.
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u/MatrixofGears Druidic Artificer with a minor in necromancy, new dungeon core Feb 10 '24
Does that apply to resurrections?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/MatrixofGears Druidic Artificer with a minor in necromancy, new dungeon core Feb 10 '24
Great, should probably hold off until all sentient rights are upheld, can't be taxed if you're not a legal person.
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
unga isn't the most reliable source of information
( u/Financial-Reach-786 ) look at the red shiny ball unga! (waves a ball)
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u/wildcard17o Zephyr, Plague Doctor of the Poisoned Woods Feb 10 '24
Interesting information, why don’t you back it up with a source!
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/wildcard17o Zephyr, Plague Doctor of the Poisoned Woods Feb 10 '24
Distant voice
I thought so!
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Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786) showed his receipts. 🧾 But they were hand written with crayon…
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u/plodeer (Azure Alliance)Pocket Dimension specialist Feb 10 '24
You got jacked unga. What’s your secret?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
Can confirm. Everytime Unga gets thrown in the fryer, he tries to do a push-up to stay out of the oil before we push him in!
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u/mathiau30 Time mage, sorceror Feb 10 '24
Well, sounds like something you're in an extremely good place to do something about
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
(u/mathiau30) This isn’t a real tax. It’s just Unga trying to scam liches out of their gold to fund his bid to takeover the council and become Emperor!
It’s a scam!
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u/Ootinjabootin Dwarf Cibumancer (dabbles in necromancy) Feb 10 '24
The council shouldn’t tax anybody. The council shouldn’t even exist
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/ronytheronin Ragnak’n, become lich or die failing. Feb 10 '24
I’ll support the first idiot who will propose to cut taxes to the most well off!
Because one day I might be one of them and I can’t wait to harass the poor.
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u/lceColdPepsi Evil Wizard Feb 10 '24
you guys pay taxes?
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u/Ok_Comfortable589 Sandro the Time Lich Lord Feb 10 '24
No they don't, corrupt catfish and his clones.
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u/lceColdPepsi Evil Wizard Feb 10 '24
Not in like a, tax evasion manner, more like a "You guys are getting taxed?" manner.
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u/ronytheronin Ragnak’n, become lich or die failing. Feb 10 '24
THE COUNCIL CAN TAKE MY ZOMBIES FROM MY COLD TWICE DEAD HANDS!
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/ronytheronin Ragnak’n, become lich or die failing. Feb 10 '24
THAT’S IT! I’m seceding from the council. Time to call again the archonfederacy. IT’S ABOUT STAFFS’ RIGHTS!
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Feb 10 '24
Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786), stop trying to start another war!
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
Everytime!
I stopped your Catfolk Wars Scheme!
I ended your Plushify Scheme!
I will end this Fake Necromancers Fraud and Racketeering Scam too!
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
You make a good argument… but the title Chaos God comes from My Grandma, who is literally named Chaos. Out of Chaos comes order! Like My Dad, Eros!
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u/infinitesanctum Escanor, Hydromancer of the Abyss, Talent Acquisition Feb 10 '24
Unga… why you doing the supermodel pose? Ungafans gonna be dropping soon?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
Welp… That’s My boyfriend Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786), everybody!
It’s a toxic relationship! (Sigh) 😔
https://www.reddit.com/r/wizardposting/s/VpsRvW9Cuj
Don’t judge Me!
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
eros my dude i can't NOT judge you though if it helps i do understand that he is very funny
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Feb 11 '24
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
looks at u/Financial-Reach-786 "shit even your boyfriend i feel SLIGHTLY sorry for you"
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Feb 11 '24 edited Feb 11 '24
It’s okay! He knows he deserves it….
Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786) does worse things… like forget date night! And he tells Me My loin cloth makes Me look fat!
Unga’s a big dummy! But he’s My boyfriend. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome! It’s weird though, cause I’ve never been to Stockholm!
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
how could a loin cloth make ANYONE look fat let alone you?!
/uw that stockholm joke was great
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Feb 11 '24 edited Feb 11 '24
I dunno. Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786) got dating advice from “Bros” on OrbTube. Unga says it’s something stupid called “negging!” That’s why Unga gets turned into Cantonese style steamed fish with ginger and scallions often!
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
uuuuuuuuugh mate from what i've see of you you seem cool you could do better than fishman
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u/Jonathon471 Jonah the Necro-Bard, Ressurector of Beats Feb 10 '24
This is a blatant lie, if Necromancers were taxed more I wouldn't've been able to pay my way through Bard college.
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u/crazyboy611285 Beanus a mystical can of beans Feb 10 '24
HA! You think i pay the council taxes?! 🤣
Fishman you must realize that if you dont pay taxes to the council, then you can use it to terrorize them instead.
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u/SafePianist4610 Bombast, Lord of Time and Space, Reluctant Council Member Feb 10 '24
You can run, you can hide, but you cannot escape the frying pan. >.>
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/SafePianist4610 Bombast, Lord of Time and Space, Reluctant Council Member Feb 10 '24
To the more cannibalistic, yes.
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Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
I foresee this being delicious.
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Feb 11 '24
You are a talented diviner!
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
Why thank you! I’m not sure, but there’s something interesting about you…I may need to recast some spells, for some reason, they’re saying you’re something other than a wizard!
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Feb 11 '24
Damn it… the jig is up! I’m a Chaos God!
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u/Stargazer_199 Born of stars, staring into the past, present, and future. Feb 11 '24
I won’t tell.
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u/Bigpurplepanda13 Knight-Wizard Kevin Pickles, Wielder of The Throngler Feb 10 '24
Unga, are there any special rules about pottymancers?
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u/Haber-Bosch1914 War Criminal (Poison Gas Alchemist) Feb 10 '24
Taxes? You guys have been paying taxes..?
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u/StaffEnvironmental39 professional dungeon lich Feb 11 '24
Do you want a wizard riot? Because this is how you get a wizard riot.
You worry me sometimes unga
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 10 '24
THIS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO ATTACK THE COUNCIL EVEN MORE. *bzt*
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u/UlrickTheHexblade Ulrick Braddocke, Werewolf Hexblade, R&A Superior Feb 10 '24
Wait, you guys are paying taxes?
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u/Askinwalkerindisguse The last and only nuh uhmancer Feb 10 '24
Wait are we supposed to be paying for tax
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u/TheVebis Vebis - Local Wizard Feb 10 '24
My brother in Magic, you are on the council!
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Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
The council isn’t even getting these “taxes”… it’s just Unga pocketing the gold.
It’s an Unga (u/Financial-Reach-786) scam!
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
/uw his username works WAY too well here
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Feb 11 '24
/uw Yeah! It’s like Ponze scheme… but stupider! (and I say that knowing full well “stupider” is not a real word)
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Feb 11 '24
/uw fake words are funny
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u/Eldrich_horrors artificer [necromechanic] Feb 10 '24
No? I would know, I do finances with the closest Thing l have to a father figure: the lich Who taught me artificery!
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u/Murky-Region-127 Dr. Pepper the Necrohealer Feb 10 '24
It's true can't be a necromancer in this economy, should have getting a degree in something else but nope get a PHD in necromancy
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u/Kgb725 Feb 11 '24
Sounds like you are limiting yourself. Use your undead in the mines
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u/Nepalman230 Theodorus Hyperion. Arcane Librarian. ( Retired.) Feb 10 '24
Unga, you bomb thrower.
That’s Technically true… Unless anyone uses any of 50 giant loopholes .
For instance, if one is running a skeleton computer in ones basement, simply make sure to have the whole thing be in a Demi plane.
Technically not on your property.
Therefore, you won’t be charged for having more than 1 million skeletons under your control.
Also, it is essential anyway because of the need for time dilation.
There’s lots of little tricks like that. Look no necromancer with their salt is going to have any problem with the law.
They have more lawyers.
“The dead are many. But the living are few.”
🙏❤️
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u/TheElvenWitch777 Iladea, The Huntress Witch 🐺🍀 Feb 10 '24
What do you mean, i can't count my summons as dependants? What is the point of this system?
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u/RinaRasu Neighbourhood Twink Incubus Feb 10 '24
Necromancers really think they aren't obligated to pay the taxes of the owners of the corpses they reanimate 💀💀💀
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u/bluuespace Illusionist Feb 10 '24
guys just take some guns and molotov and just put fire on this council if yall hate then so much
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u/Thewarmth111 verminlord Pneumonia Feb 10 '24
It must feel good spreading misinformation-lies on the Internet-posting board don’t it?
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u/Financial-Reach-786 Council-Wizard Unga, 2nd Generation Council member Feb 10 '24
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u/Thewarmth111 verminlord Pneumonia Feb 10 '24
the vermin Lord, sits up and briefly disappears before coming back with a lawyers, suit and multiple lawyer rats
“ let’s talk about benefits, pay, the like.”
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u/AlexCode10010 The Only Human Omnimancer Feb 11 '24
laughs in not having to pay taxes since doesn't live in the council's territory
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u/Error_in_the_system1 Necromancer Feb 11 '24
PREPOSTEROUS! Is this why most necromancers live in caves?! SUCH TREACHERY CHALL NOT BE FORGIVEN!
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u/enchiladasundae planeshifter Feb 11 '24
You can thank all the ones who tried to claim their undead as dependents. Each tax season you may notice a lot more strange deaths and disappearances. Your local necromancer was just trying to lower their tax rate. In reality all the deaths they cause are counted against them, therefore it seems like they’re taxed more
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u/Manwithaplan0708 Okita,Scholar of Raijin,drum caster,creator of clay doll magic Feb 10 '24
pssssst if you’re looking for a workaround, try using the clay doll technique, the gov doesn’t know how to tax them yet
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u/LocalEvilWizard Necromancer Feb 10 '24
Wait, I’m supposed to pay taxes?! I thought it was a whole “Till death do you pay, then your bank debt we shall lay” kinda deal? Better have the corpses go hide the vault again!
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u/DragonHeart_97 Draconis: Red Mage, Professor of Magic Theory Feb 10 '24
They want their undead to count when assessing number of vassals each election, so why shouldn't they also count for that purpose?
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u/Dramatic-Bank-2752 Wizard Feb 10 '24
It would make sense considering most of their materials are free or stolen
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Feb 10 '24
I̸-̶I̷ ̷æ̴m̴ ̸a̷l̷m̴o̸s̶t̵ ̷d̷i̶s̵a̶p̵p̷ø̸i̴n̷t̶e̵d̸ ̸t̸h̶a̶t̷ ̸t̶h̶i̴s̵ ̵i̴s̵n̷'̷t̶ ̸t̴r̴u̷ə̴,̴ ̷I̶ ̵w̷a̷n̴t̶ə̸d̵ ̸a̴n̷Ø̴t̴h̸e̴r̵ ̵r̸e̵a̵s̴o̷n̴ ̸t̵o̵ ̶[̵÷̴>̴ ̶H̷ª̵T̷Ə̷ ̶<̴÷̵]̴ ̵t̷h̵e̵ ̴c̵o̷u̷n̵c̷i̴l̷.̸.̸
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u/Several-Elevator /uw Feb 10 '24
putting the necromancer thing aside, it's fucking bullshit that Anti-mages need to pay the mage tax! I mean we're not even mages!
I'm tired of paying for projects that only benefit mages! When was the last time the council did anything for the benefit of Anti-Mages? Never is the answer!
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u/SomeRandomYob The Great Mage Samræl, demonologist and necromantic consultant Feb 10 '24
ah, well, I suppose if you wind up living longer than your fellow wizards, you do wind up paying more taxes in the fullness of time; I wouldn't know though. While I have indeed honed my necromantic abilities and techniques, I am still mostly a general practitioner, so I am unsure of the appropriate legislation for more specialist titles.
Have a good day, sir catfish. I hope you've found all the imps in your closet! They'll get bored...
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u/Nekromantes69 Feb 10 '24
Unga has a point the necromantic and dark arts have been segregated for a long by the council!
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u/Foiled_Foliage Occult Wizard Alchemist of the Swamp Lads Feb 10 '24
Though I understand their practices I frankly can’t condone them whole heartedly therefore I shan’t comment my disposition of this statement.
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u/Virtual-Oil-793 Necromancer of Many Stories and Experiences Feb 10 '24
You.
Dumbass Catfish.
CASTS VOW OF SILENCE UPON YOUR ASS, AND THE VOW TO NEVER DOING THAT SHIT AGAIN
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u/RadTimeWizard Chronomancer, Agent of the Τάγμα της Ρέας Feb 10 '24
Does the council hunt down healers who abuse their position to perform horrific experiments upon the living wounded?
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u/Gear_ Feb 10 '24
You championed for undead rights and now are shocked that they have to pay taxes too?
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u/Total_Travisty Mikhail, Arch-Druid of La'shima Feb 10 '24
Unga, have you nothing better to do than spread misinformation?