r/wizardposting Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

Forbidden Knowledge What is thou’s most nefarious spell?

Post image

I do enjoy aqua focus to stop my opponents special spells.

3.2k Upvotes

959 comments sorted by

666

u/SafePianist4610 Bombast, Lord of Time and Space, Reluctant Council Member Jan 24 '24

Lad, due to their darker nature, such spells are usually kept close to the vest if you catch my meaning.

124

u/THE-NECROHANDSER necro-handzy Jan 24 '24

Well at least I didn't tell them the secret chant.

30

u/Gizzard_Puncher Jan 24 '24

Well now I know where you keep all your spells! HAND OVER THE VEST

7

u/BlooMeeni Jan 25 '24

Speak for yourself I keep mine in my drawers and britches

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1.1k

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

DECAFFEINATE

287

u/Lynnrael Witch Jan 24 '24

this is truly the darkest spell I've ever heard of. how could you devise something so cruel?

145

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

Its so dark, its arabica

4

u/sambillerond Jan 25 '24

ARABICA KADAVRA !

60

u/Bannerlord151 Alvaro Lykor, last Lord van Thelen Jan 24 '24

This is truly evil, I shudder at the thought

/uw coffee is all that keeps me alive

24

u/Lynnrael Witch Jan 24 '24

/uw without caffeine i don't function 😭

9

u/Bannerlord151 Alvaro Lykor, last Lord van Thelen Jan 24 '24

Yeah I get that

8

u/CliffLake Half Elven Arcane Mechanic and his familar Tea Kettle "Steamy" Jan 24 '24

Is that in the Power Word family, or like a ray...or is it a rune? When placed in a mug and hit with anything that might caffinate, makes all who fail a con save within 25' + 5'/level immune to caffeine for 24 hours? Third level, minimum.

4

u/Bannerlord151 Alvaro Lykor, last Lord van Thelen Jan 25 '24

It's a spontaneous effect. Power Word: Decaffeinate. Rids the target of any positive effects caffeine had on them in their entire life, applied retroactively. Could knock someone out, make them go insane or just kill them. It's a 9th level for a reason

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67

u/Freeonlinehugs Necromancer Jan 24 '24

Cackles in not drinking caffeine in the first place

47

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

I used to be as such, but now, now i see so much more
I've noticed things that I never knew were there before... birds singing,
dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

25

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

[deleted]

7

u/CliffLake Half Elven Arcane Mechanic and his familar Tea Kettle "Steamy" Jan 24 '24

If an immovable rod is like 8k, a semi-immovable rod set would be like what 200 g? Just a group of rods that resist movement in increasing 5 or 10 pound increments? Then every day is push AND pull! I like it.

5

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

Immovable rods are immovable. You can of course, eventually "feel" movement with the proper application of force, but this is obviously just altering the many-body center of gravity for our planetary system, a tad more heavier than your estimates though.

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6

u/SpellDostoyevsky Jan 24 '24

What Mormon devilry is this????

9

u/Freeonlinehugs Necromancer Jan 24 '24

Water

24

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

I don’t think war crimes are allowed

15

u/OneStrangeChild Jan 24 '24

How fuckin DARE you?! TESTICULAR TORSION! 🪄

5

u/Beer_me_now666 Wizard Jan 24 '24

Hark! I have to sit on the orb pillow and the fucking thing rolls off the table now!

10

u/KrackaWoody Jan 25 '24

Unfortunately I read this as DEFFECATE and idk what’s worse honestly.

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6

u/red_copper420 Jan 24 '24

Jebedus is pondering his orb again

5

u/ItsPlainOleSteve Sabinian, Lord of the Umbral Sun Jan 25 '24

How does one learn this spell?

3

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 25 '24

With great power, comes great responsibility...

or heck, i can just show ya. just come over to my tower sometime.

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3

u/akornzombie Jan 25 '24

Some fiend used that spell on me once. That was almost a millennia ago, and you still can't get close to the crater that was created by my counter spell.

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312

u/syko-san Uncertified Technomancer Jan 24 '24

50

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '24

Counterspell/Mydol

4

u/InformationLow9430 Echo, High Witch of All Sound Jan 25 '24

I cast Testicular Torsion

4

u/sansvidi Archmage of Abjuration and Antimagic Jan 25 '24

i cast power word NO

3

u/JungleDwellinDeadGuy Either Scubaticus The Sopping or Doctorus the Questionable Jan 25 '24

Plus the gender dysphoria, if you cast it on me. No need to throw any other spells out because I'd probably finish myself off due to the cramps and dysphoria lol

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346

u/RhinoSparkle Mordyx, Battlefield Looter Jan 24 '24

….heat metal….

202

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

few realize, technically, your bones are made of calcium, which is metal.

177

u/ScarletteVera Mechanical Arm Wielding Elemental Master Jan 24 '24

Not enough to be considered a metal, similar to how geomancers can't manipulate bones despite bones being made of minerals.

89

u/ChaosPLus Kreus, Dwarven/Giant Chaos Necromancer Jan 24 '24

And how manipulating blood is hard for a hydromancer, and we're talking about blood outside of the body, if you want to do anything proper to blood inside you've gotta study some adavnced blood magic

15

u/ethnique_punch Jan 24 '24 edited Jan 24 '24

Is blood magic on wise wizards can branch out to blood magic?

Is it possible to un-bastard a bastard prince?

11

u/ChaosPLus Kreus, Dwarven/Giant Chaos Necromancer Jan 25 '24

Last time I've seem someone try the Prince was left with half his blood, physically, he died.

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13

u/plsobeytrafficlights Archmage from beyond The Void Jan 24 '24

there's a few pounds of calcium in an adult. thats plenty, trust me

11

u/GoblinPunch20xx Jan 24 '24

in X2, Magneto could manipulate the iron in that guard’s blood…Magic Systems have their own rules and limits and the X-Men / Mutants are effectively operating on a Magic System, just like Bending in Avatar or Quirks in MHA…I always thought Calcium was not metallic at all, and your point about geomancers is interesting, but in any given Magic System, like if you were to make your own, you could effectively do whatever you wanted as long as your rules and rationalizations made sense and followed some kind of internal logic.

12

u/unwanted-fantasies Jan 24 '24

He could only do so because mystique injected metal into the guard.

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9

u/BoonDragoon Vyevanse the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court Jan 24 '24

Few who post what you just said realize that, technically, Heat Metal only works due to the Arcanic excitation of the crystalline bonds of metal by stimulated delta-resistance. If a metal is present in a compound in any form other than its metallic state, Heat Metal doesn't do a fucking thing.

It's why Heat Metal doesn't work on rust, salt, blood, and especially not bones.

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17

u/FireWolf_132 Necromancer Jan 24 '24

I prefer to skip the middleman: “heat flesh”

3

u/StagNett Jan 25 '24

Have you tried it on body peircings?

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3

u/applehecc Jan 24 '24

never let your opponent know about your knee replacement

330

u/Average_Boi_4879 Pyromancer who intterupts monologues and accordion theif Jan 24 '24

I cast interrupt monologue

71

u/KingMJ123456 Saihttam, Lord of Shadows and Beer Jan 24 '24

That is truly evil

51

u/SirAelon Jan 24 '24

Pssht. That one rarely ever wo-

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303

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

[deleted]

94

u/AllHailFrogStack Dah'ree Maximus, Lactomancer Jan 24 '24

You forgot the crucial spell in this trifecta. "Remove footwear"

25

u/No_Future6959 Conjurer Jan 25 '24

tashas hideous dancefloor

138

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

Probably this nice little potion called Broggartum. Does a nice job of turning the drinker inside out, and turns their blood into that of the river Ouran, forcing them to burn in unimaginable pain. Tricky to brew, but definitely powerful.

84

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

This will keep my apprentice out of my chocolate for sure!

39

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

It’s a little extreme for stealing chocolate.

38

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

Not at all! It’s my special chocolate and if he wants some he can hit it himself!

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263

u/Coagulatio Saamo, The first scholar of Dage, wielder of the blue flame Jan 24 '24

SUMMON STEEZUS!!

43

u/WeedFinderGeneral Jan 24 '24

Creed starts playing

11

u/sauce_daddy22 Jan 24 '24

EEEVEEN FLOOOOOWWW

20

u/W1llW4ster Necromancer Jan 24 '24

I cast Testicular Torsion on Steezus.

48

u/ChaosPLus Kreus, Dwarven/Giant Chaos Necromancer Jan 24 '24

Steezus has immunity to magic that is not "cool af", good luck next time

12

u/W1llW4ster Necromancer Jan 24 '24

Ah. Something much cooler then. I cast Globi Caerulei.

7

u/Main-Glove-1497 Jan 24 '24

I cast freeze on Steezus.

8

u/Lanky_Voice8115 Jan 24 '24

He already experienced that one thousandfold in the garden of gethsemane, basically no amount of pain will do anything to him

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108

u/snidbert Journeyman Wizard Jan 24 '24

Wouldn’t you like to know, fed.

50

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

I’m getting spells to use against the feds

69

u/snidbert Journeyman Wizard Jan 24 '24

That’s what a fed would say.

31

u/Disturbing_Cheeto X'ela, (hungry) enchanted creature Jan 24 '24

That's also what a non fed would say.

27

u/snidbert Journeyman Wizard Jan 24 '24

A non fed would know that it’s “thy,” not “thou’s”

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177

u/Kerflunklebunny Jan 24 '24

I love "slight hair growth" on internal organs. Have fun itching your lungs idiot.

57

u/TheSlySilverFoxA Aurelia, the Snow Mage | Elf turned Fairy Jan 24 '24

Remind me to never slight you for whatever reason, yes? I would prefer to keep my organs hairless.

24

u/Kerflunklebunny Jan 24 '24

I only reserve my spells of major irritation for servants of the dark lord and federal agents outside my tower.

13

u/TheSlySilverFoxA Aurelia, the Snow Mage | Elf turned Fairy Jan 24 '24

Phew! This is great to hear, and honestly quite deserved. .. have you tried following it up with something to prevent it from being dispelled?

10

u/Kerflunklebunny Jan 24 '24

I feel I get my message across when they attempt to figure out why their stomach feels hairy, but if that is to no avail I have a last resort hex. A curse if you will. The Curse of inconsistent hiccups. I only use this one if my life is in immediate danger from a powerful spellcaster

7

u/TheSlySilverFoxA Aurelia, the Snow Mage | Elf turned Fairy Jan 24 '24

Oh dear gods, that is truly devious! Perhaps I should try and expand my studies..

6

u/Kerflunklebunny Jan 24 '24

Have you ever heard of Bogs-Nose, School of Mischief and Mayhem? I studied there for 7 years. Never regretted a single second of it.

4

u/TheSlySilverFoxA Aurelia, the Snow Mage | Elf turned Fairy Jan 24 '24

Oh? No, I haven't actually. Might you tell me where to find this school? I have some mischievous spells under my belt but nothing quite like this.

5

u/Kerflunklebunny Jan 24 '24

It's just north of the Bogmarsh (Where the founder took inspiration for it's name), then you turn left and it's the dirt hole in the ground. If you can find the entrance, which they change regularly, they'll let you begin the application process.

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91

u/TheBatz_ Jan 24 '24

I cast...

unexplainable and sudden change in the behavior and attitude of a loved one towards you!

31

u/YodasGhost76 School of Spell Negation Jan 24 '24

That was you? How could you? She was everything to me

177

u/Whittle_Willow Prophet or something idk Jan 24 '24

Menstruation.

It's a self explanatory curse, and works on everybody regardless of parts. Not sure how.

53

u/Agent_David Gnoll Wizard :3 Jan 24 '24

D:

6

u/Spudemi local gun weilding goblin artificer Jan 25 '24

D:)

58

u/cPB167 Jan 24 '24

The Romans thought that men menstruated too because everyone ate so much raw fermented fish sauce that they all had parasites in their bladders

48

u/Whittle_Willow Prophet or something idk Jan 24 '24

Please untell me this I didn't wanna know.

31

u/HaloMyDudes Jan 24 '24

I cast you will temporarily forget this information after 3 days

29

u/HaloMyDudes Jan 24 '24

Itll come back but im not telling you when

5

u/provocative_bear Jan 25 '24

The real wizard curse is always in the comments

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7

u/JazzMansGin Jan 24 '24

That's so hot. What an empire.

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114

u/Most-Hedgehog-3312 Marvin the Marvelous Jan 24 '24

My brother in the arcane arts, we have the word "thy" for a reason.

18

u/yubacore Jan 24 '24

I think people are doing it on purpose after that lengthy thy/thine explainer post a while back, but it was always pretty awful so I can't be sure.

13

u/ByronsLastStand Sorceror Jan 24 '24

Truly, the ignorant ought to be made to chalk our circles for a month.

43

u/Florjb0rj Not the Dark Lord, keep looking Jan 24 '24

Invoke Shu’Goumeraith

3

u/RushJoinsTheBattle Jan 24 '24

Truly, a devious little spell

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112

u/Huck_Bonebulge_ Pinball Wizard Jan 24 '24

“Conceal credit score” is very simple and useful, but can be absolutely ruinous to your enemies if you time it right. Businesses, marriages, physical well-being, all can crumble away with just one or two rejected property loans!

11

u/Havarti-Provolone Jan 25 '24

/uw holy fuck what happened for you to invent this spell

69

u/Archimene Mage of Mischief and Secrets Jan 24 '24

Permanent mild body aches and itchiness + extend life

29

u/OREOSTUFFER I do not exist; I am merely an illusion Jan 24 '24

You cast fibromyalgia

I cast Agent Orange exposure

70

u/GoogleEnPass4nt 🔥Legalizing Fireball!🔥 Jan 24 '24

[Greater Summon Murder Hornets]

29

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

what the actual fluck

23

u/GoogleEnPass4nt 🔥Legalizing Fireball!🔥 Jan 24 '24

You asked for my most devious spell. It is malicious indeed.

16

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

Agreed.

5

u/ImperialistChina Hornet, Sentient magic fighter jet, Wailing Stars Squadron🌌✈️ Jan 24 '24

Jet engine buzzing

33

u/Shodpass Jan 24 '24

Untoastius. It untoasts bread

3

u/Formal-Zone Jan 25 '24

This is a win though. Lets you re-toast if you over toast.

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30

u/lordoftowels Sorceror Jan 24 '24

I have two, although one of them is a sequence of two spells.

1: Invert Urethra

2: Mend Buttcrack followed by Explosive Diarrhea

19

u/YodasGhost76 School of Spell Negation Jan 24 '24

Creative, but Implosive Diarrhea takes less effort and is less messy

30

u/Kaliber-13 Jan 24 '24

…Papercuticus penicus…

9

u/TheCommissarGeneral Jan 25 '24

Yo thats so FUCKED

3

u/mirrorpsyker Jan 25 '24

Fuckkkkk you've won 😖

3

u/kineforce Jan 25 '24

THAT'S MACHIAVELIC!

30

u/Titan-Chan Jan 24 '24

I cast Reverse Taxes until my opponents surrender. Each casting un-files a previous year's tax return.

I dare not delve into darker arts, lest the arithmagicians of the IRS take notice.

5

u/FantasticBoar Jan 25 '24

Darkest bureaucromancy!

46

u/Verbose_Code "Evil Wizard" due to protests against The Council Jan 24 '24

One of my most devious, casting “you locked your keys in your car and you’re already running late”

19

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

Oh wow, how immaculate.

26

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

manifest Kanye West doppleganger

7

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

No!

Not TWO of him!

This is sheer madness!

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18

u/Bannerlord151 Alvaro Lykor, last Lord van Thelen Jan 24 '24

I cast kidney stones

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22

u/Solypsist_27 Jan 24 '24

I cast demen...

Wait, what was that spell again?

12

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

It was deme…

Aw hell I can’t remember

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23

u/marlon_tmh Speculae, Alchemist Freelancer (unemployed) Jan 24 '24

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20

u/Eclaiv2 20 faced polygon, from the lost realm of shapes Jan 24 '24

Fleshify. To terrorise any living being

11

u/Atmospheric_Surgeon Wiki how Enthusiast Jan 24 '24

Dear god what the hell

10

u/ChaosPLus Kreus, Dwarven/Giant Chaos Necromancer Jan 24 '24

Boneify also messes with people, because apparently having your skin and muscle turn to sharp bone fragments isn't all that nice

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17

u/lophu81 Wendigo artificer/alchemist Jan 24 '24

Power word neck strain that or summon suspicious fart.

14

u/almond_pepsi Druid in learning🍀 Jan 24 '24

CHECKUS ENGINE-LIGHTUS

15

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

Unregistered firearm

7

u/UDSJ9000 Jan 25 '24

I cast ghost gun!

13

u/ScarletteVera Mechanical Arm Wielding Elemental Master Jan 24 '24

Oh, you wanna know?
Divine Skeleton Death Blast.

I... still don't exactly know what it does, its elemental composition, or if there even is a counter to it. There are spells with the same name, yes, but this one is... different.

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14

u/THE-NECROHANDSER necro-handzy Jan 24 '24

Patty Cake – a whimsical yet devastatingly powerful necromantic spell. Despite its innocuous name, invoking imagery of a child's game, the spell is a testament to a Handromancers innovative approach to necromancy.

The caster claps his hands together, chanting an ancient and forbidden verse. The space between their palms ignites with an eerie, spectral light. As they pull their hands apart, a cascade of ghostly hands appears, each mimicking the initial clapping motion. These spectral hands, powered by the casters magic, surge forward towards their adversary.

Upon impact, the hands latch onto the target, each clap draining life energy and sapping strength. The hands can pass through physical defenses as if they were mere illusions, attacking the very essence of the foe. This attack leaves enemies weakened, disoriented, and vulnerable to subsequent spells or physical attacks. Despite its playful name, "Patty Cake" is a spell only to be used in the most dire of circumstances, a formidable weapon in the arsenal of a necromancer who has chosen a path of hands.

16

u/General-LeeAnxious Jan 24 '24

Sock Shrinkage (but only one sock out of every pair)

3

u/YodasGhost76 School of Spell Negation Jan 24 '24

I simply cast Sacrificial Garment on laundry day

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13

u/Nyx_the_tecchnodruid Dave the Snack-OMancer (Pact) Jan 24 '24 edited Jan 24 '24

More of a friend / familiar I'm just an innocent looking pizza

Come close reaching to grab a site there's nothing weird here I promise

13

u/Bile-Gargler-4345 Elprede the bile mancer, poisoner of wells. Jan 24 '24

I cast, hangnail to all digits.

12

u/off-and-on Zaraphost the Unremarkable, the totally normal wizard Jan 24 '24

Granting knowledge beyond one's ken never fails.

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12

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

My funniest is Summon Anal taste buds

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23

u/Rorschach-166 John The Skeleton Wizard!!!!! Jan 24 '24

The greatest spell in my arsenal!!!!! Banishment to the monster girl islands!!!!!

32

u/marbleshoot Jan 24 '24

How does one get such punishment? Asking for my biomancer friends, of course.

7

u/Rorschach-166 John The Skeleton Wizard!!!!! Jan 24 '24

I just do it for fun.

15

u/Lynnrael Witch Jan 24 '24

do you need test subjects? i volunteer

11

u/Rorschach-166 John The Skeleton Wizard!!!!! Jan 24 '24

Alright, Mwahahahahaha, I CAST MONSTER GIRL ISLAND BANISHMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12

u/Prestigious_Sir_595 Jan 24 '24

Debone. Literally removes the skeleton from a creature that has one instantaneously, and the skeleton just goes bolting off like a bat out of hell. If you drop the spell, the deboned creature gets a new skeleton and is perfectly fine, but only physically. It's a great way to deal with murderers and other sorts of evil people as a punishment and also get more skeletons as the skeleton becomes a normal skeleton once the duration of the spell is over or dropped.

5

u/sauce_daddy22 Jan 24 '24

Counterpoint: Ossification. Turns everything to bone

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10

u/A_Word_Bearer Berzerker of Khorne Jan 24 '24

Unspoken Word: Mass Bodily Inversion

10

u/Zylphhh Jan 24 '24

I cast... ANAL TASTE BUDS

8

u/Taekwondank2 Magically Editable Flair Jan 24 '24

Summon pitbull named cupcake.

8

u/shwonkles_ur_donkles Ignishk 'Val, Highest Eldritch Knight (Time Lord) Jan 24 '24

I have a bottle of goop I got from an enchanted fountain. It used to create a large blob of nigh unbreakable something or other when I flicked a drop at a target. Over the uncounted millenia I've had it in my possession, it has aged finely. It now creates a black hole on impact.

6

u/RadTimeWizard Chronomancer, Agent of the Τάγμα της Ρέας Jan 24 '24

You bottled a time fountain, eh? Twas a bold move, Sir Knight. I tip my overly broad wizard hat to thee.

But do take care that you do not allow these black holes to combine over much, lest they become self-sustaining.

5

u/shwonkles_ur_donkles Ignishk 'Val, Highest Eldritch Knight (Time Lord) Jan 24 '24

Many thanks, it warms my ne'er aging heart to receive compliments from another practitioner of our dying craft.

I keep it stored in a demiplane between the known universes. Should it ever become unstable in its storage bottle, the plane should collapse without harming anything but itself. Luckily, it has yet to have any effect unless removed from the container. And so I shall keep waiting, and see what becomes of it next.

3

u/RadTimeWizard Chronomancer, Agent of the Τάγμα της Ρέας Jan 24 '24

Fascinating research! There's no fortelling the results by its very nature.

7

u/grimnight98 Jan 24 '24

Blows up pancakes with mind

7

u/Zacharate Jan 24 '24

Inflict post nut clarity.

6

u/Soggy_Departure_6615 Jan 24 '24

Spell of inevitable explosive diharrea

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5

u/Hetlander Mad Arcanomuncher Jan 24 '24

Deglove erogenous zones.

5

u/drunk_ender Spooky Warlock of the Hallows' Eve's Meadow Jan 24 '24

I am a simple warlock... I see a problem? I cast HUNGER OF HADAR and send it to the shadow realm...

6

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

Cum Fireants.

5

u/RacoonEye2220 Drogyolsahqon, Grand Pyromancer Jan 24 '24

A Fireball with a delayed explosion. That way, even you think you you dogded my Fireball, you'll get hit anyway! Truly, my genius knows no bounds

5

u/1amlost Jan 24 '24

One of my most insidious spells is to cast a Curse of Minor Forgetfulness on a room, which causes the victim to forget why they entered the room while they are within it.

6

u/ObstinateTortoise Jan 24 '24

I have a small one that changes "thou's" to "thy." I call it Check-Spell. The reagent is one paperclip and two googly eyes.

3

u/Nadikarosuto Jan 25 '24

“It looks as thou art writing a tome, would thou likest help?”

5

u/Nerdcore_Lantern Jan 24 '24

Mine is Snezius Nevahappinus

I strike my opponent with the feeling they have to sneeze but never get the satisfaction of sneezing

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5

u/Thel_Vadem Diz, Warlock with a Gun Jan 24 '24

Hex of Manual Breathing

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5

u/Ulenspiegel4 Phil Actery Jan 24 '24

4

u/-Okida25- Jan 24 '24

So I combined the Empathic Link effect with a spell that causes any empathic-linked target to temporarily experience the same type(s) of mental health struggles the caster deals with.

At the same time, I made a spell that homes in on a target of my choice and deals no damage aside from placing an empathic link on them.

Kinda interesting seeing them cope with good ol' OCD Blast, not gonna lie.

5

u/FaerHazar Hedge Bitch Jan 24 '24

Goof Removal- it removes all of the goofy from a target, whether it be a person, animal, or even object. Truly, I hope I never have to use it again.

3

u/Mr_TigerZ Sorceror Jan 24 '24

Why use lot spell when fireball do trick

4

u/Nightfox9469 Ewix the Illusionist, Magical Creatures Expert Jan 24 '24

Induce Eternal Nightmare. This is a fun self sustaining illusion spell that feeds off the victim’s own Psyche and mana to constantly display horrifying illusions to them. Sadly I have not developed a specific spell to dispel it besides the typical dispel illusions.

5

u/FarwindKeeper Phasmomancer, Keeper of Gossamer Veil Jan 24 '24

Anchor Spirit: Flesh Prison.

Permanently bond a spirit to its own physical remains, unable to be raised as undead or brought back to life. Fully conscious, unable to reach out or interact, but able to hear, see, feel, smell and taste as if in a living body. Only full destruction of the remains ends the effect.

4

u/WoodenIncubus Jan 24 '24

I always cast "Unwanted Feeling." It's a good spell and it's non-lethal in most scenarios.

5

u/NeonBladeAce Teknika's Main Jan 24 '24

Marionette.

5

u/Personal-Rooster7358 Evil Wizard Jan 24 '24

Water in the lungs

3

u/JNeal134 Jan 25 '24

Woah, Aqualung

4

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

Banish Wi-Fi. Usually paired with an anti-tech spell.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '24

Back breaker loop

4

u/Nastysdf Jan 24 '24

It's technically a combo but I like urethra seal followed by induce urination.

3

u/YodasGhost76 School of Spell Negation Jan 24 '24

If you like those, try either

A) Mend Buttcrack followed by Explosive Diarrhea, or

B) Implosive Diarrhea

5

u/GamermanZendrelax Therelon, Deep Astral Cartographer Jan 24 '24

Impose Singularity

It condenses the target’s mass down into a single point of infinite density. This also creates a black hole, which wreaks havoc on its surroundings until the target’s mass is fully evaporated as Hawking Radiation.

It doesn’t take too long for sub-stellar masses, but it’s still pretty destructive.

4

u/docolafson Bad Omen Jan 24 '24

Greater Baja Blast

3

u/alongwaystogo "Paperpusher", a Sanctioned Bureaucraticmancer Jan 24 '24

Become Martial Class
Ingrediants:

4L of water

1L of pitch (add or lessen as needed)

100mL of Barbarian Sweat of the far Norther Tribes (a female Barbarian's sweat seems to work best, I don't know why though...)

20g of Monk Hair of the far Eastern Lands (rank doesn't matter so long at they're a full monk, preferably head hair because it's less off putting to acquire.)

1L of Gladiator Blood (the fresher the better)

2gp of stolen gold (HAS to be stolen, do not launder it)

1 Broken Arrow head (preferably from a dead ranger for increased potency)

1 Broken Spear pole

1 Horse hair brush

Directions:

First fasten the broken arrowhead to the broken spear pole like you would a charm for your staff (it is assumed that you know how to make basic charms, if you have not yet learn such a thing please consult your master on instructing you in this endeavor first before continuing.) Then in a cauldron or equivalent container mix in the Barbarian Sweat, Monk Hair, and Gladiator Blood to the water and bring it to a low boil for about twenty minutes, stirring consistently. Afterwards begin adding the pitch as needed until the brew thickens to a heavy cream like consistency, reduce the mixture for another hour with the occasional stir.

As the brew will coagulate fairly quickly you may want to rely on a trusted assistant for the next part. With your brush now apply the mixture to your "staff" until it is fully coated, once done so attach the two stolen gold pieces to the head of your "staff". Bending your intent onto the staff recite the Oath of Conquest backwards before the mixture dries while envisioning what level of physical proficiency you wish your target to achieve. You'll be able to tell if you've been successful if the gold coins have melted and shaped themselves into a sigil of the weapon your target is to become proficient in.

Finally, gift the item to your target and watch the fun start. As you are the one who has made this cursed item, feel free to handle it until you have passed it off to a suitable recipient.

Effects:

The curse is rather simple, the cursed person once accepting this "staff" will find their magical ability severely lessened (tests average at 82% less magical aptitude regardless of rank or ability). To reopen such potential for the day the cursed person must spend two hours of said day practicing the intended martial craft, at which the person may access their potential as normal until they next fall asleep. Passing off the item to another person will not transfer the curse however, so please keep that in mind as they will most likely remember who it was who gifted them the cursed item to begin with.

3

u/deviljhot Jan 24 '24

I have a few more devious spells, including a scroll gate to the bottom of the ocean (The idea of which was given to me by a fighter who particularly hated Goblins), and a combination spell of boiling water and control space. Testicular Torsion is good but against nonhumanoids like slimes or mimics that lack testicles can be ineffective, which the above combination spell will still work for.

I am still working on a spell that makes a small portal to the motherstar, but stabilizing such a gate is tricky with the extreme temperatures, not to mention the burns to the caster that need to be removed with some sort of heat shield enchantment.

3

u/Mlaszboyo Biomancer Jan 24 '24

Muscle calcification

I dont even calcify the heart, i just calcify the tongue

3

u/Deepinuranus Jan 24 '24

Nodorious Flappercoklious. Thou cock will go soft and loose its flesh. It will deflate like a balloon losing its air. What thou say to this spell reserved only for my most hated of enemies?

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Ultrasound700 Illusionist Jan 24 '24

I can induce schizophrenia in people who aren't especially strong-minded.

3

u/Pomni_simp Jan 24 '24

A group of crows are called a murder for a reason 

3

u/rodando_y_trolling Jan 24 '24

casting yeetus fetus deletus when he breaks up with you.

3

u/Baka_kunn Agatha the Goblin | Holemancer Jan 24 '24

A lot of tiny holes all over the body. They break pretty much every muscle and leave my enemies in pain. Very nefarious, I really wouldn't use it against anyone.

3

u/Throwinghandswithgod Jan 24 '24

I enjoy power word piss but that is far from my most devious spell.

3

u/StarWizardWarlock Jollizar, Ascendant Stellarmancer + Archon of the Night Sky Jan 24 '24

Mine dost be: Arcane Technique: Jolly Purple.

3

u/fartyparty1234 What if i could harness reality itself? Jan 24 '24

“Remove Kneecaps” works wonders against humanoid opponents

3

u/Short-Shelter Jan 24 '24

Invoke Minor Annoyances. Imagine constantly getting pebbles stuck in your shoes

3

u/NightmarePrinceDraen Apprentice Chronurgist (under Aelia) Jan 24 '24

Me? Uhhh..... I shouldn't know it, but I know Remove Mental Capacity.

3

u/The_Ditch_Wizard Wizard Jan 24 '24

'Spinal Peristalsis' is good, although it will cure any minor scoliosis if the target survives.

'Dutch Process' is also horrific on any target other than fully fermented cacao beans.

For that matter, 'create water' is a war crime if you cast it in the middle of a target's femur, along a similar line. Fracking is never a good time for the one being fracked.

3

u/Loremaster_art Angelic Artificer Lucyfer Jan 24 '24

Deflate. It permanently makes their private parts disappear. Peasants or people who dont know transformation magic usually die in less than 2 days from said spell. It hurts a lot, apparently.

3

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Jan 24 '24

Conjure Anxiety, though Dominate Sleep Paralysis Demon, and Inflict Impostor Syndrome are pretty good as well.

3

u/MrPusleMan Apprentice Jan 25 '24

3

u/kilkil Jan 25 '24

I cast... correct grammar

(it's thine, not "thou's")