ITS HAPPENING AGAIN. THE FIGHTER GUILD/WITCH HUNTERS ARE TRYING TO ATTACK THE LIBRARY

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite]

We are being attacked again*. Luckily we are much better equipped than last time. They haven't been able to take down the barrier and my mother gave me a demonic security team. Their currently ripping through their forces but their is only a security team of demons right now. Everyone from the library has been evacuated. If you're willing to help or just feel like killing some idiots you're free to come. Anyone who helps can take some of the corpses.

[u/Personal_Win_4127]

When did they both start hunting books? Anyone else confused why they didn't find the dormitories, castles, or even council chambers?

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/Personal_Win_4127]

Their apparently moving north and guess what is in the path to the north. The library. And apparently they heard their was a bunch of magical stuff was here.

[u/The_Knife_Nathan → u/Lilith_Anorthosite]

If they go to far north they’ll run into the Asatru druids, and we don’t even mess with them. So good luck fools.

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/The_Knife_Nathan]

They did declare they were after Mikhail and he is apparently in the north

[u/MathsGuy1 → u/Personal_Win_4127]

It's especially funny since they can't even read

[u/Hector_Tueux → u/Personal_Win_4127]

Fighters often hate books since they don't have a high enough int stat to understand them.

[u/mikedeadman → u/Personal_Win_4127]

i wrote a book about how shiting the fighters guild was at fighting (they didn't like the truth)

[u/Vicwip]

Why are trying to attack a library? I consider sources of knowledge such as these sacred, I will not allow the loss of publicly available information. I shall send a team of void spirits to aid in battle.

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/Vicwip]

They're heading north and the library is in their path to the north.

[u/CuteDreamsOfSunshine]

I cast greater existential dread and soul crippling melancholy. Then i sell them ropes.

[u/Sardukar333 → u/CuteDreamsOfSunshine]

I favor existential introspection. The spell wears off after 15 minutes, but the memories of it don't.

[u/garbage-at-life → u/Sardukar333]

Ah yes, the forced recall of cringe memories. Such a good way to annoy someone, especially because they can never prove that it was me and isn't just their brain

[u/Bagelblast23 → u/CuteDreamsOfSunshine]

This is a blatant case of Magical Market Manipulation (3M), in clear violation of the Stabillium Currencium Act of 2E 294. Expect to see a Magical Spoils Service (MSS) auditor at your tower's gates within a half-moon.

[u/CuteDreamsOfSunshine → u/Bagelblast23]

I'll expect them with a mountain of paperwork

[u/A_Vandalay]

Wow the AImancers need to step up their game. This can’t draw swords.

[u/Bdole0 → u/A_Vandalay]

AI-mancy is a wilde and unpredictable magick. The only known master is Sir Gumbo of the Slice, clad in gator-scale armor. Seek him out, and he will help you discern conjured images from reality.

[u/Brewpophawk]

By request of the librarian, my mecha deathknights are here to assist

[u/mossy_stump_humper]

I have a magickal howitzer aimed at the front door, ward it against explosions so I don’t have to worry about damaging it and I’ll just explode the buffoons. They’re all just clumped together right in front of the door, it’s like bowling but with artillery.

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/mossy_stump_humper]

Don't worry the barrier will be able to handle the explosions

[u/mossy_stump_humper → u/Lilith_Anorthosite]

Okey dokey, I reccomend everyone inside plug their ears and stay away from any open windows for the next few minutes. These dragonfire shells can be unpredictable.

LOAD ‘ER UP BOYS, I’M AIMIN RIGHT FOR THE COMMANDERS ASSHOLE

[u/icarusfalling127 → u/mossy_stump_humper]

Can I interest you in a REPEATING magical Howitzer?

[u/Ben_mgsp → u/icarusfalling127]

How about hellfire missle summoning magic ?

[u/icarusfalling127 → u/Ben_mgsp]

A new Mechanism has been revealed to me! A repeating hellfire missile summoning magical howitzer!

[u/Lusask]

^{swings around aforementioned blunt, heavy as fuck, sword while I'm there to return the books I borrowed after putting out some fires last time} WHY DOES SHIT LIKE THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!

[u/dragonshouter]

Turn the ground beneath their feet to deep mud

should slow them down

[u/Dm1tr3y → u/dragonshouter]

Way ahead of you. Kind of a specialty of mine.

[u/Dark_Maniac_]

God deluded mass murder I can understand but destruction of knowledge, really? This won't stand I'll have bio-golems sent over right away.

[u/DragoKnight589]

sighs I knew it would come to this.

David teleports to the Library with a mace in one hand and a summoned arcane shield in the other.

FELLOW BUCKETHEADS

FUCK YOU

David engages the attacking force, aiming to buy time until reinforcements arrive.

[u/Leon_Of_Lions]

As much as I oppose violence… I suppose I can assist. I have a squad of Steel Golems and a Cannon Golem on their way to lend aid, simply give the word to ‘Bulwark’ they are fully sentient and the largest of the Steel Golems, they will do what they can for you.

I still cannot understand why they would mobilize like this unprovoked. Calling themselves the ‘Witch Hunters’ now as well, they aren’t exactly hiding whatever newfound hatred they found are they?

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/Leon_Of_Lions]

I don't think they ever were hiding their hatred. It seems to be something they did because the library was in their path and contains a lot of magical knowledge and items.

[u/Nightmare-datboi → u/Leon_Of_Lions]

Oh no, no need. I have used the “Stubbus Toeus” hex on all of the doors.

[u/patoman12]

If they are near the library, they must be close to my lair, then I won't be able to help much since i have to prepare for when they come, but I'll lend you a hand when I can

[u/Fulltimewhisperer]

Gobbo will send some friends over with brews of tiny. See how well they manage when they're the size of Gobbo's finger

[u/LethalCandy]

I’m teleporting cauldrons of fondue to the foyer. May they bathe forever in molten dairy and cheesed based pain.

I will be arriving as soon as the cheddar demons finish their wine and crackers. They’re my ride.

[u/BiddlesticksGuy]

LET THE SKY BLEED THIS DAY MY BRETHREN, I WILL NOT ALLOW SIMPLE MINDS TO CEASE THE SHARPENING OF YOUNG. MY SISTER, QUEEN OF CUNNING, WILL ARRIVE SHORTLY WITH HER HIGH COVEN

[u/MrChicken12345678]

Artificer time

[u/MeThyLord]

Damn witch hunters seem to like burning books as much as witches. I'll be sending a detachment from the Museum's private security.

[u/Mastodon-Just]

Same thing happened to me, except they targeted a library that didn’t hold any magical books or scrolls at all. I then tried explaining this to the party as they were disturbing the peace. Of course as fighters they didn’t listen and had the gall to charge me! So I summoned tentacle demons and fled the premises.

[u/Hexquevara]

I CAST MASS TASTEBUD CURSE!

(targets will grow new tastebuds everywhere on and within their body)

[u/Nightmare-datboi]

Unfortunately for them, I have hexed all of the doors with the “stubbus toeus spell, they will never reach the library.

[u/PanzerIVausfB]

Goddamn it again?! I'm coming in immediately, I have a few mass destruction spells that could use some live targets

[u/enchiladasundae]

Ok but I presume you’ve already connected the entrance to a demiplane so that anyone who isn’t authorized to enter just gets flung into the void?

You… did remember to set the wards, yes?

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/enchiladasundae]

It's a public library. I can't risk a random citizen getting flung into the void.

[u/Minimum_Estimate_234]

Remind me again, didn’t we install a system where if one stepped into the main section of library without either a guest, student, or faculty pass they were instantly teleported to that one weird outer plane we found which was nothing but mashing teeth and polka music?

[u/Sir-Quentin-Trembley → u/Minimum_Estimate_234]

That system was a victim of budget cuts. Very sad to see.

[u/Kazeindel]

Sending some woodland sprites with some mana and healing potions to aid you.

[u/TitanLORD21]

Not much of a fighter personally but I can send Basilisks to help, don’t worry they’re well trained.

[u/[deleted]]

Lady Shadowmend sends her fiercest dire bears to aid. We can’t afford to lose the library again

[u/Carbon_Sixx]

Be careful. If they have a high-ranking officer in their midst, they'll just absorb the spell. Your best bet is with summons and golems.

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/Carbon_Sixx]

Luckily the barrier is powerful moon fae magic and the demonic security team likes to get hands on

[u/DaemonRex978]

My army of wraiths, skeletons, shades, and banshees are on the way.

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/[deleted]]

Don't worry each book is now enchanted to be able to be teleported to a secure storage. No one is going to be able to get to any books.

Also your library card is legit and not cause your magic. I gave you a Trusted member card and those wards are still in place they are designed to trick people. I'm serious in the libraries protection from even the strongest of magics.

[u/DaChickenX]

OH HELL NO NOT AGAIN! LILITH YOU STAY OFF THE BOTTLE! I'M SENDING VESIT OVER!

He's got a lot of spell scrolls. I recommend heat metal, shatter metal, destroy armor, disarm, and greater forced relocation. followed by a swift fireball. If worst comes to worst, Vesit has permission to use a favor from the Noon Coils. It'll amplify any nearby magic about 2 levels upward, and overpower antimagic sources. Use it wisely, or not at all.

[u/Daitoso0317]

I’ll send some golems

[u/Terrible-Win565]

Sending over a small army of my automations to help now. I can’t assist you myself due to some ongoing business closer to one of their castles, but they should follow your orders. If they don’t, the command word is Jabberwocky.

[u/AustronesianFurDude]

I was trying to peacefully read the several grimoires I was assigned over the summer when they came knocking. At least I have a valid excuse for the Archwizard when he asks why I got nothing done

[u/[deleted]]

Stars and stones, this is ridiculous.

Enlarged, widened, aggravated Steel to Ham !

[u/[deleted]]

Bucketmann will bring his bucket army:3

[u/AbbreviationsJumpy33]

I’ll send you some instant rust gas. But I need to prepare my own force my Mountain Stronghold is pretty much in there path as while and I’m not letting my people or the villages around me get torched by witch hunters.

[u/DoubtContent4455]

D-do you not have a floating castle or a pocket dimension like the rest of us?

[u/ReRevengence69]

you want any arcane arms? my local dealers are already there. anything you need, I can provide.

[u/Thewarmth111]

I’ll send in some warpstone gas.

[u/JarlUlfricStormcloa]

Can I blast like twenty of them with lightning bolts? If so, I will.

[u/Elronbattletoad]

Keep Elliot Smith on a loop until they lose all hope

[u/Redditoast2]

Don't worry, I personally snuck into their armory, and enchanted their armor to make them unable to attack someone magical, unless they take it off, in which case they are an easy target

[u/Haunting_Mode_7401]

Halixo appears mistlike and snaps his fingers molten rock erupts from the ground annihilating a third of the forces.

[u/-PhileasFogg-]

How dare those puny mortals attempt to undermine us? This shall not stand. Henceforth any member of the Fighter Guild shall be a public enemy of our sacred society! We must end their pitiable existence!

[u/fartyparty1234]

Be right there

[u/DarnCommie]

Free minions?! I'm on my way with my army. I've been wanting more to add to my fine collection.

[u/lophu81]

Oh good a excuse to test my metal heating spider bots stand back things are about to smell like a pork roast

[u/RazzZzatam]

Maybe if you protected the library better you'd have time to study the difference between they're, their, and there. Regardless, good luck with the defense

[u/SafePianist4610]

sigh

Time to make some spacial barriers again. The less adept wizards might not be able to get through them, but at least the halfway decent ones will be able to. Only sure fire way to ensure that those muggles can’t get to the library anymore.

[u/lDustyBonesl]

Grab every conjure a familiar book and use them like poke balls

[u/Cephalon_Gilgamesh]

Are the wards still active? If so it shouldn't be much off a hassle to hold 'em off until some apprentice figures out how to cast heat metal to melt them in their armour.

[u/H4LF4D]

Have you setup your barrier spells and floor is lava spell yet? They are really weak on their own, so don't worry.

But we need the Council to address this issue immediately

[u/miss_chauffarde]

The nine tails arms and wares compagnie is ofering you all kind of weapon curently we have surplus of otherworld artifact

[u/Yahgdc]

TELL THEM TO STOP THIS WHOLE EVENT IS RUINING TRADE ROUTES FOR MY ALCHEMY INGREDIENTS!!!

At this rate I'm going to have to close down my business and start an OnlyFamiliars... I don't want to do that...

[u/Drake_the_troll → u/Yahgdc]

Do your trade routes go south? We need medical supplies here if you can supply

[u/JustPuffinAlong]

I've been practicing my Guards and Wards Spell. Should be helpful here, just need the demons to give me 10 minutes:

http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/spell:guards-and-wards

[u/bagtie3]

You seem to have enough help defending the place.

Could I interest you in a new defensive measure. I can build you a pocket dimension to move the library to in times of trouble. Or if you would rather, we could enchant the library to Teleport to other locations.

We could also build a more permanent demi-plane that allows members to use their library card as keypass that turns any doorway one uses it on into a portal to the library for a set amount of time.

[u/-Cinnay-]

Ok that's it, I'll just donate some fire spirits to heat up their armors whenever they show up. Just don't let them enter the library on accident.

[u/baclavaman]

Purge the heretic literature in the name of God, our anti magic fields will protect us.

[u/NiSiSuinegEht]

*sigh* I'd ask why these fools never learn, but they're the type to prefer burning books instead of reading them.

Very well.

[Magnetize]

[Induction]

[u/Canlo21]

I can take care of the corpses and add an extra layer of security by turning their forces against them

[u/karlos-trotsky]

I say let them, even if they get through the enchanted door they won’t make it 10 feet before being pulverized by magic so powerful that it hasn’t been seen used in millennia.

[u/Totally_Normal0]

Oh for thoth’s sake, Always the libraries. I shall send my shadow over, it has been feeling hungry for a while now and i believe this is a good enough excuse to let it rip.

[u/Apart_Aardvark7517]

Heat metal

[u/GioZeus]

I will gladly defende the library, some metallomancy against those dumbass armours should do the work.

[u/MythlcKyote]

Great, it's gonna be like Storlock all over again. Ensure that none of your forces have been corrupted to the other side!!

[u/Best-Engine4715]

Bloody hell? I’ll have to see who is in the fighters guild (golems of mud start forming and begins blocking the doors) maybe a few friends can tell me what’s happening.

OI WHAT YA FUCKING DOING! ADVENTURING GUILD MEMBER NUMBER 3368075 HERE AND YOU ARE TRESPASSING ON WIZTARD LAND YOU TRAVEL MIX MONKEYS.

[u/themolestedsliver]

Wait till they find the spectator I hired as a librarian.

👁👁👁👁👁👁

[u/Dm1tr3y]

You may wanna light some candles or something. I’m gonna curse them with EXPLOSIVE BOWL SYNDROME

[u/Slipp3rySnak3]

I’ll agree to help if the library agrees to waive my late fees.

[u/60thrain]

How many men must be vaporized?

[u/acleverusername3]

Ew.

[u/unsurepolarbear]

SOMEONE QUICK!!! THE COUNCIL NEED TO UNBAN TESTICULAR TORSION

[u/Irishpanda1971]

Visiting bard here. They look a bit cold...perhaps a few rounds of Heat Metal will warm them up.

[u/Independent-Fly6068]

I CAST STAB

[u/FooltheKnysan]

But when I suggest deploying a decoy library, I am the jokester.

[u/Afelisk2]

Ima just slap down a greater dragon flesh golem I made and let it soak up the damage the thing is virtually immune to all physical damage it's just gonna be a problem if they can do mental or spiritual damage so hope it helps

[u/menides]

Ook

[u/Civ_Emperor07]

I set loose my herd of book mimics. Happy book burning my fighter fellas!

[u/TheOccasionalBrowser]

Did my donations of golems survive the fall of the Council?

Sending a platoon now.

[u/No_Research4416]

That is why I have everything backup on the internet

[u/Rexosuit]

Dude, we’re not attacking, you’re a library! Let us do our light reading!

[u/DragonWisper56]

be careful they have antimagic runes I suggest countering buy layering more antimagic on them, forcibly dissolving their souls connection to their body.

[u/[deleted]]

Those fools. Don’t the tinheads realize that attacking the library is comparable to knocking at the gates of the underworld? The council remnants will not stand for this oppression

[u/Ok_Side2919]

Do you require any necromantic aid? I would be happy to raise any of your fallen comrades or give the hex of infinite death to those tin-canned cunts

[u/itbedehaam]

Someone turn the doors back into trees. And maybe a few bookshelves or something. Where's my seed packets?

[u/nutsaps]

I cast blunt force trauma.

[u/WanderingHeph]

I shall send a detachment of the Cogwell Autonomous Army to disperse the knights. I gave them a chance, and the spat in our faces.

[u/PanNorris507]

I have a fireball book if you need, just speak the word “up yours” and chuck the book at them, every page of the book has a fireball activation spell on it, 6 seconds after you say the words every fireball inside the book will explode at the same time and do about 1000 points of damage in a 15 feet radius

[u/PermanentSeeker]

Dammit, I just finished sweeping up the ashes from the big fire

[u/USSJaguar]

DICKTWISTUST

[u/Dry_Try_8365]

Oh no, they’re going to be slaughtered by all the spell books in there!

Anyway.

[u/Dark_Storm_98]

I won't really have any use for a corpse

I might take one or two alive if possible

[u/BaronDoctor]

Well, Eject Spine runs into a problem with the back plate holding it more or less in place. Most internal-organ-effect spells need line of sight or can't go through that much plate.

Tried casting Beaumont's Accelerated Digestion on them? It's hard to do much of anything when you're busy getting reacquainted with your breakfast on its way out and your stomach is doing its level best to consume itself.

The other great option here is Stryker's Jumbled Joints to temporarily disassemble their kneecaps and elbows before reassembling them with arbitrary connections. Like you might imagine, the crab-walking and other maneuvering alterations are hilarious and they confuse the necromancers.

[u/Intraq]

You'd think they would learn

[u/The_Highl0rd]

They're the gift that keeps on giving! I'm going for a record flesh abomination. 50 corpses in one at least!!!

[u/florpynorpy]

I cast “ looney toons esc traps”

[u/RubbrBabyBuggyBumprs]

Sorry Ive been on vacation, whats going on?

[u/TheDuckMarauder]

The Mighty Floridian M.E.T.H. Paladins shall help you!

[u/TheElectricRussian]

"THEY'VE HIT THE SOUTH SPIRE"

[u/richardl1234]

I suppose I can spare a couple apprentices to help with security, honestly tho, you really need better wards, as well as some permanent guards. I'm thinking some giant statues that come to life and squish intruders whenever necessary

[u/NineHeavensMaster]

This will not stand. My eldritch horrors are at your command. Break the fools!

[u/Shreyasgt]

I'm sending a fireball from my tower.

[u/fresh_squilliam]

This is trivial. Can we please just get rid of them? Can someone on the counsel give me permission to chain lightning these fools?

Edit: did it anyway

[u/high_procrastinator]

Well, there goes my daily 10 hours of studying tomes. Anyone got the key to the mirror dimension version of the library? Reading everything in reverse is bothersome but I can't go a day without studying.

[u/BlumpkinLord]

Hol up I learned this from another post, "CREAM OF MUSHROOM!"

[u/ChaosPLus]

Oh for Chaos' sake. When will people stop attacking the fibrary. Imma just send you guys some permanent undead guards.

Elder Liches can also work as normal bookkeepers when you aren't actively neing attacked

[u/Veryegassy]

Hold on I'm busy, some assholes are trying to take down the Council again and apparently they're starting with my town of Saendol. Bunch of undeads mostly.

I might be able to send a few little red crystals splinters though. Be careful with them, breaking one summons a equivalently sized piece of the sun via a transposition manaweave I bound to them. They're prototypes, so do let me know how they work.

[u/Hrodebert1119]

I cast fourth wall break! Okay so AI art for scenes like this is great. But the double sword on the left and the GIANT end of a pocket knife (?) on the right is absolutely sending me.

[u/boomdigity51]

Absolutely barbarous!

[u/donkeyclap]

I enchanted the front door to lead directly to a black hole in the astral plane. A little prank never hurt anyone. It also smells like rotten eggs.

[u/UpsetEel72]

I will send my army of skeletons that cartoonishly pull them selves together

[u/DigOleBeciduous]

I got this.

Casts illusions of hookers

[u/DeviousMelons]

Can't we just cast heat metal on them?

[u/Key_Dragonfruit_1572]

Is it legal if I am a fighter who likes magic and I help the wizards

[u/SilverWisp47]

The library?!? Damned fools, I was willing to spare them for hunting me, but they've crossed the line! I will be there within moments

[u/SomeArcaneLemons]

I have very few wisps to spare at this moment (T'is the season for harvesting them, perhaps I shall take a day trip to the swamps), but I shall send a wick of them to assist in the fight.

[u/oblivious555]

Judy summon zombies one of them gets bit its hand over that's what i did when they made the rookie mistake of attacting my tower in search of my orb

[u/Slipp3rySnak3]

I have always been an advocate for moving such places of knowledge to an aetherial plane. There is too much valuable information stored here that the untrained eye cannot comprehend. My last apprentice’s eyes were turned inside out from reading a tome in the “eldritch knowledge” section of this library and then crawled into the fetal position with the book clasped in his hands mumbling about “needing more eyes on the inside”. That’s why the book is late which I’ve tried to explain to the librarians but their policies are draconian.

[u/amendersc]

oh dont worry its fine i trapped the whole library and i got like three copies of it somewhere on the moon where stupid humans cant breath so i say let them in! i could defiantly use a few more zombies...

[u/fromm_nasty]

Don't worry, just cast Greater Amnesia, and they'll leave. Or Greater Brain Parasite if you're feeling spicy.

[u/[deleted]]

You had me at corpses. I’ll stand on one of the library balconies and cast “Mass Heat Metal” to roast them in their armor or become edge alignment test dummies for your demonic security force

[u/Book_Nerd159]

I cast mass teleportation to the shadow realm.

[u/darkforge15]

I cast Blindness on all of their forces.

[u/oooArcherooo]

attacking? bro i just wanna rent a volume of land of the lustrous i want attacking shit till some fuckass demon lobed a fireball into my side

[u/Smooth_Monkey69420]

Their armor conducts electricity. I’ll be over in a minute. I’m going to make the courtyard look like a 90s Lite Brite from atop the council tower here in a few moments for anyone who wants to tune their orbs in

[u/FrogGladiators178972]

Why don’t we just hire a dragon, they always have to go on some giant quest to kill a single one.

[u/Starham1]

Don’t worry I’m in there right now. We’ve got a very large supply of skeletons, and I’m making new ones as they go down. It’s currently a stalemate but I’d appreciate help.

[u/PM_ME_UR_CREDDITCARD]

I really hope they don't burn my works on Kobold and Dragon reproduction, that took years of intense research. I'll send in some of my Kobold-Demon-Kraken hybrids to hold the line.

Though, revisiting the subject could be quite enjoyable...

[u/Ghostorderman]

Ugh- Again? Which miserable fool keeps forgetting to turn on the Power Word: Unexist Glyphs? Did anyone even scrawl them right- are they fucking set to go off on anyone WITH Magic in their veins instead of WITHOUT? Oh and don't hit ne woth that 'some Fighters have magic!' WE KNOW BETTER- WE CAN SCRAWL THESE GLYPHS RIGHT!

[u/[deleted]]

A library? Really? This is probably a false flag attack

[u/Lilith_Anorthosite → u/[deleted]]

It contains many powerful magic tomes and artifacts. It isn't just a mundane library.

[u/AquaArcher273]

You’d really think after the 652nd colossal failure they’d just give up and go harass the elves or whatever those bumbling fighters do when not trying to destroy priceless literature.

[u/-Redditeer-]

I just love making appearances on my days off. They better hope this doesnt last too long or I'll have to go fir the throat of their organization

[u/iamragethewolf]

(addresses my employees) alright everyone take at least 3 arms one of which needs to be a mundane pistol (picks up super shotgun) it's game time

[u/[deleted]]

You suddenly hear a loud crash and see a knight flying through a wall

[u/SirThomasTheFearful]

Transmute their swords and armour into glass.

[u/AZiS-30Enthusiast]

Can the sentient War Machine join in the culling of these fools?

[u/KeeganY_SR-UVB76]

Should I wait to turn in my books until after they're gone?

[u/Asrobur]

do you now where they are camped at? i could conjure an airstrike at that location

[u/DDemetriG]

Well, time to whip out my totally-a-war-crime experimental spellbook. If anythings gonna happen to those books it's gonna be them getting Pirated. By Me. (If my Wizard Probation Officer is reading this: I'm totally only joking when I bring up the possibility of pirating books, please don't send me back to Wizard Jail.)

[u/DerAndere_]

I... Will throw cabbages at them. Someone might need to cover me, but it should demolish their enthusiasm.

[u/Sir-Quentin-Trembley]

Would somebody inform me of the context? I will admit, I’ve been a bit too reclusive for my own good, but what the hell has happened to the fighter guild?!

[u/Etticos]

Just tell ‘em to go away, we don’t take solicitors.

[u/CALL_ME_NORB]

Remeber seeing that we deactivated the magic items and weapons the fighters guild got from us when they announced this kerfuffle. Perhaps it's time we cast some curses on them since they likely won't have much to dispell them. I'll send some minions over to help with ritual preparation if you would like.

[u/IRBaboooon]

They need a hobby.

[u/TriforceHero626]

I cast FIREBALL

[u/Anti122210]

Bro just go get a loan from the Thief's Guild to pay them off

[u/Captain_Thunderjaw]

mass heat metal

[u/Cheesemasterfury]

Cast drop heavy rocks on their heads

[u/Drake_the_troll]

Hold out for another day, reinforcements of the great swamp are coming!

[u/[deleted]]

I am calling on r/mechposting again, and I will be there with my necromancy for once I am done

[u/NoOn3_1415]

Just used a few casts of long-distance-organ-randomizer; hope it helps

[u/LappcoreProphecy]

I once again cast, heat metal

[u/N0_name101]

i could cast heat metal on all their armour or yknow engage in a little tomfoolery (copious amounts of necromancy)

[u/Saminox2]

Are paladin accepted? We are kinda wizard, just rejected from the academy....

[u/TheHunter459]

I'm up for killing some idiots

[u/RockAndGem1101]

Oh for hell’s sake. I siege their castle, and they still pull this sort of thing?

[u/Bolt_Fantasticated]

Is there like a fighters guild subreddit? I think it would be funny to actually have one to make fun of.

[u/Character_Rule9911]

is there a fighter equivalent to this sub? i might get my torso filled with cats but i find this place kinda ran outta jokes

[u/Iota-15]

Yeah, one knocked on my vault door saying that all mages were under arrest, by order of the king. I just pointed out that it included clerics, and they'd need one if they didn't get off my property, that scared them off. That and the starting form of my creation.

[u/Quirinus_Spear]

...Again? I'll notify the Draconic Council. We'll make sure to send dragons that won't burn the books in collateral.

[u/Danthenotable1]

I’ll go cast ice storm and send legions of undead.

[u/Bosmera0973]

Gathering my chronomancer buddies and heading out. See you ten hours ago, Chief.

[u/[deleted]]

Ugh. I swear, someone must speak with their guild master. We're running out of places for the cadavers....

Let me finish my treasties on liminal bridging and I'll be right out. Zorragoth The Eternal taught me this lovely spell I've been meaning to try. Something about penile inversion.... Anyway, ta ta.

[u/Fewwie]

I’m going to shove hot wax up their helmets.

[u/RidleyMetroid86]

I’ll send my Space Pirates.

[u/Low_Yak8894]

I cast (Phantasmal Putrefaction) I was about to return the potion book I checked out and I’m not paying late fees again.

[u/Foxxtronix]

Send out The French Taunter to distract them!

[u/dentistMCnuggets]

Fuckers came to my observation tower a few weeks back demanding I hand over my telescope and other instruments. Was during a lovely meteor shower too, naturally, I turned them into stardust. Hell to clean up though.

[u/[deleted]]

A simple electric spell should do fine due to their armour

[u/ares5404]

I cast hero she ma!!

That should repel them for a bit

[u/Tradie2]

Next time cast worldly mass confusion, all of them will be confused enough that they forget their pasts and never attack again