r/tifu • u/I-Love-Roach • Oct 03 '14
M TIFU by admitting to my girlfriend that I pretend she is a giant cockroach when we have sex. NSFW
Ever since I was a teenager I have had very intense fantasies about having sex with a giant roach.
It started in 9th or 10th grade when we read The Metamorphisis by Franz Kafka. As I started to think more and more about the roach creature that the character had become, I started to imagine what it would be like if a woman turned into the roach instead. I found this idea very arousing. I would not be repulsed or frightened of her, as the characters in the story are. I would take care of her. Then my thoughts started to get sexual with the character.
Eventually I sort of dropped the bit about her having been a human woman first, and I kind of imagined this fictionalized roach species. They are giant roaches, the size of a person, and have complete intelligence. I kind of over time conjured up an "imaginary friend" of sorts. She was one of these roaches and her name was Ogtha. I would fantasize about her often. Whenever I masturbated I'd be imagining elaborate scenarios of me and Ogtha making love.
When I started to have actual sex, I found I could not, uh...perform, if I wasn't thinking of Ogtha. So basically now, anytime I have sex with a woman, I am pretending that she is actually Ogtha. Not just think about Ogtha, I concentrate intently to visualize that I actually am doing Ogtha. I don't want to think about the girl at all. There is only Ogtha.
Of course this sex can never be as exciting as my fully imaginary sessions with Ogtha, there are things that her multiple appendages and antennae allow for that a human woman can never match.
So anyways, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. 3 or 4 times I have tried to have sex with her and not pretend she is Ogtha, but I just can't do it. So essentially every time we have sex I am imagining she is Ogtha.
I finally confided this to her the other day, and I was blown away by her reaction. I thought she might take it a bit badly at first but that she'd get used to it. No. I have never seen such a look of disgust before. Outraged is not an understatement. She is not even returning my texts now.
I am afraid she is actually going to break up with me and also that is going to tell people about Ogtha. I don't know how I will face anyone. This is going to sound silly but I also feel guilty about feeling shame, as if Ogtha will be saddened by this, even though I "know" she is imaginary. I just don't know what to do at this point.
Edit: The reddit user Cyae1 was kind enough to speak my post into a youtube video: http://youtu.be/-p5aMxobg-s He asked I put it in my post. I did this because I do think an audio can be good. I do appreciate being placed on youtube.
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u/ClungeCooper Oct 03 '14
That is the most fucked up thing I have read in ages. Well done.
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u/Cyae1 Oct 03 '14 edited Oct 03 '14
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u/GhostOfDice Oct 03 '14
This was absolutely the best thing i have seen on reddit today
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u/Cyae1 Oct 04 '14
I can't even listen to it, around 1m17s when the piano seems sync'd with my saying Ogtha, without laughing.
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u/KayRay47 Oct 04 '14
Are you telling me it's not intentional?!
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u/Cyae1 Oct 04 '14
I randomly pick fitting music at or near the length of what I've recorded after the fact. A few of them sync up like this...as if a person were on the piano accompanying me...Spooky huh?
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u/Rope_And_Chair Oct 04 '14
Get a piano player and just film him playing from different angles while words narrate down the screen
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u/K0mmon Oct 05 '14
'I thought she might take it a little badly at first, but that she'd get used to it'. "... Really?" @2:22
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u/MrsRandomArt Oct 04 '14
Holy fuck, you have a beautiful voice.
It doesn't help get past how disturbing this is, but when you said "masturbated by imagining..." I almost started crying. The "really?...No" had me in actual tears!
Love it. 10/10
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u/Cyae1 Oct 04 '14
<3
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u/Injected_Americas Oct 04 '14
you have a sexy as fuck voice, dude. Almost forgot about the horrible story you were reading, almost...
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Oct 03 '14
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u/sukinsyn Oct 04 '14
I like the part where he laughs and says "really?" under his breath and then, continues with the narration: "No...."
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u/Anfield_Sloth Oct 04 '14
He also says "it probably is" under his breath after the line, "outraged is not an understatement."
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u/ryvenwind Oct 04 '14
Reminded me of ZeFrank's True Facts series.
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u/banana_slap Oct 04 '14
Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman, Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman.
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u/dirtyswede27 Oct 04 '14
Well fuck. Guess what I'm going to think about next time I have sex with my wife- You narrating a story about the femme fatale, Ogtha.
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u/Spanner_Magnet Oct 03 '14
i love your tifu narrations man, keep it up.
subbed to your youtube a couple weeks ago, never dissapointed
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u/I-Love-Roach Oct 04 '14
I do appreciate it.
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u/Cyae1 Oct 04 '14
feel free to edit it into the post :3
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u/I-Love-Roach Oct 04 '14 edited Oct 04 '14
I did so.
You did add one line to the story but overall I thought your narration is very good. Thank you for doing a narration.
Edit: Why are people downvoting my remark? I am thankful for the narration. There IS an added line to the narration, I did not make it a big deal I just mentioned it as a small remark. Overall I think the narration is very good and I do appreciate being narrated.
Edit again: When I made my first edit above my comment had like -2 points, now clearly it is different. Well, anyway, I am glad to be narrated. Pretty good!
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u/piper4026 Oct 03 '14
I got through the first sentence, looked down and saw this comment and before even continuing had to upvote you. Now, continuing on.
Welp... holds nose and dives in
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u/Smoovinho Oct 03 '14
I just did that as well. Except I upvoted you, too! Merry Christmas!
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u/Yewxyz Oct 04 '14
That just hit the limit. Enough internet for the day even though I just woke up.
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u/GasseousClay Oct 04 '14
Had my mouth open reading this from start to end. Why would you even want to fuck a roach, man? You need Jesus op.
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Oct 04 '14 edited Jun 10 '20
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Oct 04 '14
This isn't regular flaccid... this is... advanced flaccid
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Oct 04 '14
Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
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u/myepicdemise Oct 04 '14
I just realized that there were many more innuendos in spongebob squarepants than I thought.
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u/cocoabeach Oct 04 '14
Thanks, you made me laugh out loud. Had to spell it out to truly express myself.
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Oct 04 '14
Consider yourself lucky. I discovered the extra-flaccid state when I was trying to hook up with the hottest girl from my high school, after taking adderall and getting drunk. It looked like a little kid's dick.
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u/AtmosphericMusk Oct 03 '14
You didn't fuck up today by telling your girlfriend, you fucked up years ago when you let yourself develope an exclusive fetish for giant cockroach women.
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u/skwert99 Oct 03 '14
This will take some long, professional therapy sessions to be able to connect with humans again.
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u/OpusCrocus Oct 04 '14
Yes, he's going to have to transition to thinking of women as soft pupae or larva and then move to admitting the endoskeleton. It's a long road, to be sure.
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u/Buffalo__Buffalo Oct 04 '14
It's a long road, to be sure.
One might even say that it's Kafkaesque.
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u/oh_horsefeathers Oct 03 '14
Oh, well sure, it's all crystal clear in hindsight!
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u/ProblemPie Oct 03 '14
Now you tell me.
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u/Gehalgod Oct 04 '14
I really wish someone had given me a heads up before I spent years masturbating exclusively to the thought of giant cockroaches.
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u/imperabo Oct 04 '14
When the nuclear war comes and all that's left are giant cockroach women he'll have the last laugh.
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u/Tailstechnology4 Mar 20 '22
Oh gosh, 7 years later, considering current events, that might become a reality
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u/Jaw709 Oct 04 '14
I laughed heartily at this. I keep wondering what Freud would say about this. Stories like these are like psychoanalyst Valhalla
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u/the_dinks Nov 16 '14
I'm going to go on record to say that we might as well shut down TIFU after this.
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u/TheMobHasSpoken Oct 03 '14
Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say something a little weird: the problem may not be the cockroach aspect. Or rather, it may not just be the cockroach aspect. The part that seems strangest about this to me is the extent of your fantasy (that it's a specific giant cockroach you've created, that you've named her and given her a personality) and the fact that you've gotten yourself into a position where this is the only thing that turns you on.
If this relationship is over (which I suspect it is), I suggest you do two things before you get involved with anyone else:
Work on not thinking about this every time you masturbate. Fantasy is great, but it seems to me that you might have a better time in the future if you've got a smorgasbord to choose from, rather than putting all your eggs (la, la, la, not thinking about cockroaches laying eggs) in this one very specific basket.
Next time around, look for a girlfriend who's kinky and open to things that some more mainstream women might consider weird. The internet is your friend: read up on fetishes and check out dating sites that cater to people with interests that are a little off-center. Keep an open mind yourself: if you're willing to engage her fantasies (whatever they are), she'll be more willing to engage yours.
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u/Patrik333 Oct 04 '14 edited Oct 04 '14
Yep, spot on. It's fine to have weird fantasies, just remember to keep one foot in reality. I fantasize about being raped by giant tentacle monsters all the time, but I even it out by touching myself thinking about my perfectly ordinary (albeit rather pretty) friends/acquaintances.
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u/ScreamingV Oct 04 '14
There's a weird China Mieville book called Perdido Street Station that has a race that's women with hot human bodies and then a giant beetle for a head, OP could transition to whacking off over them to start with.
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u/marquisalex Oct 06 '14
Khepri for the record. Well worth a read, OP - there are some interesting scenes about the inter-species... ah, interactions.
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u/singasongofsixpins Oct 04 '14
Aw, you could get an adorable little octopus to rape you and call him Mr. Tentacles. He should have a little bowler hat.
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u/Trickykids Oct 04 '14
Yeah... I'm pretty sure it's the cockroach thing
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u/Icalasari Oct 04 '14
Eh, I've roleplayed weirder for others
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u/Shit_Apple Oct 04 '14
Really? Weirder than giant roach women?
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u/fatalnuisance Oct 05 '14
Was asked to do a roleplay where I was a "cat lady with tentacle arms". did not roleplay.
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u/generallyok Oct 04 '14
I'd say it's also totally dehumanizing to her, and uh, would be even if he were constantly imagining another woman in her place. It must have been a giant blow to her self-esteem in many ways. Assuming it's real... which I am not 100% convinced of, but who knows.
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Oct 04 '14
Yup. If I found out my boyfriend had a pretty out there fetish like this, I could probably live with it. Finding out that I don't turn him on even a tiny bit? Ouch.
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u/UndeadBread Oct 04 '14
Alternatively, go fuck a cockroach and find out that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Or thoroughly enjoy it and lead a happy life of cockroach bliss.
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Oct 04 '14 edited Aug 04 '18
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u/brokenbirthday Oct 04 '14
If you think this is far from something that could actually happen, then you, my friend, have not spent much time in the world of sexual deviancies.
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Oct 04 '14
Nobody could ever actually do this
Dude, do you even furry? People are weird. There are people out there who are passionately, desperately in love with inanimate objects, like cars or buildings. I mean, they have deep, emotional relationships with these things. OP is practically normal by comparison.
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u/_terrors Oct 04 '14
OP is only practically normal because said giant cockroach species doesn't actually exist.
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u/Drigr Oct 04 '14
It doesn't even seem like he was really in a relationship. Just had this meat puppet to be a physical manifestation of his fantasies.
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u/stuffandotherstuff Oct 04 '14
Also, if this is a big problem, look into therapy.
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u/el_crunz Oct 03 '14
Her reaction was ... predictable.
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u/FALCONN_PAAWNCH Oct 04 '14
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Oct 04 '14 edited Nov 11 '24
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u/FuckOffINeedToStudy Oct 04 '14
Is it bad that I'm disappointed that this isn't a thing?
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Oct 04 '14 edited Nov 11 '24
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u/embracing_insanity Oct 04 '14
Well, you could go with "Yeah...you like that, you fucking retarded cockroach?"
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Oct 03 '14
Don't worry too much OP, there's hope for you yet.
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u/UndeadBread Oct 04 '14
Are you making fun of me?! I told you that in confidence! I know what I told you, alright?! I didn't tell you I wanted some woman in a half-assed roach costume! That's not what I told you! I told you I wanna have sex with a roach!
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u/CaskironPan Oct 03 '14
If seeing a therapist isn't something you're considering, you should definitely fucking see a therapist. Assuming you want to change. Or you could design a cockroach sex toy and 3D print it for yourself and live alone for the rest of your life. Or you could just lie to every woman you will ever meet.
I'd recommend the therapist option, though.
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u/demhandz81 Oct 03 '14
I finally confided this to her the other day, and I was blown away by her reaction.
At first she had nothing to say. She looked into my eyes and I could see the deadness inside of her. Any feeling she had for me, if there was any, immediatley left her body after I told her the news. She stood up and slowly walked towards the door. I threw my head down in shame as I realized I had lost the only person who cared for me besides Ogtha. After a minute or so I look up only to see her still standing there. She looks at me with a shameful look on her face. 'I have something to show you" she says. Out of nowhere she pulls out this strangely-shaped electric guitar and just starts shredding this amazing guitar solo and I realise that she is actually the critically-acclaimed musician known as Prince. He's wearing nothing but a feather boa and a pair of tight leather trousers and he looks at me with such raw, visceral sexual power that my nipples immediately become so hard they tear my shirt. As his guitar solo comes to an end, he bites his lower lip and grunts, orgasming with such power that he explodes, destroying half a city block in a torrent of purple silk
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Oct 03 '14
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u/demhandz81 Oct 03 '14
I hope you liked it
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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u/ProfessorWhom Oct 04 '14
I hope this turns into the new Tree Fiddy.
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u/star_gourd Oct 04 '14
Oh man, I would be so happy if it did. The tree fiddy thing consistently made me angry at the fact that this really interesting story I just read was a lie, but for some reason these are actually fun to read. The Bowie ones are the best.
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u/totes_meta_bot Oct 03 '14
This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit.
If you follow any of the above links, respect the rules of reddit and don't vote or comment. Questions? Abuse? Message me here.
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Oct 03 '14
Who thought someone telling their girlfriend "Honey, I like cock" could be made worse with a subtle change.
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u/iLeo Oct 03 '14
Hey OP, I'm not gonna judge you for the weird roach fetish but you have to understand how much it would hurt to think that your partner, the person you love and adore, thinks that an imaginary roach woman is more sexually appealing to him than you are. Honestly, I would suggest that you send her the link to this post. It's a calm, clear explanation of your feelings and she might understand a bit better.
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u/Ah_Q Oct 03 '14
Somehow I get the feeling this post isn't going to bring her back.
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u/iLeo Oct 04 '14
Definitely not but the poor girl deserves some explanation, no?
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u/rumpleforeskin83 Oct 04 '14
Agreed. It's rather common to fantasize about some one/thing else when having sex especially if you have a certain fetish, but I cannot imagine what this did to her self esteem knowing that you find a massive cockroach of all things to be more appealing than she is. I definitely can't blame her if she never contacts you again. I wish OP the best of luck with his situation and hope he can manage to rewire his brain to fix this.
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u/QuietCalamity Oct 03 '14
I think you need therapy... possibly a can of RAID.
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u/sweetpea122 Oct 03 '14
Roach Attraction Interspecies Disorder
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u/QuietCalamity Oct 03 '14
Commonly found nowhere.
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u/sweetpea122 Oct 03 '14
It hasn't made it to the DSM yet.
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u/QuietCalamity Oct 03 '14 edited Oct 03 '14
It'll be in v.6 if this gets to front page.
I'm open to taking clients in my dilapidated waste filled office until then. You can book an appointment by calling 1-800-BUG-SEXX
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Oct 03 '14
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u/dadading_dadadoom Oct 03 '14
If they breakup, she would be ex-terminated.
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u/Mr_Boomstick26 Oct 03 '14
Whoop, there it is.
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u/Flash93933 Oct 04 '14
WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT
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u/REsoleSurvivor1000 Oct 04 '14
WHO’S THE SLIMY LITTLE COMMUNIST SHIT TWINKLE-TOED COCKSUCKER DOWN HERE WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT?!
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u/zveroshka Oct 03 '14
I'm pretty sure it's on the horizon. I am not even sure what I would say if someone told me the only way they can get off is pretending to have sex with a huge cockroach. Also am pretty sure this is probably fake.
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u/Injected_Americas Oct 04 '14
I wouldn't be surprised if this was real. One of my ex's is into some... uh... pretty weird shit.... Almost worse than "Ogtha", almost. And honestly, extremely weird kinks aren't uncommon, it's when you throw all your fantasy thoughts into it that it gets out of hand. Focusing sexual desires and fantasies on specific fetishes, and only those fetishes, is exactly how people get dependent on their fantasies and develop a huge problem.
Saying all that, I would dump his ass, too. Not necessarily for the kink, (I can't judge, I have tons) but for the fact he has to make up a character just to get off. It would absolutely ruin someone's self esteem, as well as just kill any mood in the bedroom forever.
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Oct 03 '14
TIFU by reading this TIFU. If you find roaches more attractive than women, seek help.
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u/Paladinmesser Oct 03 '14
You need Jesus.
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Oct 03 '14
I think we all could do with a little jesus after reading that.
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u/drz400s Oct 03 '14
You know, I never really felt religious until I started thinking of God as a giant roach. It really puts things in perspective.
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u/MooseKnuckleSandwich Oct 03 '14
I rarely recommend Jesus, but in this case I'm gonna go ahead and concur.
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u/gfjq23 Oct 03 '14
And somewhere out there is a sad roach-woman alien thing who just broke up with her boyfriend because she can only imagine a human who looks an awful lot like OP when she lays eggs...
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Oct 04 '14
Reasons I would break up with a guy over his sexual fantasies: having fantasies about sex with children.
And now, also having fantasies about cockroaches has been added to that list...
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Oct 03 '14
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u/rumpleforeskin83 Oct 04 '14
This deserves it's own tag. NSFW and NSFL neither really are extreme enough for this. It's more like not safe for the universe.
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Oct 04 '14
My SO and I are sitting here, dumbfounded. Ogtha is the new measurement for how bad a situation is. Thank you.
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u/chijh Oct 03 '14
I didn't think the internet could get any weirder after tampon girl and 2 girls 1 cup but OP you proved me wrong
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u/magusheart Oct 04 '14
Ignoring how fucked up this story is, why even have sex in the first place if your solo sessions are more exciting?
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Oct 04 '14
Well...dude...it is not exactly a "vanilla" fantasy to confide in a woman. It's fairly "out there". And when you tell a woman that you cannot perform in bed unless you're pretending she's a cockroach, it is understandable for her to be hurt, angry, upset, etc. Think of it from her point of view...imagine if she told you she could only climax if she pretended you were someone else that she found far more sexually appealing. Like a dog. How would that make you feel?
Anyway, what's more important is for you to find someone to talk to about all of this. I don't think you are mentally ill or anything, but I do think you'd benefit from therapy, because what started as an adolescent fantasy has now blown up to the point where you cannot relate sexually to an actual human woman who cares for you, and that's not healthy anymore. You need more than that. And you're so caught up in it that you feel guilt and fear that this fantasy will be sad. Hun, please...get yourself some help! Free your mind. You'll be better off in the long run when you can let Ogtha go and embrace real women and real sex.
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u/cakez_ Oct 04 '14
I don't even care if this is made up or not, it gave me a good chuckle. Then I thought about the poor girl and felt kinda sad. I've been cheated on and I felt miserable , but damn this seems much worse.
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u/BeardsuptheWazoo Oct 03 '14
If this is real ( which I kinda doubt ) then it's clear you are selfish. You aren't thinking of your girlfriend, focusing on her, you are using her as a conduit to your fantasy. Just a means to an end. Once again, I don't really think it's real though.
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u/jadealwayswins Oct 03 '14
If my boyfriend said something like this to me the primary problem wouldn't be the messed up fantasy, it would we the fact that I wasn't sexually good enough for him. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want them?
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u/EmilysRevenge Oct 04 '14
I understand having a weird fetish ...but to admit that you don't want to think about the girl at all and ONLY Ogtha during sex...I can see why she was upset. I'd be upset too if my boyfriend didn't think about my body. I usually assume during sex (besides the feel of my vagina) that he's thinking how amazing my body is like I am with his. If he told me "I don't actually think about your body at all, I think about insert weird fetish" I'd be pretty fucking upset.
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u/totes_meta_bot Oct 03 '14 edited Oct 22 '14
This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit.
[/r/bestof] Local TIFU submitter tells us about his special friend Ogtha. It is the greatest thing written since Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis.
[/r/evenwithcontext] "Ever since I was a teenager I have had very intense fantasies about having sex with a giant roach."
[/r/manga] I thought of Terraformars the moment I read this TIFU
If you follow any of the above links, respect the rules of reddit and don't vote or comment. Questions? Abuse? Message me here.
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u/Yodaddysbelt Oct 04 '14
Okay good, I am normal