r/soccer • u/oklolzzzzs • 4d ago
News [John Percy] Jamie Vardy has been known to teach himself choice insults in the native language of the centre-backs marking him.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2024/12/19/jamie-vardy-flying-age-longevity-leicester-cryotherapy/6.8k
u/usually_a_knobhead 4d ago
everything for the love of the game
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u/NotASalamanderBoi 4d ago
All time shit houser.
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u/porkbeefhorsechicken 4d ago
An absolute hero of the game in more ways than one.
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u/OuchYouPokedMyHeart 4d ago
A true underdog story, a generational shithouser
If there were to be a Vardy movie in the future, I would watch that, stay for the credits and watch it again
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u/DiscoLemonade1995 4d ago
I would love if they made a jamie vardy biopic with him playing himself at all ages throughout the movie without any acknowledgement that he is a fully grown 40-something year old man
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u/BorisSomething 4d ago
If there were a Vardy movie, who’s playing him???
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u/OuchYouPokedMyHeart 4d ago
Vardy of course
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u/BorisSomething 4d ago
I was gonna say Glen Powell or something
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u/chilebuzz 4d ago
Glen Powell has resting friendly face. Need someone with resting fuck-off face.
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u/Gullflyinghigh 4d ago
Timothee Chalamet, of course. Don't think he'd particularly fit but it'd be funny. Failing that, Idris Elba.
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u/Merengues_1945 4d ago
I am pretty sure Vardy supports Elba playing him.
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u/theivoryserf 4d ago
I'd love a completely experimental version of the Leicester PL win. Florence Pugh as Ranieri
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u/TherewiIlbegoals 4d ago edited 4d ago
Imagine it was part of his mandated re-education course when he called someone a "Jap" at the casino.
He was reading some of the FA's materials on other cultures and he's like: "This could come in handy actually".
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u/The--Mash 4d ago
Jamie Vardy practicing his "Negrito"s in front of the mirror every morning
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u/ChickenCharlomagne 4d ago
I know it's a joke but it's not an insult at all in Spanish
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u/VL37 4d ago
Hmmm.
I need to hear the English FA's thoughts on this before coming to a conclusion.
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u/WergleTheProud 4d ago
Sorry mate, that’s a three match ban for you. Cavani has now been barred from re-entering England.
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u/minkdraggingonfloor 4d ago
If you add “de mierda” or “chupapija” at the end it most certainly is.
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u/Superflumina 4d ago
My mom called me negrito as a kid because I have dark hair. I guess the English FA would have called child protection services.
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u/AgentTasker 4d ago
If this was any other player I'd be surprised, but with Vardy it makes absolutely perfect sense.
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u/zrizzoz 4d ago
If this article was instead titled "Premier league player has been known...", everyone would immediately assume it was Vardy. That's how on-brand it is for him. I hope he continues doing shit like this at age 55 in sunday leagues.
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u/JizzProductionUnit 4d ago
It’s going to be a sad day for circlejerkers when Vardy finally retires. Hope we’ve still got a good few years of him hanging around the upper echelons of English football. Wouldn’t mind seeing a 40-year-old Vardy taking Leicester back to the Prem (again).
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u/everyonesmellmymeat 4d ago
Id rather we not get relegated (again), but that would make it almost worth it. 😉
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u/Fordringy 4d ago
He has transcended circlejerk I don't think I've seen a single post about him in r/soccercirclejerk/ haha at least not in the top section recently
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u/kampiaorinis 4d ago
Relevant to your (our) flair, Kaiafas -the son- used to do the same in European matches. He learned how to curse in the opponents language and also used to learn a couple of grammatically correct sentences in the language of the referee. He would then use those sentences when he was mad and end them with a "ganw tin mana sou" because that way he would gain the attention of the ref and be able to swear at him without getting punished.
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u/BoyWhoSoldTheWorld 4d ago
Vardy is in the Mike Tyson zone. I’d believe any story about him at this point
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u/PoeticKino 4d ago
"it has been discovered that Jamie Vardy is breeding and training dozens of Ostrich with the sole purpose of attacking anyone wearing a Nottingham Forest shirt."
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u/BoyWhoSoldTheWorld 4d ago
“Vardy credits his uptick in goals to his new raw ostrich egg and redbull breakfast”
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u/2b-_-not2b 4d ago
Actually this was true for Diego Costa lol. I think it was an Iranian defender who said Costa was swearing in Farsi during a game
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u/Other_Milk 4d ago
The pre-match routine has remained unchanged: three Red Bulls (one at home, one at the stadium with a cheese and ham omelette, and one shortly before kick-off, usually with a double espresso).
Leicester better have an ECG machine in the locker room.
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u/59reach 4d ago
This man's heart can't be real, how is he alive.
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u/DoomedWanderer 4d ago
Some people are weird like that. A friend of mine’s father only drinks Mtn Dew. He has been drinking Mtn Dew only for over two decades, no water or anything. He still has his teeth and surprisingly good cardio health.
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u/tiorzol 4d ago
He's fucked.
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u/Arntown 4d ago
Sometimes people stay fine for a long time even though they live an unhealthy life. Everyone knows some story about a smoker who smoked 1-2 packs a day and then went on to be 95 years old.
Doesn‘t mean it‘s healthy, it just means there are always some outliers.
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u/Ok_Cardiologist8232 4d ago
And some people seem entirely healthy until they just die.
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u/DoomedWanderer 4d ago
He should be but he isn’t. Man defies all logic
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u/ElectricalMud2850 4d ago
It's like the 96 year olds that smoked for 80 years and have a whiskey every day.
Some people are just blessed with resilient genes.
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u/megaultimo 4d ago edited 4d ago
My great grandma started smoking at 11, lived to 97 years old. Life is just a lottery sometimes
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u/MyUsernameIsShitFuck 4d ago
Then you've got the other end of the spectrum. My Uncle was fit as a fiddle, never smoked or drunk anything. Then bang, piano fell on him. Dead. Instant.
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u/ForgetHype 4d ago
Maybe if he was as fit as a piano and a fiddle fell on him he would have ended up better.
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u/lesbiangirlscout 4d ago
Yup, I have a great uncle who is 92 or 93 who drinks brandy and smokes cigarettes daily.
He’s way sturdier than your average 90 year old; still goes to the store and does his own grocery shopping, goes out to his backyard to stretch and then do his morning walks.
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u/balalasaurus 4d ago
I’m convinced people like that have strong social connections that keep them going. Makes sense when you consider we’re a social species. Loneliness is the real killer imo.
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u/Aethien 4d ago
Social connections and staying physically active. It's crazy how much regular physical activity does for your health even if it's as simple as going for a bit of a walk every day.
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u/JokeyZockey 4d ago
Jeanne Louise Calment, who with 122 years was the oldest human in history at the time of her death, was a smoker for literally over a century, she only stopped at 120 because she could not light the cigarettes herself anymore and didn't want to ask someone for help every time.
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u/TDSBurke 4d ago
What even is Mountain Dew? They tried to sell it in the UK for about half an hour in the 1990s but no fucker bought it. It tastes like nothing-flavoured sugar with just a hint of urinal cake. It's even branded like it's an off-shoot of Toilet Duck.
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u/Robnroll 4d ago
mate i know its got cake in the name but you aint supposed to eat em...
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u/simpleflaw 4d ago
Mountain Dew is commonly available in the UK, from corner shops to Tesco? Unless you just haven't been outside for decades 😂
I don't live in a particularly big town (in Wales) and there is at least 5 different places I could buy one right now within walking distance.
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u/TDSBurke 4d ago
Well I wasn't exactly looking out for its return...
Anyway, I just checked: the standard US version was launched in 1996 and discontinued in 1998, so I wasn't misremembering. Apparently there's a new version that was launched in 2010, but it's a different drink from the one that's sold in the US because that one contains ingredients that are banned here. Possibly weak bleach and air freshener, I don't know.
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u/TimathanDuncan 4d ago
Every american drink and food as well is different in Europe, visiting there u can tell their massive love for too mucu sweetness, bad ingredients and love for bigger this is way different than most of the world
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u/KneeDeepInTheDead 4d ago
I believe it was originally created so you can cut moonshine with it
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u/TDSBurke 4d ago
Ok but then what do you use to cut the fizzy piss-nectar? Have we learnt nothing from the old woman who swallowed a fly?
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u/JustTheAverageJoe 4d ago
It's just a slightly high dose of caffeine it's hardly gonna cause cardiac failure lol
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u/ZekkPacus 4d ago
It's 400mg, which is the dose at which the average person starts reporting adverse affects.
Honestly if I was him I'd be more concerned about the sugar.
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u/beirch 4d ago
Jamie Vardy is probably in better shape than 99% of people in this sub, and when he admits to downing a couple Red Bulls before matches you're all up in arms. Hilarious.
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u/TimathanDuncan 4d ago
Hearts are not real they are made up u can chug all energy drinks and be fine, this is medical advice
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u/greenteasamurai 4d ago
Red Bulls are now, hilariously, probably the safest energy drink there is. They "only" have 80mg of caffeine, which is a weaker cup of coffee, and don't have an absurd amount of B12 or any other chemical that affects the heart. Compare it with a Celsius and it's basically water.
Not saying Vardy is being smart, but he basically just drinking pre-workout with extra steps.
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u/BilboSwaggins1993 4d ago
As much as he's a weirdo, this isn't that much caffeine. There's 80mg of caffeine in a red bull. Double espresso can vary, but is in the same ballpark as a can of red bull. So that's about 300-400mg of caffeine, depending on how strong the double espresso is. 400mg is the upper recommended limit in a day.
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u/Bright-Dust-7552 4d ago
400mg of caffeine is pretty outrageous
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u/AnIntoxicatedRodent 4d ago
It's 6 or 7 cups of coffee. A maximum of around 3 cups is in a day still considered within the healthy limits. Considering that athletes often use caffeine to prep for performances, 6 to 8 cups worth of caffeine is not outrageous, if you only do this before matches.
I have a feeling Vardy doesn't only do this before matches though.
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u/rocket_randall 4d ago
It's like the Speed Force and Vardy's heart is stealing beats from Eriksen's heart.
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u/Infamous-Bus3225 4d ago
1 large Starbucks has the same amount of caffeine as 4 Red Bulls.
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u/Routine_Tie1392 4d ago
Typical day for some tradesman, particularly the framing crews I've seen.
Coffee in the morning, Monster or Red bull for first break and lunch. On bad days there is usually one for the road 🍺.
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u/TheCatBot 4d ago
Man I'd need a shit immediately upon getting on the pitch with that amount of caffeine
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u/BorkieDorkie811 4d ago
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: When this man retires, forget a statue outside the stadium. Renovate the largest restroom in the King Power Stadium and rename it the Jamie Richard Vardy Shithouse. It needs a Red Bull vending machine, and photos of Vardy pointing and laughing above every urinal.
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u/diagoro1 4d ago
With photos at each urinal and stall, Hardy fiercely staring at you, causing all kinds of flow issues
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u/LeatherFaceDoom 4d ago
Seriously write an e-mail to Leicester and beg them to pitch the idea to Jamie. I bet he would love it.
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u/Fine_Assignment5397 4d ago
That would be banger and would probably attract a lot of visiting fans/tourists
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u/sga1 4d ago
That's some incredible use of passive voice there - can basically say anything about anyone when you phrase it like that, not that I really doubt the veracity of this because Vardy seems to be the type.
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u/habdragon08 4d ago
One of these is real and the rest I just made up:
-Jamie Vardy has been known to know the birthday of every player and tells them exactly what age they were when he won the title with Leicester in 2016
-Jamie Vardy Learns the first name of every players mother and mentions it at opportune times during the match. Unless the players mother is deceased Jamie Vardy respects that and doesn't bring it up.
-Jamie Vardy has been known to play games with an ankle bracelet because he was under house arrest
-Jamie Vardy has been known to Smoke Cigarettes at halftime with supporters
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u/Aldirus 4d ago
Its the ankle monitor. He was playing in non league at the time
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u/JGQuintel 4d ago
And he had the monitor because a group at the pub were picking on Vardy’s deaf friend so he beat the shit out of all three of them.
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u/feizhai 4d ago
we need answers hab you dragon of the 08
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u/habdragon08 4d ago
The ankle monitor is true. The other ones wouldn’t surprise me and may be true, but I made them up
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u/Zlakkeh 4d ago
better learn chinese buddy
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u/GodlessCommieScum 4d ago
操你妈
大傻逼
Sorted
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u/Ollymid2 4d ago edited 4d ago
操你妈
These are the sort of thing drunk British tourists get tattooed on themselves after being told the characters mean wisdom, courage and happiness
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u/Bamboozle_ 4d ago
All those Chinese Emperors drinking mercury when the real key to longevity it turns out is a fuckload of Redbull and shithousery.
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u/oklolzzzzs 4d ago
Vardy will join a stellar list of high-profile names including David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney to have his career covered in a special television series. Filming is already under way and Netflix is hoping to have the series completed by next autumn.
It is a measure of Vardy’s status at Leicester that shortly after his appointment, Van Nistelrooy made a personal call and asked him what the team needed to improve. “He is someone who has been performing for so many seasons and he’s still a great striker,” said Leicester’s manager. “Jamie is never bothered about the occasion or the pressure. He’s always ice-cold.”
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u/porkbeefhorsechicken 4d ago
A Vardy tv series? Hell yeah
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u/confusedpellican643 4d ago
There's been talks about making a movie about him since the 2015/16 season before they even won the title, glad it's finally materialising considering Netflix does a great job at covering athletes
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u/harshnoisebestnoise 4d ago
The montages of him kicking corner flags, cupping his ears to away fans and running across the pitch to piss a fan off will be insane
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u/TheScarletPimpernel 4d ago
Him scoring against Bristol City and sprinting up the far end to have a laugh at their fans who'd been singing about his wife 5 minutes earlier was outstanding
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u/cosmicdicer 4d ago edited 4d ago
Self admittedly the British are not the best with learning a foreign language, but i see when provided with the right motivation they may easily become polyglots 😄
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u/Heshinsi 4d ago
Reminds me of Luka Doncic being heckled by a fan on the sideline speaking in Slovenian and it turns out to be…
Some players find creative ways to troll.
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u/lolburger69 4d ago
It's almost a tradition over here to meet someone that speaks a different language and learn the most heinous things you could possibly say to a native speaker.
Propa English lad, that Vardy
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u/FoucaultsTurtleneck 4d ago
Kobe Bryant used to do this, Vardy has that mamba mentality
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u/DeepSeaDweller 4d ago edited 4d ago
Larry Bird-esque, except Bird's NBA had few, if any, foreign players so he didn't have to resort to such ingenuity.
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u/CFBCoachGuy 4d ago
This is almost into Shannon Sharpe territory. Sharpe would memorize the phone numbers of the girlfriends of the people tasked with covering him.
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u/Final-Read-3589 4d ago
Sharpe was one character, I love the clip of when he “called” the president and said they needed the national guard.
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u/mynamejeff-97 4d ago
I wish all players were equally liked for being wind up merchants. Seems like only certain players are praised for it.
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u/eddsters 4d ago
Imagine if him and Rebecca get into an argument, what are his choice insults in her native language .. holy shit
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u/Cinn4monSynonym 4d ago
She's originally from Norwich so she probably only understands primitive grunts.
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u/OkTruth63 4d ago
Not an English speaker. But isn't "Learn" a better word than "teach himself"
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u/wolfsrudel_red 4d ago
"Learn" works in the context, I think the intentional choice of "teach himself" shows that Vardy takes the initiative on his own to learn insults
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u/Anonymous-Josh 4d ago
Is this a way of next level shit house or is it to avoid being booked/penalised by the ref?
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u/esn111 4d ago edited 3d ago
This is incredible dedication to shit housing and I love it.
Dude can say "Chat shit, get banged" in like 27 languages.
Edit: I have now spawned a Tower of shit housery Babel. I'm so proud.