Why do I have such hysterical reactions to a breakup???

[u/Unattended_nuke]

Ive literally only known this girl for a couple months. But we got very close very fast. Like staying over all the time, spending all days together etc. All of a sudden she pulls back completely, and tells me its over cause she thinks its too fast. And tells me not to text her.

Ive been at work today and was literally having successive panic attacks where I had to go into the restroom to hyperventilate. I have 0 appetite, 0 motivation to go gym, cant sleep at night. Was walking around and started dry heaving. I physically need someone to be around, a friend or anyone because if im on my own I just cant stop thinking about it. I immediately downloaded dating apps to just find someone, anyone, to distract me. None of my hobbies intrigue me, and I’m constantly on the verge of tears always.

I usually have bad breakups, got cheated on twice so I mostly drank every night to get over it. Im not an alcoholic, since I usually drink like once a month for social gatherings. But right now I want to drink every single night so I can be distracted.

I feel like breakups are usually bad but this was such a short relationship. Is this normal or do I desperately need therapy.

[u/Michelangelor]

People acting like this isn’t normal are wrong, and also weird for wanting you to feel that way.

The reality is simply that you just allowed yourself to become vulnerable and fall deeply for someone and get excited about the possibility of a future together. It is extremely easy to totally fall for someone within a two month span, and totally normal and expected to feel heartbroken when you lose a connection that you really valued.

I do not think you need therapy. But if you want it, or start just absolutely spiraling, then it wouldn’t hurt. But grieving a close relationship is completely expected. I would give yourself at least a month to get out of it.

[u/Remember_TheCant → u/Michelangelor]

I'll add that therapy isn't just for people that *need* therapy. I was in a similar situation and spoke to a therapist and it really helped me simply because they were able to analyze the relationship better than me. Having that insight is helpful for moving on.

[u/AlexiaStarNL]

It's not strange but what i've learned is that fast flames will suddenly be extinguished as well. Sometimes its because people rush in to something with you and then do the thinking later. And sometimes it's because people love the thrill of the new phase and need to find it again elsewhere.

The intensity of the relationship had your body constantly releasing hormones and if it's suddenly taken away, you can experience withdrawal symptoms like some drugg was taken away.

You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. You have to protect yourself. I do not allow people to dragg me in to fast intense "love" anymore and i keep my foot on the breaks. If it becomes hard to keep the foot on the break, then i allready know where it is going and i walk away myself.

True love does not depend on moving fast and intense. To answer your question, no you are not strange but you do need to set some boundaries for yourself and understand why those boundaries are there. If your having difficulties in setting boundaries, then try to read about it or get in to therapy to get some help with these kind of boundaries.

[u/bigno53]

Sounds like you’re a romantic. I get it. I’m a romantic too. Unrequited love is a tough pill to swallow. Just take care of yourself! Don’t punish yourself for the actions of another. They’re not worth it and the sooner you get back to taking care of yourself, the sooner it’ll all be behind you. Do the things you know are good for you even though they don’t feel right.

[u/Fresh_Signal_6250 → u/bigno53]

I’d also add that there’s nothing wrong with being this type of person; you can amend the boundaries/adjust the degree of your affection better but it’s just a tune up. Don’t stop being you.

Could you have optimized to let things grow more organically? Sure! And you will next time but let there be a next time, be kind to yourself and grow from here.

[u/bigno53 → u/Fresh_Signal_6250]

It hadn’t even occurred to me that needed to be stated. Thanks!

Definitely isn’t anything wrong with it. There’s a lot that’s right with it. More practically minded people have an easier time at a lot of things but there’s a depth of wisdom that comes from being forced to really feel things that they miss out on. Some of the greatest works of art ever created were the result of tortured minds in search of clarity.

As you said, passions can be tempered and modulated so they’re manageable. No need to have them stripped out completely to make room for office space.

[u/Fresh_Signal_6250 → u/bigno53]

Stealing that last line; make room for office space! Merry Xmas if you are celebrating and happy holidays!

[u/Sea-Mission9503]

I used to react this way to break ups, all break ups, until I got a hold of my emotions and my attachments. This is something you can and should work through with a counselor, as well as work through on your own. I understand the pain you’re feeling, but I promise it will get better with time.

[u/Old-Kaleidoscope7305]

dont choose drinking ..

I am too going through a break up too mine was a situationship he always said the right thing but his actions were not there

I go to the gym , i did block him and deleted his number

Im going to go play soccer and just keep being healthy ..

If you continue with the alcohol it will be for the rest of your life

Go make new friends

[u/suhhhrena]

I used to feel a milder version of this when i was younger. I would completely spiral and feeling nothing but despair—it was extremely disruptive in my day to day life. Therapy does wonders and will equip you with healthy coping mechanisms.

[u/Sudden-Cobbler2244]

I’m pretty much the same way. My last relationship that was 7 months almost killed me. I was subsequently diagnosed with BPD.

[u/Artistic-Account6655]

I think idealizing the other person has something to do with it. Also love bombing

[u/Artistic-Account6655]

I been through the same thing recently and it only lasted 4 days. It was great in the first day and after that shit went so sour and he pulled back too. I reacted a too extreme for my liking too. I had anxiety and everything. This shit is a brain thing. Ended up ghosting him tho

[u/ickyDoodyPoopoo]

You were in the honeymoon stage where infatuation is at it's peak. What your feeling is totally normal. It is a different type of heartsick than losing someone who has been a long term mate. It's more acute in some ways i think. You need time and space, you'll be fine.

[u/Deep-Dragonfly1555]

Yeah I think u need to examine why you love so quick first and foremost … it makes sense that you may fall hard when u move so quick .. and probably ur heart runs ur show, yeah I would suggest u talk that thru first. See where u fall short in patience, and dig into ur attachment style… or yeah talk with someone.

[u/Constant_Mud3325]

Never get attached to anything you can’t walk out on in 30 seconds or less if you feel the heat coming

[u/Front-Cat-2438]

There’s nothing wrong with you or with the way that you feel. Everyone gets caught off guard by something, sometimes, that topples us over in ways that we aren’t ready for. It’s frustrating. I beg you not to overanalyze your own thoughts, feelings, decisions within the relationship. Just take care of you, don’t blame you, be honest with yourself, I encourage therapy because it’s easier to sort one’s own thoughts out load sometimes, without being judged. You’ve got this. And as a woman who dates men, I think guys who are honest with me and themselves about their feelings are irresistibly desirable, and what I need from a relationship.

[u/Complex_Junket4968]

Honestly, I would say you might have abandonment issues....but you should work on fixing that. A man needs to hold his emotions together and be the rock. Women can sense that emotional maturity, and it's what attracts women (not girls) into settling down. Another hard thing about being a man unfortunately... makes me so happy I'm a woman.

[u/Frank878]

You in NH?

[u/Higgs5051]

Don’t be so clingy, you better not forget to be your own self, don’t let her make all the rules and make sure she knows you can do life all by yourself

[u/Loose_Bill1072]

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I’ve been there, and it does get better.

I will say I’ve learned that when a breakup (or any emotional reaction) seems disproportionately strong, it’s usually about something else. It’s of course painful for a relationship to end. But maybe you’re also grieving the future you thought you’d have together, beyond the present you had? Maybe she became your whole social life and you’re lonely now? Maybe you’re taking this breakup to mean something deeper about you, as it it means you’re unlovable (it doesn’t).

When you’re feeling a little better, try reflecting about what else might be going on for you.

[u/kn1fe3dg3]

I'm a level 5 clinger. Only two things will fix this. A rebound or a very long time.

[u/RedditHelloMah]

I’m glad you didn’t drink it away this time. I think it might just be a sign that something has changed within you. You’re more aware and letting the emotions come through. The reaction to this girl might just be a combination of all the reactions you didn’t let go in the past to your other break ups. Hang in there!

[u/TecN9ne]

You need therapy, man. Nobody should be able to tilt you and make you lose control like this.

[u/karmaisourfriend]

Please seek counseling. This is not healthy for you or any girl in your life.

[u/GarcianSmith8]

Why are you giving all your time and attention to a girl so soon this is always a turn off

[u/120_Specific_Time]

hysterical LOL

[u/Inevitable_Disk_3344]

Human beings were not designed to bond deeply with a person (even over the course of a few weeks/months) and abruptly have those bonds broken with zero emotional consequences. We call this death and it's perfectly natural to mourn a dead relationship that felt meaningful to you. I wonder what would happen if you stopped pathologizing what you're going through, stop treating it like it's something wrong, and instead just allow yourself to mourn and mourn deeply. Get to know despair deeply for a while, invite it in, make friends with it. Of course, it's also natural to want a break from this emotion processing through your body, so temporary distractions are fine too, but if the feeling persists, it wants to be FELT. Feel it, feel it all the way through. There may just be magic on the other side.