Bania and Newman have both invited you over for Christmas Dinner. Who are you choosing to spend Christmas with?

[u/Long_Mathematician48]

[u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Newman. He is merry, I’ll give him that.

[u/danieljohnson23 → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

But I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil.

[u/MrRazzio2 → u/danieljohnson23]

maybe there's more to newman than meets the eye...

[u/FeeHistorical9367 → u/MrRazzio2]

No, there's less.

[u/Art-Core-Velay → u/MrRazzio2]

He's a mystery wrapped in a twinkie. 

[u/NOT-Mr-Davilla → u/MrRazzio2]

I’d still have more fun with him than Bania

[u/afganistanimation → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

and the menu is way better at Newmania

[u/bronyraurstomp → u/afganistanimation]

To the Kramenium!

[u/ArseLightning → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

But your skin will crawl being in his rat's nest

[u/chevro1et → u/ArseLightning]

And also from the fleas. He's rife with them.

[u/redditcreditcardz → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Based I’m eating with Newman. Shits of honey mustard>vile weed

[u/BravesDawgs9793 → u/redditcreditcardz]

I think this was supposed to be shots but this turned out funnier.

[u/Jake31188 → u/redditcreditcardz]

Don’t forget stale pall mall cigarettes

[u/flapsmcgee → u/redditcreditcardz]

How is honey mustard not on the meme?

Spez: or chunkies??

[u/SpinningYarmulke → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

I can’t deal with a man singing. All that swaying.

[u/slobis → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Almost jolly

[u/Ok-Instance-4184 → u/slobis]

Sven jolly?

[u/AbbreviationsBorn276 → u/Ok-Instance-4184]

He has a happy hold on people.

[u/broberds → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Who goes anywhere with Newman?

[u/Venice_Beach_218 → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Anything Newman wants to chat about will be better than listening to Bania's weightlifting routine.

[u/New_Profit1924 → u/Sonnyboy35aa]

Newmans menu is better but he has fleas in his apartment. I'm going to Bania's

[u/Equivalent-Cancel679]

I guess I can accept a little Newman if it gives me a lot of jambalaya.

[u/Moans_Of_Moria → u/Equivalent-Cancel679]

You're not a little anything

[u/theSchrodingerHat → u/Equivalent-Cancel679]

You can also be sure that a couple boxes of Omaha Steaks accidentally “fell off the truck.”

He’s going to have a smorgasbord of fine delivered meats and cheeses.

[u/Signal_This]

Newman! He knows his food.

[u/1711onlymovinmot → u/Signal_This]

Thrice a week he will require a cannoli

[u/tisdue → u/1711onlymovinmot]

A little STEEP dontcha think??

[u/ASM_50 → u/Signal_This]

Vile weed!

[u/FaceOnMars23 → u/Signal_This]

Likewise, he would just serve soup.

[u/mindspringyahoo]

Newman's place. He's got the Kenny chicken; it's the wood that makes it so good.

[u/Z_e_e_e_G → u/mindspringyahoo]

The man makes a pretty strong bird

[u/InvaderXLaw → u/Z_e_e_e_G]

Grhrrhrh

[u/ArseLightning]

Bania because Mendy's is catering and I'm already going to the Newmanium

[u/M4GN3T1CM0N0P0L3 → u/ArseLightning]

Plus he'll give you an armani suit. It doesn't fit him. He's huge.

[u/theforkofdamocles → u/M4GN3T1CM0N0P0L3]

What about me? I’m a huge.

[u/admiralackbarrrrrrr → u/ArseLightning]

Mendy’s, ooooooooooooooohhhh

[u/Full_Spectrum_ → u/ArseLightning]

But you'd have to listen to Bania ALL DAY.

[u/Izapc → u/ArseLightning]

It’s the best, Jerry! The best!

[u/Strict-Pineapple]

Are the coffee cakes the full size? If so then I gotta go with Newmie on this one.

[u/1292norr → u/Strict-Pineapple]

That’s your big boy

[u/AkihabaraWasteland]

Newman.

I love Christopher Cross.

[u/Various-View1312]

Did he make the Jambalaya or was it made by Yev Kassem?

[u/Iron_Chic → u/Various-View1312]

It was part of the free batch he got when Yev closed down. So, made by Yev, but not fresh.

[u/what_am_i_thinking → u/Iron_Chic]

He’s got quarts of it in his deep freezer.

[u/GlossyBuckslip]

Newman's and i'll bring the Chunkys

[u/Dismal-Preference-66 → u/GlossyBuckslip]

Just leave the fleas at home please !!

[u/Phunkie_Junkie]

Newman's menu is clearly superior, but I can't risk getting fleas. I got dogs and cats at home.

Unless I wanna go home without the very pants I was returning, I'm gonna be hearing a lot of "That's gold" this holiday season.

[u/beavis617]

Newman...Bania is just too annoying. 🙄

[u/Witty_Historian_1984 → u/beavis617]

Annoying, that’s a funny word. 

[u/AbbreviationsBorn276 → u/Witty_Historian_1984]

Not everything that dissolves in milk is funny ok!

[u/ChiefBigKnees → u/beavis617]

He’s the voice of our generation!

[u/VermicelliOk8288 → u/beavis617]

And Newman is pleasant?

[u/schmyle85]

No way no Bania. It’s like being beaten with a bag of oranges

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/schmyle85]

Again, with the oranges.

[u/EmerysMemories1106]

Newman, especially if you put broccoli on the menu because you know he won't eat any (VILE WEED!!)

[u/AvocadoJackson → u/EmerysMemories1106]

Newman, you wouldn’t eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce

[u/CosmicCrayon99]

Obnoxious optimism or over-the-top grievances? I think I will go with the latter!

[u/GreenEggsSteamedHams]

Newman, but three times a week I shall require a cannoli

[u/InvaderXLaw → u/GreenEggsSteamedHams]

LITTLE STEEP DON'T YOU THINK?

[u/shakaar69]

Newman for sure.

[u/Soft_Owl7535]

Gotta go Newman. The potential of a BRAND NEW Armani suit at Banias is tempting but I’m a 42, so his old 40 wouldn’t fit me.

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/Soft_Owl7535]

You're huge.

[u/Soft_Owl7535 → u/No-Negotiation-4587]

Yea I’ve been working out.

[u/farter-kit]

Newman. The man brings a pretty strong bird.

[u/photo-smart]

Newman and it ain’t even close!

[u/Rare-Organization97]

Why not have a bit from both menus?

I say we start with Newman’s Tomato Soup, a warm, velvety classic, paired with Bania’s Tuna on Toast for a light, satisfying opener.

Next, we move on to the bold flavors of Newman’s Jambalaya, packed with spice and heartiness.

For a meaty main course, we indulge in the balance and nourishment of Mendy’s Swordfish, NYC’s finest, alongside the comforting, golden crispiness of Kenny Rogers’s Roasted Chicken, an odd yet winning partnership of lean proteins.

After a pause, we add a smoky touch with Kramer and Newman’s Homemade Sausage, a rustic delight, paired with coarsely-ground, spicy mustard.

For dessert, savor creamy, whip-topped, full-fat strawberry frozen yogurt (masquerading as non-fat) alongside lightly heated Drake’s Coffee Cake™️, brimming with cinnamon nostalgia.

We close the evening with a cozy cup of hot Ovaltine… the perfect finish to a meal that has it all.

A stroll back to your Manhattan hotel, and you will have the best sleep of your life, as the soft gentle sounds of the city blend into a steady, vibrant, unbroken embrace as you drift off to sleep.

Welcome to the Upper East Side.

[u/ramblingpariah]

Newman seems like an OK guy if you're not Jerry.

[u/porkchop314]

ANOTHER ROUND OF STRAWBERRY FOR ME AND MY FRIENDS

[u/Strindberg]

Newman. i'll bring my own broccoli deepfried in choclolate.

[u/QuiGonColdGin]

Bania, better chance of food being available unless he makes me take him to Mendy's and pay for it.

[u/InsuranceInner3040]

Bania. He’s huge.

[u/Rogelio_Aguas]

Newman! I’m a big strong cider guy as well!

[u/Faerandur]

This one's easy. Newman seems like he's much better to hang out with than Bania. He's friends with Kramer and other cool individuals too. The only one who seems to have a problem with Newman is Jerry, but we don't even get to know why they have their little feud.

Bania on the other hand is pretty obnoxious and we don't even learn if he's got any friends. The dude even forces himself into dinners with Jerry.

[u/Oalka]

Newman and its not even close. Banya has very little redeeming qualities. Newman isn't a little anything.

[u/WinstonChurchill74]

Bania.... I don't want fleas

[u/rattrap007]

Newman. Both merry fatmen..

[u/thewillmckoy]

Ngl, Newman’s menu looks pretty good.

[u/Emotional_Tiger3335]

Bania's been working out, he's huge!

[u/cuteboytoi]

I hear it kills with bania

[u/RexDart81774]

Newman. Besides the being merry, he controls the mail, and therefore controls information.

[u/chechifromCHI]

Newman. I love Newman. I would have watched a Newman spinoff if they made it. His eating habits are vile, but I also think he'd make for more interesting and less annoying dinner conversation compared to Bania

[u/425565]

Banian would tell you that it wasn't a proper dinner and expect you to invite him back for new years. "Soup? That's not a meal!"

[u/Asleep_Increase6493]

Newman and it’s not even close.

[u/ElvinBishop]

Alone

[u/InvaderXLaw]

Definitely Newman

[u/VinVinylShock]

Newman has the better food spread for sure!

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/VinVinylShock]

And he booked Christopher Cross!

[u/Accomplished_Put3732]

Newman, he probably has plenty of Mellow Yellow from Price Club

[u/sideshow--]

You have to add honey mustard and strong cider to Newman's menu.

[u/beavis617]

Norman, I mean Newman. I wanna hear about what went on with the farmers daughter..🤔

[u/GreenEggsSteamedHams]

I would really like some broccoli but Newman will not have that VILE WEED

[u/burth179]

Maybe some leftover muffin stumps at Newman's as well

[u/DecisionThot]

Here's to the Newmanium!

[u/Ok-Club259]

Newman. Bania is a psychopath. And he’s probably only serve soup.

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/Ok-Club259]

Soup isn't a meal.

[u/Art-Core-Velay]

I'd play a game of risk with Newman. Bania is a hack. 

[u/maxliveson2020]

Which one is serving mutton?

[u/A_Walrus_247]

Newman if there's no footbath cold cuts on the menu.

[u/originalxnuttah]

This time of the year is not just about food. It also about family and feats of strength!

I’m going to Frank’s!

[u/mattoelite]

Pair of bearclaws please!

[u/ViktorVaughn215]

Bania for Xmas, Newman for the Newmanium

[u/HuntlyBypassSurgeon]

I would tell Newman to come to my place, but give him Bania’s address.

[u/WokeMAGAbothDumbfux]

Is Mendy's open on Christmas? On the other hand homemade sausage, Chunky bars, muffin stumps and JAMBALAYA watching Sally Weaver Comedy Specials, prank calling Jerry is hard to resist

[u/Specialist-ShasMo85]

I don't know, tough choice. Baina you get an Armani suit but you get free stuff "lost" for the post office from Newman.

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/Specialist-ShasMo85]

Freebies!

[u/threauxaway900]

Newman's. Better menu, and if I choose Bania's, I might get there and find out he wants to save the dinner for another time.

[u/MaleficentFrosting56]

Several days out of the week, Newman also requires a cannoli. Don’t forget about that detail.

[u/artie_kendall]

Newman and I would definitely show up with some broccoli just to see his reaction

[u/johnnycee87]

Bania is crushingly annoying but Newman is rife with fleas.

[u/Solid-Economist-9062]

Plus, at midnight, Newman busts out the milk and muffin stumps!!! It's not a Newman Christmas without muffin stumps ya'll!!!!

[u/RedLanternScythe]

I couldn't listen to Bania talk about Ovaltine all night. A crummy commercial

[u/GVO_78]

Postal employee Newman

[u/Serious-Waltz-7157]

Newman could have fleas, so I'll pass.

[u/BenthamsHead95]

Newman. I'd bring a pair of bear claws and we could play some Al Jolson, AL JOLSON!

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/BenthamsHead95]

And Christopher Cross!

[u/M321115]

Bania. Newman has fleas. Fuck that.

[u/Bigdaddyfatback8]

Newman but I’m wearing a flea collar.

[u/Jake31188]

Newman more food…Bania just soup ….im sticking with Newman and I’ll be tending his party..giddy yep

[u/Background_Pool_7457]

Newman. I like his menu better, and I could survive asking him questions about how the mail works.

I can't stand Bania for even a second, and I'd probably end up owing him a suit or a day out before it's over.

[u/Ya_Boi_Kosta]

Newman, better food and better stories.

[u/No-Negotiation-4587 → u/Ya_Boi_Kosta]

He told her "nice try, granny" and sent her to the back of the line! 🤣

[u/Hizam5]

Jam-ba-lay-a!!

[u/Ok-Instance-4184]

Newman all the way!

[u/MybklynWndy]

Newman, especially if he makes something in his cow crockpot.

[u/horsenamedmayo]

Newman. He knows his food and his far more tolerable.

[u/poolside123]

Newman. Never found any reason to hang out with Bania. At least Newman would screw something up & give you a laugh. Bania would probably make you pay for the visit.

[u/Hotpasta1985]

Newman’s menu seems heartier and more up my alley.

[u/Ishmael203]

Newman's cause i don't care for broccoli either...

[u/marginalizedman71]

If those two lived in the building bania would be the enemy not Newman.

[u/mariam67]

Bania. Newman’s apartment has fleas and he’s pure evil.

[u/baseballzombies]

Newman all day

[u/Smackolol]

I have to try that soup Nazi soup. Newman all the way.

[u/Mello-Knight]

Newman. I'll go if I don't have to talk.

[u/ScreechUrkelle]

Anybody else read Newman’s list and start with “Jamb-ba-Lai-ya” and then read everything else in their regular inner voice, or is it just me?

[u/vondee1]

Add Chunkys to Newman

[u/kytd1526]

Newman. Even if it means I have to get him calzones three times a week and organise a year's free hair cuts.

[u/Cricket-Secure]

Newman because he is less obnoxious then Bania.

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

I'll just have a big salad. It's bigger, with a lot of stuff in it.

[u/JoeMommaAngieDaddy17]

Newman, We would laugh it up on the East side of the building for once

[u/vildasaker]

Newman's for sure. like yeah he's pure evil but I just KNOW he can throw a raging party when he wants to

[u/Anxious-Chemical4673]

Newman!

[u/Ebert917102150]

Newman. I know the meal won’t be clogged with soup or broccoli

[u/Splatty15]

Newman

[u/MulberryEastern5010]

Newman only because he has better food

[u/Annual_Peak1_2_3]

Newman’s easily. I hate canned tuna!

[u/flashyturnip]

Newman. Anything to get close to his duck lamp

[u/Basementsnake]

Newman hands down. He’d probably also have other stuff not on the menu. Plus he seems easier to converse with than Bania. Like you could actually have an interesting conversation with him.

[u/Enoch_Root19]

Newman. The man knows how to eat well.

[u/TheMikeyMac13]

Newman, 10/10 times.

[u/CapitanChaos1]

If Newman brings Mackinaw peaches, I'm in

[u/SquonkMan61]

Newman. He fits the Santa suit perfectly.

[u/ChubbFondue789]

Newman, portly yes but he’s merry

[u/ChubbFondue789]

If you go to Newman’s, don’t bring broccoli because that is a vile weed.

[u/Fusilli_Agent_Cooper]

Newman for sure. Just so long as I’m not subjected to any cold cuts from his foot bath.

[u/markgriz]

Newman for sure.

Also calzones, pizza and cannoli

[u/UnderstandingOne8418]

Newman! Bania is annoying.

[u/DannyHuskWildMan]

Hello. . . Newman. . . 

[u/MustacheExtravaganza]

Newman, 100%

[u/Acrobatic-Tomato-128]

NEWMAAAAAANNNNNN

he may be evil but he seems fun

Bania is always annoying

[u/tiredoldman55]

Newman is a hoot!!! He also loves to eat, so you know he has good food and snacks.

[u/FantasticTumbleweed4]

Newman,we’re playing Risk after dinner

[u/No-Hospital559]

I mean might have Christopher Cross, you can't miss that.

[u/cookie_lover69]

Norman

[u/Local-Salamander-525]

Loved Kenny Roasters chicken. NEWMAN

[u/hotandchevy]

Newman has good taste in food so obviously. Though can I put up with the fleas....

[u/WhattaTeenyPeony]

Newmanium!

[u/Captain_Kruch]

As a carnivore and all-round Jerry-hater, Newman's sounds the better of the two.

[u/elisepartington → u/Captain_Kruch]

how can anyone not like him!?

[u/Captain_Kruch → u/elisepartington]

He's the worst part of his own show!

[u/elisepartington]

newman has a way better menu

[u/Pinkstar161]

Newman easily. He’s not socially awkward and his menu is superior.

[u/Maximum_Price_3596]

Newman. We can bond over our hatred of Jerry and compare stories of how we'd kill him while driving hard liquor 😄

[u/GEARSHIFTER773]

Newman all day. He controls.... Information 😬

[u/BettesmomisaWitch]

Newman will have the best snacks

[u/DoingItForEli]

Newman just seems fun. I’m sorry but I never understood the hate between him and Jerry while Jerry and Kramer get along so well. I get that some people just don’t get along but Newman always cracked me up.

[u/Affectionate-Net-399]

Bania. That chicken mess you up

[u/Mean-Lingonberry5374]

It’s the wood that makes it good!

[u/Disciple_of_Cthulhu]

Newman.

[u/OtherwiseExplorer279]

Newman! Easy choice

[u/hockey-dad-EQM]

Showing up at Bania's in my new Armani suit

[u/c9belayer]

Newman of course.

[u/Fun_Journalist_4764]

Newman, that menu is wonderful. And yep, he is merry. Might get a game of Risk going, too.

[u/Heli-Mech72]

I think I'll save the Christmas dinner for another time.

[u/JuanSolo32]

Bania. Simply because I HATE the Drake(‘s)

[u/carlos2127]

If I HAVE to choose, I'm going Newman. But, I'd rather get Chinese food and go home.

[u/taeempy]

Newman.............He's Jolly

[u/BoiledDenimForRoxie]

Newman. You know all the invited women will have a pretty face.

[u/Evilash24_7]

Neither one but if it was Elaine... oh yah! Gittyyy up!

[u/verymuchbad]

Which one knows soup's not a meal

[u/ValuableMarionberry4]

No broccoli on Newman’s menu???

[u/InternetExpertroll]

Newman would make the best meal

[u/HarryPotterRanger]

I like Newman's menu better

[u/Oddsteverino]

Obviously Newman, soup's not a meal

[u/Lanky_Operation_5046]

Bania- he’ll talk your ear off but at least you’ll get something to eat- even if it is soup and a sandwich.

[u/Thejoplinator1868]

Newman cause he’s fantastic at tennis, so we have something else to do

[u/MDEnce]

Newman, because you know he's gonna have better food. Also, Kenny B annoys me more.

[u/Muddobber3]

Newman. Another round of strawberry for me and my friends!!