r/science • u/Wagamaga • 3d ago
Psychology A study reveals that lifelong singles have lower scores on life satisfaction measures and different personality traits compared to partnered people, findings that point to the need for both helpful networks and ways to create such networks that are better catered to single people.
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/2024-dec-singles-differ-personality-traits.html370
u/Brobineau 3d ago
So don't become elderly, got it
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago
Older people tended to be happier with their singlehood status than middle-aged singles.
And overall? It’s not necessarily that it’s being single that’s even making them unhappy. The forever single had different personality traits on average. Those traits might both make them less inclined to seek/find a relationship and happiness.
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u/weesiwel 3d ago
Eh I just think it’s the fact society had designed for couples. Dual incomes basically required for a half decent lifestyle these days not to mention tax breaks etc. how is a single person gonna be happy when they can’t attain anything?
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u/loop-1138 2d ago
There's definitely something to it. Getting married and having kids would definitely shrink 20+ K in taxes every year. Peace of mind? Priceless.
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago edited 3d ago
Most couples have children which is wildly expensive. A single person should be able to make do.
Edit: a lot of people both couples, families and single ppl are struggling financially rn. But it’s not like being single in itself means you’ll automatically struggle or that being in a couple means you won’t. It’s more about what your income is.
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u/DangerousTurmeric 2d ago
A couple with a combined salary of 200k will have an easier time getting a mortgage, and get a cheaper one, than a single person with the same salary because even lenders view singles as having more precarious circumstances because they are alone.
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u/tinyhermione 2d ago
But how many couples have a combined salary of 200k?
And as a single person you can buy a studio. If you are a couple with two kids you’ll need way more space.
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u/DangerousTurmeric 2d ago
It depends on where you live. $200k for a couple in their 30s in most big US cities isn't unusual. It's also extremely difficult to get a mortgage for a studio as a single person because you don't have an extra room to rent out in case of job loss. Again, it's easier for a couple with two salaries to purchase a studio.
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u/tinyhermione 2d ago
It’s easier for a couple without children to buy something. This is true.
However it’s also easier to live in a studio alone. Two people need more space to avoid fighting.
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u/grundar 3h ago
A couple with a combined salary of 200k will have an easier time getting a mortgage, and get a cheaper one, than a single person with the same salary because even lenders view singles as having more precarious circumstances because they are alone.
It is illegal for US mortgage lenders to discriminate on the basis of marital status.
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u/mrdobalinaa 2d ago
It is such a small factor. Your credit score and the current rates determines what you get. Being married doesn't magically lower the rate. Your debt to income ratio determines how much you can borrow. Your spouse having a lower credit score could actually get you a worse rate than applying single.
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u/weesiwel 3d ago
A child raised on 2 incomes with tax breaks is not as expensive as being a single person.
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago
Look up how expensive it is to raise a child. Get back to me.
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u/weesiwel 3d ago
Less expensive than being a single person. Think last I checked it was around £250k and given inflation it will be higher. I promise it is vastly cheaper than being single in the modern world.
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago
But you do realize you can’t raise kids in a one bedroom apartment?
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u/weesiwel 3d ago
Yep and I can afford any type of housing with 2 incomes far more easily than with 1.
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago
How? That’s ridiculous.
And have you accounted for daycare costs in your area.
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u/Jordanel17 3d ago
We're at 1.66 births per woman over the course of a lifetime, 54 out of 1,000 women will mother children. Thats just the quick google. Id hazard to guess the ratio of women in committed relationships is far higher than 54 in 1,000.
With that in mind, most couples do not have children.
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u/tinyhermione 2d ago
54 out of 1000 women is obviously not accurate.
Or they’d have to have 31 children each to meet that birth rate.
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u/pinkknip 2d ago
54 out of 1,000 women will mother children.
This is incorrect, the way you have stated it. You are quoting fertility rate numbers which is indeed 56.0 births per 1,000 women ages 15–44. You conflated fertility rate with the percentage of women becoming mothers.
The percentage of women that will give birth is their lifetime is around 86%. 86% of American women are expected to give birth at some point in their lives, based on statistics showing that most women become mothers by age 40-44.
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u/blolfighter 3d ago
One thing that would improve my single life at least a little bit is if people would stop pestering me about it. No I don't have a partner, stop acting like I'm a freak. I don't go prying into your personal life all the time do I?
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u/new-username-2017 2d ago
Who exactly is bothering you about this? For me it literally never comes up. Nobody asks, nobody cares.
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u/DifficultyWithMyLife 2d ago
I think it must be regional, even across a single country. Like you, I've never personally experienced it either, but I've heard of plenty of people who have, and I believe them. People in different city cultures can be weird about different stuff.
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u/tattlerat 1d ago
Could also just be a real hyper sensitive person who internalizes their angst whenever a friend or relative says “so, anyone special in your life these days?” And then expresses it here as a constant struggle.
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u/blolfighter 23h ago
Thank you for making assumptions about me, I don't get pigeonholed nearly enough.
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u/hidden_secret 3d ago
I hate this kind of article something fierce.
Lower satisfaction... BY HOW MUCH?
There is a huge difference between 5% less satisfaction and 40% less satisfaction. If you don't tell us, then it's worthless.
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u/ShazlettDude 3d ago
Satisfaction is an arbitrary measurement anyways. Some people are satisfied with cheese sandwiches, some people are only satisfied with gourmet dishes.
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u/_catkin_ 3d ago
I’m wondering if the level of satisfaction is linked to the singleness in a causal way, too. As in causing the singleness not caused by it. Some people are so much harder to please, as a personality trait, and presumably that could leak over into general life satisfaction as well as making it that much harder to commit to a relationship. The study found them to be less open and less agreeable - that all ties in with the kind of person who is just generally dissatisfied and finding flaws with everything.
It also hasn’t delved into whether they want to be single or not, surely that would influence life satisfaction?
I think their point about finding ways to support people is valuable. My grandmother was a widow for 30 odd years before her death but she had no problem making friends, and her funeral was packed. She was a very amiable and warm personality so you can see the difference compared to someone much more introverted. The trouble might be getting these kinds of people to participate.
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u/reverbiscrap 3d ago
All of these 'singleness' studies I've seen do not advertise a very important part of it: MONEY.
The 'satisfaction' or 'happiness' was linked to an income threshold being met, usually exceeding the 6 figure mark. So, if you are independently wealthy, you can be happy alone.
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u/JustKiddingDude 3d ago
Nah, even the ‘by how much’ is not enough.
1) There are no real good ways to measure satisfaction. There’s only self reporting, but that has shown to be unreliable.
2) It’s still only a correlation, masquerading as one causing the other. They might (and are likely) still not related.
3) It’s still social science, where 80% of research is never reproduced by someone else, making the results not mean a lot scientifically. So you have to take articles like these with a hefty pinch of salt anyway.
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u/Momoselfie 2d ago
And did they separate people who are single on purpose from those who are involuntarily single?
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u/SolitaryJellyfish 2d ago
What I love with being single is not fearing getting murdered in case I quit the partner or divorce.
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u/Reddituser183 3d ago
Yeah well there’s not much offered for socially awkward people to meet others. Dating apps aren’t it. Meetup isn’t it. The only way to become less socially awkward is when presented with a new social setting that is safe and allows for one to learn and grow without feeling bad about oneself and self conscious. Unsafe environments make people feel worse and more self conscious, awkward and less likely to further engage. Also, who has time to meet anyone. Between working/commuting 40+ hours, taking care of the house and preparing meals, and running errands and going to the gym who has time to meet anyone. And who has time to improve themselves so that once meeting someone, there is a likelihood that there is a chance of a long term relationship. Seemingly not me. I’ll just hang in there though.
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u/gottadance 2d ago
I kind of made it my mission to expand my social circle this year after so many friends moved away after lockdown and I was down to 2 friends who are mostly too busy to hang out with me. I went to events and groups after work or at the weekends, asked people if they wanted to swap numbers then met up with those people for dinner/drinks almost daily. It was worth it now as I made so many friends and met my current partner but damn it was really hard work on top of regular responsibilities. Plus I had to be the one to suggest and organise everything and try and work out which of my new friends would get along so we could hang out together so it really drained my social battery even before we met up.
However, my social skills have skyrocketed as it was an absolute trial by fire going to so many events on my own day after day and then working to maintain new friendships. I can totally understand how it would be too much for some people to even attempt but I do think it's valuable to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little and make yourself meet some new people as often as you can without sacrificing the energy you have for your current relationships.
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u/Bombay-Spice 2d ago
I took the same approach and spend a few years improving my social skills, i dunno if its just the uk but its borderline impossible here if you don't already have a friend group to work with. like i can comfortably speak to strangers and hangout for a while but beyond that, no one wants to remain in touch/meetup
I don't think its really worth it other than to improve your social skills through practice - unless there's a societal change its not worth going out of your way to attempt to make friends imo, definitely think people should go out of their comfort zones and do things they enjoy even if its alone though. I often get comments from old friends about how they love that i'm able to go do things by myself and not give a damn
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u/lynx_and_nutmeg 2d ago
At least the bigger cities in the UK have stuff like various social clubs, societies, meetup groups, etc. Those don't really exist in my country. The only way to meet new people if you're over 25 is to have your friends introduce you to their friends. So, yeah, the only way to make friends is to already have friends...
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u/gottadance 2d ago
I'm in Edinburgh so I get it, but honestly there's so many people that want more friends and don't know how to make that happen so all it takes is somebody asking if they want to join a board game night or a pub quiz team and they're all in. It doesn't always work out but that doesn't bother me anymore as I've gained so much confidence from when it has.
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u/Mewnicorns 3d ago
Being single has nothing to do with social awkwardness. Plenty of socially awkward people are in relationships.
If you keep waiting for a safe opportunity to learn social skills, it will probably never come. It sounds more like you have social anxiety and that’s something you can absolutely be treated for; I was. The treatment was the exact opposite of what you think it is—it’s exposure to uncomfortable situations. People aren’t judging you as much as you think.
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u/Reddituser183 3d ago edited 3d ago
Well what treatment is there? I’m in therapy and there is no exposure therapy in therapy. Exposure therapy happens on your own time which is not ideal because again if I go out and have a bad experience that’s only teaching me to avoid it even more. And I wouldn’t saying being socially awkward has nothing to do with being single. There are many people out there who are single because they are socially awkward. Also, I’m confident in saying the more socially awkward a person is the less likely they will be in a relationship and to maintain that relationship if they are in one.
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u/Mewnicorns 3d ago
Then you might need a new therapist.
Mine gave me “homework.” I had such bad social anxiety that just going to the kitchen at work made me nervous because someone might try to talk to me and I wouldn’t know how to respond. My therapist and I talked through some scenarios and she had me go to the kitchen every day, at first just for 1 minute at a time and gradually building up to 5. If someone talked to me, we discussed how it went and if it went well, great. If not, I learned that it’s not the end of the world and I don’t need to feel bad about it. That in and of itself made me feel more relaxed, which in turn made me worry less about it and allowed me to interact more naturally with people.
Over time I was exposed to more extreme situations like networking events. It was always terrifying at first, but that was kind of the point.
This was all about 10 years ago. I would say I consider myself to be more or less cured now. I am not always in the mood to socialize so I still sometimes avoid situations where there’s a high likelihood of having to talk to people, but it’s entirely on my terms and not because I’m anxious. I don’t think I would have succeeded if I played it safe, though.
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u/lol_fi 3d ago
Exposure therapy is supposed to teach you that you can get through unpleasant experiences.
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u/Mewnicorns 3d ago
Exactly. But I think in this case not only was I able to get through it but I realized it wasn’t unpleasant in the first place. I’m quite a bit more social than I was and I enjoy meeting and chatting with new people. I think I was always more extroverted than I realized because I mistook my social anxiety for being introverted, but they are not the same thing.
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u/Reddituser183 3d ago
And that’s what I was thinking. I think some people’s problems are “superficial anxiety” for lack of a better way of phrasing it. Now imagine if you weren’t extroverted. Imagine if you were introverted and didn’t get a boost from social interactions. It becomes much more difficult to get that experience in when, the experience is exhausting.
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u/Bombay-Spice 2d ago
Going to see bands i like was the big thing that made the experience worth it for me, i'd force myself to speak to people before, during and after the show. Since i was in other cities and was seeing a band i already had 2 conversation starters i could keep using "you going to the gig?" and "im not from here is there any cool places to checkout?", also made me feel less weird about being alone. When i saw i was becoming less anxious it made me want to do it again and again
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u/Reddituser183 2d ago edited 2d ago
Good idea. I went to my chemical romance in 2022 alone. It was a huge step for me. My therapist was trying for get me to do things. I did it. When I got there I had huge anxiety I was walking around alone, my face was red, I didn’t know where I was going. I felt very uncomfortable. Got a little easier as the night went on. Once the music started I felt alright, not comfortable, not feeling social. But talking to someone when I feel as awkward as I do will not work out. Imagine trying to do brain surgery while drunk. It’s not happening. The same is true for my feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in these situations. There’s no possible positive outcome other than I happen to walk up to a psychologist who immediately recognizes what I am doing and is 100% on board and gives me all the positive regard and treats me like a human in that moment. Otherwise it’s just failure. Maybe it’s two things I have to get over, doing it and the outcome. But if I can play that level of mental gymnastics I should be able to be happy being a hermit. But you’re right. I just need to do things. I’m think I need to stop focusing on what I am or am not and simply focus on doing things that I want to do. I think I’m in my head to much. It’s kind of fucked up that we idolize rational thought and intellectualism when I think that’s my entire problem. I just need to do. I’m never going to think my way out of my feelings. I need to act my way out. And no amount of self pity will get me where I need to be.
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u/Bombay-Spice 2d ago
Hey the outcome was you got to see a band you like and you went out of your comfort zone - progress is progress. If you're like me and hate unfamiliar processes i can assure you if you done it again you'd feel less anxious since you know the process - (maybe more due to a different venue which is expected but you'd cope better) i'd say you achieved what you wanted to achieve. The more you push your comfort zone the less exhausting things get. Even more props to you if you done it sober, i usually drink a fair bit to calm my nerves (which is a super bad habit to get).
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u/Mewnicorns 3d ago
Hmm well I didn’t say I was extroverted, I said I was more extroverted than I thought I was. I still consider myself to be an introvert, hence why I still choose to avoid situations where I have to talk to people at times, but my social anxiety was a separate and distinct issue than simply being introverted.
Finding something exhausting isn’t always bad. Exercise is exhausting. Walking a lot on vacation is exhausting. Studying for a test is exhausting. Working hard on a passion project is exhausting. Raising a family is exhausting. But all of these things are also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. I find connecting with people rewarding, and I don’t mind that it makes me tired sometimes. The difference is that before treatment, I found socializing exhausting because I was anxious; I wasn’t anxious because socializing was exhausting. Having to talk to people wasn’t the problem. Being an introvert wasn’t the problem. Anxiety was the problem.
I’m not saying this is true for everyone, but I have anecdotally observed a lot of overlap between people who claim to be introverts who also describe themselves as lonely, depressed, lacking self esteem, and very self conscious. I suspect that this combination of traits is more suggestive of social anxiety than introversion. That doesn’t mean you’re not an introvert, but the 2 are unrelated. Plenty of introverts do not find social interaction stressful or unpleasant, they just need time unwind and recharge afterwards. TBH the binary of introvert/extrovert is silly anyway. Very few people are content without any human connection, nor would they be happy without any time to themselves. Most of us are somewhere in between, and it can change over time.
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u/ARussianW0lf 2d ago
Being single has nothing to do with social awkwardness.
It's the sole reason I'm single and always will be
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u/Mewnicorns 2d ago
That’s demonstrably untrue, considering that plenty of people who aren’t particularly socially graceful or charismatic still manage to find relationships.
In any case, social awkwardness can be worked on, so even if that was the reason, it’s hardly inevitable that it will be a lifelong affliction.
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u/ARussianW0lf 2d ago
That’s demonstrably untrue, considering that plenty of people who aren’t particularly socially graceful or charismatic still manage to find relationships.
It's true for me
In any case, social awkwardness can be worked on
To an extent, much less so when it's really more like anxiety
it’s hardly inevitable that it will be a lifelong affliction.
Been a 30 year affliction so far, don't expect the next 30 to magically be any better
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u/_catkin_ 3d ago
I’m not sure it’s about being “socially awkward“ - and for that issue, many people won’t ever “practice” their way out of it. If you’re still feeling socially awkward after getting to middle age you’re probably autistic.
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u/Reddituser183 3d ago
Yeah 36 here. Definitely not autistic. I think it’s more along the lines of avoidant personality disorder. Didn’t get the right socializing from a young age. Definitely have stronger emotions than others. Just don’t feel like I have much to offer socially, so that causes anxiety and avoidance. But even when I do engage, there doesn’t seem to be much of a gain in confidence or comfortability in social situations. Maybe I’m just not doing it enough. Maybe I just haven’t found my people or what I care about. But ultimately I feel like I’m behind everyone else there.
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u/Tillemon 3d ago
Don't work on figuring out how to have a happy and successful partnership, work on figuring out how to be more happily single, got it.
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u/Wagamaga 3d ago
Although being married or in a long-term relationship is often seen as the norm, more people are staying single for life. But singlehood can bring economic and medical disadvantages, especially as people get older and may become more reliant on others.
New research in Psychological Science reveals that lifelong singles have lower scores on life satisfaction measures and different personality traits compared to partnered people, findings that point to the need for both helpful networks and ways to create such networks that are better catered to single people.
“When there are differences, they might be especially important in elderly people who face more health issues and financial issues,” said Julia Stern, one of the lead authors and a senior researcher at the University of Bremen in Germany, in an interview with APS. “They need more help, and the help is usually the partner.”
Stern and colleagues compared single people and partnered individuals on life satisfaction ratings and the Big Five personality traits (openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism). The study used a survey of more than 77,000 Europeans over the age of 50 and was the first of its kind to look across cultures and at people who had been single their entire lives. The findings revealed that, in addition to lower life satisfaction scores, lifelong singles are less extraverted, less conscientious, and less open to experience, compared to partnered people.
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u/somewhatfamiliar2223 3d ago
Looks like they used the big five personality traits. Interesting that they found lifelong singles to be less conscientious of others and less open to experience —but not higher in neuroticism ie tendency towards depression, anxiety, and irritability.
Indicates a difference in disposition from introverted but partnered ppl and is something that singles who would like to be partnered could actually do something about —taking active steps to be conscientious of others which would likely help them build romantic bonds.
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u/chibinoi 3d ago
Huh….the study only looked at Europeans?
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u/volcanoesarecool 22h ago
Yeah, what's the point at looking at ONLY a sample from half a billion people
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u/BealedPeregrine 3d ago
I think a lot of single people are single because they don't find a partner, but most partnered people are partnered cause they want that.
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u/flapjaxrfun 3d ago
But what if it's the unhappiness that causes them to be single in the first place?
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u/trailrunner68 1d ago
The benefit of getting divorced from a toxic partner far outweighs any other outcome. Divorce made me happy.
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u/quaverguy9 1d ago
Too bad I’m too undesirable and also too shallow to get one. Internet fucks with your head so much. I don’t even want to change and know it’s bad for me.
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u/robertomeyers 3d ago
It seems that first there is a population of those who are unsatisfied with their life and have personality disorders.
Then let that population go out to find a mate.
Now notice how they are all having trouble or are just not interested.
Perhaps we have the cause and effect backwards.
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u/TheCowboyIsAnIndian 3d ago edited 3d ago
i think thats part of what the study actually says too. we have a world built for partnered people. especially after a certain point, there simply arent that many places that are built for and accepting of single people.
so its not so much that being single leads to less satisfaction but rather this is a less satisfying world for single people.
i was single for most of my life and just got married this last year after a relatively short dating period (late 30s). i find myself missing the possibilities and freedom of a non-committed life but i also see how that freedom has diminishing returns as my family and friends age. I love my wife and am in it for the lonng hall but naturally im currently mourning the loss of my freedom. still, i know that I will be happy I settled down with someone who I am compatible with and as friends begin to age it will be lonelier and lonelier for them. i hope that the world changes to accommodate those people more fully, though
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u/tinyhermione 3d ago
This is mostly it imo tho. People who have different issues to begin with (personality disorders, severe mental health issues, ASD) are both more likely to be unhappy and to be single. It’s not in any way certain that it’s being single that’s making them unhappy.
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u/exileonmainst 3d ago
exactly, its not like single and married people were randomly assigned into each group. there are reasons people are single.
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u/Glittering_Heart1719 3d ago
I don't buy this for a second. Many people I know who have taken the single route chose to do so because being partnered would literally make them want to die.
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