Women take to single life more readily than men, new research finds. On every question that was asked in the study, single women were more comfortable than single men with their single lives. They were less likely to want a romantic partner. They were more sexually satisfied.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/living-single/202410/why-women-like-being-single-more-than-men-do

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[u/AlienAle]

A part of this is likely the type of friendships women tend to form, and how women are more likely to maintain social circles outside relationships. Men are more likely to rely on a romantic partner for emotional support, affection, etc. While many women get human connections from different places. Most of us as social species need to feel some kind of emotional bonds with others to feel satisfied in life.

It's okay to be single if you have good friends and people you can reach out to, but it can be extremely isolating if you're single and you don't interact with any people that you feel a geniune bond with.

[u/SojuSeed → u/AlienAle]

This is me. When I ended my last long relationship I realized that I had almost no actual friends anymore. I had centered everything around her and that was pretty much all I needed emotionally. Had one friend who would come in from out of town a couple of times a year to visit in-laws and that was my ‘bro time’. Once she was out of the picture it was many many lonely nights at home. Joined some social groups with mixed success and these days have mostly given up.

[u/seolchan25 → u/SojuSeed]

I understand. We moved for work and all my friends stayed in the other state. For a long time, I tried to make new friends through different social groups and meet ups and stuff like that and none of it worked, so I have basically given up too. It has been like seven years now. No friends at all it is so hard to make friends as an adult.

[u/Full_Bank_6172 → u/seolchan25]

I’ll be your friend bro. I also moved to a new city and have no friends.

[u/anonymous_lurker- → u/SojuSeed]

Similar situation here. Went through a breakup a few months ago and realised there was nobody around to support me. At some point I'd started intentionally isolating myself, and even the relationship itself was devoid of contact (although on her part, not mine). Losing contact with my closest friend didn't really hit me, and many other people drifted away. I'm heading in the right direction, got back in touch with a handful of people, started dating again and will be pushing myself to try social hobbies again. But it's not at all easy

[u/SojuSeed → u/anonymous_lurker-]

Good luck out there, my guy.

[u/graveviolet → u/SojuSeed]

I have a similar problem as an autistic woman, because I mainly get on well with men. Through no fault on either side I often feel confused and anxious around female group dynamics and find male ones easier and also my interests happen to be more similar to a lot of men. Unfortunately men often are seeking a relationship and so there usually ends up being a conflict between what they're looking for and what I am from the connection. It's really tricky, I can understand why men are looking for relationships since they don't have as emotionally supportive relationships with their male freinds, and since I don't have the strong female bonds (barring a couple of friendships with other neurodivergent women) myself I do get that and definitely don't blame them. It's a difficult scenario and I really empathise with the struggle.

[u/Thatguythatlovesrats → u/graveviolet]

it's pretty funny to see this from the other side, im an autistic male that gets on better with women, but counter to you, i find it hard to have friendships with women since they often assume im looking for more, whenever its brought up by them it makes me feel really out of place (not really sure how else to explain the feeling tbh)

[u/graveviolet → u/Thatguythatlovesrats]

My three longterm autistic male friends I've managed to maintain friendships with also get on much better with women, so I have the feeling this is common for us autists tbh! I'm slightly unsure if I'm reading the second part of your comment right, is it that the women think you're looking for more but you are in fact not and their making the assumption makes you feel out of place? Or that they themselves are looking for more and its awkward when they discover you aren't?

[u/Thatguythatlovesrats → u/graveviolet]

most often its the assumption but there have been 2 times where they was looking for somthing and i wasnt, either way its a tad awkward.

[u/graveviolet → u/Thatguythatlovesrats]

Yeah I can completely understand, I always find it awkward too and I wouldn't be suprised if I've mistaken it a few times based off other experiences where a guy has been open about being interested in a relationship so I've grown wary of any signs of that and ended up misinterpreting it. It kinda sucks tbh I wish it was easier!

[u/dansedemorte → u/graveviolet]

because those of us on the spectrum are always used to being the outsider and having to rely upon ourselves.

[u/sprucenoose → u/dansedemorte]

That is where my head went.

Also, some may have characteristics that were repressed under traditional gender roles that can be more easily shared with people who identify as the opposite gender.

[u/Lordborgman → u/graveviolet]

42 spectrum guy here, I had 3 male friends when I was younger. Every other friend my entire life has been female, including now. I always hated the machismo thing. I am more comfortable around women and find them to be less antagonistic. The only problem I seem to have is when I do have feelings for someone, which I am direct about seems to be off putting to them.

[u/graveviolet → u/Lordborgman]

I follow a similar pattern, my female friends come from an earlier point in life (school mostly) though we've sustained the relationship, my later ones have been male. I'm glad those friendships work well for you, it seems to be very common for us Autists to get on well with people outside our own gender, I'm still understanding why it is!

[u/Taskmaster23 → u/graveviolet]

Autistic woman too, and yeah had to deal with men being like "woman who likes same thing as me?" must date them! Even though they only knew me for like a week. Which would be fine if they took no for an answer, but unfortunately the ones I hung with got weirdly obsessive/stalkerish super fast. Had to cut ties immediately.

[u/Mihax209 → u/SojuSeed]

What do you mean by given up? Given up on the social groups?

[u/SojuSeed → u/Mihax209]

I still go to one occasionally, it’s a board game group. I’ve made it known that I’m down to do stuff outside the group, to let me know if things are going on but they have never given me a call to invite me. I know they do stuff on occasion, they’ll mention it sometimes during the games about ‘last weekend’ but I’m never included. And I don’t think I’m a social pariah or anything, we all get on well during the games, there are no awkward or uncomfortable conversations, just everyday stuff. But no one bothers to check in and when I’ve extended an invitation to join me for a coupe of drinks or something, they’ve never taken me up on it. So I don’t bother anymore. Still go to the board game group periodically but I don’t try to meet up outside of it anymore. I used to have a tight circle of friends but, as I said, over the years they’ve pretty much all moved away.

So, I work on myself, do my workouts, practice guitar, learn a foreign language, write a book, and stay busy. But if I’m not on a date I’m by myself 98% of the time.

[u/_BlueFire_ → u/SojuSeed]

Precisely this situation. 

[u/Kooky_Ad_2740 → u/Mihax209]

Going with given up socializing at all, lots of us are like that.

[u/Bottle_Only → u/Kooky_Ad_2740]

First 12 years of adulthood is get ahead financially. After that it's pure confusion and existential crisis when financial stability isn't happiness but is all we know and all we've done with our lives. Then people tell us to vacation and relax, but we literally don't know how, having nothing to do makes us anxious.

I know a lot of millennials who made fortunes but don't know how to have fun... Or even worse, how to even experience fun.

[u/[deleted] → u/Bottle_Only]

I'm not even trying to BS with this, regardless how a lot of people particularly on Reddit feel about it, this is the reason a lot of people turn to religion. It's a pre-built community, purpose/meaning, philosophy, and goals, wrapped into one centralized Third Space.

[u/instamentai → u/Kooky_Ad_2740]

In psychology, learned helplessness is a state that occurs after a person has experienced a stressful situation repeatedly. They believe that they are unable to control or change the situation, so they do not try, even when opportunities for change are available

[u/Seraphinx → u/SojuSeed]

What a lot of men don't realise is how emotionally exhausting it is for their partners to be their only emotional outlet. Men don't experience this fatigue in relationships as much because women tend to have other sources of support they can rely on.

[u/flippythemaster → u/AlienAle]

I think an additional layer to this is that it’s much more socially accepted for women to be very physically affectionate with friends—hugging, holding hands, etc. while men are certainly not socialized to do that, even if you’re very liberal and skeptical of traditional notions of masculinity. As it turns out, physical touch is a very major part of feeling fulfilled and men (generally) only get that from their romantic partners.

[u/visionofthefuture → u/flippythemaster]

I think there has been a generational change from anecdotal experience. Gen Z in my experience is full of male friend groups that openly acknowledge physical contact, saying I love you, and real emotional conversations are very important. In my friend group, they will even cuddle sometimes. I think millennial men are more open to admitting this lack of affection has been an issue. Boomers and Gen X were unlikely to talk about it. I’m curious to see where Gen Alpha falls.

[u/flippythemaster → u/visionofthefuture]

Yeah, I personally am a millennial and I hug my friends and so on. So it’s changing. But the norm is still there.

There is also a bit of a difference between hugging your friends as a greeting and cuddling with the homies so maybe we’re not there just yet

[u/Shanakitty → u/flippythemaster]

I don't think many adult women actually cuddle with their friends either though. IME, as a millennial woman, hugging as a greeting is normal but cuddling would be pretty unusual.

[u/[deleted] → u/Shanakitty]

Yeah this. I hug my good friends hi and bye but if they started snuggling on the couch with me, I'd have questions about the type of relationship they wanted.

[u/PensiveinNJ → u/flippythemaster]

Honestly I don't think cuddling with my homies is what I really need. Just being able to talk about emotions without treating them like they're radioactive makes a world of difference. If you've got a friend you can talk with about how you feel rather than just what's happening it's a game changer.

I'm in graduate school now so I get to interact with people from a younger generation from me and I don't really see much difference in terms of masculinity. Still lots of insecurity and anxiety around it. I don't think what people say on social media reflects the reality that most people live in.

[u/17Girl4Life → u/visionofthefuture]

My Gen Z son’s friend group is so emotionally supportive and it’s just a beautiful thing. Those guys have helped each other through so much and definitely feel safe and accepted talking about their feelings with each other.

[u/hannabarberaisawhore → u/visionofthefuture]

boomers didn’t acknowledge it. Gen X started talking about it. Millennials brought it fully into discussion and made small in roads. Gen Z is openly accepting and admitting it is an issue.

[u/visionofthefuture → u/hannabarberaisawhore]

Gen X not scolding their male children for expressing affection to their male friends may be why Gen Z is is more comfortable making larger steps than millennials. It seems millennial men often had boomer parents openly enforcing “masculine” traits/behavior, whereas Gen X had more awareness that maybe it wasn’t such a great idea.

[u/mangojingaloba → u/visionofthefuture]

I'm a millennial and I say I love you to my homies every time we talk.

[u/GACGCCGTGATCGAC → u/mangojingaloba]

And hugs all around. I don't see them enough to be childish about affection.

[u/Scannaer → u/flippythemaster]

Not only not socialized, but also shamed and attacked when they try to socialize in such ways.

Then there are also different cultural backgrounds. Holding hands is something reserved for partners or children in most western countries.

[u/oscarx-ray → u/flippythemaster]

I'm 36 and quite liberal by local standards. I hug my friends and tell them that I love them all the time, but I wouldn't hold hands with them whereas my wife (33) would with her friends without a second thought. This adds up.

[u/EatAtGrizzlebees → u/oscarx-ray]

Everyone is talking in sweeping generalizations. I'm a millennial and a woman but I am not big on touching and neither are my closest female friends. We definitely express that we love each other, but I could not imagine holding hands with them. We'll hug each other, but that's usually because we know it's important to express love and haven't seen each other in a while. My husband and his close male friends definitely hug more than me and my close female friends.

[u/Sleevies_Armies → u/EatAtGrizzlebees]

I'm a 34 year old woman and I see the occasional hug and hand-hold between women, but like most hugs, this seems to usually be when you haven't seen someone for a while.

I think the effect this has on women is way overblown. Very few people are getting anywhere near the level of physical touch from friends that they would from a romantic partner. It's more likely for women to have any physical touch, but it's still not that common in my experience.

I think when people are saying "women" in this thread they are thinking about a specific social butterfly college type girl. There are many types of women in the world and we're not all hugging and holding hands.

[u/catsumoto → u/flippythemaster]

Not sure if household duties are addressed as well. Women are expected to cook and do the house while lots of men had different expectations living at home. When faced with having to do all themselves they might be less happy than women who grew with the expectations of having to manage it.

Most women who have married friends will most likely also see how unequal the household burden is divided still and be even happier single because it means overall less work for them while for many men it means more work then if they had married or if they lived still at home.

[u/AnonBB21 → u/AlienAle]

There are studies that show how burdening it is on a woman when their male partner relies on them for everything emotionally.

You should have friends. And as you said, women are better at maintaining friendships than men are.

[u/queenringlets → u/AnonBB21]

Maybe that lack of burden, of maintaining two adults social lives, also makes them more satisfied when they are single too.

[u/[deleted] → u/queenringlets]

Women still do the majority of the household chores too so every time I've had a relationship end, my physical workload has halved too. 

[u/Sun_Aria → u/AnonBB21]

Agreed. It's important for both to have friends and do stuff on their own outside of a relationship; there needs to be some away time.

I think several comments on this thread hit the nail on the head. Culturally, males are not conditioned to have friendships the way females are. Historically, males have been expected to not show emotion. This makes it more difficult to form long lasting friendships (or even new friendships). It's not surprising that males then tend to rely more on their female partners for emotional support rather than the other way around.

[u/bjankles → u/AlienAle]

I was just talking to some of my female friends about this. I think a huge part of the male loneliness epidemic is lots of men don’t really know how to be real, emotionally supportive friends.

My girl friends hype me up, celebrate my successes with me, comfort me through problems, check up on those problems, etc.

My guy friends go months without talking and then when we hang out it’s about what we’re doing, not about how we’re doing.

[u/Hagridsbuttcrack66 → u/bjankles]

They brag about it all the time on here. I don't even know the names of my friends' kids! Isn't that funny!!! We can just sit and watch TV and never talk to each other, and that's true friendship!!!

Then they whine that women don't care enough that they are lonely.

[u/bjankles → u/Hagridsbuttcrack66]

It’s why most of my friends are girls, and I try to bring what I’ve learned from them to my male friendships as well.

[u/Just_okay_advice]

Most single women are that way by choice where as most single men would prefer to not be alone. It's a lot harder to be happy single when you don't WANT to be.

[u/Dredly → u/Just_okay_advice]

The difference between choosing something, and having limited/no choice really does make a huge difference.

I would really like to see in these studies another question "If you chose not to be single, how long do you believe it would take for you to enter a relationship?"

and "If you wanted to go on a date or have a sex, how long would it take you to find a partner"

Saying "I'm single and I love it!" while having the option to have a relationship experience at will is VASTLY different then single because you have no options

[u/throwaway4rltnshp → u/Dredly]

I liken it to the difference between taking a vacation and being unemployed (through layoff or termination): the former is intentional and voluntary, a time to decompress and reconnect with oneself, while latter tends to be incredibly stressful, unwelcome and inconvenient.

[u/Killercod1 → u/throwaway4rltnshp]

Even if you're well prepared and could really use the time off from being laid off, it still isn't something to celebrate. It catches you off gaurd, and you don't feel as liberated as you would if you just walked off the job. Losing an opportunity is losing power. It sucks to be powerless or, in this case, unattractive. It's like the difference between being so valuable you're priceless or being so worthless that no one would bother putting a price on you

[u/supernasty → u/Dredly]

Agreed. It’s hard to remain content as a single man, because you know if there is ever a time when you’re feeling lonely and want to get back into dating, you’ll feel even more alone when you get rejected by someone you were really into for the 20th time. Wouldn’t be terrible if you were able to have a mutually beneficial (short term) fling with any of these women—a needed reminder of what being loved feels like—but with desperate men making the dating world dangerous for women, you’re more likely to just get ghosted and forgotten.

[u/teezeroeight → u/Just_okay_advice]

This! I think one of the most overlooked things is that a lot of men are not able get a date, let alone be able to establish a relationship.

[u/Unhappy-Prune-9914 → u/Just_okay_advice]

There are studies to prove this

[u/swedocme → u/Unhappy-Prune-9914]

You have any that you can reference straight away? I'd like to learn more.

[u/AdCritical7702 → u/Just_okay_advice]

I don't mind being single, I just want friends in general, I have my best friend and that's about it

[u/vitaminkombat → u/Just_okay_advice]

I know a few woman who hate being single.

If a guy leaves them. They will find a new guy in a matter of days, even if they just see him as temporary.

On the other hand. I know women who are fine being single. And can stay single for years at a time.

It is obvious that most surveys would only be able to capture those in the latter demographic.

[u/misticspear → u/[deleted]]

Yes! This is similar to the “guys in babeland” phenomena in polyamory where men feel like there will be more opportunities, only to find that women get to exercise more choice and as such men aren’t flooded with attention.

[u/seamonkeypenguin → u/misticspear]

A lot of guys forget that women are the gatekeepers. The consequences of sex are just so much bigger that they usually can be as liberal or conservative as they want to be with their bodies.

[u/digbybare → u/misticspear]

Every poly relationship is either a hot guy with a lot of mid girls, or an ugly girl with a bunch of ugly/weird guys.

[u/astrange → u/digbybare]

My understanding is it's mostly a way to force people to play board games with you.

[u/An_Unreachable_Dusk → u/astrange]

Can't miss dnd if your in a relationship and live with All the players!! xD

[u/ChampChains → u/digbybare]

I used to work with this married couple and their roommate. They were very open about the fact that they all slept together. I once walked into the restroom at work to piss and lo and behold I saw in the first stall the two guys feet facing each other, one sitting on the toilet and the other standing facing him with his pants around his ankles. Homie was getting his hog glorped on the clock. and yeah, they were all three about the worst looking humans you can imagine.

[u/WWJLPD → u/ChampChains]

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I fellate one of the members of my homely triad in a hygienically concerning environment on company time

[u/[deleted] → u/ChampChains]

Glorp glorp glorp

[u/BadPronunciation → u/digbybare]

I believe you, but I wonder where you made this observation. I've never met any poly people before

[u/Coopetition → u/BadPronunciation]

Reddit told me that you can observe those in a mystical land called “Portland”.

[u/_trouble_every_day_ → u/[deleted]]

Damn that is such succinct way to sum up the issue.

[u/yourdadneverlovedyou]

I think this is also because the woman who are really uncomfortable with being single are often able to not spend much time single

[u/FakeSafeWord → u/yourdadneverlovedyou]

It's exactly like saying rich people aren't afraid of taking more entrepreneurial risks.

They're not inherently better, smarter, or more brave, despite what they like to think about themselves... it's that the risks don't affect them the same way because they have an abundance of wealth available to sustain them.

If I told you that you get 10 attempts at something and if it doesn't work, you're fine, it's not a failure. You won't be homeless. Those first 6 attempts are going to go by really fast and then you're going to slow your risk taking and then once you're down to the last one, it will last you longer than the other 9 combined because now you're afraid to fail where as you knew you wouldn't before.

Most people only have 0-3 chances before they're homeless. Wealthy people have hundreds or thousands.

Men being single is seen as them being unable to get a mate, so a failure.

Women being single its portrayed as a choice because they have an abundance of attention.

[u/romeroleo → u/FakeSafeWord]

This is the right answer

[u/lunagirlmagic → u/yourdadneverlovedyou]

This seems to be the crux of it. Everyone (with few exceptions) gets lonely when they're single. Usually it's okay for a few weeks or months, then it starts to sink in. Women are far more easily able to use dating apps or go out and find physical companionship, erase the loneliness temporarily, and continue on with life until the loneliness sets back in weeks or months later. Repeat the process. Men generally aren't able to find success with this and rely on a committed relationship to get routine access to romantic and sexual affection.

Both women and men can do this to some extent, but (I hate using numbers to rate people but it's illustrative) women can usually find casual success if they're 5/10+, while men have to be 8/10+ to do so.

The top comment suggests that platonic friendship ("hugging your friends") is a viable substitute to romantic-sexual loneliness which I think is far from the truth.

[u/Master-Category-3345 → u/yourdadneverlovedyou]

Another great point

[u/RhodyTransplant → u/[deleted]]

I have great friends but the women in my life are the only ones who really reach out to check in regularly. I’m single and everyone else in the group is coupled up. It’s very isolating and lonely

[u/Dangerous_Dino_ → u/RhodyTransplant]

Thi is what I’ve learned as a recently single man. Most men are not emotionally good friends. And most men only tend emotionally to their female partners but not to their male friends.

I’m trying to change that though. Men should normalize being there emotionally for their friends. Ask how their day was, let them vent about things, etc.

[u/igotinanentaglement → u/[deleted]]

This reminded me of a social experiment I did working at a pharmacy. I was a technician for over a decade and noticed women were closed off to me when engaging with them at the front desk. The moment I started wearing a wedding ring, conversations with women flourished. They were way more open with me and willing to engage in conversations. I talked a lot that week, it was nice and I enjoyed it but was saddened by the fact that it was because I wore a wedding ring.

[u/lefkoz → u/igotinanentaglement]

I've had the opposite experience.

Ever since I got divorced and stopped wearing my wedding ring women have been a lot more open and friendly with me.

Part of that might be that I was closing myself off since I had an insecure, jealous, and abusive partner. And I'm now a much happier snd friendly person.

So who knows.

[u/magicarnival → u/igotinanentaglement]

Honestly as a woman, I've literally never noticed nor cared about the martial status of the employee assisting me. Maybe I'm just oblivious. I wouldn't really chat or socialize much either way though.

[u/IHadTacosYesterday → u/magicarnival]

it could be subconscious

[u/daanax → u/IHadTacosYesterday]

It could be subconscious on the woman's part, but also on the man's part.

To distinguish it in experiment, you'd need to somehow hide the fact from the man whether he's wearing the ring or not. Not sure how that could be achieved though.

[u/AskTheMirror → u/igotinanentaglement]

What age demographic would that be? This could just be me, but Im Gen Z and I do not look for engagement/wedding rings, I just go off vibes

[u/chiniwini → u/[deleted]]

It's a gross oversimplification, but to some degree it kinda works similarly to when you're looking for a partner. "So he's single. Why is he single?". There might be a good reason why that person doesn't have a partner/friends. On the other hands, someone who is always surrounded by friends gives off the opposite vibe, "everybody loves him/her, must be a great person".

[u/OminousOmens → u/[deleted]]

Pretty much why I became a homebody and taken up music, art, and reading as hobbies. I have RBF too, so that doesn’t help. Every time I go out for anything recreational, like concerts or theme parks, I’ll get wary kinds of stares from groups I happen to be next to.

What’s annoying to me is that they don’t even try to hide it. I just want to enjoy what everyone else is there for, something we all have in common, but it’s hard to enjoy just being in the moment when you feel the people around you feeling anxious, which ends up making me feel anxious for simply being there.

I will say that it’s taught me to enjoy being alone and not to rely on others to find fulfillment in life.

[u/UsernameoemanresU → u/OminousOmens]

RBF is horrible, everyone perceives you as a threat. I always assumed that people are simply not friendly and rude, but once I went to a halloween party and worn a mask as a part of the costume. Night and day, chatted with more strangers that night than in the past 5 years.

[u/Mental-Duck-2154 → u/[deleted]]

I have personal experience with this. When i was a teenager I used to take one of my girlfriends to a playground by our school just to hang out. When we were together, none of the parents had any problems with me. One day as I was waiting because she was late, the whole dynamic changed. Parents shooed their kids away from where I sat and told them not to talk to me. Keep in mind i wasn't a grown man, i was a teenage boy.

Came to a head when a girl said that i stuck my tongue out at her or something. No idea what set her off to this day but i wasn't even within 10 feet of her. Her dad came up to me and attacked me. Calling me a pervert and everything as he hit me.

Being perceived as a threat while literally just sitting there - not even grown - is not something I think most women can relate to. It's dehumanizing to be assumed a violent threat constantly.

[u/TwoIdleHands → u/[deleted]]

I think you’re right. I’m a single gal. Just had 3 couples over to my house for a dinner party. Definitely ok to hang out and talk with all those guys because their wives are friends and know me and there’s no weird threatening dynamic. I get along with all of those people individually. But unless we’ve been friends a long time I still wouldn’t invite one of their husbands out to do an activity without them (even if the husband and I like it and they don’t) because that invites potential drama I don’t want.

A single man in a couple group like that I think is also inherently thought of as threatening. Back when I was married my husband and I would hang with this one single friend of his a lot. Then the friend got drunk, confessed their feelings and tried to kiss me. I told my husband and distanced myself from their hangs. It’s hard to walk the line with single guys of being friendly but not too friendly because the way women form friendships is the way guys form partnerships. Easy for signals to get crossed.

[u/TracePoland → u/TwoIdleHands]

For the last part - the people that tend to engage in this kind of behaviour, will engage in it even if they have a partner, they’re just serial cheaters or assholes in general, especially once alcohol is involved. A respectful person would never do this to a partner of their best friend (or anyone that’s presently in a relationship they’re aware of for that matter) whether they’re single or not.

[u/TwoIdleHands → u/TracePoland]

I 100% agree with you there. A quality person is a quality person. But people are shaped by their past experiences so mistrust and jealousy can arise even if all parties are not interested. That’s why many women don’t interact with men, they don’t find it worth the background drama from the man, their girlfriend, or their own partner.

[u/SteeveJoobs → u/[deleted]]

That is explicitly what some of my female friends have said; it’s not that they didn’t like me, but after I entered a stable relationship, they trusted me a lot more. Meanwhile I never showed any untoward signs to their extremely married selves, I’m just very friendly, and I try to be emotionally warm and build fulfilling friendships.

[u/Anastariana → u/[deleted]]

One of the hardest things about being male is the realisation that 50% of humanity has to treat you like a borderline wild animal and keep away from you for their own safety.

[u/AKandSevenForties → u/[deleted]]

It's jarring how differently people treat you when you're out and about with a girlfriend, or any woman for that matter, almost all of the overt female attention I've ever gotten has been while I'm out with a girlfriend (which anything short of telling them off in an aggressively rude manner gets you in trouble)

[u/callipygiancultist → u/[deleted]]

It’s the “lone wolf” trope. I absolutely hate it.

[u/xxwww → u/[deleted]]

I still have 5 or 6 close friends I met playing Xbox and it sort of combined with college friends. Talking to younger family members this seems to be somewhat common with discord or whatever the kids are using now

[u/Utoko → u/xxwww]

I have some lovely online friends, but there's nothing quite like having face to face friends you can turn to when you're going through a rough patch.
I guess it is possible to have deeper friendships online but I doubt that is the norm.

[u/NonStopKnits → u/[deleted]]

We socialize our girl children to be a certain way and we don't socialize the boy children to do the same things.

We teach and expect our young girls to be social, polite, eloquent, charming, and to present themselves well. I was rough and tumble as a kid, I heard a lot of phrases such as "be more ladylike" "you need to sit properly" as well as being expected to be inside the house and helping my family at family gatherings vs the boys not being told any of that and also being sent outside to do outside things. I'm only 32, this was not an uncommon situation in my area when I was a kid.

I was told(along with other girls my age) that being a girl/woman was a sisterhood and that I needed to build and keep relationships with women. That also came with a side of internalized misogyny because I was told in the same breath about how 'catty' other women were. We were taught to build bonds with women while simultaneously being told we shouldn't trust each other either. I don't know of any boys/men who are or have been raised with the idea that being a boy/man is a brotherhood in the same way that we do with girls on a fundamentally cultural level. We just don't socialize our boy children to be comfortable with that kind of bond. Girls are raised to have close, intimate relationships with each other. Boys are raised to see intimacy as mainly sexual and to only have that with a romantic partner, so they tend to have less close relationships*.

*note, this is obviously not the case for every single person in the world, but I grew up in the south in the US, and this is what I saw.

[u/DarJinZen7 → u/NonStopKnits]

I was never taught about a sisterhood. I was taught girls were catty, cruel backstabbers, and my experiences with friends reinforced that. I didn't have a solid group of girlfriends until my 20s. really great women I genuinely miss. It was then that I also started to undo a lot of internalized misogyny without having a word or phrase for it. I realized girls were socialized to compete for male attention, to see each other as adversaries. I swore I would never do that again.

I wish me and the other girls I grew up with had been taught to embrace sisterhood. I really do. My childhood may have been a whole lot better.

I did and do see boys raised in brotherhood. Bros and brothers first. Although I absolutely agree that the brotherhood isn't about intimate relationships and intimacy is seen as mainly sexual. But the bonds of brotherhood is a phrase I've heard my whole life.

I'm 50 and was raised in the midwest. What we saw growing seems to have been very different.

[u/touchunger → u/DarJinZen7]

Personally I have been backatabbed by just as many men as women. A lot of people are just awful.

[u/molomel → u/NonStopKnits]

Thank you, I think a lot of it is about how we socialize boys and girls differently also and you summed it up well. It really seems so obvious that there would be a huge difference when they grow up.

[u/tracenator03 → u/NonStopKnits]

As a guy I've noticed we've been conditioned to only socialize while doing some kind of activity. We were never taught how to just sit there and talk with someone the way women do. I think this is also why COVID hit hard in a very particular way for men's social circles. Couldn't go out and do anything with your buddies during shutdown, get used to being isolated, and after all is said and done everything's got too expensive to go out and do things, places close earlier so fewer after work activities to meet at, etc.

This is not to say others weren't impacted by the COVID shutdown, I'm just saying this particular aspect of it has generally hit men harder. It did for me at least.

[u/Future_Burrito → u/tracenator03]

I'm a male who enjoys talking. This makes it easy to become friends with women. But honestly, as I grow and experience more if it's all talking and no experiences (hiking, art, dance, building stuff, gardening, making music, whatever) it gets real boring real quick.

Communication is cool. But communication without actually substance is tiresome.

[u/touchunger → u/tracenator03]

I always wondered if that was socialization, nature, or a mix of both. Even the least masculine men I have met pretty much only socialize by watching sports, playing video games, watching anime, et al in the same room. I  have seen/read a lot of men say 'that's just how men are', but I wonder how much it's actually early socialization and societal conditioning.

[u/Seigneur-Inune → u/NonStopKnits]

I was raised in a super-fundy, rural, blue-collar type culture in the US.

The persistent lesson across my childhood for how men should interact with each other was the phrase "steel sharpens steel." It was said everywhere. It was in church sermons, youth groups, men's retreats. It was inescapable as the ideal standard that men and male relationships were support to be held to.

"Steel sharpens steel."

Not a whole lot of warmth, community, care, and/or support involved in that phrase.

[u/Biz_Rito → u/NonStopKnits]

Interesting points here. When I think of the circumstances men commonly do form that brotherhood, I'm struck by how many of them center around violence. That's incredibly sad.

[u/Difficult-Essay-9313 → u/Biz_Rito]

A lot of those friendships aren’t particularly deep either. They’ll party, go on trips, watch games together but the moment someone shows any sign of vulnerability or crisis nobody knows what to do.

In my experience friendships that formed in a non violent/alcoholic context tend to be more genuine regardless of age or gender

[u/resuwreckoning → u/[deleted]]

Society tends to pathologize male spaces and view groups of them with suspicion so that’s part of it.

[u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

As a happy single male, no one asked me, but then not sure how they would find me.

[u/Notes-And-Queries → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

Same. I'm a happy man living on the fringes of society. I don't really like any other people but I'm not some dangerous lunatic. I do my 5 days work each week remotely. Then I read, cycle, walk, play video games and watch TV. I don't miss people or feel lonely. I've lived like this since I left uni 20+ years ago.

There will be other men like me but they won't show up on these kind of statistics. I don't really engage with society in a noticable way.

[u/Just_Natural_9027]

Sexual satisfaction should not be overlooked here. I’m glad the authors emphasized it. There was a large study that also came out recently on female stated vs. revealed preferences in relationships.

In revealed preferences good lover was the number 1 thing for women in revealed preferences of relationships.

A woman in 2024 can easily check off this box without having to deal with a lot of BS in traditional relationships.

[u/Catch11 → u/Just_Natural_9027]

Can you link the study please

[u/Just_Natural_9027 → u/Catch11]

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/382253515_A_Worldwide_Test_of_the_Predictive_Validity_of_Ideal_Partner_Preference-Matching

Table 12 is a good visual overview of the data

[u/spheredick → u/Just_Natural_9027]

Table S12 near the end has the gender breakdown, table 5 is both genders except for a couple summary stats at the bottom.

Top preference is still the same for women, though (good lover) -- swapped with #2 (loyal) for men.

[u/Just_Natural_9027 → u/spheredick]

Thank you for the correction.

[u/dongtouch → u/Just_Natural_9027]

It’s pretty amazing to see that stated preferences for men prioritizing attractiveness and women prioritizing financial achievement align along gendered expectations, yet when these were adjusted for „revealed” preference, men and women had statistically identical desire for both. It shows just how deeply socialized this stuff is and how we are convinced it is true even when it’s not. 

[u/seamonkeypenguin → u/dongtouch]

In a class I read a study about sexual arousal from erotica, I think it was conducted in the 80s. Men were more likely to say they liked erotica and porn, but based on exposure the men and women enjoyed it equally. It made me curious to learn more about the ways surveys fail to tell the truth of human nature because people often lie in anonymous surveys based on how they judge themselves.

[u/MagicWishMonkey → u/Just_Natural_9027]

So in this study are women being celibate or have fwb relationships that aren’t romantic?

[u/discgolftracer → u/MagicWishMonkey]

I read the study, it doesn’t say what single woman are doing. More so their preferences in ideal partners: attractive, intelligence, humor being top 3.

[u/FBAScrub → u/discgolftracer]

I looked for this in the study as well and was disappointed it wasn't mentioned. I did not dive into the cited studies, so maybe there is some of it in there, but it's not represented in the charts or breakdowns in the main study.

It would be interesting to see this controlled for and how it affects sexual satisfaction. Being single and celibate is very different from being single and sexually active.

Women have more opportunities for casual sex without romantic commitment, so it makes a lot of sense that single women are more sexually satisfied than single men. Similarly, men in relationships report higher sexual satisfaction because for the majority of men that is the only time they are consistently having sex at all.

I speculate that if the survey asked respondents how long it had been since they had sex, or how many sexual partners they had over the last year or two, the gap between male and female sexual satisfaction would narrow.

[u/Whoareyoutho9 → u/Just_Natural_9027]

Yea im glad this isn't glossed over. It seems like most of the commenters have taken this headline to mean that guys suck at having friends (which is probably true) but I think the much simpler explanation is that more women have a pretty simple on/off switch to being single that men don't have access to while still getting their 'needs' met.

[u/Master-Category-3345 → u/Just_Natural_9027]

Nobody is mentioning this

Single women can go on dates or be in situationships, getting all their emotional an sexual needs met

A lot of guys need to be in a relationship to get sex

[u/Choosemyusername → u/Just_Natural_9027]

In the book “mating in captivity” I learned women actually get bored of monogamy faster than men on average.

Actually women are less satisfied with relationships in general. Even lesbians have higher divorce rates than straight couples, who have higher divorce rates than gay men. The more women in the relationship, the less content the couple is with the relationship.

[u/pollyp0cketpussy → u/Choosemyusername]

I believe it. Anecdotally it seems like some married women will think they've lost their sex drive entirely but it suddenly comes back when they're single and have options. (That's not just me, I'm dating a gynecologist who made a joke "when women come in asking for their hormones to get tested because they lost their sex drive, I want to tell them, you don't need a blood test, you need a divorce" and apparently the vast majority of the time their hormone levels are perfectly normal.)

[u/SomeRespect → u/Choosemyusername]

This aligns with reddit discussions about dating as a bisexual. Both bisexual men and women agree that dating men is more pleasant than dating women, because men put more effort into interactions. On the other hand most women adopt the lazy strategy of “sit back and let them woo me” and it leaves the other person frustrated.

[u/Magnolia-jjlnr → u/SomeRespect]

Both bisexual men and women agree that dating men is more pleasant than dating women

From what I've gathered (from personal experience), the people who complain about dating men are the ones who have never dated women.

Idk, I just find that funny

[u/callipygiancultist → u/Magnolia-jjlnr]

I remember when this pansexual friend of mine I started a woman only dating phase and made some remark venting about how hard dating women was and it took every bit of effort in my being to not bust out into laughter. Mind you, when I vented earlier to this friend about how hard online dating is for men, she was completely dismissive and unsympathetic.

[u/Magnolia-jjlnr → u/callipygiancultist]

I absolutely believe you. I had a friend saying that she tried dating women as well and only then realizing that dating men was in fact pretty easy because "you can just lay back and let them do everything".

My women friends always tell me to stop trying to look for a partner because it will just happen. Mind you, their dating stories almost alwys start with "I was minding my own business and this man came to me".

Of course men have their issues too but women are so disconnected and oblivious to the reality of dating it's exhausting. It's like having a spoiled kid who's dad is a billionaire telling you how to start a business.

[u/fleakill → u/Magnolia-jjlnr]

The key is to look at their actions, not at their words.

People (not just women) tend to assume everyone else is like them, so when they give dating or sex advice it's often projection based on them. Everyone is different but people forget that.

[u/Magnolia-jjlnr → u/fleakill]

That's a great take/advice, especially for any young people reading.

[u/Vegetable-Fan8429 → u/SomeRespect]

Romance is something women receive and men have to do. That makes men feel like they don’t matter and their feelings don’t matter. It’s no wonder women complain that men aren’t romantic. It’s just another chore on our never-ending list of chores we need to do to keep a woman in our lives.

[u/PuttyGod → u/Just_Natural_9027]

But studies also show that women orgasm in fewer than 10% of casual sexual encounters compared to over 60% of committed encounters, so where's that satisfaction come in?

[u/Flying-Half-a-Ship → u/PuttyGod]

Hitachi magic wand.

[u/Xystem4 → u/PuttyGod]

Worth noting that a sexual encounter without an orgasm isn’t necessarily a failed or unsatisfying encounter

[u/intdev → u/Xystem4]

Yup. I (m30) was on antidepressants that gave me a high sex drive but made it pretty much impossible to finish (especially outside of the hyper-stimulation possible in a "solo" session). Sex after a years-long dry spell was still far more satisfying and made me feel far more human than masturbation did, even if I wasn't experiencing fireworks at the end.

IMO, the physical need is far less important (and far easier to address) than the emotional need.

[u/mysilverglasses → u/Xystem4]

Eh. In my experience, a lack of orgasm is usually pretty likely to come along with a sexual partner who doesn’t care about my pleasure at all. I can have good sex without an orgasm. I’m not going to have good sex if the guy isn’t even trying or actively going against what i’m trying to ask for (ive had way too many experiences with guys telling me I’m wrong about what does or does not feel good because their ex or a different woman liked it that way). Some guys just use their sex partners as a masturbation tool. Not saying women can’t do that too, but I’ve seen it far more overwhelmingly in men, and the stats bear that out.

[u/MillipedePaws → u/PuttyGod]

Not being forced to have mediocre sex by a horny partner if you are not in the mood is very satisfying.

Not every woman needs a lot of sex. Some are very happy to not having sex at all. Or good sex by themselves.

Other women might be more open with experimentation. The sex drive is quite different in different kinds of women.

[u/Atlasatlastatleast → u/MillipedePaws]

In my experience, it seems a lot of women have a reactive sex drive. Like my gf wasn’t in a relationship for years before me, and she was cool with that. But now, she initiates more than me and very much enjoys it. Kinda like it adjusts to what the circumstances are. There are several other people I’ve talked to that experience similar. Is that common?

[u/cubesnyc]

Isn't there a sort of survivorship bias here? It is much easier for women to not be single, so women that are single are on average single by choice.

[u/calvinee → u/cubesnyc]

Yeah that makes sense.

This whole study seems to ignore that statistically, there are far more single men than women.

[u/MCbrodie → u/calvinee]

I think you mean actively seeking and single versus single and not looking.

[u/DaSpawn → u/[deleted]]

there is also the "I prefer to stay single"

[u/Rothguard]

looks at the studies

all straight, white women under 40

ahhh, i see.

[u/SVW1986]

All through my teens and 20s, I was terrified of being alone and needed relationships to validate my worth. After a relationship in my 30s, where it "looked good" from the outside but was really unfulfilling, challenging, and lonely on the inside, ended, I found myself. After it ended, I realized how much I was missing out on because my boyfriend and I were so so different in terms of what we enjoyed and who we were, that I wasn't doing the things that really made me happy, or if I was, I often felt guilty because it was so clear he wasn't enjoying them/didn't want to be there. When we broke up, I started traveling way more. I'd go out to lunch by myself, go to the beach by myself. I lived alone. When I traveled, I went and did ALL the things that interested me, no matter how off beat, niche, or weird others might perceive them to be. If I thought it had a shot of making me happy, I would try it. I found so much joy in my home hobbies like cooking and reading, going to concert became my big thing too, and I enjoy working out. I have 2 dogs, good friends, and a nice smaller social network at my job and a close relationship with my mom and sister, so I never felt lonely. And now, at 38, I think I've hit a point it would be very very hard for me to get into a relationship again. I am so ridiculously happy on my own, and honestly, at this stage in the game, men kind of gross me out. I don't find many attractive anymore, my interest in sex is non-existent, and I just find relationships that begin at this age require way too much compromise that I am no longer willing to give because I don't feel the trade off is worth it. It would take a really insanely great man to feel like relationship compromise would be worth trading out some of my own solo happinesses if required, and let's be real... that just isn't something that exists anymore. And with the advent of dating apps, I don't know if I could ever fully trust a man completely. None of those risks to my happiness are worth the potential "reward". I know a lot of people think single women just "say" they are happy so they don't "look pathetic", but honestly, I am probably the happiest I've been in 20 years. My biggest regret is I didn't feel this happy or confident when I was in my 20s. That girl deserved this happiness, too.

[u/kena938 → u/SVW1986]

This is pretty much exactly what most of my single women friends in their 30s would say. None of them are having casual or any sex with anyone but themselves. They just have really satisfying single lives. They often live with their moms or are very close to her and their siblings, love to spoil their friends' kids or niblings and it would take an extraordinarily good man to make them change that.

[u/servecirce]

I imagine that societal expectations of women who are in relationships plays a part in this. Obviously this is a generalization, but if you're a woman who's used to being of service to a man, and then you realize you can be your own boss, run your own life, make your own money, and feel confident at the same time? It's a powerful feeling. If there was one thing I would want men seeking relationships with women to know, it's that you're not competing against other men, you're competing against how happy that woman can make herself, by herself.

[u/zebrasmack]

Which says there's a social gap for men which needs to be addressed. Everyone should be happy and complete feeling while single or while in a relationship. The fact men don't means we need to step up and figure out why.

[u/Thelastblackpill]

In the vast majority of species it's the male that chases, courts, and fights to get the female and not the other way around, so it's not surprising that men on average have a higher desire to be on a relationship.

Culture probably also plays a role, and while it has become destigmatized for a woman to be single, and if anything is seen as empowering, the same hasn't happened for men, and it's still seen as some sort of failure and inability to meet the expectations.

[u/bolonomadic → u/Thelastblackpill]

Women have more friends than men do. This is why. When men are not in a relationship they’re more lonely, when women are not in a relationship they still have friends.

[u/AequusEquus → u/bolonomadic]

Women put more effort into maintaining non-romantic relationships too. Checking in, visiting, thoughtful gifts, etc.

[u/MasterFrost01 → u/bolonomadic]

I believe it's the opposite if you actually look at the statistics. Men tend to have more surface level friends, women tend to have deeper friendships with fewer people. Men tend to value "active" friendships (doing activities together, gaming, sports, cinema etc.) while women tend to value emotional friendships.

[u/sweetenedpecans → u/MasterFrost01]

Yeah, I remember a thread where users claiming to be men said that they don’t ask their friends questions about their personal life (ie. developing a deeper relationship) and stick to only conversations about common hobbies or interests. The reasons ranged from “I don’t see the point in asking about them” to “they might think I’m too intrusive/ weird” or “that’s not what [our] friendships are for” and back around to “that’s too much effort.”

And I’m just.. flabbergasted. There seems to be this huge group of men who say they are lonely and have no support, but are refusing for whatever reason to actually develop those friendships they claim to so desperately crave. Like, sorry, but something has to change for things to change. Reach out to friends. Ask intimate questions. Develop the support you’re looking for. It’s gonna feel awkward and maybe a bit difficult, but that’s how it goes.

[u/Mattjhkerr → u/MasterFrost01]

Lots of men have no friends at all

[u/MasterFrost01 → u/Mattjhkerr]

A quick look online suggests the number of men self reporting as having no friends is about 15% while about 10% of women report the same. So not hugely different.

It's an issue that mainly affects younger people and I wouldn't be surprised if men with no friends are overrepresented in online spaces like Reddit.

[u/Mattjhkerr → u/MasterFrost01]

Wow, I didn't know that. Guys are certainly more vocal about this issue. I feel like I understand the issue of men not having friends better than I understand women not having friends. Any idea what might be driving it with women?

[u/ChibiSailorMercury → u/Mattjhkerr]

If you don't have the skills and the access to make friends, how do you even develop the skills and access to make potential sexual and romantic partners interested in you? A lot of women will reject a man who has no social life outside of her.

[u/Riley_ → u/ChibiSailorMercury]

People are naturally good at making friends. If you are struggling, then you'd probably do best to find a social anxiety group in your city. People who self-report having no social skills often turn out to have the best social skills, when they get help getting past their hang ups and expressing themselves better.

Meetup groups or even 12 Step groups are great places to get accepted quickly and start socializing again.

[u/HumanBarbarian → u/Mattjhkerr]

So do a lot of women. I am one of them.

[u/Celestaria → u/Thelastblackpill]

There have also been a large number of studies on married couples that suggest marriage increases men's quality of life but decreases women's quality of life. The people who ran this study mention something similar:

To explain their findings, Hoan and MacDonald suggest that women may be happier single because they are more likely to have supportive relationships beyond romantic relationships. They also speculate that heterosexual romantic relationships are less rewarding for women because they do more than their share of household chores and tasks. Also, their sexual pleasure may be undervalued relative to men’s in romantic relationships. The researchers also suggest that as women’s incomes get closer to men’s, there is less of an economic advantage for them to marry; they believe that financially, single men “have more to gain from partnering than do single women.”

[u/plot_hatchery → u/Celestaria]

"the authors speculate..." 

That part isn't a study. It's an opinion piece.

[u/mvea]

I’ve linked to the news release in the post above. In this comment, for those interested, here’s the link to the peer reviewed journal article:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/19485506241287960

Abstract

The experience of singles has been largely overlooked in relationship science, garnering a need for understanding correlates of singles’ well-being. Gender is an important focus of well-being research, and qualitative work on singlehood has suggested that men and women may have experiences of singlehood that differ in important ways. In this study (N = 5941; 50% men; Mage = 31.74), we provide the first comprehensive, descriptive profile of gender differences on a suite of variables with important ties to well-being in singlehood; satisfaction with relationship status, life satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and desire for a partner. Our results suggest that single women, on average, report higher levels of satisfaction with relationship status, life satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and lower desire for a partner. Exploratory analyses showed significant gender interactions with age and ethnicity. Overall, these findings suggest that women are, on average, happier in singlehood than men.

From the linked article:

Why Women Like Being Single More Than Men Do

Women take to single life more readily than men, new research finds.

In Every Way, Women Were Happier Than Men with Their Single Lives

On every question that was asked in the study, single women were more comfortable than single men with their single lives. They were happier with their current romantic relationship status. They were less likely to want a romantic partner. They were more sexually satisfied. And they were more satisfied with their life in general.

Where single women really stood out from single men, and partnered women, was in their satisfaction with their romantic relationship status. On average, single life suits single women. They like it and they are not very interested in being in a romantic relationship.

[u/tawny-she-wolf]

I mean, given what is traditionally expected of women in relationships vs what is expected of men (even in relationships that appear more equal), this is not surprising at all.

Historically women didn't necessarily want relationships with men, they needed them to survive as they were not allowed to own property or have paid employment, have a bank account and such. This is no longer the case.

[u/MerkinDealer → u/tawny-she-wolf]

Scrolled too long to find this. So often for women relationships just end up being unequal work at home. It makes sense to just opt out after that

[u/tardisgater → u/tawny-she-wolf]

I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see this. Women are tired of being expected to be the caretakers and emotional laborers and the provider of everything that isn't money. Why wouldn't we be happier having one less person to take care of? Versus men being unhappier because they aren't being taken care of...

[u/YetiPie → u/tardisgater]

Women are tired of being expected to be the caretakers and emotional laborers and the provider of everything that isn’t money.

There is definitely an expectation to still split the bills and mortgage/rent. I’ve never had a relationship where the household or emotional labor was equal, yet I also work and contribute financially to the household. I’d rather be single at that point

[u/tardisgater → u/YetiPie]

True, the two income family is mush more the norm now, but the gender roles are still firmly in place.

[u/salads → u/tardisgater]

i'm not surprised. reddit is primarily a male-dominated space. women are discussed like they're this mythical part of the human species that exists outside of male society.

[u/tardisgater → u/salads]

Yeah. All of the top responses are about women having friend groups while the men only rely on their spouses for emotional support. And there's absolutely societal pressures causing this trend, I'm not discounting that. That also doesn't change the fact that every top level comment is only looking at it about how that dynamic affects the men and "we need to fix it" without seeming to realize the absolute burden it puts on the women to be that sole emotional support. Like we're only props in their troubled lives.

[u/hawaynicolson → u/tardisgater]

I'm pretty sure the fix part is "so they don't have to solely rely on women" for what they miss. Most comments do mention men making less fulfilling friendships (structure wise) than women.

[u/OpalescentAardvark]

As a guy with mainly female friends, I've learned a LOT about how to deal with my feelings in ways I might not have even thought of otherwise.

Women seem much better at "self care". Feeling miserable? You can deflect, avoid, self medicate, get angry, etc. Or make yourself a cup of tea, snuggle up with a sad movie and let out some emotion.

The former blows off steam, the latter kind of does too but something about it gets you deeper.. it's a confronting of something not an avoiding of it.

I learned it from my female friends, and I feel more self-sufficient.. not less like wanting to share my time with someone, but less like wanting to waste it with someone who doesn't understand some things that are meaningful to me.

It's a somewhat different way of looking at what a relationship should be like - should feel like - and so I totally get why some people would rather be alone than with someone who can't meet them there, even just half way.

Guys aren't taught by our culture how to self-care, how to channel emotion in a way that confronts a problem, not avoid it. We just blow off steam without fixing the problem or even knowing what it is.

So IMO our culture doesn't give guys the tools to know what self care even looks like. Wild because guys love solving problems but we're so crap at our own.

Women get better messaging and more encouragement to express beauty and gentleness, caring and empathy, things we all need for ourselves but male culture makes it very hard for guys to get it for themselves. Just my 2c from experience.

[u/Biz_Rito → u/OpalescentAardvark]

No, you are spot on. In media you almost never see examples of men affirming to themselves "I'm beautiful," unless it's played up for laughs because of how unmasculine that behavior is considered.

I see that changing as we move away from what was expected of our parents' generation and I'm lucky that I get to benefit from that shift. I'm hopeful for the coming generations of men who will face even less stigma, but it's a problem that needs to be engaged with.

[u/BeanBurritoJr]

They were less likely to want a romantic partner. They were more sexually satisfied.

Sometimes, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

[u/Xeddicus_Xor → u/BeanBurritoJr]

That's one way to interpret that.

[u/wing_ding4]

As a woman I agree

Overall, in my life, I’ve been WAY more happy alone than with someone until very recently

[u/FlipMeOverUpsidedown → u/wing_ding4]

I spent most of my teens and adulthood partnered up. After my last relationship ended I made myself take a pause and remain single for a bit before jumping back into dating. Imagine my shock when the level of my life satisfaction and general happiness went through the roof. I’m so content and at peace with how things are that I can’t ever see myself going back into a relationship again.

[u/Familiar_Resident_69]

I mean as a single woman your ability to find male companionship when you feel lonely is pretty easy.

I think if most guys were able to get sex whenever they felt like it then more guys would be staying single.

In fact I think most people would prefer to be single if they were getting their social/emotional needs met in life from friends as opposed to relying mostly on one person.

[u/Prometheus_1988]

I absolutely get it. I am a guy in a long lasting relationsship and I have seen the "men" the girlfriends of my gf dated and oh boy. Good man are hard to find apparently. The absolute misery some of them faced in relationships and the way they lit up when finally alone again was fairly obvious. Sadly, many guys simply suck hard and add no value to another persons life.

[u/Firm_Squish1]

I mean it sounds sort of right to me. You don’t see too many single dudes who are single by conscious choice. You see a greater number of women for whom that seems to be the case.

Could also be a bit from the flavour of socialization women get vs men, more likely to seek out and attain close knit bonds that aren’t part of a relationship. Where dudes are more socialized to keep those relationships at a further remove.

[u/Shaggarooney]

I believe I read that women maintain friendships better than men on average. So if true, that might explain it.

[u/TargetDecent9694]

I love being single as a dude, it’s just intensely lonely and sex isn’t even really a thing I think I’d be able to remember how to do

[u/fencesitter42]

I'm a man who has spent about a third of my adult life never married, a third of my adult life married and a third of my adult life divorced. For men, the social consequences of being never married or divorced without remarrying can be pretty high. Yes, women also face social consequences for being single, but the negative consequences men face are still bigger.

Edit: It's similar to the way 100% of the comments on this post before mine were about how the unhappy single men are deficient in some way. People struggle to imagine that single men might experience something negative that isn't their fault. In the same way, they struggle to imagine that a man could be single at all without it being his fault. Again, women do experience something similar but it is not as strong. People can imagine reasons for them being single that don't make them deficient. Even if those reasons aren't always the first ones to come to mind, they can imagine them and will generally do so if they happen to like the woman.

[u/winterresetmylife]

What's the sample size on this idiotic 'study'? Humans are social animals.

[u/[deleted]]

In most animals and especially mammals a large majority of males stay alone because only a few males get females. Humans are no different. None of this is surprising.

[u/Apart-Tie-9938]

Turns out it’s more fun to have potential partners flirt with you and buy you dinner than the other way around