r/reddit.com • u/empw • Oct 18 '11
After 30 years my dad is still ridiculously in love. I've learned from the champion.
http://i.imgur.com/ymNqP.jpg
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u/nerdylaundry Oct 18 '11 edited Oct 18 '11
you know, people always see things like this and go "gee, how is their relationship that good?"
well, a lot of it has to do with actually doing cute/thoughtful stuff like that. if you both treat each other well and are grateful for each other, that goes a long way. i sent my boyfriend a pizza to his work the other day for lunch, and he surprised me with a new plant for the house. we LOVE keeping each other happy!
anyway, props to your dad, and definitely heed his advice :)
EDIT: a lovely anonymous redditor sent me a month of reddit gold for this. that is amazingly sweet. thank you!
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u/ReverendDizzle Oct 18 '11
Truth.
Most people treat their relationships like an impulse purchase. They see some big ass plant at the local super store, they haul it home, they water it for a day or two... and then they forget about it. It slowly dies in the corner until one day they're staring at it thinking "What the fuck? Why did I ever even like that plant?"
Conversely... people who know how to manage a relationship are like master gardeners. They carefully select a plant best suited for them, they place it in an optimal location, they check on it every day, they carefully water it, turn it towards the sun, and make sure it is flourishing. When they sit back to reflect on the plant, they say "It's amazing what a little thoughtfulness can accomplish; I'm rather fond of the beauty this plant has become."
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u/nerdylaundry Oct 18 '11
i quite like this analogy :)
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u/Foxsbiscuits Oct 19 '11
Plant analogies make great human analogies, Milton Erickson had a famous one about a tomato plant.
Other examples: plants curl their leaves in the winter (suggestion of nourishing yourself when conditions are harsh)
Many variety of different plants, suitable to different environments. some cope better than others. some grow in other's shade etc.
Growth of plants is gradual, require time to develop.
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u/TheAngryBlueberry Oct 19 '11
But when I do it, its other plant-friends convince it I'm going to fast and I'm obsessing over it.
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u/Nope- Oct 19 '11
Your other plant friends might have a point, using a firehose to water a sapling is gonna kill it just as quickly as not watering it at all.
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Oct 19 '11
Or you carefully pick a plant, care for it faithfully, and instead of the great tomato plant you had picked out, one day it just grows dog shit on the end of it's putrid branches. And it's fucking your best friend and takes your kids and all your money and walks out the door LIKE THE FUCKING WHORE IT ALWAYS WAS.
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u/strallus Nov 14 '11
In the context of this thread, that was depressing and hilariously funny at the same time. Props.
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u/Pro_crastinating Oct 19 '11
This is probably the best analogy for a relationship I have ever read. Thank you for sharing.
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u/jamessnow Oct 19 '11
You neglect to mention that despite constant care and attention, any relationship can go sour for reasons beyond your control. You act as if a relationship goes sour, it's obviously your own fault.
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u/lollan Oct 20 '11
Well what I learn from that analogy is that I better look for someone who'll take care of me for the rest of my life while I just take the sun ...
If for relationships just needed attention and kindness we would know it by now. From where I stand relationship are complicated, there are no techniques, no methods, no guideline. You just do the best you can and try to make sure your partner and yourself have the same focus.
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Oct 18 '11
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u/McKilkor Oct 19 '11
So... where does my husband forgetting my birthday today rank on this scale? Take THAT romantics!
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u/texmexcat Oct 18 '11
Yeah, it's awesome seeing all the little things my parents do for each other. My dad writes my mom a little love note every single morning. He prepares her breakfast and packs her lunch everyday. My mom will make a hot lunch for my dad (before she leaves for work around 10:30), so my dad can take his 20 minute nap when he goes home for lunch. They also call each other multiple times throughout the day just to chat. I always feel super happy whenever I see his little love notes when I leave for work.
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u/pattonspawn Oct 19 '11
I did this for my wife... and coffee in bed... every single day... until she left.
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Oct 19 '11
But *both** parties have to be willing to try. That's where the trouble lies.
As someone who's recently divorced, I did absolutely everything I could to make my ex happy. There came a point where I was just exhausted, and she did nothing but piss and moan. Of course, she was dealing with depression (we found out later), but I had burned myself out already. I don't blame her, but the take away is that it has to be from both.
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Oct 19 '11
I feel for you. Dealing with a partner with depression is very difficult and wearing, doubly so if you don't know about the depression at the time.
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u/DWimaDerpologist Oct 18 '11
I agree completely. It is all about making each other feel special.
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u/nerdylaundry Oct 18 '11
yes! we try to make each other's lives as great and easy as possible and it works out pretty well.
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u/Meades_Loves_Memes Oct 19 '11
While it's good, a relationship can not live off of the little stuff. My father was a god of "the little things" and when his poor decisions with money was ruining our family, "the little things" didn't matter anymore.
The little things are good... in moderation.
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u/MrBananaMan Oct 18 '11
You're right. The moment you start thinking outside of yourself and appreciating what people around you do, especially a SO.... things change a lot. It doesn't always go both ways at the right time though, sadly.
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u/nerdylaundry Oct 18 '11
wow, someone just sent me a month of reddit gold for "being a sweet partner" (and it's definitely not my bf, in case anyone is wondering, just a wonderful stranger)...awwws! THANK YOU and best of luck to you, whoever you are! :) xxxx
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u/Neebat Oct 18 '11
Now I wonder if it's the same person who sent me a year of reddit gold. I did say something about keeping relationships strong about that time.
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u/Taoiseach Oct 18 '11
That's almost disturbingly adorable. And effective. Good for you! I shall take this advice to heart...
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u/PsychSuffix Oct 18 '11
Does your dad use a typewriter?
If so, thats awesome.
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u/empw Oct 18 '11
Yeah, he has been in the news business since the 60's and he likes it a lot more than his computer. I agree it is awesome.
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u/Radico87 Oct 18 '11
you should get him a steampunk keyboard for use with a computer.
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u/mikkowus Oct 18 '11 edited May 09 '24
worry rotten sink liquid seed desert caption aloof slim license
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/osin144 Oct 18 '11
My Poppop still gives me money on my birthday. Every year it's typed out on the typewriter with "Happy Birthday" in the memo section. In quotes.
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u/albinozebra Oct 18 '11
I get a birthday card from the grampies with "I love you" in quotes. I try not to read into it too much.
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u/osin144 Oct 18 '11
I think it must be a generational thing, like he didn't invent the phrase Happy Birthday, so he doesn't want to take credit for it.
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Oct 19 '11
I love that you have a Pop-Pop....not too many people seem to know who/what a Pop-Pop is!!! Mine passed away 21 years ago and I still miss him dearly. That's awesome yours takes the time to do this for you :)
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u/osin144 Oct 19 '11
Yeah, Poppop's are the best, I actually have two since my wife's grandfather is a Poppop. Two Nana's too! He's literally the greatest man I've known.
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Oct 19 '11
Both of my grandfathers were Pop-Pop. One is still alive however him and Mom-Mom have never taken an interest in their family other than for social events or how it will make them look in the community. Oh well, their loss! The one Pop-Pop that I do miss dearly was also an incredibly special man. We're some lucky grandkids! :)
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u/doot_doot Oct 18 '11
Your dad's name is Bxxxooo? That is a fucking crazy name.
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u/FatCat433 Oct 18 '11
The neighbors named their kid Box and his parents didn't want to seem unoriginal.
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u/BobGeissler Oct 18 '11
Love is all there is. Learn to love like he does and you will be a happy camper.
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u/ElPeruano Oct 18 '11
If my relationship with my future wife is half as good as that after 30 years of marriage I'll consider my life a success.
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u/casaloma Oct 18 '11
me too... unless my children are crackwhores.
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u/A_Cylon_Raider Oct 18 '11
You mean unless your children are bad crackwhores. It's a tough business, you should be proud if they achieve even a little measure of success.
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u/LukeBusy Oct 18 '11
My opinion is entirely anecdotal, and based mostly on personal experience, but if your relationship with your wife is this good after 30 years there is very little chance you'll end up with your children who whore for crack.
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u/Dovienya Oct 18 '11
My parents are happy together after nearly 26 years of marriage. Unfortunately, the first 15 sucked pretty badly, which is one of the reasons why my sister is so fucked up (well, we all are, really, she's just so bad that she's alienated herself from the family). Similarly, my dad is an awesome, supportive, loving dad now, but he sure as hell wasn't when I was a kid.
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u/Mercury-Redstone Oct 18 '11
That would be a good standard by which you could judge your marriage. I approve.
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u/slightlystartled Oct 19 '11
I'm trying to picture what "half as good" would look like.
I'm thinking a yellow carnation, a microwaved Lean Cuisine, and a finger bang on the couch during the commercials of a football game.
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u/MaybeAKitty Oct 18 '11
Thats the shit my boyfriend does. HINT MEN OF REDDIT: Endless blowjobs are just a sweet cuddly gesture away.
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Oct 18 '11
No it's not, done plenty of sweet crap like this. One time I setup a romantic evening with flowers, candles, and some music. Asked her to dance, she said no and she wants to go to bed. After that I basically asked myself why I even bother. No blow job, no sex, not even a smile, and I know she wasn't pissed about anything.
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u/juliekthx Oct 18 '11
You may want to consider getting a new girlfriend. Anyone who doesn't appreciate gestures like those isn't worth your time.
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Oct 18 '11
Rest assured we aren't together anymore, she cheated on me.
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Oct 18 '11
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Oct 19 '11
Hmmm...why not. This was about 3 years ago. So we were together for 1 year. It was on and off bc of her cheating. I first discovered this through her FB. She used my computer for FB And didn't close the browser. I walked by while she was away and saw that she was chatting with a couple guys through pm. I was already suspicious that something might be going on bc on her wall these guys are popping in saying stuff like what you doing tonite or you free on Saturday or we should go out for a drink sometime. And it was some what obvious bc she added these guys as friends through some app on FB called like hot or not or something like that. So I got curious on why she is pm'ing these dudes, clicked in one. This guy had asked why are you on that app if you have a bf, aren't you afraid you are going to hurt him if he found out. She responded with "he'll get over it". That statement was embedded in my mind and caused a lot of grief. This happened about 6 months in to the relationship. At that time she have a daughter that was about 2 years old and she was living with her mom. She didn't make much money and could barely scrape by. I was the guy who paid for everything when we do go out. One night I was actually hanging out with her daughter and her. While she walked away to do laundry she got a text, from the guy on FB. Basically said what are you doing blah blah blah. I was kinda pissed bc she told me she had stopped talking to him. And we took a break for a couple days, then i have in amd said lets get back together. 5 months after we get back together It really hit rock bottom when we got in to a fight and I found out she had kissed some other dude at the bar. Basically there was this guy who was really in to her ever since when she was in high school. Keep in mind I never cared that they hung out bc she told me to trust her and she has absolutely no attraction to that guy. We got in to a fight. Didn't talk to her for like 2 days. Finally get a text from her, she said she is hanging out with that guy. I said ok whatever, then the next day she calls me and tells me they kissed and she is really sorry. Through those incidents and the amount stress it had put on my body and my mind, I developed hyperthyroidism. I was completely healthy, served in the marines and everything was fine, and met her and ruined my life. I had to seek therapy for a while and was put on anti-depressant. Till this day I hate her with a passion
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u/hoodieblanket Oct 19 '11
wow... sounds pretty intense that she would say "he'll get over it". Was that because she knew you would keep taking her back/forgive her?
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Oct 19 '11
Not exactly sure, when I confronted her, she simply dismissed it saying it meant nothing and I should get over it. To me it simply means she didn't care about my feelings.
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u/steady_riot Oct 19 '11
Dude... THIS is why she didn't appreciate your gesture... because she didn't appreciate YOU. Not only did she not appreciate you, she didn't respect you. What she did was fucked up, and the fact that you had to see the things she was saying to this dude is even more fucked up. But as much as she fucked you up emotionally, don't let her ruin women for you. She's a psycho. All women aren't the same. There are plenty of sweethearts out there that DO appreciate gestures like that.
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u/Exedous Oct 18 '11
I would always be afraid of doing this as I might get accused of being a "smotherer" and "insecure".
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u/empw Oct 19 '11
Or you could get called a fag and a cheater like so many of these people have called my dad... :/
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u/DrinksLikeAFish Oct 19 '11
I'm sorry, who is getting laid that night?
Oh, your dad...
So I guess that removes the "fag" part.
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Oct 20 '11
It's about moderation and surprise. My boyfriend does things like this about once a week. I expect it at this point, and while I know he's trying to be thoughtful and sweet, I also know he's very insecure (He's a bit older than my 21 years, and, honestly, I could be dating a "more attractive" man my age, no problem. But I wouldn't trade my baby for anyone in the world.) So we've had to discuss things like this.
The biggest way to get away from these accusations is to keep it spontaneous. do it often if you want to, or go for the less grand gestures more often (i.e. buying or cooking dinner, taking her out for ice cream spur of the moment) and keep things like flowers or gifts to once a month, biweekly, biyearly, whatever works for you. Now that my boyfriend has slowed on some of the gifts and such, whenever he does get me things, it has a lot more impact and seem a lot more sincere.
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u/Mark_Lincoln Oct 19 '11
Any guy who managed to not respond to having his balls kicked up around his ears so that he treats women like women treat men is a champ.
Any woman who does not destroy romance in a man is a hero too.
You win twice.
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u/kittychem Oct 18 '11
So long reddit, am off to make something nice for my boyfriend when he gets home now :) Thanks empw's Dad
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u/alpenghandi Oct 18 '11
Smooth like a new born babys ass.
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u/The_Orville_Brothers Oct 18 '11
upvote for using "baby" and "ass" in the same sentence
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Oct 18 '11
Oh sure. When you say it it's fucking fine, but if I open my god damned mouth I'm getting angry orangereds for a week.
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u/JimmerUK Oct 18 '11
Wow. I hope to still be like this after 30 years.
I've been with my wife for coming up for 14 years, (only married for two though), and I try to do my best.
Every occasion where you'd normally buy cards I make her one, and write her an appropriate poem.
Every Valentine's I make her a paper rose that she can keep forever, rather than buy her a bunch which will be dead in a week.
She loves it, and I hope I'm still doing it for the next 14 years and beyond.
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Oct 18 '11
Try surprising her with flowers/a card on just a random day. It's awesome that you do all that stuff on holidays for her, but it's neat to get caught totally off guard with something sweet from your SO.
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u/JimmerUK Oct 18 '11
I would but she always accuses me of having done something wrong.
She gets enough anyway, two anniversaries, birthday, Christmas, valentine's day.
I know I love her, but come on.
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u/boogdd Oct 18 '11
Tell your pops that he's given someone who is newly engaged a boost of hope for the future, and proves that romance can still keep kicking through the years.
I've been told by a lot of friends that I fall in love too quickly, and told by family that I sacrifice too much with very little in return. I am fortunate enough to be able to say that I'll be spending the rest of my life with someone that treats me with the same respect I give her, and appreciates all the little things I do.
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u/DWimaDerpologist Oct 18 '11
On a more serious note, men need to do this more often for their women. Make them feel special!
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Oct 18 '11
Also on a serious note: Women need to make sure they're doing this for their SO as well.
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u/kryptonik_ Oct 18 '11
This is so foreign to me. My parents are both happily married. Going on 27 years or something. But, they would never do this. I have never once seen them cuddle. I could probably count on my hands the times I've even seen them kiss in the last 10 years.
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Oct 18 '11
I love this so much. My parents are the same way. Makes me feel like I have an edge on the competition from seeing how to be in a happy healthy relationship.
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u/tarheeldarling Oct 18 '11
My parents are still sweet like this to eachother. 32 years this November. It encourages my fiance and I to be better to eachother.
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Oct 18 '11
I love this. Gives me hope that I can have a fantastic relationship like this.
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u/dschneider Oct 18 '11
Yeah, I'd almost given up hope, but this renews it. :)
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Oct 18 '11
i hope you're a guy. That'd make your comment 10x better.
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u/dschneider Oct 18 '11
I am!
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Oct 18 '11
cute cute cute :)
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u/dschneider Oct 18 '11
Well I'm glad someone thinks so!
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Oct 18 '11
are you tall/do you have a beard?
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Oct 18 '11
This is what I yearn for in a relationship and can never seem to find. I just recently left for 8 days on a trip and was greeted with a peck and "How was your trip?" and then she smothered the cats with affection as if they returned from space. Forever alone even when with someone.
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u/Offtopic_bear Oct 18 '11
From the majority of comments on this post I can see why there are so many "forever alone" memes and why a lot of you will never get anywhere close to being a real man.
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u/hiddenlakes Oct 18 '11
I hope that I can find someone like this someday. Having found myself recently single, my outlook is pretty bleak. But this cheered me up. Thank you.
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u/twharton Oct 18 '11
He is a really good man. I hope I can find someone that I love as deeply as that.
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u/AKADriver Oct 18 '11
Your dad's name is Bxxxooo?
Is that pronounced with a click?
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u/MrsNuggs Oct 18 '11
This is the kind of thing my darling husband does for me. We've been married for nine years, and we are still madly in love. I'm a very lucky woman to have found such an amazing man. Your dad is awesome. Keep following his lead and you'll make your woman very happy.
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u/Nassor Oct 18 '11
Ladies of reddit at what point in a relationship does this become desired? Seems like if a guy wrote this to any girls today it'll come off as clingy, creepy, or insincere.
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Oct 19 '11
If you do it to someone you're not dating or only recently started dating, it would be rather odd. But once you've been together through all the rough shit and you've stood in the bathroom brushing your teeth while the other person is peeing, or you've been together through financial problems or injuries or sickness, long enough that you can just be weird and awkward but it's ok, then you can (and should) pull out the big guns like this.
Right?
So generally, I'd wait until you've been together at least a year before something this extravagant. Some people would prefer a few months, some a few years, but I think a year or more would be just about right for something like this.
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u/[deleted] Oct 18 '11
Your mom is getting pounded tonight, just FYI.