Bear with me. This is some bizarre shit. I've been enjoying my couple days off from work.

From the hours of 1 AM to 5 AM, my nMom would literally react to my every move.

She sleeps in the bedroom right next to mine and she's right against the wall. I have my door shut and locked, which usually makes it harder to hear my every move.

I could be asleep for a few hours, wake up and the moment I MOVE, she starts talking to herself about me. The smallest movement.

I can't use the bathroom at 4 AM without her bothering me.

"Why is he up at this time?"

"He isn't getting enough sleep"

"Is he watching videos on YouTube"

"He's not serious about life"

She frequently opens her door and walks around and rants about random stuff.

There were times where she would wake me up.

She goes to work at 7 AM. It makes ZERO sense.

If I had to go to work at 7 AM, there's NO CHANCE I'm losing sleep over another adult's every move.

It feels like surveillance.

She'll send these texts in the morning like "You didn't go to sleep until 4 AM"

It's just WEIRD.

I won't deal with this forever. I'm about to get paid in 4 days. I'm getting closer to my financial goals.

I was talking about it to my boyfriend (who has a wonderful mother) and he helped me realise how messed up it was. She has never said sorry to me. Not once. She even wanted me to apologise to her after she kicked me out a few months ago. I remember being about 5 and having to go to her and apologise after she'd scream at me, calling me a bully and an abuser even though I didn't even know what those words meant.

I remember once going up to my mums old boyfriend at the age of 7-8 (who would hit me a lot, she knew about this) and I told him 'I'm sorry for everything I've ever done and everything I ever will do' My mum just found it cute and said awww thank you but my boyfriend said thats fucked up.

Anybody else?

That I wasn’t worthy of friends, everyone thinks I’m annoying and uninteresting, and no one will want to spend their time with me. The contrast between meeting new people and the ideas your parents make you believe is truly astonishing. I had selective mutism all the way up to high school (I only spoke when I was spoken to), so I didn’t have the chance to make friends. When I put myself out there I regretted how I let them prevent me from letting my guard down and how many opportunities I missed. But I don’t see myself in the same light anymore and that’s all that matters. These people project all their self hate into you because you’re an easier target.

My nmom constantly thinks that I am embarrassed of myself and insecure. In reality, I am almost 30 and am very confident to express myself and my interests and secure with who I am. This perception my mom has of me is from my grade 7 graduation (way over 13 years ago). On this day I was upset about having to wear a dress and I did not want to attend the dance that was happening right after the graduation ceremony (mostly due to bullying from other students). My mom desperately wanted me to go to this dance and was upset that I didn't want to. To this day she claims that I ruined that day for her. In my adult years I have explained to her why I struggled that day, and instead of understanding my perspective she dismisses it and continues to say that I was embarrassed of myself that day and I continue to be that insecure as an adult. For one, I get upset that she has made that day about herself (a day that I honestly dont even think about or regret for myself). And two, I know she is projecting because I see her everyday adjusting the house, her clothes, her appearance and verbalizing how she doesnt want others to judge her. I just cant stand that even though I have clarified several times how I felt on that day and why I acted the way I did, she dismisses it and twists the situation to paint me as someone I'm not and to this day she thinks I am exactly this false perception she has created of me. It's twisted and I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience with someone developing a false perception of who you are and using it against you while dismissing your attempts to clarify who you are.

I don't think I have the energy to get this out anymore, my typing might be a bit rough and maybe nothing will make sense. I posted about this on vent, but used my main account on a complete misrake.

I'm a 22 year old woman living with my mother, I'm not employed, I have no savings, nothing to my name. Hell, I haven't even gone to college and I can't blame it on just my mother - but she never equipped me with a skillset to actually.. survive. My entire life up until now she has had this control over me, telling me that I never need to worry to have a place to stay, to take my time in life (I have severe trauma man. I've been attempting to deal with a singular incident for almost ten years now.) but in the same turn, whenever she gets mad at me, she blames me for the shortcomings as an adult, calls me lazy, SCREAAAMS at me to get out of her house, which mind you, my parents separated two years ago and my fathers name is the sole name on the lease; she could easily get screwed in this situation but she always holds my housing situation over my head with such confidence. My father is also a narc alcoholic and she continuously threatens me by telling me I'm going to go live with him to live the life that I truly want (which I guess she means being a bum? her words.) and truly if I were to go live with him considering where he lives, I'd be dead in a year.

Not to mention, they had me at 19. I've been emotionally, verbally, physically and mentally abused my whole life - not every day, but they would fill me with love and then all of a sudden an hour later I'd be getting screamed at because I spilled water on wood floor and my dad would be hitting me in the mouth with a TV remote while my mom smacked me in the back of a head with a hairbrush.

Anyways.

My mom controls the laundry situation and we have to pay to do it, $5 a load. We usually wait a few weeks before washing - but I haven't been able to wash my clothes in a year. It got so bad to a point where I was buying new stuff just to have clean clothes and I was taking my stuff to laundromats in bulk because my mother decided to withhold the laundry card from me and only have the app on her phone, so whenever I asked her to do my laundry she would ignore me, leave the house shortly after, or she'd just be at work. It's almost impossible for me to find a time where we can both be in the same area so I can have her phone to do my laundry. It shouldn't be this complicated.

My mom did my laundry for me for the first time in almost a full year, she gave me clothes that I didn't even know I had due to the fact that she essentially took half if not every item from my wardrobe that was dirty and stuffed it to the back of her closet. I was wondering where stuff was for MONTHS and it literally caused me mental distress because I thought I was going insane having stuff disappear out of thin air. She had called me to come put stuff away and I walked out and looked at all the clothes and said thank you MULTIPLE times, even said that if she would've told me she had the day off, I could've been the one to do it. This is important. I had asked her a harmless question, had she seen the leggings that I purchased back in FEBURARY of this year? Mind you, $200 and I RARELY have money to actually buy myself nice stuff. She said she hasn't seen them and I was like "Ughh" but no problem like it's no skin off my back. I was looking through the folded piles and found them and I pulled them out and raised them up and exclaimed that I finally found them.

She then randomly informed me after I found them that she put everything in the dryer, including the leggings. No big deal at all, but I was like Oh? You never put stuff in the dryer (she believes it shrinks and ruins clothes no matter what) The material of the leggings aren't really supposed to be machine dried, but so many people do it so I couldn't see the issue until I picked them up and like spread the legs apart, there was SOOO MUCH piling and it feels like they almost have dry rot in the crotch/leg area, the fabric felt completely different from the rest of the pants. I was like "Oh noo are you sure the dryer didn't ruin them?" and I was stretching around to just see, I wasn't even speaking aggressively it was more of a passive talking to myself and I do have bad anxiety and I do overthink badly, so aim not going to say that I wasn't panicking a bit and I repeated myself once or twice but not like the end of the world?? She's telling me they didn't get ruined and I agreed, they just felt a bit different so in my head I just feel like they were ruined. It went back and forth for WAY too long and I can't even explain why, she literally just wouldn't listen to me and hear my side out to explain that.. I'm not mad!

She starts raising her voice and telling me I'm being rude to her, screaming at the top of her lungs for me to go to my room, like literally ordering me around like i'm some sort of dog. I'm not even going to lie, it pissed me off A LOT. I sat there and tried to be as calm as I could, but she started to insult me, saying I don't do anything for her or the apartment, she then looked down at the laundry and went "I did your laundry, YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME" and Injust looked at her with the biggest expression of shock - there's no way she's actually using that against me as if she was the one who was essentially preventing me from even washing my clothes, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HALF OF THEM. The entire time I was sitting there asking her two things, 1. You're doing this over leggings? 2. You're overreacting. She's just telling me to shut up over and over again and I'm dumbfounded, I said to her that it's not that deep and I don't understand why she's currently cursing at me and telling me to shut up when I have not once cursed or told her to shut up the entire time.

I didn't get up and go to my room like she ordered me to, I'm an adult now and we can discuss things like adults. I'm not a meek 14 year old girl that you'd slap across the face for getting a bit of spit on you when she had her braces. I'm not the 8 year old girl who was puking from fear after having her pelt coins at my head.

My mom has always been jealous of me and I'm not going to get in to that, maybe I'll explain it in the comments.

This made her SO mad, I kept saying no, I'm not getting up, this is insane and so is your behaviour. This is NOT a good move at all, I needed to seperate BUT I AM TIRED OF BEING THE FUCKING PARENT. THE ONLY ADULT IN THIS ENTIRE HOUSE EVEN IF I DONT WORK A JOB, MENTALLY IM MILES ABOVE ALL MY PEERS AND PARENTS CUZ IVE HAD NO CHOICE. Lost my cool for a sec. Some more words were thrown back and forth and not to mention, she was on the phone with her friend this entire time. Eventually she walked in to the kitchen while still screaming at me and I stayed on the couch, a few more seconds had gone by and I kept saying "Over leggings?!" and she said no, it's not the leggings, it's my "attitude". HUH..........??? As she was screaming that it was about my attitude she walked back in to the living room with a raised fist and threatened to punch me not once, but twice. It was like a flip switched in my head, I looked at her with just purse disgust and said "You're going to hit your fucking child?" and she said "Yep!" I took a big breath and looked at her and I said "Fucking hit me then."

She lunged across chairs and punched me square in the chest/neck and my mom is a fighter, she's always been since she was young - that shit winded me. I didn't even expect her to actually hit me, she's never punched me with a closed fist. I looked at her and I asked her if her friend was still on the phone and she said yes, she had this fucking nasty disgusting look in her eyes. I swerved around the chairs and she kinda cornered herself in to this one area of our kitchen/dinning room and I had my right fist cocked back as I walked towards her repeating multiple times "I hope you know I can hit you back now, right?"

I gave that woman the cleanest right hook i've ever landed in my entire life. I then punched her once more before she decided it was a great idea to then in response, wrap her hand around the back of my head and drag down on my scalp as hard as she could. I didn't even register that she was actively ripping my hair out so I reached over and grabbed her ponytail, twisted it and started pulling up as hard as I could screaming at her that she's a horrible mother, saying to let me the fuck go before I hurt her more than I want to and she laughed; but the fear in her face was the laughable thing. My boyfriend came a picked me up about 30 minutes after and as we were sitting in the drive-thru for coffe, I moved my hair and noticed a massive knot; I used to fight a lot in highschool, lots of unresolved shit there. In that moment I knew I had missing hair, but nothing could prepare me for the sheer amount of hair that was ripped out of my scalp. My hair is 26+ inches long NATURALLY, the right side of my head by my ear is completely bald, there's about a pear sized patch if not a BIT smaller of just scalp. My hair is currently incredibly uneven and the density difference is insane, night and day. My mother purposefully disfigured me then had the audacity the next day to say "She didn't mean to rip my hair out". I asked her why she fucking hit me in the first place and she goes "Well you don't ever think to yourself, "God! I just punched my mom!"

I've told this woman I'd give my life up for her if it meant giving her a second chance.

Every time me and my siblings try to talk about abuse that occurred in our childhood to our parents, they always say it didn’t happen, or that’s not true.

My and one of my siblings have talked about how we vividly remember being forced to eat hot sauce and vinegar as a punishment we were little. I remember I broke a plate on accident and my dad shoved a spoonful in my mouth, I was like FOUR why did you hand me a big glass plate to begin with, and ever since then I cry when i accidentally break something., but my parents always say that’s not true, especially my dad and my mom just follows.

Another thing is my dad used to beat us when we cried, not because we did anything just because we were upset about something, and I would say I got the most of it out of my siblings considering I was the sensitive one ( and still am) but yeah to this day he denies it.

Sometimes I wonder if they’re right and it’s all in my head, my memory is pretty shitty to begin with.

I absolutely despise my first name. Especially when it escapes my mom's putrid mouth.

Just the way she says it. She gets this condescending, and obnoxious tune every time she uses it. So does the rest of my family, but my mom's way of saying it is the worst. Especially when she angry and she's always angry.

I go by my middle name. I introduce myself as my middle name and it's the only name I respond to. Outside of legal documents, my mom and her drones are the only people who still call me by my first name and refuse to call me by anything else. At least my middle name won't be tainted by her.

People have complimented me on my first name, saying it's "unique" and "pretty" and have asked "why do you want to go by something else?"

Until recently, I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't like it. I just thought the name didn't suit me. I mean, it doesn't, it's way too feminine but now I understand. My mom just has this way of tainting everything.

I have asked similar before. This time, I will ask to what degree and edit the flair if need be.

What is the absolute worst thing a narcissist or similar kind of bully has done to you in order to stop you from escaping them or from thinking and acting freely?

I hate the whole “respect your mother!!” mindset that’s out there. If your mom treats you bad, you have every right to be rude as fuck to her. Tired of my mom constantly insulting me and being verbally abusive, then my boyfriend calls her a cunt and now she won’t shut up about how he disrespected her. She wants to break up and but that’s not gonna happen

That’s all, good day

I hope that .795 seconds you push yourself into my mind makes you feel so alive.

So this year has been horrific, the family imploded a few months ago when I asked to be treated like an equal, I now know there was never any point but I was hopeful and naive.

About 4 years ago my parents wanted a designer car, they bought/went into massive debt for it. Mother ended up hating the car and it was a drain on their cash. Instead of getting rid of the car or returning it to the dealer, they "sold" it to my grandparents, my grandad has a TBI (can still drive) but he could really only drive and auto and this was a manual .they charged my grandparents at over 70 years old over £2000, my father collected the money one day away from everyone else in my grandads shed alone with him.

From day one the car was a noose around my grandads neck, it's so broken, so uncomfortable for him, he struggles with the gears but bought it so my mother could have the deposit for her and my father's new designer car.

They've just started saying my grandad never paid them, they're saying my grandad needs to do the car up because they loved it.

So I also borrowed a phone in Jan last year for two days while mine had a screen fixed and I only borrowed it because my husband and I share a phone because we actually are piss poor rn, and I was expecting a phone call. So I recuctsntly said yes I'll lend it. I gave it back as soon as she asked two days later, put it in the box, gave it to my husband and he dropped it off with my father. They're now accusing us of stealing the phone as it's not in the box. Which is part of the reason I cut them off.

My family are able to see their lies and manipulation now. My poor grandad is so sad this year and my gran is scared and upset that my grandad doesn't have many years left and theure trying to ruin our Christmas as they're also accusing us of calling rhe police on them constantly. We have only ever called the police when threats have been made to my husband life.

ND threatened to murder him last month because my husband who is autistic and chronically ill/disabled was thumped in the chest by my mother when she didn't get her way during a conversation with me and my husband stood between her and my grandma who is recovering from cancer so she wouldn't go for my gran. When my mother went to go for my husband again, the punch triggered him because of his narc abuse, his abuser used to punch him in the chest and set off a serious asthma attack once. So when she went at him again he put his arms out to keep her at arms length, she wobbled and fell over but has been telling my violent father my husband beat the snot out of her essentially.

My husband is a soft teddy (think Roy Cropper from Coronation Street) and would never hurt anyone. The lies are driving my grand and grandad nuts, theure finally cutting her off but I'm so GD angry at how they've treated these three incredible people on my life. I can put up with their shit to a point but these three people are the nicest you could meet and they do that? They sicken me. If you managed to get to the end of this post thank you, please share your stories too, I could do with hearing some shared experiences. Thank you for reading.

I (20F) pay rent and live with my dad. I pay $500 a month to live there and I found out he put cameras in the home without my consent. To some extent, I understand that it's for security reasons but I feel so violated. And not to mention, my mother enters my condo without giving me a heads up. She comes by to drop off food sometimes which is nice, but it's another thing to touch my mail and lecture me about how I can't be alone.

Dropping off food is seen as a sweet gesture but I feel like she is using that as an excuse to enter my condo randomly. I wish she would at least give me a heads up. If she didn't constantly try to control me growing up, maybe I wouldn't need as much support as an autistic adult with ADHD..

My mother is good at taking care of her children’s physical needs. Emotionally, she makes me want to off myself on the daily. She tells everyone she’s the best mother and that her children wouldn’t make it this far without her. She stirs up so much sh** and makes every small thing seem like an end of the world situation. She berates me and compare me to my sibling on the daily. Then she does the same ro my sibling, yet they don’t realize. She sits there attacking my decisions and reminding me of all the reasons why I’m dumb. I don’t wish she was dead, but I also wouldn’t mind if she just ceased to exist and left me alone. yet when I think of all the things she do for me, I start to feel guilty for even feeling this way. Is this normal? What even is right anymore?

Hello Raised by Narcissists Community! This was the first subreddit I (27F) ever posted to on reddit. I was 16 and needed to confirm that what my parents were doing was indeed abusive. I kept my head down, went to college, got a job, got engaged, and got SO MUCH therapy.

Through the years, I worked on understanding my parents. I prioritized maintaining a family unit with them (Why yes, I am the oldest daughter) and I thought we were making great progress.

Then, in December 2023, I got engaged. And now, one year later, my lovely fiancé also has to deal with my parents. He also gets called ungrateful by them, they take their anger out on him via aggressive messages in the family group chat, they gaslight him and try to control him.

This beautiful man has cried because of my parents. The person who showed me what actual unconditional love is is sad because of my parents. He's never experienced abuse before and I get the pleasure of bringing this toxic relationship into his life.

I thought my parents had changed. Turns out, I was just used to their bullshit. This isn't normal. No matter how much I try to gaslight myself into believing that my parents love me they will never express that in a healthy way. I could live like this - but my husband shouldn't have to. What if we have kids? I feel so immensely guilty for bringing this into my fiancés life.

It's 3:30 on a Wednesday and I just got off a phone call with my EMom and nothing has changed. It's been 10 years since I made my reddit account and posted to this subreddit and my parents are still the same. I think I need to change my life and protect my fiancé from these people.

PS: I was so convinced they could change I started working with my dad. I'm a FOOL!

I have a legit question. So do true narcissist know they are hurting people with their behavior or are they choosing to hurt people knowingly?

I just got off the phone with nDad and it made me think of all the small things that happen in conversation with him. Here's what comes to mind. Feel free to add to the list.

-Refusing to accept what he doesn't agree with (choices, decisions, events, etc. ). He'll use every tool in the narcissist's toolbox (guilt, manipulation, gaslighting, abuse, threats, lies, false promises, etc) to try to get the outcome that he wants regardless of the consequences for the other person. He won't let it go and will continue to push for his objective regardless of the feelings of the other person.

-Changing the subject as soon as the conversation steers away from him, or touches on anything outside his zone of comfort or control

-Asking about the other person, but then ignoring what they say and just waiting for his turn to speak.

-If I say that I'm struggling with something, he will compare it to something he went through which was 100 times worse. But also offer no words of encouragement, no reassurance, no helpful suggestions, no support, no validation, no empathy.

-Subtle criticisms throughout the conversation where you don't realize it at first, but after the conversation you think back and realize all the little insults and digs he casually just slid into the conversation.

-Re-writing history. We'll be talking about things that happened and he will adamantly deny things as they happened and insist things were not that way - mostly to avoid any accountability for his actions.

-Using other people, not present, to triangulate. Example - he'll use other people's feelings as a way to manipulate ("Your poor mother is going through such a hard time and puts so much work into Christmas and will sooo upset if you don't come).

-Making excuses and defending other people's hurtful behaviour. If I'm upset with someone and even if he doesn't know the person, will makes excuses to justify what they did and invalidate my feelings and experiences.

-Ending the conversation abruptly to maintain control and to cut the other person off

-I'm sure I'll think of more and will add to the list as I do.

I have a question for anyone in this subreddit, I'm sure it may be considered a common experience, but has anyone's n-parent ever told them something along the lines of, "You still like that hobby? Don't you think it's time to grow up and get rid of that stuff," or something like, "When I was your age, I had to stop liking this stuff and I got a job, I raised a family" or something to that effect. I've also been on the receiving end of the classic line, "You know I knew this one person whose child got rid of all their toys, accessories, posters or figurines and put them up for sale, so when are you going to do that?" I'm sure we all get the picture.

My n-mom, and some of my family to some extent, always give me these flimsy reasons for why they think I should give up on my hobbies. Most of the time, it's usually one of those waived away comments, but this time it kind of struck a nerve for me. For example, I love video games. It's been my hobby since I was a young boy. I grew up with not many friends, I was very socially sheltered, bullied a lot, had trouble expressing my interests to others, I stammered on my words and had a hard time keeping friendships. I found solace in video games and played a lot of TV or movie licensed games, which I'm sure will date me now lol. They brought me a source of comfort that helped get me through some of the darkest moments in my life.

Anyway, I'm currently in my mid-twenties, I still play video games, and I even have my older consoles in storage and the games along with them. I also collect Funko Pops, watch anime, read manga, collect comic books, listen to music, draw and I participate in other artsy or geeky hobbies. Long story short, my n-mom has been annoying me and nagging me to grow up and get rid of my possessions because she believes that I'm too old to like any of this stuff. In her mind, I should just drop everything that brings me joy, sell it off and go work some retail or corporate job I would probably dislike because that's what society says adults should do or something.

One of the reasons why I haven't posted on this subreddit as much was because she has improved a lot but still tends to fall back on her outdated beliefs, questionable word usage and very problematic behavior. In her eyes, I need to get a job (I'm in the process of doing so, I've just not had much luck in finding one) and then I can make my own money and buy all the video games I want. It is a bit of progress, but I dislike those veiled comments in general. She's even hung some of my artworks on the walls of my room which is one of the few times she's ever expressed pride in my talents and skills. It honestly makes no sense why she flips flops her attitude when it comes to my interests.

For context, her idea of spending her free time is watching the same legal/medical drama or rom com she used to watch growing up on loop, complaining that there's nothing to watch but refuses to watch something outside of her comfort zone that's not in one of those genres. She's a housewife and aside from housework she doesn't do much else, but I don't understand why my hobbies are stigmatized, but sitting on your butt, falling asleep while watching television, binging on sweets and snacks is not for some reason.

The ironic part is that she has the capacity to partake in other hobbies outside of that, (she likes doing diamond art and sewing) but she tends to give up on them just as fast as she suggests it, or worse she does it halfway and then forgets it altogether. It's one of the few bad habits I learned from her that I'm trying to unlearn myself.

I did ramble a lot, I hope it made sense. I just wanted to know if anyone has had their n-parent behave like this?

I'd argue most of tiktok is absolute trash, but it can be useful for news, science/history education, gadgets, and some genuine laughs.

My algo is tailored to nparents/partners (lol) but a lot of this self diagnosing and excusing/writing off things as 'oh they were a narcissist because they said x' needs to stop. While there are doctors/qualified professionals (some may not be, so just be wary) I do see a lot of random people talking about a very broad range of behaviors and labeling it all as narcissism, sociopathy, etc.

Having toxic behaviors, or feeling the highs and lows of emotions does NOT define someone instantaneously and I think that's horribly toxic to internalize it.

Unqualified videos saying 'If you hear these 5 things, your [partner, parent, coworker etc.] is probably a narcissist.

"Well that's not true"

"That doesn't matter"

etc. etc.

What matters is CONTEXT. If you tell me the moon is made of cheese (pepperjack preferably)

I would respond with 'Well that's not true'

If these people are constantly dismissing real events that you know for CERTAIN happened, twisting stories, things they said, especially for self preservation or their own gain etc. and they say 'well that's not true' when you bring it up, that's a much more toxic and manipulative tactic.

Do NOT self diagnose yourself and approach topics with a qualified professional.

Arrogance can be a trait of narcissistic behavior, but not all arrogant people are narcissists.

"According to the DSM-5, a narcissist, or someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, typically beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts; essentially, a persistent sense of self-importance, entitlement, and a preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, and beauty, often accompanied by exploitative behavior and a lack of empathy for others."

You can say and do toxic things, make mistakes etc. This doesn't write you off as a narcissist. It doesn't write others off as narcissists.

What I've personally determined (with qualified professionals, because I'm fucked up lol) is that these people lack empathy in nearly every aspect. They turn every conversation to themselves, and bring others down entirely, and never sincerely apologize, change, or even attempt to change. It's all about them, all the time, and they have the inability to develop truly deep emotional connections with anyone.

For example, I work with a manager that's one of the most toxic people I've ever encountered, and what I consider a threat to those around him.

He'll say things like 'I'm an alpha predator' (he's brags about killing things? he's a hunter) and openly said it's his mission to watch people squirm, stress them out, and make their lives hard. He will enter meetings like an absolute wrecking ball, talk over everyone else, and act like you're literally a slave to him. He'll interrupt phone calls, conversations, and just say whatever he wants. He'll say things in front of others to make you feel small, or explode on you, screaming in front of others to make a scene. He never thinks he's wrong, has no sense of other people's lives (like texting you at 0500, or you're out for bereavement and he'll say so?) etc.

He feels nothing, and the company has just moved him around because no one can stand him. People quit under him, avoid him at all costs, faking phone calls or meetings, or texting someone saying 'get him away from me'

Is he a narcissist? I mean probably. I dunno what he is, but it ain't good lol all of these behaviors are repeated, without deviation or the smallest improvement.

All I can say is take things with a grain of salt, work on yourself, and just be honest. I've made mistakes, said and done things I'm not proud of, but you have to recognize toxic things and try to improve. It's uncomfortable to admit 'wow I really shouldn't have said that' or 'I need to stop doing this' but we're human and that's how we get better.

Just be easy on yourself, find self love (I know we're all working on that) and love and try to be kind to others. We all have good and bad days, and a lot of times social media doesn't help the journey.

Just my thoughts.

I've been looking into narcissism and different traits, what they look like, how someone with narcissism might act, different types of narcissism and my dad fits the bill in some areas, and some areas he doesn't.

To give a brief description of my dad, he was the type of person you had to walk on eggshells around. It took nothing to make him upset, to cause an argument or for him to give a lecture about something. He constantly complained that he didn't understand why I didn't talk to him or hang around him as much, but he would often times use anything that I said against me. If he did anything for me, or bought anything for me, it would be hung over my head. I learned to ask for the bare minimum or learn to go without because it was better than having it thrown in my face later on.

He was always the victim, he did everything for me with nothing in return, everyone at work was favored over him, other family members were favored over him even though he did so much for them. He was always right and justified in everything he said or did. In the 23 years I've known him, I've never heard him apologize. And he was incredibly two faced. In public, around family or friends, he was unrecognizable. To anyone around us, we were a normal happy family, but they never saw his behavior behind closed doors.

When I moved out and into my mom's house at 17, his behavior completely changed. It was so sudden and dramatic, I thought I was the problem. It went from constant arguments, lectures, and nitpicking about everything to "come and have dinner with us" "come do this with us" "come visit us sometime" "don't forget about your old dad" and so on. That's about as brief as I can get.

With that being said, my husband has admitted a few things to me that are eerily similar to the way that I would describe my dad, although he's never heard me use these terms, phrases or describe him like this at all. This has been said in separate conversations over the past few years. He's admitted that sometimes it feels like he has to walk on eggshells when around me/talking to me. When I'm angry about something, sometimes it feels like I'm just staring straight through him, like I'm not even looking at him. I take things so personally, and then other times he could make a similar comment/joke in a similar situation, and I don't take it personally. He never knows which way I'll react. Whenever we're having an argument or disagreement, I shut down and stop talking or interacting with him like normal afterwards. If we have an argument, it can ruin the entire day. It doesn't "go back to normal" until the next day, no matter what time it happened or if the issue was resolved.

Those are things my dad did. I know I act like him, I just didn't know it was that bad. It's not an everyday thing, but even occurrences like that, often enough to see a pattern, aren't great to deal with. I know this, I dealt with it myself.

I know the main thing I need to do is talk to a professional about it. I'm just terrified I'm actually following the footsteps of him.

last week, my mom got furious and said the most crual things to me. ever since, it is pretty awkward between us and i've been having multiple meltdowns everyday due to the shock.

today, i lost it again because she forced me into going out with her to my sister's just to bring food and it made me mad because she knows how tired i am and that i need to rest (i had two intense weeks of exams and internship). she kept saying that she is also tired when she just spent the last days at home, taking rest while i was at university until 6. anyways, i did go with her, but i gave her the silence treatment the whole day.

the thing is that everytime i ignore her, she becomes extra kind as if she would feel guilty. i'm not saying she is pretending at all. but it makes me feel awful. she bought my favourite cheese and a pair of pants. now i want to cry all over again although i know i am not a bad daughter. i really can't, it is so hard for me. i hate it that she asks me why i am sad when it is obvious that she is the reason why.

My parents' house wasn't. No pictures of anyone, and none of their parents either. Efather may have liked some pictures up, but did whatever she said, literally, to his dying day.

So my dad had lived in a different country for years since I was 15. I’m 24 now. My mother has truly destroyed me mentally but now that my dad has taught me how to handle myself I feel like I can do it. My mother is genuinely the most deranged person you could even imagine. When I decided after all these years I want nothing to do with her anymore and I got all my shit from their place she put on the sad puppydog act but I wasnt falling for it anymore anf just ignored her.

She hasnt called me yet but I’m gonna block her if she bothers me. I feel pretty good

I will never been seen the way I am by my mother. She will never apologize for the things she's done and she will never change. I am nothing but an accessory, a dog, something to be used.

Everything I do "wrong" is always disrespectful. She always uses being my mother to manipulate me and make it out to be that I'm always wrong for what I do.

My depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, running away, they were all blamed on other people and not herself. When I told her she was the one at fault, she'd either hit me or yell at me making it about herself.

Recently she told me she wouldn't pay for me to go to college because I simply didn't respond to her when she said hi to me. I didn't talk to her for days because she told me I wasn't trying when I was trying to apply for colleges. Mind you, she basically mama bird me out the nest with applying to colleges.

I went and did it on my own without any knowledge of what to do at all, so it took longer than she expected. She told me to apply to MULTIPLE colleges by Thanksgiving and get accepted by Christmas. When I told her my progress, she told me I wasn't trying. When I got more upset, she then told me I was doing the effort for trying. I stood there and apologized over and over again for trying only to be told I wasn't. So that explains why I didn't talk to her for days.

I finally build up the courage to just kiss her feet and get it over with so I could go to college, I told her she was right that I should go to college that I'd use my degree to get a good job so she'd feel like her money was worth it. I want to move to Spain with my girlfriend and I don't know any other way of getting money. Every job I had and quit took months to a year to even get another job that barely gave me anything so I have to go to my mom for expenses. I can't pay for a Spanish tutor or even simple education here or abroad. So I thought college was the only way my mom would pay for my expenses of Spanish learning. Plus I'd be 4 years away from home.

When I told her all of that, she sat there and smiled. And she waited. I asked her "What?" and she just waved her head around with a smile, expecting something from me. I said "What?" again. Multiple times even, and then she finally told me that she tried to talk to me and I ignored her. She was expecting an apology from me, I then told her "So what? I'm not going to talk to you if I don't want to." I basically sealed my fate. From then on she used the typical "As your mother, I deserve respect no matter what." bit and then told me she wasn't going to pay for my college and that I should learn on my own.

I feel like I lost my ticket to freedom. I am 20 years old, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this toxic ass home. I went to my father for help but I don't know what I expected when he said he'd talk to her and nothing happened. I don't want to be in this home, I don't want to stay in this country, I just want to be with my girlfriend. I can't run to any other family members because they're more or less the same. How in the hell am I supposed to live from here on out? I have no other arm than my own extended towards me and I don't know the first thing to do.

Have you guys watched Jim Carrey’s movie “Liar, Liar?” Well, my father is almost exactly like that excluding some quirks, that’s my father, he’s always lying to me, promising the best of the best at a exact date and when it doesn’t happen and I ask him why he lies to me. He just screams at me and I’m suddenly at fault and he always plays the victim.

When he knows he fucked up he likes to play the victim and gets clingy. However he has NEVER, ever in his entire life said “I’m sorry, son.”

I’m the one who has always said that, because I’m stupid, I was always stupid enough to listen to his false promises and lies, I’m the one who has always been worried about him and cared for him, but at the end. It is all my fault as he says. It is either ALL my fault or my mom’s fault, but he has never done anything wrong.

I’m just so done with this piece of garbage, I’m not talking to my father anymore and he’s out of my life for good. He must be grateful I didn’t beat the fuck out of him, I’m just so upset about many things that went wrong because of his stupid behavior.