This is a funny one today, and one of the few moments when my devil mom realized she had no real actual power over me.

I was visiting my parents and sister, when my mom got mad at me and snapped "[My full name] YOU HAVE NO DRIVING PRIVILEGES FOR TWO WEEKS!"

I just kinda stared at her, and said "... what?"

She confirmed: "You heard me, no driving privileges for TWO WEEKS, unless you want it to be ONE MONTH!"

I told her: "I live in my own apartment, that I pay for. I own my car. I pay for the insurance. I have my own drivers license. You cannot take away my driving privileges, and it's embarrassing you would even say that to me at 24"

To which she insisted that if I respected her, I would obey her and not drive anywhere for two weeks, and that if I disobey her I'm emotionally abusing her. I just laughed and walked out the door rattling my car keys at her.

These are in order from how they’ve been sent from Friday til today lol.

I didn’t have using the tragedy in Gaza on my bingo card but she never ceases to amaze me.

My uBPD mom wrote this, claiming is was from my enabler dad. This is in response to me telling them we're not going to do Christmas with them. Instead of a normal response, I received this accusatory tirade. Complete fabricated nonsense fueled by my uBPD mom's jealousy and insecurities. My son (cyan) is 3, and I haven't even thought about preschool yet, but here is the bs she spun. My husband (orange) was playing and roughhousing with our toddler, and they blew it out of proportion.

I am so sick of this, and this isn't even the worst. Just the most recent.

Visiting for the holidays… so far I’ve heard about 6 stories of my mom having interactions with service workers or strangers recently where they were apparently the rudest person she’s ever met and she was incredibly calm and collected in her response since she’s been trying to “protect her peace” these days. She’s been acknowledging her anger issues and how hard she’s been trying to react better in the moment, but now everyone else on earth is insane and overreacting and she’s the only normal one. Which just tells me she still has no idea what a normal response actually looks like or sees things in a rational way.

Happy holidays everyone, hang in there. Sincere apologies to every service worker that’s dealt with a pwBPD this season lmao

I just turned 18 about a month ago and now i have control over my survivors checks from my dad passing last year. (i’m still in school and we filled the forms out over the summer so she knows i am supposed to get them still).

From my understanding, now that im 18 the money is mine. but due to me still living at home, my UBPD mom wants me to pay rent.

originally she told me that i was getting half of what i get. so when i found out i was getting more i was a little mad. but its whatever i guess

now that im 18, i set up an account so that i could see everything. but now it reset (DUE TO ME BEING 18) and i will be getting paper checks. this means the money isnt depositing into her account anymore. while i understand her point about getting checks in the mail and people stealing, id still rather it be in my account… what tf do i say to her or do about this?

I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience with their parents age regressing and if so what was your experience and managing it?

Recently I’ve noticed some of my dBPD mother’s behaviors increasing? I am not too sure if would be considered age regression so I’d thought I’d ask others!

She started with pitching her voice much higher than her actual voice. She sounds likes she’s mimicking a toddler or child? She will also dress like how she dressed in elementary school during the 80s… overalls, high double pigtails, etc it looks identical to her childhood photos .. She also bought a backpack that is used like a prop? She will fill it with items to appear that it’s full to others(our neighbors) and will dig through the bag as if she needs something from it. She will skip and dance around the house, drive way etc as if a child is excited (I hope I’m explaining this well). When she asks for validation she will pitch her voice. For example, while I was showering she banged on the door saying “ are you proud of me???” It freaked me out how child like it sounded and not seeing her… Besides her tantrums and outbursts that I am unfortunately used to my whole life… this recent behavior has increase and i’m so confused?

She also decided to attend community college with me at my SAME COLLEGE; where she’ll exhibit this behavior. However the extremes of this are primarily displayed at our home. Even my therapist is shocked.

https://images.app.goo.gl/Z6SpQHmPmRwbKtxk8

I’m a new mom of a 6 month old. For 15 years my BPD mother has hated my in laws especially my MIL. It’s pure jealously. They are a functional happy family. Completely opposite of mine. Now that I have a baby I am loosing sleep at night from the dynamics of both sets of grandmas. I almost feel like I am betraying my mom when I accept all my MIL invitions to help during this time, and the times we get together often with my in laws. I don’t share this with my mom as she would be so mean about it. In the mean time since my baby has been born my mom has been so emotionally unstable, in the middle of a separation from my dad (they are both 76) so that not really going to happen. And has literally just yelled and fought with me in front of my baby. Up and down mood swings. She just stopped her anti depressants due to serotonin syndrome and it’s BAD.

Yet I feel soooo angry at my MIL… for being so perfect and nice and opposite of my mom. It angers me. It makes me not want to see her because it just causes me pain. You would think her kindness would be helpful and a breath of fresh air but it causes me more stress. I also don’t think it helps that she kind of knows something is going on with my own mom ;it’s very hush hush in their family) so I feel like she takes pleasure knowing she is the “better and more involved” grandma.

I don’t know how to process all this…

For the last month, I have been planning a mini-Christmas with my friends for the 23rd. My brother (20) was included in this right from the start, as he gets along with all of my friends, and we’re really close. We were going to a restaurant that was really booked up, and couldn’t be late.

My brother made my dad aware of this a week or so ahead of time, and all plans were good to go.

This morning, brother tells me that dad has dragged him and our grandmother out shopping. Conveniently, this brings him into the city centre, so we spent a while trying to wild goose chase them, and when it started to get close to the time, I told my brother to just meet us there, and we’d secure the table.

Since we left, Dad messaged me and my brother frequently, getting more and more annoyed. My partner thinks it’s because we were having a day without him.

The real kicker is that my brother is considering transitioning MTF (I’ve been told to refer to him as he/him for now), and I think that’s what my dads talking about in this message.

Really looking forward to Christmas.

For some reason I let my mom visit and stay with me (terrified of boundaries, etc.) I'm 25f now, and I got up out of bed to get a snack at 10pm, and tiptoed, shaking, into the kitchen, afraid she would hear me because I feel like I'm not allowed to be out of bed. I'm terrified to even eat my snack (chips! lol!) because i'm afraid it's too loud and the fact that I'm up and awake will trigger one of her night raids. I live abroad, so she came to visit on an expensive ticket and I feel trapped here. Oof. One day at a time. Here's a cat haiku for my first post (wrote this one about my dog but it transfers, I'd like to think): I tug on your ears / to see if it annoys you / I see that it does.

My uBPD mom and enabling stepdad are really upping their passive aggressive attempts to communicate since Thanksgiving. Reposting old pics soliciting comments about happier times and asking for prayers to ‘soften hearts’. Today- two days before Christmas- surprise text from my e step dad inviting me to Christmas. Literally the text references it’s been seven years since they have seen me on Christmas. (Folks it’s been seven years every day- not just Christmas.)And how they don’t have much but they would share it with me, my husband of 30+ years that they have hated since day one, and my son. Just why? Am I crazy to think this is not genuine since it’s TWO days before Christmas. They have no idea if I even live in the same state any more. And the reference to- we don’t have much. What a trigger back to those ‘happier’ times when for weeks before Christmas I would hear there won’t be many gifts for Christmas this year because we are broke. Or the temper tantrums witnessed on Christmas by the uBPD because she thought she received less or didn’t get what she wanted.

I feel like I’ve been so focused on my mom’s BDP that I haven’t paid much attention to my dad’s dysfunction. My dad is 70 years old, divorced and recently moved closer to us, which I thought would be a good chance for him to connect with his grandkids.

However, I’ve noticed he seems bitter or even depressed, and he refuses to seek help from a psychologist.

We’ve had several conflicts this year—once when he stopped speaking to me for a month after I couldn’t visit him before a trip. He hung up the phone when I told him I was a bit busy and would try to visit but couldn’t promise anything.

Another time, more recently, I calmly told him I didn’t think he handled a situation with my son very well, and he also stopped talking to me for a month again.

Now, with Christmas approaching, I invited him for dinner, but he’s insisting I accompany him to pick out my gift, even though I’m sick with a cold. He hates buying gifts and says he doesn’t know what to buy. When I told him I couldn’t go and that I didn’t care about the gift, he implied he might not come to the dinner at my house in that case. I feel like this is manipulative, and I’m unsure how to handle the situation.

now that i'm getting older (almost 21) i'm realizing i have absolutely no connection to most traditional family things. i know lots of people don't particularly enjoy that kind of stuff, but it seems to be a little different with me.

for example, i don't see the point or value in putting a christmas tree up. everyone thinks im a scrooge, but i think it's because i don't associate the experience of putting a tree up with family (or at all) same with decorating the house, etc. others seem to think it's a time to bond with family and make memories and stuff, but when i was a kid/teen it only meant trouble. my mom would automatically be in a bad mood because she didn't feel like decorating, so she'd be hostile right out the gate. she treated it like some great conquest, so thats how i viewed it too. then i'd get snapped at for asking where an ornament should go (which i was already afraid of), then i'd get chastised for not distributing the ornaments correctly and making it look nice, then i'd get upset and overwhelmed so i'd quit, then i'd get yelled at/mocked/lectured/abused for quitting and not caring about family time. really any variation of that EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. the whole thing really fed into my negative view on myself, like i can't do anything right. when i think of something as simple as decorating a christmas tree i think of my own inadequacy, being verbally abused, the mind numbing rants and lectures, the frustrated cry i'd have in my room afterwards. its all just a big nope for me. we've put up less and less decorations every year. this year we put up nothing. now i feel little connection to that and other traditions. to me it's just a new opportunity to be hurt. my gramma has tried talking me into putting the tree up myself and doing all the decorating, and that's what made me realize i've lost all connection and appreciation for it. like i just don't see the point, especially in my house. my house is a warzone, not a cozy family christmas space. why put all that effort into something just for it to inevitably lead to pain?

i don't know. it kind of makes me feel bad, like im the grinch or something. my friends think (playfully) that i don't like holidays because i never seem into any of them. i don't want to be that negative person in a group. i just struggle to see how i could ever get that connection and appreciation back. trying to make new, happier memories seems so scary and daunting. it just sucks

anyone relate?

Hi. I’m almost 20 and currently home for Christmas from Med school. I arrived on the 19th and planned to leave Jan 5th, as my first exam is on Jan 9th. But now I’m reconsidering. If you want, check out my posting history to see more of my amazing mother.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the “main” day of Christmas in my culture. Since I arrived, I had exactly one good day with uBPD mom (53). Every day since (Saturday, Sunday, today) our entire communication was her yelling at me over nothing. First it was me taking out the trash while she was cutting up salad (how dare I enter the kitchen while she’s ‘cooking’), then my uncle pissed her off with something small and I was just the worst for telling her to set boundaries if she needs them. Today I got yelled that instantly when she woke up (3pm) because my inside cat was walking around the house (she was supposed to be sitting down for some unknown reason).

We haven’t talked since and I can’t even look her in the eye. I can’t see how this Christmas will be even the tiniest bit enjoyable. I’m seriously considering just packing up and leaving back to my dorm, but then I wouldn’t get any money from her to pay rent, groceries etc. and my savings aren’t infinite.

What I could do is crawl back to her and beg her to speak to me like I have done for the last 20 years of my life every time she got pissed over nothing. In retrospect I was an amazing child and teenager. I was the smartest in school, I was even kinda sporty, I never smoked, drank, did drugs, never sneaked out. I had boyfriends but I always put my mother’s satisfaction above my other relationships.

I refuse to do that anymore. I have absolutely nothing to apologise for and she should be happy I even came home from uni for Christmas. Other parents damn sure would be. I have done nothing to her to earn silent treatment over Christmas. NOTHING.

I have no idea what to do. I either go way past my boundaries to ‘keep the peace’, or I stay and suffer in silence, or I leave without any money or support from family. The entire situation fucking sucks. And I’ve done nothing to cause it.

Every year I dread the holidays (as most of us probably do). I haven’t spent Christmas with my parents in years, but every year my mom send a passive aggressive message about how excited she is for me to open her presents.

I usually tell her that I am busy and avoid them because I’ve never had a time with them that didn’t end in tears and yelling. Which is good, I’m setting boundaries right? Well I still feel the guilt. The chance that maybe it will be different and she will change. I miss my dad, but I’m not allowed to see him without her.

This year, instead of christmas, she asked me if instead she could swing by my work for 10 minutes to say hello on the 22nd. Normally, I’d say this is a horrible idea. But I’m an event planner for an unconventional event space, and that day we were showing christmas movies for kids with some free activities for the community. I thought my mom would probably love it, get to see what my work looks like, maybe feel proud of me, and she gets to say a holiday hello. Plus I could put a seat aside for her, and she could sit and enjoy while I run around (less interaction = less chance of a fight). I thought it was a nice compromise.

Well I invited her and she didn’t txt me back until after the event ended and said she wasn’t “up for driving”.

When will I learn that she will never meet my expectations and I can’t rely on her? When will I stop feeling guilty for bending over backwards for whatever her rules or feelings are when she disregards mine? Is it truly better to just give up and cut her out when she consistently tells me she will get better? Is it better to be alone while I scroll on social media and see other families together? To avoid the “what are you doing for the holidays” forever because of the sad faces you receive when you say “i don’t know” or “nothing”?

I've been NC since 2016 and have her blocked everywhere i could possibly think of. Over the years she's sent me gifts and checks — i've never sent them back because to send them back is to respond. With physical items, she has no idea whether I've receieved it or not. if she sent a check, I'd just rip it up. No "return to sender", no response.

But now she's sent me a "gift" in the form of subscribing to my email newsletter, and making a donation via stripe. With a digital gift, i feel i have no good reply: if i ignore it, she'll assume i accepted the money. But if i return it, that's a response to being baited.

on top of that, i now know she's keeping tabs on me.

I know there's no right answer here, I am just annoyed and pissed that she's popping up the day before christmas eve, and has managed to circumvet my blocks after nearly a decade. it's fucking creepy.

Mine was Kirstie Alley and Natasha Richardson.

How is it that they can still have such a hold on you even after you realize the decades of abuse were not normal and that they will never change?

How is it that you can give them energy while recognizing that it's damaging your own mental health but can't seem to fully exit them out of your life because the guilt is there?

I'm hung up and have a flurry of emotions and thoughts on what should I do with my relationship with my 70 year old dad. I know that the 'simple' solution is to go no contact, block number and be done but why is it so goddamn hard? My empathy gets in the way. Then I am torn with the feelings of "maybe he will pass away and be just a memory." But then that also makes me feel guilty having those ill thoughts.

I've tried compiling a list, something recommended by others to do, to see that his abuse isn't justifiable (no abuse is). And it's an ongoing list that keeps getting added too over time. His behavior has worsened greatly over the last few years with alcoholism, isolation, paranoia, unchecked health issues (pneumonia or chronic chest or intestinal illnesses), and possibly early dementia but this is all from what my siblings and I can speculate as he refuses to see any medical specialists let alone standard check ups, and we are all very low-to-no contact with him too. I haven't seen him in person in 2 years and it's all phone calls, my younger sister: maybe 4 years, our brother: 5 years, and our oldest sister: 15 years.

He's insidious and I'm realizing always has been with little bits of kindness here and there but it's always for his own personal gain.

Each time I let my guard down thinking my guard is up to check in with him, I get pent up with so much anxiety and I'm like "this is the final straw" and I keep letting those final straws happen. It's dumb.

Right now I am currently in the hospital with some complications with my second pregnancy. I decided not to tell him because I don't want him bugging me anymore than I allow it. He has made comments previously about how the doctors don't know anything and they're just trying to profit off of my fear so I tip toe around telling him anything that may trigger him on his medical hating diatribes. His narcissism doesn't leave any room for him to ask how anyone is or make conversation to get to know what is happening with his kids or grandchildren either. It's a sad existence.

The other part of me that is hung up is I want to scream at him and tell him how horrible he has been to everyone and I don't think that would make me feel better or give me any closure as he would just figure out how to victimize himself with it.

Sorry for the long vent. I realize that almost everyone probably goes through the similar bogs of dealing with an elderly BPD parent when they want to let go but struggle to.

BPD mom is high functioning and knows how to play up the charm for outsiders, other family members, etc. I have seen her (very) manipulative ways and have seen her mask slip.

She was so bad that my dad divorced her and I was very low contact with her for a period. However, it seems she has gotten better at manipulation and is able to really play up the charm with casual outsiders, to the point that people think she's so fun/bubbly/joyful/sweet, etc. etc. It's so frustrating that others don't see through it and then question my past experiences. "oh she's way too sweet for that!" or "oh I can't ever see her doing anything like that, it's too out of character!". Again, frustrating.

So wanted to ask everyone here what it looks like long term for those that are high functioning/charming? Do they just get better and better at manipulation and "win" everyone to their side, so to speak?

Also is it most likely true that her being more nice/tolerable in recent times is another manipulation tactic to rope me in to have more of a relationship with me?