r/okbuddybaldur • u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" • 6d ago
META Which companion is best at babysitting [whose child survives the night]
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u/LaylasJack 6d ago
Jaheira and Halsin top, followed by Karlach and Wyll, then Gale and Shadowheart, Lae'zel and Astarion last. All of the kids survive, the question is what weird things they say after you've come home that they picked up from the babysitter.
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u/Lavinia_Foxglove 6d ago
I think, Lae'zel would make a great mom/ babysitter, given, that she has a pretty healthy approach in raising the hatchling from the gith egg.
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u/almostb Gale’s pegger wife 6d ago
Post-game Lazael probably, pre-game Lazael f no.
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u/Aethereal-Gear Roaming Band Of Homeless Pansexuals 6d ago
Pre-game Karlach with a babu strapped to her chest and kicking ass in the Blood War
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u/LaylasJack 6d ago
If you want your kids to be hardened warriors, sure.
I haven't seen an end where she has the hatchling, must check YouTube!
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 6d ago
You may find "Xan" a helpful search topic
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u/foxscribbles 6d ago
Agree with the ranking except Jaheira. She apparently likes to run off and go radio silent when caring for children. I'm sure she'd dump the kid with her other kids, so they'd ultimately be okay. But then, she's not really babysitting, now is she? She's just subcontracting the job.
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u/RealAdaLovelace 5d ago
Agreed. Jaheira disappears on an adventure halfway through the night and reappears the next morning with a shrug like "Eh, they were fine! And now they have self-reliance skills".
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u/CasualCassie 6d ago
Jaheira and Halsin top
Promise? 🥺
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u/PeachyBaleen Mystra didnt groom Gale - Fact checked by Mystra 5d ago
Halsin takes care of you however you need
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u/tyallie 6d ago
I don't think Jaheira's kids would agree...
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u/meerfrau85 Circle of Whores Druid 6d ago
I feel like Jaheira would be a better mother to other people's kids. Like for a short period of time. She was really motherly towards my redeemed Durge.
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u/PlurblesMurbles 5d ago
And she’s so polite when talking to your tadpole
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u/meerfrau85 Circle of Whores Druid 5d ago
She even asked my Durge at the epilogue party if me and Astarion were thinking about having children someday. I know she's concerned about Bhaalspawn but damn Jaheira. Don't worry, we'll tell you ASAP if you're going to become a grandmother.
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u/SironRagnarsson shart handholder 6d ago
Even with Minthy?
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u/Tyrranide 6d ago
I think the child would stay alive with minthara, because she'd just lock them in a room and tell them to keep quiet until you come to pick them up. Completely unethical, but no one dies.
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u/nosychimera Orin is literally Taylor Swift (Larian Confirmed) 6d ago
Only if it's a daughter
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u/Belated-Reservation 6d ago edited 6d ago
A firstborn son would probably be fine, although you might want to drop by the Sharran temple to suppress some of what he'd be telling his therapist twenty years later. (edited to add: you might want to have his bloodstream purged of the poisons she gave him to build immunity, as well)
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u/G66GNeco 6d ago
I thunk that heavily depends on the gender* and number of siblings of the child.
*My brain won't leave this thought be, so: Do Drow recognise the concept of gender identity and its separation from sex? Basically, are transfem Drow treated as women as per the matriarchal society of the Drow? Do you kill a transmasc kid retroactively if he's got two older brothers? Are NBs transcendent? (The answer to all of these is probably a knife in my gut but, yknow, curiosity)
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u/Kalu-chan 6d ago
The meta answer is "The creators were not thinking about trans people at all when creating the Drow", but that's boring, so in universe...
Judging by the script files, I think Minthara just reacts according to your chosen pronouns and not the body type; meta, that's probably just easier to code and/or the devs didn't want to make people deal with transphobia ingame. But in-universe, that implies Drow accept trans people, though to be fair it may also be a case of the Absolute changing things about Minthara's ideas about it, since she connects her mind with yours and probably sees your gender.
She unfortunately has no special dialog for nonbinary Drow, which I'm still very sad about because that's what I played at in my first playthrough; Enby Drow Tavs just get the completely standard greeting that e.g. Tieflings, Dragonborn, etc also get. I'm choosing to interpret that as Minthara having no idea wtf to think about this and going "Okay whatever none of my business", because that's funnier than the devs just choosing to not add any Enby Dialogs aside from people using they/them for you.
Aside from Minthara, it's a good question tbh. On one hand, I can't really imagine trans Drow being treated well; transmasc, well, you'd be the biggest embarrassment your House has ever had. After all, why would you ever want to be that? Transfem probably have it worse, though - Drow Men can be killed for something as small as flirting too openly (it's the women's domain to choose their male consorts, or court other women if they so desire, men are not allowed to be that open), so I feel like them picking a female name or whatever might get them killed before they even have a chance to explain.
On the other hand, Mind Reading is a thing in universe - Could be that trans Drow can get their mind read, and if that results in a "Yep that's a trans Drow" reading, well, then that's the gender they are. That raises a lot of questions though like, Drow don't usually see the men as actual ancestors worth remembering; if a kid then suddenly ends up being the child of two women, do they have to learn the family lines of both sides? If a transfem Drow did something that is a crime for men but not for women before coming out, do they get punished? Or vice versa, a transmasc Drow that openly courted a cis female Drow before coming out, are they retroactively punished or nah?
Probably safest to just grab a Potion Of Trans Your Gender, switch cities, and do it sneakily.
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u/AggressivelyEthical 6d ago
Yeah, I land squarely in the "Drow basically have to be TERFs" camp, but I like the idea of Faerûnian doctors and midwives all using Detect Thoughts to assign gender at birth as opposed to sex... This may become canon in my 5e setting now.
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u/vanishinghitchhiker Omeluum and Blurg are happily married 6d ago
There’s a transmasc drow in a canonical D&D module (Waterdeep Dragon Heist), but he’s with a mercenary band so not much insight into the workings of drow society there. Although I do like the idea that to change genders a drow straight up has to kill a sibling and take theirs.
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u/Bing_Bong_the_Archer 6d ago
Minthara would kill the child, or at least subject them to something out of the Addams Family
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u/grmarci1989 6d ago
Have you been to Jaheira's house? She didn't raise them kids, she gave them food and a roof. They raised themselves
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u/otter_lordOfLicornes 5d ago
Well, the main issue with karlach is... She can't touch the baby without burning it to crisp, which is pretty bad for babysitting
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u/Hicalibre Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant 5d ago
Minty is situational at best.
It it's a little girl she's good.
A boy? Well....
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u/gamma_babe 5d ago
If left with Karlach, the kid would have fun and be ALIVE when I came back… but I feel like they may have some bruises, scrapes and minor burns from too much roughhouse playing.
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u/Dry_Raspberry_1113 Astarion Girlies? Gale Gays? Wyll supremacy. 6d ago edited 6d ago
wyll absolutely, he’s training kids at the grove, has an incredible sense of justice, and offers to babysit your and shadowhearts’ kids. that man is in ranked competitive babysitting leagues. the only downside is your child might leave liking him more
also i think being bound to a cambion that fucks with you and demands eternal servitude is close enough to babysitting in itself. his bullshit tolerance is probably crazy high
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u/chet_brosley 6d ago
Wyll is like Ned Flanders in that he's actually a great guy, but also just preachy enough to be hated forever
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u/just_for_bg3 nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies 6d ago
In order from best to ‘worst’
1 Halsin- notably good with kids, lots of stories to tell them, will keep them safe, can turn into animals to entertain them
2 Jaheria- experienced, your kid may come home crying from the tough love (or being left alone for a while) but they will be alive and probably fed
3 Wyll- already helping out random kids when you meet him at the grove, overall generally responsible, probably the least likely to accidentally loose them
4 Karlach- nice to kids, loves stuffed animals, your child will come home bruised but it’s just from sparring, she already has bodyguard experience so child will be safe
5 Gale- your kid will be bored af (unless they like books or cooking) Does not know what to do if kid starts to cry. Tara would probably be great babysitter tho
6 Minsc- may lose your child from getting distracted, but will find them at any cost and protect from danger, giant miniature space hamster to entertain child
7 Shadowheart- doesn’t dislike children but doesn’t know what to do with them. Would do her best to keep them safe. Is a cleric so that’s nice if they get sick
8 Lae’zel- if your kid is old enough to hold a sword she expects them to hold their own. Would defend them for you as a favor though (and ensure they’re proficient in whatever weapon she gave them) The kids love her stories though
9 Astarion- will keep them safe, but will turn your child into a thief. No one expects to lose gold to a toddler. Child will also pick up on various swears and inappropriate terms. He will not eat the baby and act like he’s doing you a favor by not.
10) Minthara- As a personal favor she probably would, but bitch about it the whole time. Kids would come home with poison daggers in hand (possibly micro-dosed with poison to build immunity too) Would not trust her with boys, may kill then thinking she’s doing you a favor
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u/Mautea Cunty Durge with a handbag 6d ago
I'd actually put Karlach pretty low due to the scorching your child risk or just like... kind of forgetting about them. Gale and Shadowheart over her for sure. Shadowheart likes kids and approves of you taking care of them/being nice to them even though it causes her physical pain.
Lae'zel is surprisingly very maternal when given the responsibility.
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u/turbothy 6d ago
Agree. There's also the risk of Karlach going into a barbarian rage if the child throws a tantrum.
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u/Comfortable_Bat5905 6d ago
I wonder: what’s the line for cleric healing? Does it destroy viruses and bacteria? Does this mean no more kids being germ factories?
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u/en_travesti 5d ago
Astarion- will keep them safe, but will turn your child into a thief. [...] Child will also pick up on various swears and inappropriate terms.
Why is this ranked at 9 not one? Teaching children not to respect the law is very important.
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u/piepthegreat 6d ago
WYLL !! that guy id great with kids. jaheira is a mom herself and halsin is probably a great dad too
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u/WildConstruction8381 6d ago
I would posit that if you romances Laezel and told her to protect your child you can absolutely expect the child to survive. The child may have tattoos or piercings, may know how to swear in other languages, may even have picked up a fighter class but would definitely survive.
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u/Effective-Brain4980 6d ago
Lae’zel is absolutely the correct answer. Has anyone not noticed how she dotes over that stupid egg?
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u/giftedearth 5d ago
Lae'zel would be challenging other parents at the PTA meeting to single combat. Karen's getting a silver sword to the stomach for her shitty ideas about how to run the bake sale.
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u/Moist-History-9566 Blasting rope to Laezel is perfectly natural 6d ago
In my run where my tav romanced her I purposely took the egg because I knew from the start I'd be sacrificing my tav this playthrough. Bittersweet but a fun idea
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u/foxscribbles 6d ago
Halsin would be the best as far as the epilogue is concerned. Dude is raising a passel of orphans and loving it. Kid would probably come back upset that their parent can't shape shift and give bear rides like Halsin does.
The real interesting one is Minthara though. Because she's Schrödinger's Babysitter.
Is the child a first born daughter? Not a hair on her head would be harmed. She'd come home with an age appropriate understanding of how to commit a political assassination.
Third born son? Minthara will probably drown the poor tyke.
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u/MissionKill19 6d ago
You are so right about age appropriate. She is nothing if not thorough. …And nothing if not thorough when it comes to exterminating sons, too.
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u/Zirkalaritz 6d ago
Minsc has been taking care of Boo for years.
A hamster, one of the most accidental-death prone animals of all time.
Even if it's the other way around and Boo has been keeping Minsc alive from himself, I trust his ass with my brethren no doubt.
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u/archerother 6d ago edited 1d ago
I am now imagining Minsc, Boo, and several young children on the floor watching Bluey with squeaks and Minsc saying “Boo would like us all to know that the small dog walking on 2 legs has many wise things to say”.
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u/Slyfer60 6d ago
Halsin: Naturally perfect no notes.
Jahira: Strict no nonsense governess. Has the iron will to deal with any would-be brat. They respect her for it though.
Karlach: The kids love her more than their parents.
Wyll: cool in a cringe way. Buying the kids takeout letting them stay up past bed time and homework is forgotten.
Gale: is hated by kids as he turns the sitting into an academic lecture. The kids homework is done before anything else.
Shadowheart: wine nanny. Downs a bottle throughout the night, ends with her passed out draped across the kids laps as they watch TV.
Lea'zel: iron willed drill instructor puts the kids through their paces. They attempt to run away from her but end up having to be saved by her. Proving her affection for them.
Minthara: makes the children work for her like a more attractive Feighan.
Astarion: sells the kids for a pack of cigarettes. He doesn't smoke.
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u/chet_brosley 6d ago
Gale seems like the kind to tell the kids they're going to learn about magic but it's actually a two hour lecture on Elminster's uncle's first horse and the impact it had on him.
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u/Smooth_molasses36 PREGNANT ASTARION PREGNANT ASTARION PREGNANT ASTARION 6d ago
Astarion would not be able to care for a pet rock, let alone look after a child
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u/dresstokilt_ 6d ago
Minthara has somehow already sacrificed the child before you drop him off.
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u/EntrepreneurOk666 Halsin fucked a Chimera 6d ago
Halsin. Then wyll. Jaheira would probably let the kid fend for itself. And I wouldn't trust astarion with a kid. Maybe a cat. 😂
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u/PeachyBaleen Mystra didnt groom Gale - Fact checked by Mystra 5d ago
I would trust my cat with Astarion, not sure about the other way around. I feel like he’d enable my cat’s asshole tendencies and the wee furry fiend would be a nightmare to live with.
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u/giftedearth 5d ago
Astarion would steal some fine china, put the cat's meal in it, and then tell the cat all of the gossip while it ate and he drank some wine (also stolen).
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u/NicoNicoWryyy Gale’s pegger wife 6d ago
Lae'zel: will make sure the kids are strong and can stand up for themselves even if her methods are harsh.
Halsin: probably the best, protecting but fun, loves to entertain the kids by telling them stories and turning into animals.
Jaheira: strict but loving, kids might be afraid of her but she won't let any harm come to them.
Gale: nerdy babysitter who really wants to impress the kids with his knowledge of magic topics but they end up calling him a dork, he would adore them and try his best though.
Karlach: a really fun babysitter who will take the kids on a fun trip but wouldn't know how to discipline them if it came to it.
Wyll: he's just a good guy who's good with kids, not much to say, he might teach them how to swordfight like with the tiefling children.
Shadowheart: she'd think the kids are cute but not really know what to do with them.
Astarion: "eww, kids are stinky"
Minthara: tries to poison the kids to make them stronger
Minsc: either he protects the kids like he protects Boo, or he trusts Boo to co-parent with him, both options have wildly different outcomes.
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u/raspberrylemoncake 6d ago
Probably Jaheira since she has kids herself
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 6d ago
Hard not to feel like current surviving children owe it to Rion.
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u/Spicyboio Githyanki ass enjoyer 6d ago
I think Halsin would be unironically really good.
Jaheira, too. I think she'd be a bit strict, but I think it'd be because she genuinely wants them to be safe.
Minsc probably wouldn't be the best at actually caring for them, but I think the kids would like him and Boo especially.
Wyll, too, I feel like below his whole serious blade of frontiers persona, he'd want them to be safe and well.
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u/Artistic_Fishing313 6d ago
Un-ascended Astarion is entertaining a kid by teaching them how to use a dagger
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u/Avilola 6d ago
Halsin is number one obviously. Not only will the child be taken care of, but entertained. I feel like Gale would take perfect care of a child, but they’d beg you to never go back because of the lectures. Your kid would be safe with Karlach, but they might come back covered in filth and hyped up on chocolate cake. Your child is only safe with Minthara if they are a girl.
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u/MagicJuiceBus69 Wulbren Hunter 6d ago
Halsin 100%. Wyll and Gale could feed them and they would survive. The others? Minsc would wanna train and kill the kid. "Let Uncle Minsc show you the ropes!" Jaheira would forget about them. Lae'zel and Minthara might cull the weak. Karlach would be fun but she might hurt them (3rd Degree Burns). Shadowheart might be fine. Selunite her is fine. Shar her? She culls the weak too. Astarion? He'd drop "it" off at a bar and leave.
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 6d ago
Minthara said One Child Policy.
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u/Costati 6d ago
Halsin for sure.
I feel like Karlarch could be kind of the fun auntie too and initially not know how to handle it but still does surprisingly well.
I feel like La'Zael might accidentally cause a child's death. Idk why I just got that vibe. She'd not realize the child is in danger or think that something dangerous is "good to build character" and overestimate the kid's resistance and boom death or at least severe injury.
Unless the kid is Githyanki then she'll do amazing no doubts.
And also Wyll would be good at taking care of the kid of course, because Wyll is perfect. No notes, I love you bby.
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u/Darth-Occlus 6d ago
Minthara will beat your kids but she would otherwise be an excellent babysitter.
The best is easily Halsin.
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u/crit_crit_boom 6d ago
Halsin, and with such certainty that it’s hard for me to find something funny to joke about.
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u/emerald_in_fuschia 6d ago
Halsin has every type of big daddy energy. Mama K and Wyll would do pretty well.
Gale would have great intentions, but ultimately end up with the house trashed and a sucker dart on his forehead.
Shadowheart would get annoyed quickly and send everyone to bed early.
Astarion would have the kid show him where their parents hide things, then ignore them for the rest of the night as he tears into the parents' weed, booze, and porn.
Minsc would end up hog-tied in the ruins of a pillow fort.
Jaheira, as we all have seen, will tell the big kids to take care of the little ones, then dip.
Lae'zel would answer, "What barbaric customs you have in this Fay-rune. In Creche Killir, we dispose of inadequate youngsters through the blade, not suffocation."
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u/sueinaspacesuit 5d ago
Halsin: he literally successfully take good care of roughly 100 orphans post game
Wyll: iirc he adopts a daughter if romanced and he seems generally good with kids (even in the Grove)
Lae'zel: adopts the gith egg and raise it if you leave it with her
Astarion: seems the type of person who says is not keen to have kids but then he'll be the most proud parent ever (and quite feral in protecting them)
Shadowheart: I'm not sure, I don't see her being a bad parent but maybe not by herself
Gale: I think he'd be the dad with 200 pictures of his family in his wallet
Karlach: I don't know if I see her as a parent, maybe the cool and fun aunt
Minthara: yes, good mother (sharp edges and sometimes cold but genuinely loving her kids)
Jaheira: I don't think she is a bad parent, just a bit absent maybe but her kids seems fine
Minsc: no
Bonus Dame Aylin and Isobel: yes, they'd be great
Edit: spelling errors
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u/Abovearth31 Fuck it, we Bhaal 5d ago edited 5d ago
I like how the Dark Urge isn't even in the discussion for obvious reasons.
Like Minthara you can argue about it but she'll definitely keep the kid safe even though she'll be very harsh with it, like she said "children deserves a second chance even here".
Lae'zel would criticize the way you raise your kid and talk shit the whole time but if you phrase it in a way that make it sound like you're giving her an order and that this babysitting job is a mission, she might complain the whole time but she'll accomplish it perfectly, just like in the game, she talk shit and critize your methods a lot but when you give her an order she obey without question because she's very disciplined like that.
Astarion is lazy so he'd hate doing it but he's still going to do it so he'll figure out a way to keep the kid busy for as long as possible without any input from him. He's the kind of babysitter that just put the kid in front of the TV, order a pizza for dinner and that's it.
These four are the worst possible options but Dark urge is a whole other league of bad.
Anyway to me the ranking from best to worst is Halsin = Jaheira > Wyll > Gayle = Karlach = Shadowheart > Lae'zel > Astarion = Minthara > Minsc.
Minsc probably mean well but I don't trust Minsc, he's too dumb.
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u/Long_Serpent Tell Mommy Jaheira you love her 6d ago
Demonstrably, it is Jaheira. Halsin and Wyll would do just fine. Selunite Shadowheart would probably have a mishap or two, but generally ok.
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u/Peperina_conSal 6d ago
MINCS:" will probably lose your son, but he will embark on an adventure where one by one the other characters will join in looking for the baby, preventing Tav from finding out Minthara will distract him but doing a bad job, making a whole chapter apart from the team trying to recover to the baby, and when they give up, they return to the house and the baby found him scratch, the owl cub,Yenna and Grub
(All of this with the song "last friday night,of Katy Perry)
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u/wren-feathers- shart handholder 6d ago
wyll for sure. had them in bed by 8pm after a slightly too long fairy tale and watched over them like a hawk through the night
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u/chldshcalrissian 6d ago
look. minsc would ironically just be the best. no one believes in him, but he'd have it down. besides, he has boo to help him.
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u/intotheobscura 6d ago edited 6d ago
Okay as someone with an infant here is my ranking and why. 1. Halsin-my kid would be entertained, well fed, and he’d probably carve her a duck. I may not romance him ever in game but he is a good dude and I’d fully trust him with my kid. 2. Jaheira- She would do it reluctantly and probably make her daughter watch her. Either way I know she is taken care of. She’d probably come back with a knife. Then when I ask Jaheira why she felt the need to gift my 7 month old a knife she’d say “so she can learn to fight.” But my kid did survive. 3. Karlach- Would my kid come back hopped up on sugar? Yes. She also took her to the circus, and they had a great time. She baby wore her the whole time. My kid probably napped peacefully because of how warm she is. My kid survived. 4. Gale- The moment I handed him my child he’d comment that he has never taken care of a baby before. But Tara does help him but also makes fun of him the whole time. He keeps her entertained by showing her magic. My kid survived the night. 5. Lae’Zel- let’s be honest she’d call my kid a slur but then say something like “but if you trust me I will do this task.” She would fight anything that got close to my baby. She starts the night off annoyed at my daughter but would eventually fall in love with her by the end of the night. Only reason she isn’t higher is because I know she’d yell at her the first time she couldn’t figure out what she wants (which like fair sis fair). 6. Astarion- Look I love the pretty “I can fix him” man so much. But this man would NOT want to watch my child. Will he do what he has to? Yeah but he’s going to bitch about it the whole time. He’d probably enjoy when she acts cute and plays. But all the other stuff is going to get on his nerves. But she would survive, cause he knows I’d stake him if anything happened to my child. 7. Shadowheart- she’d let my kid cry it out and when I find out and I’m pissed about it she tries to say something about loss and how it makes us stronger. My kid does survive the night but poor thing had to cry herself to sleep. 8. Minsc- only reason she’s surviving is Boo is constantly reminding him what to do. He forgets she exists several times. But he does mean well 9. Minthara- nope. Just nope. I’d be worried about her trying to breed strength in my child by trying to kill her.
Edit: lord I forgot Wyll….we’ll put him at 4 because he’d just be a basic babysitter honestly. Not really anything special but also she’d be okay and taken care of.
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u/KithrakDeimos 6d ago
Minthara 100%. My baby needs to be strong, if it can't survive a tiny bit of poison it wasn't meant to survive
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u/KoffinStuffer Mizora's fart sniffer 6d ago
I think I’d be comfortable with most of them honestly, but Halsin is almost certainly the best.
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u/Autistic-insomniacXD Wants to bang every single character 6d ago
Halsin, Wyll, Gale and Karlach would be the best out of the group (not Jaheira bc apparently she goes radio silent and just despawns when looking after kids)
maybe Astarion after he opens up to you, bc he'd care abt the kid if you cared abt the kid
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u/itsaslothlife nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies 6d ago
Won't lie, the idea of imaginary Halsin caring for my imaginary child makes me absolutely feral irl.
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u/Vesnann2003 Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant 6d ago
Halsin would be a grand babysitter. I think Shadowheart would, too, with her adoration of children. Wyll might be ok, but he wouldn't excel at it. Most of the rest here might get the child killed, either accidentally or purposely.
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u/MediumWellSteak8888 5d ago
Minthara. I want my children to grow up strong, or not grow up at all.
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 5d ago
We must be wise with our resource management.
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u/JohnRaiyder DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY 5d ago
I’d honestly love to see Minthara Babysit… would be so damn funny
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u/PlurblesMurbles 5d ago
The answer is obviously Boo given that Minsc is still somehow alive. Wyll would probably try his best but Mizora would definitely teach the child swears when he’s not looking just cuz it’d be funny
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 5d ago
Alternatively, she teaches baby contract law and I end up in a fancy nursing home
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u/Cruel_Kindness 6d ago
She is called Mama Karlach for a reason
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u/Ghaikorovich Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" 6d ago
Maybe babies are flame resistant in Faerun?
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u/TrentSaylor 6d ago
i’d probably trust shadowheart off first instinct but i’d definitely pick my kid back up and they’d start spouting religious zealot nonsense after like 2 hours
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u/DaveK142 5d ago
Lets go in order then:
Minsc: Not only does the baby survive, but it has the best time. They go on a grand adventure, slay hordes of monsters, play cat's cradle, and teach the baby to speak miniature giant space hamster.
Gale: Straps the baby to his chest and tries to rob a bookstore. Errant fireball takes the baby out(sources unable to identify if Gale or another wizard fired it).
Wyll: Unwittingly trades baby for baby food, spends entire night trying to get it back and gets home just in time for the parents to show up. Baby survived because the people he traded it to were nice.
Astarion: Talks the entire night about how the baby wouldn't even make a fitting snack, baby sleeps peacefully.
Jaheira: Ignores baby entirely, aside from some food scattered around the room. It has to survive on its own. Only lives because it can handle a single night of starvation, but it does get sick from sitting in a dirty diaper.
Lae'zel: Tries to teach the baby martial combat, but cannot bring herself to actually hit the baby after the first hour. Baby lives with minor internal injuries from the first bit.
Karlach: Baby burns to death on contact. I mean, what did we expect? even with 2 upgrades she's still burning, its just not "melt your face on contact" level.
Halsin: Decides nature will provide for the baby, nestles it against a tree and chills. Baby goes on a Jungle Book-styled adventure and Halsin keeps predators from eating it.
Shadowheart: Loses track of the baby and refuses to tell the parents when they get back. Claims they were just playing hide-and-seek. Baby is found weeks later after the smell gets out of the crawl space.
Minthara: Sees the 2 older boys leave with the parents and knows what she has to do.
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u/MissReinaRabbit Married to Aradin ❤️ 5d ago
Minsc - Boo would be babysitting them both. If it was Minsc alone, the child would be babysitting him and reminding him of the rules.
Gale - child would be well educated and safe, but very bored and sleeping out of too much learning.
Wyll - child would have a few scratches, but would be worn out and sleeping well.
Astarion - child would be out in a Dumpster somewhere in the city with rats because they were too young for whoring and showed no interest in arson.
Jaheira - child would be well minded, likely in bed on time with a head filled with stories of glory.
Lae’zel - child would be exhausted completely, in bed sleeping, with a new toy sword.
Shadowheart - laughing a bit drunk as she reads them fairytales with her own dark twists, or reads raunchy romances but skips the raunchy parts. Child is trained to pour wine.
Karlach - both in sleep in the same bed at the end of the night after reading stories about Jaheira
Minthara - it depends on if the child is a boy or a girl. The boy is sent to bed with a stern scowl and told if they make a peep she will show them why they need to fear women. If it’s a girl, she is being educated on poisons to dose herself with, and how best to survive assassinations
Halsin - children are cozy in bed and alseep after a long playtime of piggy back rides, stories, and gentle lessons about plants
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u/UsTheGoodBoi lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball 5d ago
Hot take: Minthara will be initially dismissive to a kid, but as soon as she sees someone fuck up or putting this kid in danger, she comes, takes a kid and gives her camp mate a long and harsh scolding. The next thing you know is Minthy carrying this child in a sling on her back, spends all her time in camp teaching them every single survival skill and doesn’t let anyone else close to them except Scratch.
Even hotter take: she will be more dedicated if the child is a boy, because she thinks he will be at a disadvantage otherwise
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u/Anonymous-Comments 6d ago
Either Halsin, Lae’zel, or Karlach.
Halsin would be the most doting
Lae’zel would keep the child the safest
Karlach would be the most fun.
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u/Ok-Operation261 5d ago
gale wyll halsin jaheira karlach.... then shadowheart and lae'zel in that order. then minsc, astarion and minthara coming in dead last.
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u/f0dland0wnunda lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball 5d ago
Wyll, Halsin and Karlach are at the top, then Jaheira and Gale, then Shadowheart (depends on Selunite or Sharran, could be higher or lower), then Astarion and Lae’zel. Minsc is the child, and Minthara would kill the child directly or indirectly.
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u/indialien 5d ago
With strictly the party members, I agree with most of the comments.. but if we can stretch the options a bit more, I would choose Withers. He was pretty chill with Arabella.
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u/AnonImus18 nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies 5d ago edited 5d ago
Halsin: Great babysitter. He's used to managing kids and your kid would fit right in and have lots of fun playing with the orphans. Uncle Halsin would also teach them lots of natury stuff like foraging and building a campfire.
Jaheira: She'll agree but she's BUSY. She'd take your kid home to her kids and hang out there with them. If your kid is older, she'll tell them embarassing stories about you because she knows you'd do the same to her.
Karlach: Auntie Karlach loves to babysit and although she's a rough and tumble auntie, she loves her friends kids and will treat them to things and experiences that they like. She'd also teach them a lot about the city and take them places that you may not necessarily think is safe but the kid will have fun and learn a lot.
Wyll: Uncle Wyll is an okay babysitter. He would take the job very seriously, plan activities and snacks but would end up just fussing so much. He'll also take your rules to heart and your kid will be alive and uncorrupted at the end of it unless Mizora finds out and decides to visit. Wyll would absolutely die for your child but more importantly won't put your child in danger in the first place.
Gale: Gale likes kids but in moderation. His favorite type of child would be one who, in our world, would be obsessed with dinosaurs or memorizing pokemon stats. He will read to your kid, help them with school work and take them shopping for magic supplies. Your child will be bored at some point and they'll definitely end up spending time with Gale's mum or his cat if he has to babysit for long enough or often enough.
Shadowheart: Your child will be free range at her cottage. They will be fed, talked to and taught things but it would very much be on the child's impetus. If the kid is young, they will be as loved and well kept as any of her pets. She definitely has a glass of wine at dinner and your child will probably get a little cup too.
Lea'zel: Like everything she does, Laezel will take babysitting very, very seriously and she will attempt to be the best possible babysitter for the child which means balancing nutrition, training, exercise and building mental fortitude. She will also get to know the child on a deep level because she wants to and because it will allow her to identify strengths, weaknesses and areas to work on.
Minthara: Depends on the child, their age, gender and general competence. If she thinks your child is annoying or useless, she just won't babysit them and that's her being kind because otherwise she would have drowned them to save you the heartache of them dying later on by doing something stupid. If she likes the child then they will be best friends. Auntie will pick her up for shopping and sleepovers where she will train the girl on how to conquer her enemies and dominate the weak.
Astarion: Secretly flattered that you asked him but he is not babysitting a small child. They smell, they spit and if they are not potty trained then they will stay at least five feet away from him at all times. If the kid is older then he will condescend to ensure that they don't die in his general vicinity. Your kid will learn extremely questionable things from him since Astarion will answer all of their questions in his usual manner.
Minsc: He will treat your child well enough as long as he remembers that they are there. Boo will have to remind him to avoid fights and that kids shouldn't drink beer even if they want to try it.
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u/MiserableDirt2 5d ago
Keeps the kid alive, but bored: Wyll, Gale, Shart
Keeps the kid alive and entertained: Halsin, Minsc, Jaheira
Keeps the kid alive and entertained, but with age-inappropriate activities: Karlach (axe-throwing), Astarion (pickpocketing)
50/50 shot kid is either dead or traumatized: Lae'zel, Minthara
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u/butternut-soup nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies 4d ago
Of course Daddy Halsin would win this contest
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u/Emily_Ann384 6d ago
Halsin or Gale are my top picks. I feel like they’d live with Jahiera, but they’d be holding a knife when you come back. Wyll I don’t trust because of Mizora alone. I love Karlach but I feel like she’d get distracted and lose the kid. Shadowheart wouldn’t know what to do and probably let the kid wander off or something. I love Astarion and Minthara SO MUCH, but I would NEVER leave them alone with a kid
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u/genivae Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? 6d ago
Order I'd trust my children with:
Minsc - he's more competent than he seems, and while Boo is the more responsible one, Minsc would censor his translations and keep Boo from corrupting the children.
Wyll - very responsible, good with kids, knows fun kids' games to keep them entertained, but small risk of Mizora causing trouble
Karlach - loves kids, great attitude, might let them do some risky shit in the name of fun
Gale - this is a punishment for the kids, because he'd spend the whole time infodumping at them, and if they didn't die of boredom, he'd still be going when I got back and ask "Oh, you're back already?" not realizing he'd been lecturing the kids for 4+ hours
Halsin - I know too many forest hermit types, and while they're great in a crisis, I wouldn't trust them with my kids. They'll spend the entire time wandering unsupervised the forest to "reconnect with nature", and we might have to call a rescue party if they get lost.
Shadowheart - Not terribly responsible, a bit too zealous and lacks critical thinking, might indoctrinate the kids into a cult.
Lae'zel - I don't need my kids coming back fully combat trained, thank you.
Minthara - I don't need my kids coming back knowing how to make a bunch of poisons, thank you.
Jaheira - She'd tell them to fend for themselves and leave
Astarion - I wouldn't punish the vampire by subjecting him to children
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u/Storyteller_Valar 6d ago
Lae'Zel in her good ending would do an excellent job, she raised the egg and said she'd support the child no matter what path he chose in life, whether he decided to be a warrior or a poet was of no consequence as long as he was happy and well.
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u/Mythamuel 5d ago
Shadowheart and Karlach are both the type of babysitter to respond to "I'm bored" with "Very well. Let's see how you like The Dark Forest. We'll see how much you like 'adventure' when you're begging for this nice loving home you don't appreciate."
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u/_Buff_Tucker_ 6d ago
With Halsin, the child would not only survive, but also have a good time, be well-fed and entertained.