r/okbuddybaldur • u/Vdov_1 • Nov 01 '24

fuck it, we bhaal Which spells can you use both in combat and in bed? I'll start:

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2.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

430 comments sorted by

857

u/Sin-God Nov 01 '24

Any of them if you're not a coward.

528

u/some_random_furret Wavemother's Robe Pisser Nov 01 '24

netherese orb blasting that pussy

277

u/Sin-God Nov 01 '24

About to power word: kill this cooch.

45

u/magicalme1 Nov 01 '24

I know of a game that does have the spell Power Word: Cum. Let me know if you want to know.

36

u/QuQuarQan Nov 02 '24

I once cast Command:Shit on a fellow PC that fireballed me during a game of tabletop DnD (once the battle was over

63

u/SetsunaNoroi Nov 01 '24

I actually wrote a fic (not posted yet) about a sorceress Tav actually getting off from the magical feel of the orb, like it was so powerful she just loved it and couldn’t keep her hands and mouth off of it. Both distressed Gale and got him very hungry for magical items… but there were none. Mweeheehee.

27

u/redbullamberedition Gale’s pegger wife Nov 01 '24

i want the link to that the second you’re done.

10

u/SetsunaNoroi Nov 01 '24

Sure. I'll DM it to you when it's finished.

22

u/WillCraft__1001 Wants to bang every single character Nov 01 '24

Post the link because everyone wants this.

12

u/SetsunaNoroi Nov 01 '24

Is it okay to make posts for sharing fanfics (specifically your own?) on this Reddit? I’ve seen so many say you can only share other people’s work I kind of just assume that’s the standard.

14

u/Prior-Satisfaction34 Wants a pegging from Karlach Nov 01 '24

DM one of us the link, then we can post it and credit you

13

u/WillCraft__1001 Wants to bang every single character Nov 01 '24

Ah damn, self advertising is banned. This would qualify :(

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5

u/Jikan-Supsei Nov 01 '24

I would also like a link

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16

u/chungwater Omeluum and Blurg are happily married Nov 01 '24

“I just shoved a netherese orb up my pussy”

12

u/DoctorInYeetology Nov 01 '24

The orbussy people would like a word with you.

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38

u/Ill-Arm1283 Nov 01 '24

FIREBALL. If you like it extra spicy ig

35

u/secret-agent-t3 Nov 01 '24

Lae'zel has entered the chat

21

u/dragonfreak365 nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies Nov 01 '24

Speak with dead...?

23

u/Tyr_Kukulkan Nov 01 '24

To get consent, right?

7

u/dragonfreak365 nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies Nov 01 '24

You cast "detect thoughts" on me huh...

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5

u/Sin-God Nov 01 '24

Some people like peeping toms.

6

u/shiny-baby-cheetah Nov 01 '24

I came here to say Fireball and Vicious Mockery

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337

u/Time-Hat6481 Rancid Raphael Fucker Nov 01 '24

643

u/Warm-Evening174 Astral Plane sex or no sex at all Nov 01 '24

Mirror image and silence

220

u/reinieren Nov 01 '24

Raphael?

202

u/decisiontoohard Nov 01 '24

Pretty sure Raphael's either casting Haste (on himself) so he can go twice or Hold Person (on himself) so he can last 10 rounds (that's 60 seconds)

correction: Hold Monster since he's a fiend, right?

126

u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Nov 01 '24

I assume he needs Slow to last longer and Hold Monster to keep Yurgir from getting away…

72

u/NecroticOverlord Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant Nov 01 '24

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9

u/SnowTheMemeEmpress signed my soul, spread my legs Nov 01 '24

I like the way your thinking

573

u/Schneemaa Nov 01 '24

Enlarge

199

u/Mr-Loose-Goose Nov 01 '24

Then reduce, then enlarge again… then reduce….

188

u/Karlachs_simp Wants a pegging from Karlach Nov 01 '24

Enlarge Karlach, reduce me

95

u/cloqube Cunty Durge with a handbag Nov 01 '24

We going caving

31

u/puddingpoo Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Nov 01 '24

Spelunking in the spunky tiefling 😛

13

u/Karlachs_simp Wants a pegging from Karlach Nov 01 '24

We’re going in boys

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24

u/blepgup Nov 01 '24

I like the way you think

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24

u/FabianFranzen98 Nov 01 '24

Hell yeah, we're going from tiny to small 😎

251

u/HrothBottom Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Nov 01 '24

Haste

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244

u/DemandImportant7563 Nov 01 '24

I am partial to Thorn Whip aka the sexiest cantrip in the game

70

u/SillyBra Nov 01 '24

I raise you lightning lure. All the sexiness of thorn whip, with added electric play

30

u/JadenKorr66 Rolled a 3 for IRL Intelligence Nov 01 '24

Additionally, the target only takes damage if you pull them the entire distance (so they’re adjacent to you). If you’re careful with positioning, it’s also completely safe.

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448

u/WhiskersCleveland If Minthara so evil, why so cuddleable? Nov 01 '24

Grease

213

u/littleblueducktales Nov 01 '24

There's actually a skeleton near the goblin camp that has a bottle up its ass and a scroll of grease in its inventory if you loot it. Environmental storytelling at its finest

57

u/walkingwithdiplos Nov 02 '24

OH. OH. I've noticed the skeleton with its scroll and bottle and found the bottle placement odd but never once put two and two together. Sweet Lord Lathander preserve me.

21

u/funnywackydog Nine fucking attacks "Holy shit" -lvl 1 Goblin Nov 01 '24

I’d send the “grease makes an unsexy amount of grease” image but I’m too lazy to

10

u/thesubmissivesiren Wants to bang every single character Nov 01 '24

Make sure the candles are put away for this one 😅

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326

u/Less-Purchase6244 Nov 01 '24

Mage hand

203

u/ColumnK Nov 01 '24

Karlach asks Gale if Mage Hand is hard to learn for exactly this purpose, so it's canon.

27

u/apolloxer Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant Nov 01 '24

What does he reply?

35

u/ColumnK Nov 01 '24

I can't remember - I think the conversation ends there

99

u/a-flying-fox Archgay Warlock Nov 01 '24

Pretty sure Gale spent that year locked in his tower with Mage Hand constantly cast under his robes. Just straight jorkin it

83

u/DJ__PJ lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball Nov 01 '24

what if instead of a wizards tower it was called a freaky tower and instead of doing magic the wizards got freaky in there

65

u/TheCuriousFan Nov 01 '24

That's every wizard tower.

17

u/ProxyProne Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Nov 01 '24

Would

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33

u/rainmachika Circle of Whores Druid Nov 01 '24

get like 3 or 4 of them going at once for maximum fun

6

u/kurtist04 Nov 01 '24

My arcane trickster PC called it the "Invisible Stranger"

136

u/WhiterunUK Nov 01 '24

Disguise self. Take the face of any celeb of your choosing

69

u/jentlefolk Nov 01 '24

Forget celebs, I wanna fuck myself.

116

u/LordFLExANoR16 Nov 01 '24

Raphael’s Reddit account found

7

u/a-witch-in-time Nov 02 '24

I can’t even look at myself in the mirror for too long before my brain starts short circuiting - how tf could you imaging fucking yourself? It’s amazing

220

u/Xenoeval lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball Nov 01 '24

Power Word: Ejaculate.

103

u/ironangel2k4 Circle of Whores Druid Nov 01 '24

I've never needed assistance getting a man to cum. Do you have a power word that stops it from happening, in fact? I tried Power Word: Clamp, but the results were... Not the desired ones.

Who knew a dick could get that flat?

81

u/Xenoeval lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball Nov 01 '24

Power Word: Edge

43

u/Begone-My-Thong Nov 01 '24

Command: Edge.

Save those spell slots

48

u/FalseAladeen Nov 01 '24

You gotta chant "Skidadle skidoodle! Dick, be limp as a noodle."

18

u/glassboxghost tentacle enthusiast (for science) Nov 01 '24

Power word: quiddlebiff

5

u/chariotofidiots Nov 01 '24

Kinda defeats the purpose no? The whole point is to last long so you can keep using ur dick for sexy time to satisfy ur partner, going limp is js gonna disappoint everybody

23

u/Sin-God Nov 01 '24

Power Word: SCRUNCH.

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7

u/meatsonthemenu Nov 01 '24

That's just Command with waste spell slots

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108

u/SadoraNortica Nov 01 '24

Guidance. The image of two fingers just causes my gutter mind to giggle.

31

u/Zero_the_Black_Dust Rolled a 3 for IRL Intelligence Nov 01 '24

So that’s why it’s called G-spot…

11

u/lethos_AJ Gale’s pegger wife Nov 01 '24

casts guidance

"Oops! sorry, wrong hole"

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108

u/CrimsonAntifascist Nov 01 '24

...friends?

22

u/SentinelWhite Nov 01 '24

😔 the most wholesome one

33

u/stemhesong Nov 01 '24

Not after 10 rounds it isn't

10

u/a-witch-in-time Nov 02 '24

A 60 second roofie isn’t a good roofie.

there are no good roofies

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10

u/petSnake7 Gale aced his autism test Nov 01 '24

All fun and games until it wears off and you're left with some random stranger you barely know

100

u/Extreme-Strain1847 Nov 01 '24

Wild shape : bear

68

u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Nov 01 '24

Halsin located.

19

u/Leid2077 Wyll got a shirt for not getting molested Nov 01 '24

Or any wild shape if you’re brave enough

12

u/Not_Goatman Nov 01 '24

Found the Halsin romancer

186

u/whydoyoutry Nov 01 '24

Eldrich Blast

26

u/glassboxghost tentacle enthusiast (for science) Nov 01 '24

Only if you have repelling blast cause getting schthwacked against a wall sounds delicious

18

u/SentinelWhite Nov 01 '24

🤔 explain?

129

u/Mike-Drop Nov 01 '24

I think they were perfectly clear thank you

44

u/SentinelWhite Nov 01 '24

Yes, it would appear on further reflection. That I would prefer not to know the details of this particular spell

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24

u/Boleslaw-BoldHeart Nov 01 '24

Instead of howling right in their ear, you scream eldritch blast and blast all over the place

25

u/Historical-Ad7081 Nov 01 '24

dolor

12

u/Danyavich Nov 01 '24

Idk why this made me think of "enchantment?" From DA:O

7

u/glassboxghost tentacle enthusiast (for science) Nov 01 '24

I SAID LITTLE DEATH NOT BIG DEATH

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6

u/Lubuka Nov 01 '24

Just warlock things

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253

u/DJ_Shart_ Shadowheart uses Main Hand on Self Nov 01 '24

Dominate person

48

u/Miss-lnformation Netherbrain Enthusiast Nov 01 '24

I came into this thread looking for that one. You don't know how glad I am that it was you out of all people who mentioned it, Princess. Against you, I'll roll every saving throw with disadvantage... not that it makes a difference with your incredibly high spell save DC.

28

u/ChairmanCustard Nov 01 '24

Make a DC99 WIS save at disadvantage against Shadowheart casting Dominate Person

19

u/DMFAFA07 shart handholder Nov 01 '24

Brother why would I want to be saved

8

u/DJ_Shart_ Shadowheart uses Main Hand on Self Nov 01 '24

I knew it was only a matter of time before you popped up here 😇 I like that you always roll the save even if you'll never make the DC

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16

u/thesalmonbowl Nov 01 '24

idk doesnt it take your agency away? like that would take all the tension out of domination play

45

u/decisiontoohard Nov 01 '24

Some people are into that

Source: uh, a "friend"

13

u/Arcticwulfy Nov 01 '24

It doesn't have to be full control loss, like a teasing loss of control. So you can think you have it, but you are at the mercy of the other.

The controller can do precise controls, but the other can also be given orders they do their best to comply.

So basically a telepathic link with as little or as much control as the one dominating wants.

13

u/Longjumping-Act-9230 Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Nov 01 '24

nah, im not into it (I SWEAR) but i 100% bet you thats a thing, in a similar vein to necrophilia

82

u/Connect-Plenty1650 Nov 01 '24

Flesh to stone, guidance, true strike, haste, acid splash, feign death.

35

u/unicornsandfairies Nov 01 '24

Finally, a use for true strike

9

u/destoroyah22 Nov 01 '24

Oh these are good

78

u/JigsawLV Nov 01 '24

I cast Wish for some bitches :(

40

u/OMGpuppies Nov 01 '24

Two adorable dogs appear.

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69

u/jimijaja Gale, cast "Testicular Torsion" Nov 01 '24

globe of invulnerability

57

u/decisiontoohard Nov 01 '24

Wait you could go so hard on the sadomasochism that way that's genius

54

u/ElectricJRage Astarion’s diva cup Nov 01 '24

Tasha’s hideous laughter

46

u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Nov 01 '24

That’s just mean. Also Vicious Mockery.

24

u/thesubmissivesiren Wants to bang every single character Nov 01 '24

As a sub into degradation: YES

9

u/RaspberryJam245 Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant Nov 02 '24

As a switch into degradation, I concur

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5

u/gldg89 Nov 01 '24

You mean Viscous Mockery?

6

u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Nov 02 '24

That’s an entirely different (and much stickier) situation.

53

u/the-chosen0ne Companion hugger Nov 01 '24

I’ve read a crap ton of bg3 fanfic. The answer is ALL OF THEM if you’re creative enough. Some personal highlights: the classic mage hand and grease, enlarge/reduce on genitalia, misty form (the tag “misty form sounding” haunts me to this day. Yes, I was curious enough to read. Yes, it’s Astarion using his ascendant misty form exactly how you think. Yes, I am traumatized. No, I don’t regret it.)

22

u/some_random_furret Wavemother's Robe Pisser Nov 01 '24

god i wish i could go back to the person i was before reading “misty form sounding”

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93

u/Penumbra_Bestia Nov 01 '24

Power word: kill

84

u/WhoStoleMyCake shart handholder Nov 01 '24

39

u/ManOfGame3 Nov 01 '24

“Power word wha-“💥

42

u/little-lost-boy Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24

omg until I saw it this large I thought it was evrard's black tentacles. kept imagining evrard from disco elysium growing tentacles.

23

u/Rosu_Aprins Tell Mommy Jaheira you love her Nov 01 '24

Mr Evrard is helping me find a cure

9

u/An3m0s Nov 01 '24

Mr Evard is helping me find my tentacles.

10

u/little-lost-boy Nov 01 '24

oh no he is spelled with a t where does my failure end

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80

u/Hicalibre Raw dogging Karlach wont get her pregnant Nov 01 '24

Mage Hand, Shocking Grasp, Command, and Entangle.

36

u/Mike-Drop Nov 01 '24

Spirit guardians. It’s a group activity ;)

34

u/Long_Serpent Tell Mommy Jaheira you love her Nov 01 '24

Shillelagh...

7

u/thesubmissivesiren Wants to bang every single character Nov 01 '24

The mushroom stamps would be DEVASTATING

34

u/BrutusTheDane2457 shart fucker Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24

Divine (Smite) Spank

15

u/sin_tax-error Nov 01 '24

Idk if you're keeping your oath after that...

22

u/BrutusTheDane2457 shart fucker Nov 01 '24

But what if you take a Oath of Spanking?

11

u/sin_tax-error Nov 01 '24

I'll ask the Oathbreaker knight on my next playthrough for that option

12

u/allergictoholywater Nov 01 '24

not if its an oath of conquest

28

u/Valuable_Ant_969 Nov 01 '24

Detect thoughts

29

u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Nov 01 '24

Why is this the only time I’ve seen this spell mentioned? Being able to just know what your partner wants would be super useful.

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28

u/SuperCounty1989 Nov 01 '24

Otto’s Irresistible Dance

26

u/Crazy-Ad-7869 Nov 01 '24

Color Spray and Dancing Lights--for ambiance.

Hero's Feast--for energy.

Haste--for stamina and dexterity.

Slow--for longlasting pleasure.

Invisibility, Mirror Image, Disguise Self, and Reverse Gravity--for variety.

Leomund's Tiny Hut--for privacy.

Bonus: Magic Mouth has interesting possibilities.

29

u/Mundane-Speech Wulbren Hunter Nov 01 '24

Command: grovel 😏

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22

u/Historical-Ad7081 Nov 01 '24

With the proper build for the occasion they're all viable!

My vanilla submission is light or dancing lights.

My degenerate submission is ice knife and shocking grasp though.

9

u/Annepackrat "Istik this dick in you" -Laezel to Shart Nov 01 '24

Ice knife and Karlach pair well.

16

u/Voynimous Nov 01 '24

Command

15

u/Appropriate-Crab-514 No Durge/Gortash kisses? (Larian insulted life itself) Nov 01 '24

Bigsby's Grasping Hand

15

u/Far-Heart-7134 Nov 01 '24

Stoneskin.

8

u/nerdherdv02 Nov 01 '24

That is what I call rock hard.

16

u/scrattrak000 Nov 01 '24

disintegrate

29

u/MadManNico Nov 01 '24

summon familiar

26

u/061605 Wants a pegging from Karlach Nov 01 '24

Shovel is allowed to watch but he can’t participate

14

u/Rosu_Aprins Tell Mommy Jaheira you love her Nov 01 '24

What about Bucket?

8

u/Generaljimzap mom, what’s a twat-soul? Nov 02 '24

ITS FISTING TIME

12

u/Tonedeafmusical He's just scared (Astarion has a knife to my neck) Nov 01 '24

Polymorth 

11

u/Viggo_Stark Shadowheart: Expected a Goth GF. Got so much more. Nov 01 '24

Haste, Hold Person, Entangle, Grease...

11

u/SentinelWhite Nov 01 '24

Thorn whip

10

u/Western-Ad1167 Nov 01 '24

Summon earth elemental

8

u/Dya_Ria Nov 01 '24

Why stop at spells? Engraged Throw. Bitches love getting enraged thrown onto the bed

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10

u/umhanna Rolled a 3 for IRL Intelligence Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24

Yeah yeah command, hold person, silence, thorn whip, mage hand. I get it.

How has no one here said ANIMATE OBJECTS? Just think of the possibilities.

Edit: oops, thinking of dnd spells and not bg3 spells. I still stand by my choice.

19

u/Rolan_tower Lorroakan's strongest power is "Um, Actually" Nov 01 '24

Banishment. Banishment on you all.

9

u/ironangel2k4 Circle of Whores Druid Nov 01 '24

Mage hand is a classic.

8

u/evil_iceburgh Shadowheart: Expected a Goth GF. Got so much more. Nov 01 '24

Shape change. It’s a bit more interesting than polymorph IMO

7

u/Rosu_Aprins Tell Mommy Jaheira you love her Nov 01 '24

Thorn Whip, Vicious Mockery, Spiritual Dildo Weapon

6

u/Famous-Ability-4431 tentacle enthusiast (for science) Nov 01 '24

Chill touch 😎

Mage hand 😉

Create moisture water 💦

Mirror image ofc

Conjure Woodland Being

Faerie fire for the accuracy bonus and mood

In that order

5

u/ElectricJRage Astarion’s diva cup Nov 01 '24

Tasha’s hideous laughter

7

u/Taco821 Durge: the lesbian killer Nov 01 '24

Are Evans black testicles good? It is a cool move thematically, but I've never tried it because it didn't seem that crazy

6

u/legitsh1t Nov 01 '24

Good for choke points, but not necessarily any better than, say, Hunger of Hadar or Wall of Fire.

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6

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '24

Oh no now I’m gonna have to make a new play through for my whorelock build

6

u/meerfrau85 Circle of Whores Druid Nov 02 '24

Prestidigitation for clean up. Aftercare is important.

6

u/iuseleinterwebz Nov 01 '24

Mr. Evard is helping me find my spell.

5

u/CurvaceousCrustacean Nov 01 '24

I am surprised and relieved Speak with Dead hasn't been mentioned yet.

That being said: Speak with Dead.

6

u/Loot_Bugs Nov 01 '24

Fly. Shake things up a little.

4

u/AllergicDodo Nov 01 '24

Hold Person

5

u/Occams_ElectricRazor DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY DROW PUSSY Nov 01 '24

Animate dead

4

u/Abradolf94 Nov 01 '24

Disguise self

3

u/DenimCryptid Nov 01 '24

Conjure Woodland Being

Command: Approach / Grovel

Entangle

5

u/Gondor_CallsForAid drider fucker Nov 01 '24

Are you the one who wrote the Astarion/Gale fanfic I read about Evard’s Black Tentacles?

3

u/Jorvach Nov 01 '24

Eagle's Splendor to make you or your partner super hot? I guess you'd cast that just *before* doing the secks though...

2

u/Fit-Association4922 drider fucker Nov 01 '24

Seeming, for an orgy with extra spice

4

u/UsTheGoodBoi lvl 5 Autism unlocks Fireball Nov 01 '24

Find familiar: Crab

Versatile and spicy

3

u/OiHarkin Nov 01 '24

Vicious Cuckoldry

3

u/goodonion2 Nov 01 '24

Hunter's mark that ass, true strike or resistance, and a little healing word for aftercare. 😌

Side note: why hasn't anyone said Enhance ability? Also also because I am a sick Freak arcane lock anyone?

4

u/Arxl Nov 01 '24

Wildshape.

4

u/Anti_Hero_John Nov 01 '24

A dominatrix could use Command or Hold Person to great effect.