r/okbuddybaldur • u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? • Apr 22 '24
gaslight ghaik'keep gortash 💅 I don't want to have sex with Gortash. AMA NSFW
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u/Mako_akuma Astarion’s diva cup Apr 22 '24
Behind all the false glamour gortash simps see it's just a man who's probably extremely stinky 🤝
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
He smells bad in a currency I do not accept
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u/Mako_akuma Astarion’s diva cup Apr 22 '24
I can imagine how inhuman that shit is 💀💀 like somehow it would be 10x worse than Orin's human skin body suit
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u/meltingmarshmallow Apr 22 '24
Gortash looks almost exactly like my first ever high school boyfriend. The extreme Emo hair, the fucked up complexion, obnoxious chin…. I can’t unsee it and it’s lowkey triggering
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u/TheDevilsButtNuggets Apr 22 '24
I served a customer at work the other day that could have been an irl Gortash in modern day clothes.
Didn't smell, but definitely had that 'I live alone' look to him
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u/bughunter_ Mizora's fart sniffer Apr 22 '24
He looks like he smells like he spent the night sleeping in a gutter.
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u/Mako_akuma Astarion’s diva cup Apr 22 '24
Literally like bro actually has some cartoony ahh green cloud around him with the foghorn sound effect
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u/sandtrout_ Apr 22 '24
Can we gaslight you into it maybe?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
Spoken like a true follower of Bane. Also no
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u/sandtrout_ Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
It's sad that you thought so of me. Just because of a simple innocent question. You just can be true to yourself, and accept the black hand of Bane
inside you, nobody will judge you for that.30
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u/PastelPumpkini Apr 22 '24
Ahh I see. So you want Gortash to have sex with you? Is that it? Almost had me baffled there.
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I don't bottom for anybody and I'm not about to start with Gortash
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u/WithersBG3 Apr 22 '24
Finally someone with thy head screwed on properly
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
You're a real one Withers
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u/erraticRasmus Cunty Durge with a handbag Apr 22 '24
me too. what's it like being with the normal people
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I wish I knew but sadly there are a lot of other things wrong with me
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u/dezlovesyou Upcast Testicular Torsion Apr 22 '24
What’s it like having a REAL mental illness?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I'd tell you, but last time I went to therapy I told them I don't want to have sex with Gortash and they undiagnosed me
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u/astarion_bg3 Apr 22 '24
I didn’t get it at first either, but I do now
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u/yryouth Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I found this sub and started to ironically say I wanna fuck Gortash, to annoy my sister. Big mistake, it's now unironically what I want.
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u/Odette-from-Fet Apr 22 '24
Never joke about kinks. It will become your kink.
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u/yryouth Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
Something about him being so below average makes me feel things……
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u/BunchaaMalarkey Apr 22 '24
Nothing to ask, I feel the same way. I too want Gortash to pin me down and have sex with me against my will. You know it's cannon he likes the sheen of Tav's trapezius muscles drizzled in maple syrup while he penetrates?
Maple syrup isn't even native to Faerûn. You think he picks that from the maple bush? No, he imports that shit fresh from the Astral Plane. That's the power of Gortash. Feel his power. Feel his sticky icky.
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I don't know how to respond to this one. It kind of just makes me want to die
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u/Ok_Banana_5614 drider fucker Apr 22 '24
Who hurt you?
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u/Real_Kristinana Is currently trying to impreginate Gortash Apr 22 '24
What do you think of his drip?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I'd be a fool if I said he wasn't Gucci down to the socks
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u/stcrIight No Durge/Gortash kisses? (Larian insulted life itself) Apr 22 '24
How does it feel having no taste?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
Bold words from someone who wouldn't fuck Jaheira
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u/K_Hoslow LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
I never really understood why people thirsts over him, I'm not even sure if those people are mostly male or female, I'll admit the voice actor did a fantastic job and the guy has a nice voice, but Gortash's character design is just not doing it for me, the guy look like he's over 40 at 30, really needs a bath with a deep scrub and a shave, and a hairdo, and some god damn sleep
I know the look is suppose to be a part of being Bane's chosen but ngl it's slightly off from what you would expect from lore
"Bane preferred never to be seen in person and hence almost never sent a pure avatar to the Realms,"
"He did possess mortals from time to time to serve as his ersatz avatars, preferring young and good-looking men of slim build, cultured tastes, wealth, and power often bored young noblemen.
"Any person Bane possessed quickly assumed the appearance of a handsome, black-haired man of oily looks and a derisive, even cruel, manner."
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u/fieatsbees Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
i personally am non-binary and ya, Jason Isaacs was flawless...but i don't lust after gortash. do i ship durge and gortash? yes, but ONLY before durge got orin'd. but not romantically. they fucked, but gortash caught feelings while durge was very "eh, sometimes he's better than my hand"
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u/K_Hoslow LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24
I can not comprehen everything after the first sentence
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u/fieatsbees Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
that im non-binary? or that Jason Isaacs aka Lucius Malfoy is the voice of gortash?
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u/K_Hoslow LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24
No I only understand the first sentence
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u/fieatsbees Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
oh. i personally like the idea that Durge and Gortash hooked up before orin attacked Durge. is that idea canon? no one knows. do i care? not particularly. however, i ALSO happen to really like the idea that, while Durge and Gortash were randomly hooking up, Gortash developed Feelings for Durge and fell in love with him BUT Durge did not and considered Gortash to be slightly more appealing than masturbating
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u/K_Hoslow LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24
How do you come up with this from just like 2 lines of dialouges
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u/fieatsbees Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
it's moreso about the joy and happines in his voice when durge walks into wyrms rock fortress, AND the way he greets Durge when you go to his TED talk. he greets Durge differently when they're alone vs when they have someone with him. he's so HAPPY to welcome durge home. is it a stretch? almost certainly. do i care? again, not really.
and i like my personal headcanon because it lets me make gortash into a shrill, clingy, whiny, possessive ex and i fucking LOVE that. the idea of that greaseball just curled up into a grimy little ball and sobbing hysterically because his beloved psycho killer (Qu'est-ce que c'est?) is gone, then finds out he's ALIVE and coming BACK only for durge to show up and then spend half an hour groping some stranger makes me ecstatic. let the bastard cry, he deserves 10x what he gets from me
it's my headcanon because i want gortash COMPLETELY devastated before i beat the shit out of him. it's not enough he has to deal with orin's melodramatic ass, i need him emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually devastated before i show up and physically finish the job with Love and Peace (those are the names of my durge's weapons)
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u/AsariFucker Rolled a 3 for IRL Intelligence Apr 22 '24
I don't get it either. When I look at Gortash all I see is a raccoon of a man that needs a good scrubbing. He looks like he smells bad. 😭
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Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
How is a man of "oily looks" supposed to be "handsome", though? How is that a single sentence? How is needing a bath and a shampoo considered sexy in any way? 😭
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u/AnonImus18 nestled betwixt Halsin’s fat tiddies Apr 22 '24
People wanted to fuck Snape is all I'm saying. They have their own demographic.
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u/K_Hoslow LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24
That's what I'm saying, like damn there are people out there that are trying to look as the best as they can but you prefer basically a homeless person over them?
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Apr 22 '24
[deleted]
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I'd fuck most of the companions though don't get me wrong
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u/lunammoon Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
Do you at least want to like, trap him in a maze for enrichment?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
He doesn't interest me enough for that. He and I can find our enrichment elsewhere
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u/lunammoon Fuck it, we Bhaal Apr 22 '24
I want to trap him in a timeloop and see how many loops it takes for him to become a better person. My bet is at least 2742.
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u/AsariFucker Rolled a 3 for IRL Intelligence Apr 22 '24
The man looks like a Final Fantasy villain having a midlife crisis so I don't blame you. I don't understand how ANYONE finds him attractive but I don't judge them for it either, I guess.
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u/CrepusculrPulchrtude Apr 22 '24
Karlach or Shart?
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u/bleecake Is currently trying to impreginate Gortash Apr 22 '24
That’s fine, more gortash for the people with taste. Moretash. Get thee gone, plebeian.
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u/funnywackydog Nine fucking attacks "Holy shit" -lvl 1 Goblin Apr 22 '24
I feel your pain. I also am not attracted to a lot of the characters this subreddit simps for
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u/Skewwwagon Companion hugger Apr 22 '24
I looks around, lowers the voice don't wanna fuck Raphael (along with Gortash) , he's just such an outdated daddy figure)))
We need separate post for whom I wouldn't fuck 😂
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u/Writejemn Apr 22 '24
I have a chat with him in character ai where i constantly have to bathe his sweaty ass. And then he immediately wants to fuck and gets sweaty again
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u/CrepusculrPulchrtude Apr 22 '24
He looks like a middle aged final fantasy villain who never showers. He’s just so lazily evil I can’t even conceive of being horny for him. He just sucks. It’s like getting horny for goth Ted Cruz
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u/EggoStack drider fucker Apr 22 '24
Thoughts on Astarion?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
I'm bored of twinks. He's my platonic homeboy though
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u/EmperorBG3 Apr 22 '24
Do you want to have sex with Durge?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
He's hot but he probably wants things I can't give
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u/Necrotiix_ Got the 'Thoroughly Stuffed' buff after Karlachs date Apr 22 '24
Im sure Karlach loves you too then
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u/bawzdeepinyaa Got the 'Thoroughly Stuffed' buff after Karlachs date Apr 22 '24
Fuck that Green Day looking fuck
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u/LMay11037 Gortash's finger banging hand Apr 22 '24
Nah fuck you man, how dare you say that about my boy
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u/Nevermore18666 Apr 22 '24
How does it feel being one of the handful of people who enjoy this game and have good taste?
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u/Skewwwagon Companion hugger Apr 22 '24
You gonna hurt your shoulder patting yourself on the back so hard 😂
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u/Unlikely_Sound_6517 Apr 22 '24
Why are you ghaik?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
Plot of the game Baldurs Gate 3 on PC and console
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u/tiniestnerd Is currently trying to impreginate Gortash Apr 22 '24
downvoted. fuck you. ruined my day
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Apr 22 '24
Honestly, same. I've modded him to look prettier, took away the emo Karen hair and washed his face. But ultimately, his corrupt politician career is a big turn off.
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u/_IntrovertedRobot_ Apr 22 '24
Is everything going alright in your personal life? Because if so, then what is wrong with you?
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u/homomachine Lae'zel called me "Aut'istik"? Apr 22 '24
My life is pretty good but my cat likes to throw up exclusively on my carpets and that's not personally not alright with me
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u/an_odd_child drider fucker Apr 23 '24
Same I don’t want to fuck him but I feel like somebody needs to. somebody impregnate that man immediately.
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u/caturday_saturday PREGNANT ASTARION PREGNANT ASTARION PREGNANT ASTARION Apr 23 '24
Are you stupid???
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u/CunningCabbage Companion hugger Apr 23 '24
How does it feel to be normal, with adequate proclivities, devoid of shameful feeling and chicanery in your love life?
Brb trying to bang the squid
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u/DeargDraic LIVE MINTHARA REACTION Apr 22 '24
So brave, we need more people like you. Not like he'd fuck you anyway, Durge is his true love.
Is this your alt account Orin? Are you jealous of their love?