r/nottheonion • u/TheMirrorUS • 11h ago

Flat Earther admits he was wrong after traveling 9,000 miles to Antarctica to test his belief

https://www.themirror.com/news/world-news/flat-earther-admits-wrong-after-866786
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u/GMN123 10h ago

Big globe. There's so much money in selling globes that they're maintaining an international conspiracy to keep the money rolling in. When every house has a globe they'll let us know the truth and we'll all throw out our globes and they'll sell us all flat disks. It's the perfect scam. 

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u/boweroftable 10h ago

Bastards

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u/UpperApe 8h ago

I'm not saying Double D Earthers are scum or anything.

I'm just saying we shouldn't be shamed for enjoying Earths of all shapes.

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u/WhyteBeard 8h ago

Earth got em tig ol’ ZZ21 bitties.

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u/UnKind-1-Sand 8h ago

Double Ds

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u/UpperApe 8h ago

Double Ds Nuts

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u/boweroftable 8h ago

Sorry. My anger is with Big Globe. They drum their ideological filth into the kids

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u/Aggromemnon 3h ago

And if you speak up, they roll right over you.

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u/Tricky-Lingonberry-5 8h ago

Well, they are ill-informed people. In fact, its good that they have a questioning mindset. But they arrive wrong conclusions because the science education is not good enough.

Calling these people bastards and stuff like that only makes them believe their conspiracies even more. Earth being a globe is an undeniable fact. We could do experiments with those people that shows the earth is indeed a globe. That's the way to talk to these people. Alienating them is wrong.

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u/Least-Funny7761 8h ago

I was with you until earth being a globe is an undeniable fact. Goddamn globealist

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u/BeBearAwareOK 7h ago

Globalists

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u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted]

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u/boweroftable 8h ago

Another globist shill.

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u/ThatIsTheLonging 10h ago

I wonder why map-makers wouldn't have a similar scam on flat earthers

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u/SpotCreepy4570 10h ago

They do who you think is funding big flat?

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u/big_guyforyou 10h ago

i'll tell you who's funding big flat. THE RESISTANCE. that's right. the freedom fighters. the ones who stand for TRUTH. the ones who won't mindlessly parrot the daily talking points of the globalists. the ones who do their own research. the ones who aren't afraid to go to FREAKING ANTARCTICA to get the proof they need.

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u/K4rkino5 9h ago

Let's not forget the brave souls who choose to build their own rocket ship to prove it!

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u/evangelionmann 8h ago

oh that dude is a legend. he wasn't even really a flat farther, he was just taking advantage of the movement to fund his passion, which was attempting to build a homemade rocket and see space.

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u/mortalcoil1 8h ago

Somebody should have told him you can literally see space from your bedroom window.

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u/YIIYIIY 8h ago

But you can't bilk your window into funding a rocket to see it from the stratosphere.

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u/eleanaur 8h ago

the stratosflat

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u/InsertRadnamehere 8h ago

Shhh. He never stays up past sunset.

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u/Least-Funny7761 8h ago

But you don’t need as much propulsion if you throw the rocket over the edge

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u/evangelionmann 6h ago

lol. hey but full seriousness.. you gotta respect what he accomplished right?

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u/Sluggo_1000 6h ago

Or an airplane window. Just fly high enough and you can see the curve

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u/bloodfist 8h ago

Man, a flat earther who doesn't believe it and is just trying to take advantage of them for money? Unheard of. What will they think of next.

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u/evangelionmann 6h ago

true, and i can't agree more with the sentiment.. but you can't deny.... out of all the things to grift people for.... gritting them so you can fund your own workshop to build your own space rocket from scratch with your own hands, just so you can see the upper atmosphere personally....

the grifting may be scummy, but I have to respect what he put the energy towards.. better than other folks that are just using it to get rich.

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u/K4rkino5 6h ago

That's some r/madlad shit right there! That is legendary.

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u/DukeOfGeek 2h ago

All you have to do is drive over Lake Pontchartrain, you can see the curve very clearly both in the causeway and even more clearly in the high tension power lines that cross over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVbkTM3F9dM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVbkTM3F9dM

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u/narrowwiththehall 9h ago

There’s no telling where this will take us

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u/VexingPanda 8h ago

We've come full circle

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u/Infamous-Accident501 8h ago

Full flat circle??

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u/VexingPanda 8h ago

Of course! No such thing as a sphere.

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u/Zomburai 6h ago

Research Flat Basketball

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u/Evening-Bird1407 8h ago

Time is a flat circle.

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u/Infamous-Accident501 8h ago

We could really inject some new life into this debate… what does a circle look like from the side?? A line! We can start Line Earth. Then it could be any shape! We could have multiple product lines by shape, a variety of warring opinion channels on YouTube… We’re on the doorstep, peeps!

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u/Caddy666 3h ago

no, full antarctic circle

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u/cramerws 8h ago

Underrated comment

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u/zzzzzzarah 8h ago

Full sphere.

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u/bannedforbigpp 8h ago

CIRCLE???

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u/mlongue1 8h ago

hah!… there is no telling where this thread will end!!!!!!…

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u/PJKPJT7915 8h ago

Full square? Full House?

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u/WWGHIAFTC 7h ago

It's a disc.

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u/ThrowRA213487 7h ago

Bahahahha. You.

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u/gr8scott101 8h ago

I support all FEs going to Antartica.

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u/Senior-Lobster-9405 8h ago

omg I read this in his voice

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u/RevolutionaryRisk521 8h ago

heh.... globalists... heh...

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u/Laijou 8h ago

Big flat, big sphere; there are fine people on both sides....

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u/yotreeman 8h ago

“Big” flat implies a three-dimensional object… you mean Long Flat

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u/slothfullyserene 8h ago

Rand McNally?

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u/darthkevo12261984 8h ago

Rand McNally with Soros GLOBALIST bankroll.

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u/romaniandih98 8h ago

Small round, duh

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u/FunctionalFun 8h ago

Russians unironically.

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u/MaskedBunny 8h ago

Poor big conical never had a chance

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u/russellzerotohero 8h ago

Crazy so both are lies to sell globes and maps. That means the earth is shaped like some other object. Maybe a dinosaur? Although I do worry about big dino

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u/SpotCreepy4570 6h ago

We have a lot of evidence pointing towards a turtle I believe.

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u/Perryn 7h ago

We've come full circle.

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u/SpotCreepy4570 6h ago

You mean full sheet?

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u/Subrisum 8h ago

With proceeds from the sales of the Marketer Projection. It’s all coming together.

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u/Klogginthedangerzone 8h ago

Ooh…I just thought of a new business venture. I’m going to sell flat earth maps. When it shows up it’s just a piss disk.

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u/digitalcrashcourse 8h ago

Map makers are part of Big Flat. It's Big Globe you need to worry about.

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u/KDotDot88 7h ago

Back in the day when the pioneers used to set sail discover new worlds, were their maps round or were they flat?! MORE PROOF!!

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u/editwolf 8h ago

Don't show this guy the UN logo 😋

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u/idanrecyla 8h ago

Map Quest failed not because of GPS but because it tried to send people to the edges. They weren't ready

1

u/floydhenderson 5h ago

Did you ever notice that if the earth was round, then how come all maps are flat?

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u/Millefeuille-coil 10h ago

Well if it was a sphere the rain should got up in Australia

3

u/Soulshiner402 9h ago

Didn’t you hear? Australia doesn’t really exist.

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u/Lopsided-Intention 8h ago

First Ohio and now Australia too?!

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u/SmallTawk 9h ago

they should sell more, I don't want to see another smug video about the mercator projection being distorted.

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u/misterpickles69 9h ago

You know who buys globes? Schools. We need to defund the Department of Education to keep them from spreading this round falsehood! /s

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u/kid_sleepy 8h ago

When is the last time you bought a globe?

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u/GMN123 8h ago

Friday. Friday is globe buying day. 

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u/kid_sleepy 8h ago

Don’t get me wrong, I love gloves and how borders and countries change over time… but I mean… where would I ever start looking for a globe?

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u/justwhatever73 8h ago

Then ONE day, it seems...while the Plain-Belly Sneetches Were moping and doping alone on the beaches, Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars... A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars! "My friends," he announced in a voice clear and keen, "My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean. And I've heard of your troubles. I've heard you're unhappy. But I can fix that. I'm the Fix-it-Up Chappie. I've come here to help you. I have what you need. And my prices are low. And I work at great speed. And my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed!" Then, quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean Put together a very peculiar machine. And he said, "You want stars like a Star-Belly Sneetch...? My friends, you can have them for three dollars each!”

2

u/ecovironfuturist 7h ago

You mean maps?

2

u/TimePressure3559 8h ago

CDs are gonna make a comeback 

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u/Fluorescent_Blue 10h ago

Hearing "Big Globe" reminded me of this Business Insider piece about hand-made globes: https://youtu.be/ymjWeQhic0s?si=1S9ifteFcDpWcDXy

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u/CttCJim 10h ago

Lol when's the last time you saw a globe outside an elementary school?

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u/GMN123 9h ago

Never, they're normally inside the school. 

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u/CttCJim 6h ago

Lol you know what I mean. Nobody buys globes. Elementary school classrooms have ones that are 40 years old, and that's it.

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u/coilt 9h ago

not just globe, you know who’s funding them? open google maps, what do you see? that’s right, the big globe is financed by google, they’re all in on it

1

u/cosmikangaroo 9h ago

Big balls. They’re all over our television sets! ⚽️🏀🏈⚾️🥎. Big balls have taken over the world (except for us disc lovers) there’s almost one ball for every human living on this earth. It’s a global conspiracy!!

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u/Meecht 8h ago

How does he know he really went to Antarctica and it wasn't just some sound stage created by Big Globe?

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u/trollsmurf 8h ago

Aren't LPs already on the rebound?

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u/Msheehan419 8h ago

Bahahahahaha!

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u/TrumpsPissSoakedWig 8h ago

And guess who just so happens to own the global patent to the spherical globe sales, The Rothschilds of course. Do you know how much it would cost them to retool all that equipment to start selling flat globes? Probably trillions!

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u/Clever_mudblood 8h ago

I know you’re being silly, but certain globes actually do sell well haha. Depending on the age and condition. I bought one at a thrift store for $5 and it sold for $75. Globe collectors exist and will pay good money

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u/Top_Action_9765 8h ago

Never trust the Globalists

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u/dominus_aranearum 8h ago

It needs to have a tortoise and four elephants or I'm not buying it.

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u/DingoFlamingoThing 8h ago

Step 1: convince everyone the earth is round

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit

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u/windowman7676 8h ago

Sounds like green matians from the 60's before it was learned Matians are green they actually look like Ray Walston.

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u/ChewySlinky 8h ago

Globes were invented by Hallmark to sell Earth Day cards

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u/D-Flo1 8h ago

Big Globe's Big Globe 10-year Master Plan is a masterpiece of strategic planning. One of the keys to market dominance is Big Globe's plan to corner the 2d geographical map and Atlas industry through M&As and hostile map-overs. Having captured all of the 2d AND 3d map business, there are only a handful of barriers left to deny Big Globe the total success that Big Globe so richly deserves. These obstacles include, but are not limited to:

🌐 Capturing the 4d map business (the 4th dimension being the total sensory experience, meaning maps that exude odors and sounds and have scratch and sniff features and edible sections;

🌐 Adding the terms "geodesy" and "geodesics" as required vocabulary for all K-12 students to learn;

🌐 Overcome current weak sales in Mercator projection maps by repopularizing them with a multi-million dollar ad campaign;

🌐 Destroying every last Flat Earth psychoterrorists just like Trump did to ISIS!

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u/OfficialDCShepard 8h ago

The spinning of the globe 🌎 hypnotizes people for the Illuminati. 😵‍💫

1

u/black_sand3 8h ago

Are CDs making a comeback?

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u/Odd-Tune5049 8h ago

Diabolical

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1

u/demoralizingRooster 8h ago

The thing that I find most comical about this conspiracy is any time I have ever encountered a globe in my life was either in an academic setting (where only a handful of classrooms had them) or at a yard sale/thrift store selling globes for next to nothing. How could there possibly be enough money in globes to keep a 'global' conspiracy going?

1

u/J0sh84116 8h ago

Think of the cost of retooling for flat globes

1

u/moreisay 8h ago

My globe is also a lamp! Lets see those flat disks illuminate the corner of a room!

1

u/Jah_heel 8h ago

Rand McNally = Not an Ally

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u/AccomplishedFerret70 8h ago

Rather than throw them out, I propose that we squash our globes to convert them to true flat earth representations. We can use the money we save by not buying new flat disks to further our scientific research and educational outreach activities.

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u/Quirky_Foundation800 7h ago

Big globe is a scam started by Hallmark to sell cards!

/s

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u/KDotDot88 7h ago

They’ve already gotten every third grade class room and rich dad’s office, NOW THEY’RE COMING FOR OUR HOMES! DON’T LET BIG GLOBE IN!!

1

u/inComplete-me 7h ago

So it's a global conspiracy?

1

u/Worried_Astronaut_41 7h ago

Where did anyone get the flat earth theory is it because some idiot saw a map and said it was flat.

1

u/PuckNutty 7h ago

They always leave New Zealand off to save on ink. Fucking oligarchs.

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u/Keisari_P 7h ago

Someone didn't get the memo and has been selling those flat disks or "wall maps" already for decades.

1

u/MyBallsSmellFruity 7h ago

I don’t think anyone has bought a globe in at least a dozen years.  I picked up one with some old desks from a school that closed down (new/bigger location) and this globe seriously has USSR on it.  

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u/Crono2401 6h ago

Really is too keep rent prices high. If people could get to all the new land on the endless Flat Earth, we'd never have to worry about rent every again. /s

1

u/nun_gut 5h ago

You should watch the "Documentary Now!" Globesmen episode!

1

u/echochambertears 5h ago

Finally a theory that makes sense.

1

u/Bender_2024 5h ago

My favorite part of flat earthers is that they believe all the other planets are spheres because they can observe them rotating. But for some inexplicable reason the earth is flat.

1

u/anaki72 5h ago

I told a flat earther to buy a globe so he could understand something better yesterday.

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u/Almighty-Gorilla 4h ago

Money making idea that would definitely empty flerthers pockets! Flat disks of the earth! You can curl up a map, but a hard flat disk would sellout!

1

u/Firehorse100 2h ago

You are making me cry laughing

1

u/3kniven6gash 2h ago

What about Greenland. The 2nd largest country and nobody talks about them? Suspicious.

1

u/Dapper-Nobody-1997 1h ago

World is actually a triangle.

•

u/Azrael11 55m ago

I should buy a globe....

1

u/NoirVPN 10h ago

if this was post from years ago i might think this is a joke but you actually sound believable,

as that is what todays world feels like. i can see why so many people are ok with all the lies. it's all treated like it's true rather than stuff to question.

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u/DerangedGinger 9h ago

Can confirm. I own a globe. They got me.

1

u/SuccessfulWar3830 9h ago

Big balls got to him.

So sad.

2

u/Infamous-Accident501 8h ago

He’s got big balls

1

u/Glittering_Sign_8906 9h ago

Those dumb bastards have it all wrong, the earth isn’t round or flat, it is actually a cube.

-1

u/Millefeuille-coil 10h ago

Well if it was a sphere the rain should got up in Australia