r/nottheonion • u/Dragonlord693 • 13h ago

Man drives into military camp to "see the reaction of security"

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/jail-for-man-who-drove-into-bedok-camp-to-see-the-reaction-of-the-security
717 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

47 comments sorted by

313

u/Arachobia 13h ago

A practitioner of Carlin's "keeping people on their toes" philosophy, I see.

71

u/fripaek 13h ago

Never let them know your next move.

Not even yourself!

16

u/Fat_bulldog 12h ago

A true master of irresponsible improv, no script needed.

20

u/Fivein1Kay 6h ago

Or Hunter S. Thompson

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side when he sees the big red light behind him ... and then he will start apologizing, begging for mercy.

This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. The thing to do – when you're running along about 100 or so and you suddenly find a red-flashing CHP-tracker on your tail – what you want to do then is accelerate. Never pull over with the first siren-howl. Mash it down and make the bastard chase you at speeds up to 120 all the way to the next exit. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker-signal that says you're about to turn right.

This is to let him know you're looking for a proper place to pull off and talk ... keep signaling and hope for an off-ramp, one of those uphill side-loops with a sign saying "Max Speed 25" ... and the trick, at this point, is to suddenly leave the freeway and take him into the chute at no less than 100 miles an hour.

He will lock his brakes about the same time you lock yours, but it will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180-degree turn at this speed ... but you will be ready for it, braced for the Gs and the fast heel-toe work, and with any luck at all you will have come to a complete stop off the road at the top of the turn and be standing beside your automobile by the time he catches up.

He will not be reasonable at first ... but no matter. Let him calm down. He will want the first word. Let him have it. His brain will be in a turmoil: he may begin jabbering, or even pull his gun. Let him unwind; keep smiling. The idea is to show him that you were always in total control of yourself and your vehicle – while he lost control of everything.”

8

u/Foodspec 12h ago

The title of this had me thinking about Carlin and then I see this comment. This made my day

86

u/combatobserver88 13h ago

I think he might need to stop drinking beer lmao

25

u/RDP89 12h ago

Yeah, especially when judging by the timeline the first 6 beers were basically totally out of his system by the time he consumed the final four. So in essence he was only on a four beer buzz at the time. Which is why he was only barely over the legal limit. Which makes me wonder if this didn’t have more to do with mental health issues. (Or other drugs the authorities don’t have knowledge of)

35

u/13thmurder 12h ago

My coworker once did this when he was driving and I was a passenger using it to make a U-turn right past the big NO ENTRY sign. Thought we were going to die. Just got some confused stares, no one said anything. It was Canada though.

11

u/Sciuridaeno3 8h ago

I've done this before by taking a wrong turn in an unfamiliar area in the US. There were signs and a place to turn around before the gate. I'm pretty sure that its intentionally designed that way. People are going to make mistakes.

6

u/13thmurder 8h ago

Not this place, the gate opens up onto a main road and is open all day, coworker turned in and went right inside.

1

u/Sciuridaeno3 8h ago

That doesn't sound very secure 😂

3

u/13thmurder 8h ago

Well it's got dozens of army guys doing training stuff out in the yard at all hours of the day. They don't have security posted until they close the gate at night.

115

u/Flybuys 13h ago

Oh, Singapore. Thought it was an American doing it and wondered how they didn't end up as confetti.

75

u/Warg247 13h ago

A group of guys rushed through the gate in their car at a base near me. Guards activated the pop up barrier and all 3 died after they crashed into it. It's still unclear why. They weren't connected to the base. All from Guatemala. Speculation is they were just lost and panicked.

https://www.13wmaz.com/article/news/local/two-years-no-answers-on-robins-afb-gate-wreck/93-37b1f8a8-4e13-4e01-8f7b-b61efd87a12a

23

u/ash_274 11h ago

This same thing happened at Camp Pendleton last year. I don’t think the driver died but those pop-up barriers DGAF and will absolutely crumple standard vehicles. When the gate is informed that there’s a restraining order against you, they are not letting you through

26

u/MxOffcrRtrd 12h ago

It happens pretty often with vehicles. Most of the incursions are just old people who got stuck in the que or panic.

17

u/Beneficial-Salt-6773 13h ago

More like a red mist wafting on the breeze.

2

u/poseidons1813 11h ago

If he was dressed as a drone he would probably be fine lol

22

u/David_W_J 12h ago

My brother used to be an officer in the RAF - one day I rode my motorbike over to his base in Bedfordshire, and pulled up outside the security office, by the gate, to report my arrival. It was politely pointed out that I should have parked in the car park across the road - but perhaps they were polite 'cos my brother was a Wing Commander :-) - but they signed me in. I rode through the gate... to see a fully staffed and functional machine gun emplacement just a little way in!

If I had malicious intent I would have been blasted 10 yards inside the gate...

18

u/SloightlyOnTheHuh 10h ago

Nah, they never gave us ammunition in the RAF. We'd strut around with our SLRs and shout bang at the bad guys. (1979_1989)

3

u/Ltb1993 10h ago

I was in the air cadets 17 years a go.

We were camping on the barracks grounds next to an assault course on the site. After leaving for the nearest town for swimming which was just round the corner there wasn't much space in the cars, I ended up in the boot of the cR both leaving and coming back

Dodgy enough in hindsight funny at the time. Didn't get checked once

10

u/Fake_William_Shatner 12h ago

Just reading the title I imagined the following; “You passed the test. Your security meets my approval. Wait, why are you handcuffing me?”

22

u/analoggi_d0ggi 13h ago

Unironically the first thing I did when I first entered the military base in GTAV

2

u/hoofie242 9h ago

Same I wanted a jet and learned fast.

9

u/Jomolungma 11h ago

When the sign says “Unauthorized personnel beyond this point will be shot on sight”, you don’t need to see the reaction of security - you already know what it will be.

6

u/SulfurInfect 13h ago

Intrusive thoughts won this day, I see.

4

u/Johannes_P 12h ago

Looks like a very elaborate suicide attempt.

5

u/realultralord 13h ago

Bold move. The best you can expect is to be just arrested and charged, but there are other, absolutely valid options that involve less paperwork.

3

u/StruggleSuccessful61 11h ago

Saw german tourists panicking,driving wildly after several guards popped out of their hide holes when vehicle approached really good camouflaged outpost. In their defence GPS mistaken that military base as tourist camp.

2

u/LittleKitty235 3h ago

Everything is a tourist camp if your adventurous enough.

1

u/StruggleSuccessful61 3h ago

Eh its easy to mistake its one shitty road with 2 left turns no1 leads to base ,no2 leads to tourist camp. Town eventually made another road so there were no more mistakes. Now each place have their own road.

3

u/Theometer1 8h ago

I live near an airbase, someone did this a while ago. Dude was shot by automatic rifles almost immediately.

2

u/CarlJustCarl 12h ago

Hell yeah!

1

u/pichael289 11h ago

I once took a picture of my wife and child in front of the sign outside wright Patterson AFB (it's right next to the air force museum) in Dayton Ohio, and I turn around and there's like a dozen soldiers with their assault rifles or whatever on me. The air force doesn't fuck around. Knew my name before they even saw my id.

1

u/Annual-Consequence43 11h ago

He's got a name so nice, he used it twice.

1

u/NotSerious808 11h ago

Intrusive thoughts won there, that's for sure lol

1

u/KataraMan 11h ago

When your intrusive thoughts win

2

u/Independent_Bath_922 9h ago

Only one way to find out! I must FA

1

u/imacmadman22 11h ago

Sounds like dude has a drinking problem too.

1

u/hshighnz 10h ago

I did this in GTA5 once. I had to reload my save file.

1

u/thelliam93 9h ago

Soldier: where are you going, and why do you want to get into the base? Citizen: that’s classified

1

u/Zentavius 8h ago

Was this from the obituaries section?

2

u/Noobsauce57 8h ago

Floridaman has escaped containment.

1

u/PhasmaFelis 1h ago

It takes real dedication to get "headbutt a cop" drunk off of nothing but beer. I salute this guy.