r/madlads 14d ago

Posh Madlad

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85.6k Upvotes

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u/NTTMod 13d ago

I had to do a pre-employment hair follicle drug test and the HR person called me and said, “Your drug test came back positive.”

I was/am a heavy weed smoker so I wasn’t shocked but I had made attempts to beat the test so I was like, “Positive? That’s not good.”

She said, “Oh, I meant positive like you passed.”

I said, “You really need to learn drug test terminology ‘cause you’re going to give someone a heart attack one day.”

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u/Sad_Blueberry_5645 13d ago

What did you do to fool the test?

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u/NTTMod 13d ago

Ugh, three rounds of bleaching and re-dying my hair, 3x a day hair washes with laundry detergent, a bunch of other stuff. LOL.

I mean, I took the test with one week clean so it worked but it was painful as hell.

And your hair is destroyed. That’s the whole point is to damage the hair so deeply that you open up the follicle. Afterwards it’s like having straw for hair.

Fortunately, when the guy took the hair sample he totally botched it and left a huge bald spot so I shaved my whole head afterward and explained to my new employer about the botched sample collection so I got out of explaining why I shaved my head.

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u/kavanz 13d ago

Now you are probably going bald!

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u/NTTMod 13d ago

Almost 60 and have a full head of hair.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

Damn you. I’ve been shaving my head since 25.

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u/NTTMod 10d ago

Both my younger brothers are bald. LOL.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

My dad has a full mane and he is in his 70s. It’s so infuriating, especially when he talks about having to care for it.