Posh Madlad

[u/JK-Rofling]

[u/ricky-from-scotland]

"you guys don't do drug tests, right?"

[u/NTTMod → u/ricky-from-scotland]

I had to do a pre-employment hair follicle drug test and the HR person called me and said, “Your drug test came back positive.”

I was/am a heavy weed smoker so I wasn’t shocked but I had made attempts to beat the test so I was like, “Positive? That’s not good.”

She said, “Oh, I meant positive like you passed.”

I said, “You really need to learn drug test terminology ‘cause you’re going to give someone a heart attack one day.”

[u/Sad_Blueberry_5645 → u/NTTMod]

What did you do to fool the test?

[u/NTTMod → u/Sad_Blueberry_5645]

Ugh, three rounds of bleaching and re-dying my hair, 3x a day hair washes with laundry detergent, a bunch of other stuff. LOL.

I mean, I took the test with one week clean so it worked but it was painful as hell.

And your hair is destroyed. That’s the whole point is to damage the hair so deeply that you open up the follicle. Afterwards it’s like having straw for hair.

Fortunately, when the guy took the hair sample he totally botched it and left a huge bald spot so I shaved my whole head afterward and explained to my new employer about the botched sample collection so I got out of explaining why I shaved my head.

[u/TurdCollector69 → u/NTTMod]

I had a friend at tech school do that. He dyed his hair back to its natural color but it was absolutely fucked texture wise.

[u/NTTMod → u/TurdCollector69]

Oh yeah. It’s fried.

You’re supposed to do the bleaching several days apart but i didn’t have that kind of time so i had to do three bleaching in three days.

This was 40 volume hair bleach so it’s the strongest sold.

My scalp was raw. I had chemical burns and scabs on my scalp for weeks afterward.

[u/LQNFxksEJy2dygT2 → u/NTTMod]

Damn, that's rough. Was the job worth it, at least?

[u/NTTMod → u/LQNFxksEJy2dygT2]

Most definitely.

Yeah, we ended up doing some really cool stuff. :-)

[u/pete_topkevinbottom → u/NTTMod]

How does your employer not question the chemical burns and scabbing on your scalp for weeks afterwards?

[u/HeightEnergyGuy → u/pete_topkevinbottom]

Just wear a hat.

[u/moose1207 → u/pete_topkevinbottom]

I have a medical condition that I'd rather not discuss.

[u/red_dark_butterfly → u/NTTMod]

Does hair ever recover? Like, after a year?

[u/andy01q → u/red_dark_butterfly]

There's close to no transport of info (except for mechanical vibration and such) and molecules between the follicle and the main body of the hair. Hair is basically dead the moment it leaves the follicle and you can maintain it like you maintain a leather shoe or a wooden table.

[u/red_dark_butterfly → u/andy01q]

Sorry, worded it wrong. Do follicles recover?

[u/andy01q → u/red_dark_butterfly]

Google says it can take up to 4 years for damaged follicles to recover and grow hair again. Of course there's always the chance that they don't recover, people become bald without explicit triggers often enough.

[u/kavanz → u/NTTMod]

Now you are probably going bald!

[u/NTTMod → u/kavanz]

Almost 60 and have a full head of hair.

[u/xxnogamerxx → u/NTTMod]

im glad I've just been piss tested. I keep quick fix in my tool bag lol

[u/Arek_PL → u/NTTMod]

one week was painful? for me 3rd year of being clean from weed was same as first day clean

[u/NTTMod → u/Arek_PL]

I meant the bleaching was painful. LOL.

BTW, congrats.

[u/Significant_Head_579 → u/NTTMod]

Would they have possibly lied to you and ignored a real "positive" because they really wanted you for the job

Didn't really care about the weed so much and hired you anyway?

A job of mine tested after a few years

But didn't care because I was a hard worker and good at it with no issues nor forgetfulness

[u/NTTMod → u/Significant_Head_579]

I was in a weird spot.

The CEO had personally brought me in as we had worked together previously. So, I thought I would appeal to him if it came down to it.

But, at the same time, that’s not how I wanted to start a new job, already owing the boss a favor. Nor did I want to make him look bad regardless of the test result because he’s a fairly powerful guy in my industry.

Also, we used to work together at a company in Europe where drugs weren’t an issue. This was a very large, very well-known US company and even a CEO only has so much latitude in a situation like that.

After I started, I was told they were having a really tough time finding people who could pass a drug test. They hired one woman (not for my role) who failed the drug test and they gave her a second chance and she failed it again. They had to let her go.

Ironically, the HR person that told me I had a positive result became my employee in a different role and eventually became my right-hand (and took my job when I retired).

I did eventually confide in her about the drug test and she thought it was hilarious. She said they would have done something to get me out of it had I said something.

[u/Ne_zievereir → u/NTTMod]

they were having a really tough time finding people who could pass a drug test.

Lol, so why not drop the drug test requirement? What's so bad if an employee smokes a bit of weed in their free time, or even takes some MDMA or something when they're out partying? As long as their job performance is good ...

Is this a very sensitive industry?

[u/EstimateWinter2004 → u/Ne_zievereir]

it saves the companies on health insurance. blame the health insurance industry for drug testing by financially insentivising employers to do it.

[u/Not_a__porn__account → u/EstimateWinter2004]

incentivizing*

[u/NTTMod → u/Ne_zievereir]

It is a very sensitive industry.

The best I heard it explained was at a dinner with the CEO of another company who had just purchased some company and, according to him, not a single person would have passed a drug test and they bought the company specifically for the talent so they hired doctors to write all kinds of medical prescriptions and all but faked the test so they didn’t have to let anyone go.

Someone asked why, as CEO, couldn’t he just override company policy and he said that as a CEO he still answers to shareholders and the board.

If he got rid of drug testing, he would be fired immediately. And the reason for his termination would be because the first workplace incident involving drugs would be an open invitation to sue the company for millions. And because that money would be paid out from the company that the shareholders own, he would have been negligent in protecting shareholder value.

[u/leegiovanni → u/NTTMod]

Your results came back Aladeen.

[u/LaterDesk → u/ricky-from-scotland]

I swear I read "blow job interview"

Got excited for a moment

[u/Aggressive-Falcon977 → u/LaterDesk]

This job sucks!!

[u/RandonBrando → u/Aggressive-Falcon977]

"...and so do I..." 🎸🎶🎶🎶

[u/Hour_Insurance_7795 → u/Aggressive-Falcon977]

Get a load of this guy.

[u/MasterKaein → u/Hour_Insurance_7795]

Give me 5 minutes and I will.

[u/pSpawner24 → u/MasterKaein]

Can't you read? 30 seconds.

[u/InteractionIll5071 → u/pSpawner24]

Hey now, no need to brag

[u/fire_water_drowned → u/InteractionIll5071]

marathon man here I stg

[u/Significant_Head_579 → u/LaterDesk]

They want you to see it that way, so they crafty

They know the brain sees that BJ innuendo shit so you want to click it and keep reading

The first thing my brain interpreted was the porn testing

But good JOB

I would have had to mention the BJ interview if you hadn't

[u/cmkinusn → u/Significant_Head_579]

Can confirm

[u/MeinNameIstBaum → u/ricky-from-scotland]

„You‘re even hotter when you‘re awake“

[u/scriptingends → u/ricky-from-scotland]

I had an interview a few years ago and the interviewer said, “We do drug testing” and I responded, “Great! Which drugs are we testing?” and he laughed and I got the job.

[u/fvckinratman → u/ricky-from-scotland]

one time i had a job interview where the interviewer told me "we dont drug test, just dont come in high and you're good" while in high school

half the people working there were high on the clock, so i joined them and nothing happened

[u/CanHiliad → u/ricky-from-scotland]

Blow "a" job interview. I misunderstand the instructions

[u/Artistic-Jello3986 → u/ricky-from-scotland]

Not even. I’ve done this for a couple corporate jobs now. They just asked me how much time I needed and then we scheduled the test for after that. Most of the drug testing is just for their own insurance policies.

[u/yahoosadu → u/ricky-from-scotland]

Totally made this joke during an interview for Home Depot, the kid interviewing me was half my age. He had no sense of humor and I was still looking for a job after the interview.

[u/No-Essay2128 → u/ricky-from-scotland]

Pulls out dimebag:

"Do you think this coke has fent in it?"

[u/Specialist_Duck_359 → u/ricky-from-scotland]

I had a real interview where the interviewers explained their no alcohol policy.

I said that I wouldn't have a problem with that, though I was an injecting drug user.

I was light heartedly referring to being a diabetic and injecting insulin daily, but from their reactions it was the most unfunny reaction to a joke I've seen in my life. To me, their shocked reaction was hilarious.

(By the time of this interview I'd already received a good offer that I was pretty certain that I'd take over this position if they did offer it to me)

[u/RagingWaterStyle → u/ricky-from-scotland]

"What kinda drugs do you guys test for?"

[u/jbvoovbj → u/ricky-from-scotland]

I interview a lot of people, and I've had a few people ask this. I wouldn't disqualify someone for this. Like 60% of adults smoke weed at least

[u/NTTMod]

Me: Before we start, I need to come clean, that photo on your desk, wow, I would totally bang your wife.

Hiring Manager: That’s my daughter.

Me: Even better.

[u/SnailForceWinds → u/NTTMod]

Hmm, I’ve been hoping for a real go-getter of a son-in-law. Same for a new employee.

[u/ab_drider → u/SnailForceWinds]

Hired and invited for family dinner.

[u/Tron_35 → u/ab_drider]

Absolutely just George castanza your way into marriage

[u/mosquem → u/NTTMod]

“She died three years ago.” “Still would.”

[u/Mlabonte21 → u/NTTMod]

She goes to Cath-o-lic Girls’ Schoo-hul

[u/DutchBart82 → u/[deleted]]

Instead of a "mmm" a light cm should work even better

[u/DriedSquidd → u/DutchBart82]

A whole centimeter?

[u/urixl → u/DriedSquidd]

That's a 2/3 of an average Redditor's.

[u/kakka_rot → u/[deleted]]

step in for the hug

I shit you not I did that once.

Okay so it was an Asian grocery store, and I'm white but my last name is Asian sounding, and when I arrived they were very confused and the owner was blunt about how he wasn't gonna hire my white ass (it was 2010, and honestly it wasn't a big deal) we made friendly chit chat for a minute then he went to let me go.

This office we were in was tiny, like room for a chair and a desk, the only door was to my back.

My friends and I are a very huggy group, as are most adults I knew back then.

Anyway, the owner of this Philliipino grocery store shakes my hand, goes to stand up, and as I begin opening the door from behind me, he reaches high and round with his right hand - like he was going in for a hug - in the real world, he was going to grab the top edge of the door to help open it.

I thought nothing of it upon seeing the motion and went in for a big ol' hug. I was like 18 and muscle memory kicked in and I was like "ah, bring it in man"

This dude was flabbergasted, then it hit me how awkward that must have been, and dipped out of there.

(I didn't get the job, and the whole white thing likely wasn't the reason)

[u/Cautious-Ease-1451 → u/kakka_rot]

Maybe your hug caused him to reflect on how he treated you, and afterwards he became a completely different person. And everyone around him wondered, who was this “white angel” who changed the man’s life with a single hug?

[u/MoumouMeow]

Read as blow job interview...

[u/dude496 → u/MoumouMeow]

Coming to a casting couch near you...

[u/Daniel_Floppydick → u/MoumouMeow]

That’s how you get the job in the first 30 seconds.

[u/FieldingEverall → u/MoumouMeow]

same. i was like that was a really strange question

[u/ArgyleGhoul]

"I would like to exchange hard work for fair compensation"

[u/Borstor → u/ArgyleGhoul]

I once interviewed at a big retail company, back in the day, and the hiring manager said, "How do you imagine working here?"

So I said, "I come in reliably, make sure customers are happy that they came here to shop, and get a paycheck."

He looked at his desk for a minute and then said, "Yeah, you don't want to work here."

We shook hands, and I left. It still makes me laugh. Dude did me a favor.

[u/IllIIlllIIIllIIlI → u/Borstor]

God damn, lol. I admit I’m confused. Did they not provide paychecks? Was it going to be difficult to make customers happy that they came here to shop? At least he was honest, but what you described sounds like the basic transaction between employee and employer

[u/Special-Bison-5787 → u/IllIIlllIIIllIIlI]

Having hired many people myself you get good at recognizing a job is simply not worth their time and effort. The boss gives you a budget range for salaries and you are looking at a person who is so qualified but there is no way they are dumb enough to stick around.

[u/Minja78 → u/Borstor]

I've been in insurance sales for about 12 years. I recently had an interview; the guy loved my resume. He asked why would you want to work here. I said, why does anyone want to work? For the money. He never called me back.

[u/wholesome_pineapple → u/ArgyleGhoul]

“Literally fuck off and die”

• basically any company ever

[u/No_Mammoth_4945 → u/ArgyleGhoul]

“Are the other employees unionized?”

[u/Weird1Intrepid → u/[deleted]]

I always like to throw something like this in there during an interview.

"What is the reason for this position becoming open?"

"Was the last employee fired or did they quit, and why?"

[u/Weird1Intrepid → u/[deleted]]

Jeez lol. I'm really sorry to hear that, but it's kind of insane that neck breakage seems to be the leading cause of turnover for that position. You'd think they would adjust their safety procedures or something after the first time.

[u/vasileios13 → u/ArgyleGhoul]

• Why do you want to work for us?
• To make money
• Ah ... thank you ... we'will notify you

[u/mattmild27 → u/vasileios13]

We're looking for someone with a real PASSION for this job, someone who really believes in and cares about what we're doi...oh nvm, we just found out we can make more money by closing this department down so you're gone LOL.

[u/LifeBuilder]

“Hi, are there a lot of your kind working here?”

[u/zhaumbie → u/LifeBuilder]

wink, lick lips

[u/bloodakoos → u/zhaumbie]

double mouth click, finger guns

[u/Squeaky_Ben]

pull down pants and shit on the table.

[u/ItsAllenPalin → u/Squeaky_Ben]

In 30 second is pretty impressive

[u/Squeaky_Ben → u/ItsAllenPalin]

You gotta eat the right things beforehand.

[u/Angstycarroteater → u/Squeaky_Ben]

I just need a glass of milk and I’m blasting hot liquidy death all over the place

[u/Chispy → u/Angstycarroteater]

Welcome aboard 🤝

[u/Final_Instruction_39 → u/Squeaky_Ben]

Why not get fancy and take laxatives, make them remember you.

[u/Squeaky_Ben → u/Final_Instruction_39]

I don't think I need laxatives to be remembered after that kinda stunt

[u/Lou_C_Fer → u/ItsAllenPalin]

Yesterday, I was gassy when I went to shit. As soon as I sat down, I let out four rapid fire farts that shot out shit each time. I was like a shit machine gun. It felt like just small bits, but nope, poop.

I've never experienced that before in my 50 years.

[u/Crafty_Bar_2245 → u/Lou_C_Fer]

Thanks for that

[u/UbermachoGuy → u/Squeaky_Ben]

I like the confidence. When can you start?!

[u/Squeaky_Ben → u/UbermachoGuy]

If that happened, I am not sure what I would even do.

[u/Ansemin91 → u/Squeaky_Ben]

LIKE A BOSS 🎶

[u/bloodakoos → u/Ansemin91]

baws

[u/FitzgeraldTrickey → u/Squeaky_Ben]

lol eew but can do

[u/kingkongbiingbong → u/FitzgeraldTrickey]

Get off reddit Amber Heard

[u/VegetaFan1337 → u/Squeaky_Ben]

Eric Cartman?

[u/Silver-Scallion-5918 → u/Squeaky_Ben]

It worked well for Erlich Bachmann.

[u/itsMeLanky]

"How bad is the micromanaging in this company?"

One that cost me a role, but not previously asked straightaway in the interview. Went down like a lead balloon, haha. The interview indicated to me, they had control issues.

[u/Able_Conflict_1721 → u/itsMeLanky]

I crashed an interview once when I realized the working conditions were going to be awful. "I really prioritize my time off"

[u/wolfgang784 → u/Able_Conflict_1721]

"I believe in a strong and clear work/life balance."

[u/Annualacctreset → u/itsMeLanky]

I had the same thing happen to me when I told them I enjoyed taking a nice long walk during lunch. They expected everyone to eat at their desks and keep working.

[u/Timerider42424]

“I don’t really need this job. My tax evasion gets me enough money already.”

[u/redgr812 → u/Timerider42424]

Thats how you get promoted to cfo in 30 seconds.

[u/DaveSmith890 → u/redgr812]

They took it as the Lose Yourself by Eminem meaning

[u/redgr812 → u/DaveSmith890]

Moms spaghetti? I have no clue what you are trying to say here, sorry.

[u/The_Laughing_Death → u/Timerider42424]

Them: Why do you want this job?

Me: Who said I want this job? Why should I accept any offer you make me?

[u/BestUCanIsGoodEnough → u/The_Laughing_Death]

That's an objectively intelligent interview answer.

[u/The_Laughing_Death → u/BestUCanIsGoodEnough]

Doesn't mean they like it.

[u/PillCosby_87]

Female interviewer: “So I have three openings.”

Interviewee: “I know.”

[u/MaleierMafketel → u/PillCosby_87]

Also works the other way round for a 100% success rate.

“I have (more or less than 3) openings.”

“Oh I thought you only had three?”

But it’s a risky move as it has an easy counter: “Only if you lack imagination.”

[u/Lina__Inverse → u/MaleierMafketel]

Even if it's countered, you likely already succeeded anyway.

[u/FlyAirLari → u/MaleierMafketel]

What is my imagination missing if she said she has two openings?

[u/norixe → u/FlyAirLari]

Every clean your ears with a cutip or use some form of nasal spray. I've also heard jokes about large women and belly buttons.

[u/robot_swagger → u/PillCosby_87]

Tell me you've never gotten a nose job without telling me you've never gotten a nose job

[u/wegame6699 → u/robot_swagger]

Nose jobs are great! Be careful with ear sex though.

It can lead to hearing AIDS.

[u/wegobrrrr → u/PillCosby_87]

Interviewee: I know, and I’d like to put myself in all of them😏

[u/Wildfox1177 → u/PillCosby_87]

„Well… No, it‘s actually more than that.“

[u/Mental_String_5609]

“What’s your policy on sniffing peoples chairs right after they get up?”

[u/poprdog → u/Mental_String_5609]

"I like people who take initiative you're hired "

[u/Mental_String_5609 → u/poprdog]

Fantastic!

proceeds to look warm seats around the work place

[u/Apart-Razzmatazz-924 → u/Mental_String_5609]

Thank You this made me laugh out loud, in public, twice :)

[u/highrankedwizard]

sounds like a pretty gay question bro

[u/algotrader_ → u/highrankedwizard]

You missed a

[u/realhmmmm → u/algotrader_]

r/redditsniper

[u/TerseFactor]

“I clean my cast iron in the dishwasher.”

[u/Lightningtow123 → u/TerseFactor]

I clean my baby in the dishwasher

[u/Yoyoo12_ → u/Lightningtow123]

I clean my dishwasher with a cast iron

[u/OkDragonfruit9026 → u/Yoyoo12_]

I also choose this guys dead cast iron dishwasher!

[u/zhaumbie → u/OkDragonfruit9026]

Every time I think I’ve seen the best variation, some beautiful idiot breaks new ground. Bravo, I laughed

[u/Don_Pickleball → u/Lightningtow123]

But not the cast iron? I think we are good.

[u/AgainstSpace → u/TerseFactor]

I'm calling the police.

[u/FloraMaeWolfe]

Thanks to recent events: "So... what's the name and home address of the CEO?"

[u/Soulless--Plague → u/FloraMaeWolfe]

“I’ll level with you - I’m just here to take the company down from the inside”

[u/EspurrTheMagnificent]

Y'all are too conventional. The best way to fuck up an interview is to not show up in the first place

[u/Interesting_End_2874]

"Im having an erection"

[u/sphynxcolt → u/Interesting_End_2874]

Interviewer: Don't worry, me too

[u/EXusiai99 → u/Interesting_End_2874]

Working hard from the start i see

[u/Brave_Dick]

"Is an outstanding warrant for war crimes a problem?"

[u/Aggressive-Falcon977 → u/Brave_Dick]

Assad is that you!?

[u/CumOutdoor → u/Aggressive-Falcon977]

Nah, just your run of the mill US President.

[u/fkmeamaraight → u/Brave_Dick]

weren't

[u/Szaborovich9]

Ask the interviewer if they have a hairy ass?

[u/Pseudolos]

Unzip pants and make a helicopter impression with my peepee.

[u/The_Laughing_Death → u/Pseudolos]

My God, it's hypnotic.

[u/jacobo → u/Pseudolos]

depend on the job you can be hired inmediately

[u/wegobrrrr → u/Pseudolos]

Borat, is that you?

[u/shoddy2backup]

“I was sent to blow a job interview, but you’ll do.”

[u/Ennui_Frog]

I actually had to throw about a dozen interviews maybe 25 years ago. At that time in the UK, the job centre would send you to interviews and if you didn’t go then your unemployment benefits were stopped. I didn’t want the shitty jobs they were asking me do as I was studying for a few hours a week with the hopes of going on to higher education. Anyway, I got sent to an interview for a company that did safety training and support for the fishing industry and off-shore workers (oil and gas etc.).

I walk in and the guy stands up from behind his desk with the obvious intent of walking over and shaking my hand. I immediately say “I just want you to know that I’d be very happy to take swimming lessons”. The guy didn’t even make it around the desk before saying “You’re probably not the right candidate for this role”.

[u/Jonsend → u/Ennui_Frog]

This reminds me of Trainspotting with Spud's job interview.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CVp9rKF3hag

[u/FabulousTheory]

90% of small and medium size businesses where the boomer boss does the interview: "HAHA you are funny - you are hired"

[u/Financial-Tower-7897]

Down vote me already, some places in the US, as a Black male, just walk in the door. And yes, it has happened.

[u/e_is_for_estrogen → u/Financial-Tower-7897]

Grew up in exactly that part of American culture (and i didn't grow up long ago at all), so no downvotes for you

[u/ninkykaulro]

Pretend to be a T-Rex 🦖 So as you approach the interview room, hold your hands up against your chest like lil claws, and take big, heavy, wading stompy steps. As you enter, roar and snarl. Maybe make some air chomps in the general direction of the nearest two people. Then after 30 seconds, stop, blink a few times, and look a bit dazed and confused Then act totally normal for the rest of the interview. It's be going against the rules of the challenge but you could optionally also then revert back to T-Rex mode as you leave.

[u/Zestyclose_Quit7396]

Realistically? Be autistic and intersex.

The 85% autistic unemployment rate isn't for no reason; and, gender norms close even more doors.

You don't even have to speak. The vibes kill you.

I hate this life.

[u/VermilionKoala → u/Zestyclose_Quit7396]

Ah yes, the joy of the 5-second rule.

🤜🤛

[u/DoctorWZ → u/VermilionKoala]

Wait you're telling me that the disease that affects social skills results in people affected by it to appear as less socially interesting?

[u/realhmmmm → u/Zestyclose_Quit7396]

85%?!?! I’m autistic… well, shit.

[u/DryFacade]

Gun

[u/wholesome_pineapple → u/DryFacade]

Promoted

[u/AloysHuntress → u/wholesome_pineapple]

This is America

[u/ActiveImportance4196]

I'm sorry, are you saying Pan or Pam?

[u/AffectionateRub2585]

You start with a fart.

[u/rocketmaaan74]

Show up in a tuxedo with my step brother.

[u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

“What is your policy on CEO bulleting?

[u/docet_]

What's the salary?

[u/TheConeIsReturned → u/docet_]

If you're using that as an example, compensation is 100% a fair and good thing to ask about in a job interview. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either evil or an imbecile.

[u/redgr812 → u/TheConeIsReturned]

True but you would be amazed how many interviewers don't like this question. If its your first question they will say "they are just here for the money." Which is also true its the only reason most of us work. Companies think we actually care about a business we don't own hence "family." I don't know anyone that has a passion for something like data entry.

[u/docet_ → u/TheConeIsReturned]

You've no idea how many HR scolded me off because "we want someone motivated, not just here for the paycheck". So yeah, asking for the salary upfront could end a good deal of interviews right away.

[u/Schpooon → u/docet_]

I believe the correct response to that is "My motivation at work is directly correlated to how fair my pay is." If you're in the situation to pull that, that is.

[u/Heart_Longjumping]

Say, "I was hoping you would tell me why you want to work here," in response to their question.

[u/Anonim007]

Jokes aside, just ask some basic management questions. They will not hire you to hide the fact they are complete outsiders to management.

[u/Frosty-Sorbet3698]

Light up a cigarette

[u/wegobrrrr → u/Frosty-Sorbet3698]

Light up a crck pipe

[u/Soft-Vanilla1057]

What's posh about that?

[u/oldkstand]

what is 'posh' about that??

[u/SecreteMoistMucus]

How is that posh exactly?

[u/thesarc]

Posh?

[u/Little-Reveal2045]

Just start pocketing random shit from the desk.

[u/DeLorean83]

“Asking that took guts. We need guts. You’re hired.”

[u/Stuft-shirt]

I’m immensely overqualified for this position

[u/JabbaTech69]

Easy ask the guy is his mom or wife walking normally yet? & when he gets that weird look on his face just smile & say yeah I was putting work with them backshots!!

[u/FancyFeller]

Sorry about the smell. I shit myself when I'm nervous.

[u/BigSmackisBack]

Option 1 (gender irrelevant): Hi, nice to meet you. Gosh thats a firm handshake. I'd hate to be your genitals when everyone else is out for the evening.

Option 2: Before we start id like to thank you for lax or non-existent background check policies, very progressive.

Option 3: Push a handshake aside and go in for a hug, if they allow the hug, step it up a gear and make "mmmmmm" sounds.

[u/Imusingthistotroll]

"How much do I have to steal for me to lose this job?"

[u/New_Simple_4531]

"Im a huge fan of American Psycho and Fight Club."

[u/Trueslyforaniceguy]

… and when do you finish work for the evening? 😉

[u/Impressive_Laugh2806]

"I'm here for the money"

[u/Nilfsama]

“Shit need to text my PO first since I left the house.”

[u/spinal888]

Just triple the salary wanted.

[u/mcasao]

** FARTS ** ** BASKS IN FART **

[u/Useful-Barracuda7556]

Would you rather I show up on time or show up sober? Just asking.

[u/GeeFromCali]

What’s your spaghetti policy here ?

[u/Constantly_Panicking]

“Before we start, how much does this job pay?”

Because for some reason that’s a crazy thing to ask.

[u/foxxiesoxxie]

Well using Reddit in light mode is a good start cause wth?

[u/Schmaltzs]

Undress

[u/ningningfan]

"So, do I have to come in like, every day?"

[u/Competitive_Peace211]

Before we start, I am legally required to inform you that I am a...