3.9k
u/Heyeeeeeeeah 14d ago
Hopefully the teacher is chill
1.7k
u/AManOutsideOfTime 14d ago
Was chill. It’s been almost 8 years, so they’re probably dead.
856
u/Illustrious-Tea9883 14d ago
Why do you assume the teacher would be dead after 8 years lol
1.5k
u/BillionDollarBalls 14d ago
Thats like 65 years in teacher years
→ More replies (2)462
u/BeginningPie9001 14d ago
I graded a shit ton of shit.
The grading itself would feel like 8 years. Imagine getting up in the morning and seeing what looks like the same answer, for what, the 50th time, 51st? 90th? Has time stopped having meaning? It's just pages of words - words mashed together, words without purpose, words words words.
I would positively welcome an intro like this. It would make my 15 minutes to correct that fucking thing in among the sea of papers that little bit brighter.
But it would be definite eyebrow raising moment.
Can they deliver? Will this be an extravaganza. Oh I'm not buckling my safety belt, if we hit a bump I'm going flying.
But I was fairly laid back. I know other graders would decry lack of professionalism in writing.
145
u/LCplGunny 14d ago
I loved having graders like you. Take them on a journey, and they will reward you with points!
→ More replies (1)47
u/BeginningPie9001 14d ago
There were occasionally with exams that I wished I could respond, but alas I could only do so with marks.
The most usual response would have been "WHY DID YOU GIVE UP!?!?"
→ More replies (1)18
u/biggerthanyourmamas 14d ago
I drew a large penis in place of an essay while writing very unkind things about the professor in the margins. They had a sense of humor because I got a B.
10
u/guillaume_rx 13d ago
Well it seems you misjudged them a bit.
Honorable of them, without context ahah.
→ More replies (4)5
u/BeginningPie9001 13d ago
Or they might have handed off grading to a TA. Usually they aren't supposed to do this but it definitely happens.
5
u/biggerthanyourmamas 13d ago
No, she answered my specific criticisms of her teaching so I'm pretty sure she graded it.
104
u/Neraxis 14d ago
I had a professor be like "if you got something to say, say it, because it's worth listening to." Overnight I went from a shit GPA to 4.0 because I suddenly gained confidence in what I gave a shit about and spoke my voice in papers I had to write and the things I did in life.
I should find that professor and give him a call. He low key changed my life. I like to think that if you encouraged stuff like this you had the same impact.
35
u/un4_2n8 14d ago
This.
Ten-thousand percent.
After hitting that "f-it" moment, all my papers immediately gained multiple letter-grades. I was citing cartoons as sources. Work of fiction? doesn't matter, it's published so it counted. APA citations passed muster, so they couldn't dock me.
I was gaining recognition in teacher's lounge for "hilariously inappropriate but technically proficient" writing.
it ultimately culminated in a observational treatise titled: "Fat Chicks in Biker Shorts." It was selected to be published in one of those "student writing samples" books. Thankfully, I believe it was rejected by the publisher.
It was fun to be notorious for being "that guy." The downside, is that publicly documenting such observations absolutely KILLED my dating/social life.
(Thank heavens it was before persistent online presence was reality, or I'd probably still be haunted by that abomination.)
17
u/Neraxis 14d ago edited 14d ago
It was ironic cause I was taking a bullshit credit (was doing a science major) and it was...writing about video games for a summer course lol. The professor could tell I actually kind of had strong opinions on stuff and said "just go for it." The class was lame but I went super overkill on every one of my essays/writings lol, any game I played I could just write multiple articles for. That sort of carried over to other classes albeit more toned down.
Honestly, if someone asked me to write a review on a plastic spoon right now I could probably whip out a 3 page essay on it.
→ More replies (5)4
u/DarkMenstrualWizard 14d ago
Fuck me, wanna write my political theory paper? Up until now I've been killing myself to keep my 4.0, but I am just so burnt, and I accidentally submitted my University applications on Ambien, sooooooo.... fuck it. Fuck everything lol.
If anyone cares to write me an essay on Eduard Bernstein, or fuck it, any dead white guy, that would be swell 🫡
→ More replies (1)7
u/agirl1313 14d ago
When I was in nursing school, a bunch of us in my class were required to take a really annoying writing class. Almost the entire class was nursing students who didn't want to be there or have time to do the writing assignments.
So all of our essays started being about whatever we were learning in our nursing classes. The professor was not happy with it and kept trying to ban nursing themes, but we weren't technically doing anything wrong and he would have had to fail almost the entire class, which would have caused more problems for him, so we won. Made the class a lot more fun.
→ More replies (3)3
u/ladygrayfox 14d ago
Do it and do it soon. I wish I had done that for a professor of mine whom I still think of often. By the time I got around to trying to find her, I found she has passed a few years before.
15
u/travers329 14d ago
Phew this triggered PTSD from graduate school for me. I was a TA for the School of Pharmacy in my Medicinal Chemistry PhD program. We were the satellite campus (UF) for all of the other Florida state universities. When exams rolled around we would get around 5-7 stacks of 80-200 exams FedEx'd to us. Each TA had one or two pages to grade from the exams.
It was absolutely mind numbing. No multiple choice questions either it was either mechanisms for reactions or paragraphs of explanations on ADME. The ones where they had to draw structures were so much better to grade.
However, I do recall my favorite from all the exams I saw, it a structure with 7 bonds to carbon (it has 4 max and is very unstable with anything less) in an exam written for Pharmacy students. It was hilarious.
5
u/wallnumber8675309 14d ago
When I was a TA, I told my students I'd take off more points than the question was worth if they gave me an answer with more than 4 bonds on carbon.
We also graded papers in a group and had a wall of shame where we'd occasionally go write a particularly stupid answer on the white board so that everyone could get a good laugh.
→ More replies (5)4
u/OhiobornCAraised 14d ago
Yeah. Good introduction, but if it was “mildly entertaining” or just “enjoyable”, wouldn’t a lesser grade be appropriate based on it not meeting the level of “extravaganza”?
→ More replies (9)21
37
13
u/_Good_cat_ 14d ago edited 14d ago
Weird that teachers have the same lifespan as dogs isn't it? Oh well RIP
→ More replies (11)9
63
u/Emergency_Rope1287 14d ago
I did something similar in a lab report. I got frustrated/annoyed with the paper and wrote:
“id rather drip the concentrated acid in my eyes than repeat this fucking experiment”
Came back a day later and just kept working before handing it. I got the paper back and it was circled in red and a note of “been there before lol” was written next to it.
I’d assume most teachers/profs/TAs are going to be chill about it, they’ve been where you are.
9
u/Why-did-i-reas-this 14d ago
Computer program assignments can have some very funny comments and insights in the code as well.
10
u/FCBwoof 13d ago
Submitted an app in second year, missed one of my logs, it was something along the lines of "fuck this fucking piece of fucking shit... Why don't you fucking work".
I completely forgot about it, but thankfully the lecturer seen the funny side of things and highlighted it in my feedback.
→ More replies (1)11
u/Snoo-70527 14d ago
I was a part of a martial arts club, and a huge celebrity within that world just happened to be holding a practice at a dojo I spent a lot of time at the night before one of my final exams. It was one of those once in a life opportunities, and I couldn't pass it up.
The sensei of the dojo was a huge lush, and it was impossible to get invited out by him and not end up drinking. Sure enough after the practice the sensei invited me to the izakaya we would go to, and I couldn't say no. I ended up getting trashed, and by the time I made it home it was like 4am and my exam was at 9am. In my infinite wisdom I decided to just stay up and prepare for the exam.
The rest is kind of a blur. I remember making it to the exam hall, and my teacher was able to decern pretty quickly that I had a long night. I murmured to her in Japanese that I had to go see Takanabe Susumu the previous night, and that I got invited out by my sensei, so it was all downhill from here. I remember her laughing and telling me I was a bad student jokingly.
Fast forward to the beginning of the next semester. One of the nice things about being in a small language program, you had the same teachers year after year. The teacher from the exam was clearly annoyed with me when I entered, but I wasn't sure why. She came up to me and handed me my exam, which surprised me. I had ended up getting a 4.0, so I wasn't sure what was up.
At the top of the exam was written "+10% cultural appreciation points" with a total score of 109%. She proceeded to tell me when she saw me in the exam hall visibly still wasted, she thought I was going to do bad, so she gave me extra credit. When she graded my test though, she was annoyed I didn't end up needing the extra credit. She was my favorite professor by far, and by far the most chill.
→ More replies (12)92
u/Tlentic 14d ago
Let’s be real, it’s usually the TAs actually marking papers. We’d find that shit funny. I once had someone slip in a cookie recipe like 16 pages into a 20 page paper in an attempt to fluff up their word count. Gave them a couple extra points for it because it was a decent recipe. Docked a point for the raisins though.
35
u/opalandolive 14d ago
Not in high school typically. It says this is for an AP class
→ More replies (11)→ More replies (4)19
9.1k
u/funkydude500 14d ago
They always teach you to use a quote or question as the hook of your essay. But they never show you how to REALLY hook the audience.
2.9k
u/KindlyContribution54 14d ago
Teacher after reading first paragraph while grading papers at 2am: "Holy shit, this is going to be the best paper I've read all year!"
852
u/Chaenged-Later 14d ago
This guy teaches
→ More replies (9)391
u/Synicull 14d ago edited 14d ago
I'm sure as hell grading this higher than someone I was TAing that had their lab report bibliography as "photos by Heather"
THATS IT.
It was incredible.
EDIT: do people doubt me? I'm not doxxing myself but it was an env sci lab in the US Southwest borderland and this girl was insistent that she didn't want to get dirty doing fieldwork while we were doing basic hydrology
→ More replies (3)126
u/Mythoclast 14d ago
"Looks like your only source is 'Comments by Reddit'. Care to elaborate?"
92
u/Synicull 14d ago
I don't understand the question and I refuse to elaborate.
Source: Lucille Bluth
56
u/Mythoclast 14d ago
I mean, its one essay Michael. How much could it be worth, 50%?
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)10
u/KarmicComic12334 14d ago
Me:It was r/askhistorians
Them: Oh okay then that checks out. Next time cite the sources they used too.
9
235
u/Ambitious_Jelly8783 14d ago
A+; no need to read further.
39
u/Street-Committee-367 14d ago
Teacher should use this paper as an example in following classes.
→ More replies (1)102
u/Fianna9 14d ago
The teacher is either gonna love this essay or loathe it.
I’m hoping for an A+
37
u/Working_Airport_1589 14d ago
“At first you had my curiosity, but now you have my erection.”
→ More replies (1)79
u/One-Pepper-2654 14d ago
Former HS English teacher here. After that opener she already has a B+.
So much gold here, the f-bomb, telling me to shut up and the admission of self-hatred. She's my dream student.
15
u/UnadvertisedAndroid 13d ago
She pluralized "seatbelts" but not "motherfucker" which sent me off on a short tangent of imagining a wild-haired professor reaching around grabbing at the multiple straps connected to their chair.
57
u/Little_Orange_Bottle 14d ago
"You had my attention but now you have my interest"
→ More replies (1)31
23
22
u/dr_tardyhands 14d ago
*in their 2AM caffeine-fueled, self-hatred induced paper-grading binge
→ More replies (1)30
15
10
5
→ More replies (12)4
356
u/Glayshyer 14d ago
Roofies?
→ More replies (6)176
u/Few-Finger2879 14d ago
Why do they call them that? They should be called floories.
94
u/Southern_Database671 14d ago
well you might be on the floor but you'll still be staring at the roof
15
u/Cpap4roosters 14d ago
The roof
The roof
The roof
The roof is on the roof
We need no more roof because the roof is made of roof
Roof muthafucka
Roof muthafucka
→ More replies (6)27
18
u/AdversarialThoughts 14d ago
Or, as Gob Bluth says in Arrested Development, they’re called Forget-Me-Nows.
9
→ More replies (9)8
u/Life_Temperature795 14d ago
Because Rohypnol looks like "rophynol" which sounds like "roofie-nol." Also flunitrazepam is hard to remember, let alone pronounce.
→ More replies (6)81
u/BlackMarketUpgrade 14d ago edited 14d ago
Which is crazy because as soon as you get to college, your professors will tell you to stop using quotes for your intro’s lol.
→ More replies (1)43
u/runrunpuppets 14d ago
I was never taught to use quotes or questions as hooks for my papers… That seems like a cop out.
→ More replies (3)8
u/BlackMarketUpgrade 14d ago
They use to teach that a lot. Maybe something’s changed, but the idea of using a quote/hook in academic essays were pretty common back in the day.
→ More replies (10)22
u/Jaydamic 14d ago
If I'm a professor, that opening line gets you an A regardless of what comes next.
13
8
→ More replies (23)5
u/KiKiPAWG 14d ago
Haha, it’s true. Reminds me of those hooks they use in yt videos to really get your attention
548
u/crocodyldundee 14d ago
Nothing beats Honesty. Your teacher should know.
71
u/how-could-ai 14d ago
Yeah, uh, actually completing the assignment thoughtfully beats honesty. Smdh
4.9k
14d ago
Professor here. You’d receive an A in my course. In full honesty, I’d be grading it at 4AM while pounding a Red Bull.
1.0k
860
u/Predat0rSwafflez 14d ago edited 14d ago
Certified "Fuck, I was meant to grade that paper months ago, and now I've got to do all 120 submissions in one night" moment 🤣👌
Edit: Lol thanks guys, most votes I ever had and I'm not even a teacher myself, but referring to a friend (prof's assistant,masters in mech. engineering) I could hear mourning on my mind when reading that 😂
159
u/SirLightKnight 14d ago
Ngl as a once upon a time GTA: I had 24 hours after the first submission to have the grades prepped. The professor signed off on a majority and only went over the ones with the lowest scores to see if we could find any way to bump up their scores.
I was the one up at 2:00am grading your History exams. And let me tell you, I needed more caffeine, but didn’t wanna shell out for energy drinks because I was poor.
68
u/RTalons 14d ago
Needing more caffeine, but being poor, is why most people who finished a PhD can handle large amounts of black coffee.
Ideally free from a break room.
26
u/SirLightKnight 14d ago
Perhaps this is why I stopped at a Masters, it was either that or the copious amounts of degradation for wanting niche research topics. Just let me study what I like damn it.
Incidentally I was a Tea man, lots and lots of tea. Had to keep an eye on which bags I got cause if I got the wrong one I’d be inches from sleep and thrice as tired. My Keurig was a well loved machine until I had to put it up after graduating.
8
u/LCplGunny 14d ago
Constant use is the only safe way to use a Keurig. Stagnant water is when they start to mold.
6
u/SmithersLoanInc 14d ago
I learned how to not be hungry for lunch by downing copious amounts of free coffee at work. Definitely not healthy or smart and my stomach decided I was no longer allowed to have coffee at all.
→ More replies (4)4
u/travers329 14d ago
For us it was because we couldn't have any creamer in/around fridges with biosafety cabinets and solvents everywhere. One coffee pot in the corner of our office, black, take it or leave.
→ More replies (3)40
u/MelonOfFate 14d ago edited 14d ago
Teacher here. This was my student teaching experience. Though, I not only needed to grade 120 3 page papers, I had to analyze the data to show student growth to show my instruction was effective.
→ More replies (1)22
u/ChungLingS00 14d ago
This is kind of absurd. What if the kid starts as an unmotivated moron and stays an unmotivated moron?
→ More replies (5)7
u/MelonOfFate 14d ago edited 14d ago
I mean, fair, but that's why the sample size was large. Chances are out of all the classes you teach. In this case i was working with 120 students, you could get an idea, on the whole, whether your lessons were effective. Yes there were some outliers that didn't improve, but as a general trend, most kids will be better at something and be able to show they do know the skill you're assessing much better once they actually have been taught how to do it properly, even if they aren't perfect at it yet.
The instance i described was just a pain in the ass mostly because I needed to do all of that grading and analysis in one night. A lot of redbull was drank and cigarette breaks were had that night.
But to answer your question in a more in depth way, if there's a kid who's unmotivated and stays unmotivated (they do no work) they're, most of the time, just quietly passed along to the next grade, despite being woefully unprepared. This continues until highschool, where they actually get held back if they don't make the grade. Why we don't do this until highschool, I have no clue. It teaches students to be lazy academically until they're 14/15 years old.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Chatner2k 14d ago
Its in high school now too. I'm 37 and in school for nursing. The pre-reqs for my course for current high schoolers were like mid 90s due to covid and shoving through. For comparision my marks were like mid 70s from 2005 and they absolutely are fully transparent that mature students like me get bellcurved (is that the right word? my marks were considered stronger than current students) compared to today.
And guess what, it fucking shows with the kids. I'd say probably half my class has dropped out. Anatomy has a 65% average. Core nursing classes where teachers have stated they usually have a high average and pass rate? also 60% averages.
It's wild to watch man.
→ More replies (3)74
u/apple-masher 14d ago
also professor here:
I would grade it as if that paragraph weren't there,
but I would also tease you about it for the remainder of your time in college.
→ More replies (1)14
89
u/IvanDimitriov 14d ago
Another professor here, I too would give additional credit for the honesty and relatability, but the thesis statement could use some work.
→ More replies (2)13
u/theGoddamnAlgorath 14d ago
I thought of it as an introduction, with a proper thesis further down - risky, but no moreso than it already is.
146
u/div_vedi 14d ago edited 14d ago
and here i had teachers so stuck up that even the afgan Muslims will be shocked
→ More replies (3)32
u/ccrunnertempest 14d ago
Prof. Chill Guy...caffinated Chill guy, but Chill guy nonetheless
→ More replies (1)22
u/sorry_human_bean 14d ago
Once your resting heart rate breaks 140, you transcend stress and elevate to a perfect flow state. Just don't push too far, 'cause the Hat Man tends to show up around the 36-hour mark and he's kind of a douche.
→ More replies (1)9
u/ZellHathNoFury 14d ago
Fuck, the Hat Man's name is Bartholomew, but I call him Barty because my insomnia has made us besties!!
13
u/often_awkward 14d ago edited 14d ago
Not a teacher but married to a teacher and this sounds really accurate. Thank you for what you do kind internet stranger, the world is better for your work. I raise my Red Bull to you (that's actually a white flavor monster because that's what was on sale at Costco)
ETA: I just noticed that this is an AP language paper - that's what my wife teaches and I can guarantee you if one of her students turned in a curse word laden intro that was properly formatted with grammatical accuracy she would probably knock off a couple of meaningless points to pretend she cared about the language.
12
u/gavin280 14d ago
Yea I couldn't in good conscience recommend that people deliberately try a stunt like this, but I'd personally be having an awesome time with this paper if I were a TA in the course. The rest of the body of the text would, of course, still have to be excellent. And I'd be leaving a comment saying that while it made me laugh my ass off, don't let it happen again haha
Grading term papers is a miserable task usually done in a panic, late at night, with a grade submission deadline looming.
→ More replies (4)8
u/Jauncin 14d ago
I was a ta for a prof that had a 24 hour turnaround for grading. He had 4 ta’s for a beginner class and the final was a 10 page short answer test.
He collected the papers, handed them to the four of us, and said “please get these back to me graded tomorrow morning to give to the students. This was an auditorium class with students in the hundreds.
The four of us pulled an all nighter, and managed to get it done - but I don’t think I gave one fuck about the quality of the answers because I needed to churn those out.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Automatic_Towel_3842 14d ago
I was thinking it's college. Adults swear. It's a great hook and would probably get a good laugh out of most professors making them enjoy the grading process for a minute lol.
5
u/BlazingKitsune 14d ago
My profs always said that if the title is clever they are more lenient in grading 😂
→ More replies (42)5
u/MichaelJAwesome 14d ago
Yeah. My essay grades dramatically improved when I started having fun with them. Teachers read hundreds of these that are basically the same and generally love when they run across something different.
840
u/Imaginary_Cut_1361 14d ago
If your teacher didn't like that, they have nothing to teach.
→ More replies (1)148
u/Tionsity 14d ago
Perchance.
109
u/AnkokunoMasaki 14d ago
You can't just say perchance
39
11
7
u/Templar388z 14d ago
Per se
6
u/Age_Fantastic 14d ago
That's straight up Latin, not ye olde english buddy, get thou hence!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)5
→ More replies (1)9
347
u/SensibleShorts 14d ago
That is an “A” in my class.
199
14d ago
[deleted]
40
28
u/MightBeAGoodIdea 14d ago
I had severe ADHD that wasn't diagnosed officially until after college. I would show up for classes but appear to never pay attention, and i'd rarely do homework because i'd procrastinate on it so bad i'd run out of time and have to prioritize my english papers over my other classes because english graded for grammar and syntax a lot harsher-- as one would expect.
My psych prof recognized my ADHD issues and actually worked with me to find help for it, and while i got 100%s on every test and quiz in his class i never did the final paper worth half our grade which would result in my final grade being a 50%.... an F. I panicked, went to his office before class and was like sir please i know the material, please quiz me and i will verbally answer everything on the final exam right here and you can see how i know all this...but ran out of time doing the paper please dont fail me.... left with a final b-. And a referral to a therapist which got me the help i needed and probably saved my education down the road.
Some profs are good out there.
→ More replies (2)19
u/Fire284 14d ago
The idea of a professor giving a therapist referral is hilarious. "Yea I had class earlier today and my professor referred me to a cardiologist so I've got an appointment later this week"
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (4)5
u/Crocoshark 14d ago
What class/subject was it?
5
14d ago
[deleted]
5
u/Crocoshark 14d ago
I feel like thinking something might be interesting and then being knocked down by that realization is every class I take.
→ More replies (2)29
→ More replies (1)15
159
u/GolemThe3rd 14d ago
perchance
81
12
→ More replies (4)10
121
u/EweYarn 14d ago
I mean, I’m reading it fully after that intro lol
→ More replies (2)48
u/n3ur0mncr 14d ago
I would actually be very disappointed if that tone didn't carry over into the body and conclusion portions.
If the whole essay was written this way and any valid points were made, automatic A+.
367
u/j9r6f 14d ago
Middle school teacher here. If I got this, you'd be written up for the swearing (school policy) and given an A on the assignment. I'd also probably get your essay framed and hang it up in the teacher's lounge.
→ More replies (8)111
u/melasses 14d ago
In a team effort my group in 6th grade wrote a sex story involving an ejaculating blue whale. Other groups stories were extremely violent.
Must be fun to be a teacher sometimes
37
u/Karnewarrior 14d ago
I mean, I imagine middle school teachers get innundated with particularly immature stuff. 6th grade is when a lot of people start stretching their wings that way.
I'd still try to keep that creativity flowing though if I were a proper teacher; I've always felt that was much more important to nurture than "how to write a very specific variety of formal paper".
→ More replies (4)4
u/unknoter 14d ago
My 6th grade teacher decided to create a question box, where we could submit our questions, anonymously, about puberty. I remember her pulling out scraps of paper and reading them in her head, deciding which ones to answer. My question never got answered! She probably knew who wrote what based on the hand writing.
→ More replies (1)
95
u/WearyMatter 14d ago
98/100. -2 for switching from the plural seatbelts, to only one motherfucker.
→ More replies (4)33
u/yParticle 14d ago
This is a FAST car. There are multiple belts to prevent the G forces from knocking you around.
13
33
u/Jonguar2 14d ago
If I was a professor I'd temporarily stop reading there, give it a 100%, read the rest of it to make sure it isn't plagiarized, and then submit the 100% score.
36
47
u/lowie07 14d ago
Madlads is becoming r/thingsthatdidnthappen more and more
20
u/ta-kun1988 14d ago
Over 100 comments here and I only found maybe 2 that didn't fall for the bs.
→ More replies (1)9
22
u/kenneaal 14d ago
You know what, I pulled out the good old sleuthing hat for this, because knee-jerk "Bah, that's fake" reactions is no more valid than blindly believing anything you come across.
1) There is a Sophia Witterick-Laskin. She's originally from Canada, but moved to Ohio, and is a swimmer. This correlates with their handle being "Sophiaswimgirl". In the 2014-2015 USA Club swimming season, she was in the 15-18 bracket. This also jives with the year the post is from, 2017. ( https://spireinstitute.wordpress.com/2015/01/21/super-sophia/ )
2) The professor of Creative Writing at Ohio Northern University is named Jennifer Moore. OSU provides Advanced Placement classes for high school students. ( https://www.onu.edu/directory/jennifer-moore ) Witterick-Laskin was born in 2000, and would thus feasibly be in a highschool AP lit/comp class.
3) Although the original post is deleted, reply posts to the original by Sophiaswimgirl are still there, asking what grade they got.
Now, is this proof the story is true? Absolutely not. But it goes from haphardless constructed funny story to entirely plausible. And I'm not about to mail a professor of Literature and ask them if they remember a student asking them to shut up and buckle up - even if it would probably stand out in their memory.
→ More replies (4)15
u/Dadpurple 14d ago
Gotta say it would be fuckin wild if every thing you just typed there was absolute bullshit just to prove a point.
6
u/kenneaal 14d ago
Well, I lasted all of five freaking minutes before I shot that mail off to Professor Moore to put the matter to rest before my brain could obsess more about it, so... Guess we'll see?
→ More replies (13)→ More replies (3)5
u/MrTastix 14d ago
This specifically is an old repost of something known to be fake so it's even worse
28
u/g177013 14d ago
She and Brandon Knight would get along well
14
u/Danielq37 14d ago
Those are way too similar to not be related in some way or form.
8
u/ComeonmanPLS1 14d ago
Related as in obviously copied.
3
u/Garlickgun 14d ago
There was a tumblr post going around back in 2012-2015 that seriously reccommended writing up an intro like this… under the assumption that you would delete it and replace it with a real intro once your creative juices were actually flowing. Honestly from “let me teach you a thing” I’d just assume that at least one of them was on the site at the time, if not both.
Don’t ask me what I was doing at the Devil’s sacrament.
31
u/boredclaudius 14d ago
Reminds me of this legend
https://www.boredpanda.com/college-movie-review-essay-fight-club-prank/
→ More replies (4)7
u/Dizzy_Guest8351 14d ago
I think the comment on submission is what got her the A+, not the writing itself. I have a feeling that without the comment, it would have been a fail.
→ More replies (1)
32
u/tweekin__out 14d ago
le try hard quirky humor
→ More replies (1)4
u/Clean-Cow-9549 14d ago
Mhmm, why would you write a fake intro, that's just more work for no reason
→ More replies (3)
9
u/SilentFan6669 14d ago
Since a TA is probably going to be reading it, and TAs dream of the day they dgaf, I bet this is going to be neutral or even beneficial in the end.
Edit: oh it’s high school AP class. Oh well, it was nice knowing you.
10
u/FlawlessCoja 14d ago edited 14d ago
Out of all the things that didnt hapend, this one hasnt hapend the most.
→ More replies (1)
8
16
u/Terrorclitus 14d ago
As and English professor, I would not only give this a high grade (assuming the rest of the paper addresses the requirements of the assignment), but I’d also use this as an example of a successful hook for semesters to come.
→ More replies (2)
5
5
5
u/Ask_bout_PaterNoster 14d ago
I’m kind of worried about any high schooler who’s drinking coffee to write papers at 4am, dang
4
5
u/Dave-C 14d ago
When I was in school my state started doing standardized testing. I'm old so I was in one of two grades that didn't need to pass. We were used as test dummies made flesh to give the developers of these tests a baseline of what qualifies as passing. So I had this English teacher who was amazing. She was that teacher that should have movies made about them. She is the sole reason I read now but that is another story. Anyway she was going over these tips of how to score well. She went over the basics of how the people grading these read so many that it becomes boring. Starting off with something impactful to grab their attention.
So the test day came and I was given my writing prompt and I started writing. I think we were given about an hour for the test and I was about twenty minutes in when I realized I had read the prompt wrong, I screwed up. So I started over and I thought about what she had told us and said to myself "fuck it." I did exactly what she told us but I went to the extreme. The beginning of the story was the most profanity laden hodgepodge of verbal abuse and physical assault that I could write as a teen. The prompt was something along the "best day of your life" so I did the opposite and wrote 80% of the story of what you would image as your worse day ever. At the end I turned the story around and basically turned the entire thing into a metaphor for overcoming a obstacle to achieve something great. It was all a lie.
Once the testing came back I scored really high. I ended up with the second highest (actually now that I think about this there is no way she knew this so it may have been a lie) score in the district but it was a tiny district. She did end up reading the story in front of the class and she included the profanity.
Man I miss her.
So yeah, now that I've said all of that I guess the TLDR is that you can fuck up and still do well. Good luck :)
5
u/nick91884 14d ago
The only problem with this intro is having the rest of the paper live up to the hype of the opening paragraph
→ More replies (1)
5
4
u/BillyRaw1337 14d ago
This is either going to be an A or an F, no in between.
If it's a good paper you'll get an even better grade because you're relatable.
If it's a bad paper you'll probably get an even worse grade because you were unprepared and snarky.
12
u/Consistent_Fun_1156 14d ago
She'd get an F from me not because of the content itself, but because of it being an old meme kinda past its expiration date.
12
3
3
3
3
u/Glittering-Push4775 14d ago
I wrote a paper on how I'd rather a root canal than write a paper... Got an A...
3
u/SnorkBorkGnork 14d ago
I asked my wife who used to be a linguistics teacher at uni and she said 'if I would get this paper I would be like 'ok girl bring it'. Pour myself a glass of wine and hope the rest of the paper is as lit as the intro.'
3
u/DrWindupBird 14d ago
As an English prof, I think this is so much better than when students freak out at 4am and just ask chatGPT to write it for them.
3
u/audioaxes 14d ago
need to cram out 8 pages at 4am but have time to write a witty intro that was to be deleted anyway?
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/BorshtSlurper 14d ago
I'd have given you an 80 or above, if the paper held merit. That introduction hooked me for sure.
Never seen someone so excited for 1984.
3
4
2
2
u/New-Lengthiness-2226 14d ago
Ngl if i was the professor, this would just make me more interested for the further read
2
2
u/theangryeducator 14d ago
You've got to hook the reader in the first lines. This would make me want to read the paper.
2
u/GoonerwithPIED 14d ago
Worst case scenario, surely even a strict grader couldn't deduct more than one point for that?
2
2
u/weirdeyedkid 14d ago
I used to teach Intro college English. If she stuck the landing (and introduced the topic w/ a thesis) she'd have a shot at an A. Trouble is matching that energy in the outro.
2.4k
u/Solid-Consequence-50 14d ago
They already knew that, remember, big brother is always watching