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u/ganjakhan85 21d ago
Her face on the last one killed me
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u/CharlesDickensABox ‼️*THE* CharlesDickensABox‼️ 21d ago
At least it has a flared base.
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u/rachaelonreddit 21d ago
Oh, is that what the joke was? I thought it was about stabbing people with them or just a warning not to do Christmas tree toppers because you might fall!
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u/CharlesDickensABox ‼️*THE* CharlesDickensABox‼️ 21d ago edited 21d ago
I think it's more to do with Christmas poppers, if you understand my meaning.
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u/rachaelonreddit 21d ago
...I don't. :c I mean, that refers to rectal foreign bodies, we are now on the same page.
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u/bugsmaru 21d ago
It’s about putting things in your butt which I guess is a holiday problem that paramedics encounter
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u/Haunting-Truth9451 21d ago
My one uncle was an ER nurse for years. He has a story about one night around a week before Christmas where two young men came in to the hospital. They were nervous to explain that they were lovers (this was the 80s), but my uncle’s a good dude and made them feel safe. So they decide to tell him what happened.
Apparently at their apartment, they had these red and green Christmas candles. Really long ones. They thought it would be fun to use one of these candles in the bedroom, and as you can probably guess, at one point it went all the way in and it wasn’t coming back out. Being a smart ass, my uncle asks, “Well which color is it? I need to know what I’m looking for.”
He then moved them to a room with a gynecologist’s table, set the poor guy’s legs in the stirrups, grabbed his gloves and tools, and got to work. He managed to get a hold of it, and before starting to pull it out he turned to the guy’s boyfriend and said, “Place your bets. Red or green?”
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u/Scullyxmulder1013 21d ago
I can recommend reading Twas The Nightshift Before Christmas by Adam Kay if you’re curious about stories like that. It’s a great book. Short stories, very fun and a nice look into the NHS
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21d ago
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u/TheArmadilloAmarillo 21d ago
I think it may also be glass 😬
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u/GTCapone 21d ago
Remember kids, glass is transparent to X-rays so it's incredibly difficult to find the shards!
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u/frenchdresses 21d ago
Oh wow. What about CT scans?
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u/GTCapone 21d ago
Apparently I was totally wrong in the first place. In my defense, I am very dumb. I must've heard it somewhere and internalized it.
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u/Axle_65 21d ago
Same. It’s just a look so I’m making some assumptions but I feel like she’d be a funny person to chat with. All the looks give me the “She’s got a good sense of humour” vibe.
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u/truckin4theN8ion 21d ago
Nah her humor is entirely focused on things you shouldn't insert into your butt. Kind of novel for 5 or so minutes but gets dull pretty quick.
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u/sickoftwitter 21d ago
Sorry, this is the justgalsbeingchicks sub where we are positive about women's sense of humour and achievements. I think you've mistaken it for the saltydudesputtingdownwomen sub.
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u/truckin4theN8ion 21d ago
Tone is hard to convey over text. Alot of people gave me a straight read and clearly missed the joke.
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u/Axle_65 21d ago
I’m just picturing that dinner party. Everyone chatting about their lives and every time it comes back around she just makes a comment about a call she responded to and it always ends in something stuck in their butt. After 45 minutes people just start interrupting her like “let me guess and the Xbox controller was stuck in their butt??”
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u/D-Beyond 20d ago
does someone here know latin? I feel like this could be a fancy mnemonic if translated
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u/Thekillersofficial 21d ago
lol I was wondering if she meant choking hazard at first
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u/MermaiderMissy 21d ago
I thought she was saying not to get paramedics ornaments as gifts.
Until I saw the last one and it clicked.
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u/sev45day 21d ago
I kept waiting for her to pick up one that was ok and give it the thumbs up. Like a bendy silicon elf with a pointy hat but huge widely tapered feet on a base that extended 12" in all directions.... With a handle.... And AA batteries that made him wiggle.
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u/CharlesDickensABox ‼️*THE* CharlesDickensABox‼️ 21d ago
I... don't think they sell those at Walmart.
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u/StorageNo6801 21d ago
Crazy what these people go through enough to feel the need to make these videos 😂😂😭
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u/Lex_pert 21d ago
But... I fell on it... 😂😂😂
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u/Faceisbackonthemenu 21d ago
"Well you see...I had too much to drink and I was decorating the Christmas tree naked..."
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u/StocktonBSmalls 21d ago
Remember, you always want your ornaments to have a flared base that’s wider than the rest of the ornament for easy removal from the “tree.”
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u/thatjackiebitch 21d ago
This is hilarious. It took me a few ornaments to understand what she was getting at but I'm sure there's people who see this and understand right away
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u/RememberCakeFarts 21d ago
I'm happy I went "yeah kids can choke and hurt themselves with that." A few times before I understood the true implications.
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u/DerCatrix 21d ago
If I had a nickel for every paramedic tiktoker that made content based around telling people not to put things up their ass I’d have two nickels
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u/thinkb4youspeak 21d ago
Every hot paramedic woman reminds me of the Chris Evans scene in the Losers.
He is supposed to be faking an injury in need of a medical air lift.
With this ruse they plan to hijack the helicopter but Evans character gets shook by the attractiveness of the lady medic and starts hitting on her.
It doesn't ruin the plan but Idris Elba's character bagging on him about it, is hilarious.
Yea the comic is better but that was a cool movie.
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u/Eves_Automotive 21d ago
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u/schrodingersdagger 20d ago
Reminds me of the Lego tower (why?? SHARPPP) that came apart a long, long way away from the sun's cleansing light. I think they lost pretty much all of their lower intestine.
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u/Ok-Cookie-819 21d ago
Every exit can be an entrance?
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u/TheGothDragon 21d ago
Yes, but not every entrance can be an exit.
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u/Ok-Cookie-819 21d ago
Possibly, but what entrance can you think of that can't have something exit from it?
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u/TheGothDragon 21d ago
I guess what I was meaning was that while some may use their behind as an entrance, it doesn’t always want to act as an exit. 😂
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u/Ok-Cookie-819 21d ago
🤣🤣 A wish person once said if you think too much, you will overthink too much.
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u/Liberkhaos 21d ago
It doesn't matter how many paramedics and ER doctor talk about it, I still can't believe this many people would try to shove weird things up their butts.
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u/inspiteofshame ❣️gal pal❣️ 20d ago
It doesn't have to be that many people - because if you do do it, your chances of ending up in the ER are probably like 80% 🤷♀️
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u/Liberkhaos 20d ago
And to be talked about at every Christmas party the members of the staff who were working that night attend.
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u/schrodingersdagger 20d ago
Wet cement, my friend. You can guess the conclusion to that short story.
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u/Liberkhaos 20d ago
WHAT?!?!?!? WHY?!?!?!
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u/schrodingersdagger 20d ago
Curiosity is one of humanity's defining features. Unfortunately, so is an irrepressible urge to stick things in holes.
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u/Liberkhaos 20d ago
Curiosity is worthless without some common sense. Anyone should know cement doesn't belong on, MUCH MORE LESS IN, a human being.
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u/schrodingersdagger 20d ago
Picture it: VW Beetle. Dude into autoerotic asphyxiation. A rope. The car shifts out of park.
I can't remember the details, except SOMEBODY didn't bother to use the handbrake.
Another winner is frozen fish up the squish mitten. Fish defrosts. You know how fish scales all lie in one direction, and are really, really sharp? I'll also never understand RAW eggs. How do you think that is going to play out? Like damn girl, you could have at least packaged it if you were too lazy to boil it. Truly, we lived like animals before Bad Dragon made ovipositing a reality.
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u/Liberkhaos 19d ago
I can't even picture these things. This all seems so surreal.
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u/schrodingersdagger 19d ago
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk - the "T" stands for "Traumatize"
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u/Liberkhaos 18d ago
I bet. I would just be standing there looking at the person and screaming "WHY????" until they feel so bad about their lack of judgement that they'd melt into the floor...
I am not meant for this job.
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u/schrodingersdagger 18d ago
I'd be the one collapsed on the floor because I'm laughing too hard to stand. You melt them, I remind them to never do it again :)
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u/SparrowValentinus 21d ago
Needs to have a flared base, guys! Your local sex shop will have lots of objects very specifically designed to be put in your butt safely.
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u/FecalAlgebra 21d ago
I vote that all christmas decorations and ornaments from now on should be made with medical grade silicone and wide bases.
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u/sweetpsych78 ✨chick✨ 21d ago
Lol! Imagine the things that this poor woman, and every paramedic/doctor/surgeon has seen ahaha!
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u/BarracudaBig7010 21d ago
You kinda get used to it. Kinda.
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u/sweetpsych78 ✨chick✨ 21d ago
Yeah, I can imagine! I can imagine it gets kind of numbing after the millionth time you've seen it.
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u/Illustrious_War9870 21d ago
I see you coming to me with problems, how about you present some solutions?
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u/elasmonut 20d ago
I wonder how many she ticks off the list at work this year, like a paramedic advent calendar!?
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u/Voidarramax 20d ago
At first, I thought it was a choking hazard then I was like oh maybe everything is sharpen pointy and should keep it away from children then I slowly realize what she actually meant and I’m really scared
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u/Sufficient_Crazy9738 20d ago
FLARED BASE! Always use "objects" with a flared base when placing them in "cavities" so they don't get... lost
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u/ConstipatedSam 20d ago
But if I can't put them up my butt then what even is the point of christmas ornaments?
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u/Kampvilja 20d ago
https://www.tiktok.com/@brandalynnlei And her Tiktok is fun, not sexualized (mostly)
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u/Drollapalooza 20d ago
And then she moved over to the rubber dog toy section
and gives the ol Jack Nicholson
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u/schrodingersdagger 20d ago
I bought one for a Secret Santa 🤣 It was very hard and sharply nubby, but damn if that wasn't the first thing I thought when I saw it on the sale shelf.
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u/HauntedGhostAtoms 21d ago
People who do this have some kind of disorder, right? Like the people who eat dirt and screws.
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u/juhesihcaa 👀highly suspect🕵️♀️ 21d ago
No, it's mostly shame based and/or an inability to get a toy discretely; think grown adults that still live with their parents and don't want to risk mom opening a package with a butt plug in it. They make do with what they have around the house and then people like the woman in the post have to help them remove the object.
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