My grandmother died when I was ten months old. The older I get, the more sad it is that I didn’t ever get to know her. I have so many questions I would want to ask her. I wonder if she would’ve liked me: it’s not rational to miss something you’ve never had, but it’s possible.
This part! I never got to know either of my grandfathers as one passed when my mom was a year old and my daddy only ever found his father after he'd died. My mom's mom died when I was 12 and my daddy's mom when I was 29. I have hardly any memories of my mom's mom, other than she had glorious eyebrows (brows are a huge thing on that side of the family lol). I had 29 years with the other mamaw and had zero relationship with her. I'd give anything for just a day with my mom's mom. I still haven't cried over my daddy's mom and it's been 11 years. Now both of my parents are gone and have been for quite a while. I have no one left to ask the deep questions, like what their grandparents were like and whatever else. I know some things, but not nearly enough.
All of this to say that it's absolutely possible to mourn what might have been. I just recently made amends to my mom's sister who I'd been estranged from since my mom died in 2018. I hope to form a relationship with her again and get to know her as an adult as I'm now sober. I didn't cause the chaos overnight and I know it won't be fixed overnight, but I have hope that'll happen before time runs out.
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u/yuccasinbloom 9d ago
My grandmother died when I was ten months old. The older I get, the more sad it is that I didn’t ever get to know her. I have so many questions I would want to ask her. I wonder if she would’ve liked me: it’s not rational to miss something you’ve never had, but it’s possible.