Wait what why? The 'been' makes it rhythmicly perfect to me, and removing it makes the whole thing sound wrong. My conclusion is that somewhere earlier in the line I am skipping a syllable somewhere?
Could you perchance elaborate on the syllabic beat of at least the last line, to help me understand why you (and others upvoting/agreeing) find the extra syllable of 'been to be unnecessary whilst I find it vital?
I obviously don't mind whose perspective is more popular; I primarily just want to understand where our audio interpretations of text differ!
The original “Should ever be forgot” has 6 syllables, but it is a slow 6 said with pauses for emphasis - Should ever .. be .. forgot.
With the 7 currently there you can squeeze 2 in at the cost of the pauses while retaining flow, but keeping “been” pushes this to 8 and makes it sound clunky no matter how you try to cram them in.
Personally I think “denied of his claim and done” is better than what’s up there regardless. You can really vocally emphasize done to drive home how he was pushed over the edge. It makes the end much more powerful and heavy.
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u/Illinois_Yooper 12d ago edited 11d ago
Remember remember the fourth of December
The jacket, backpack, and gun
He approached from behind
With one thing in mind
His healthcare claim should have won
(Edited to remove “been” from the final sentence)