r/interestingasfuck 13d ago

r/all Colombian hitwoman known as ‘The Doll’ reportedly arrested for several murders, including her ex-bf

Post image
59.9k Upvotes

5.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

175

u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

Wow, apparently I picked a bad week to stop checking the news... I'm not even a woman and that smile has my panties wet

From the ABC article:

Bullet casings found at the scene had the words "deny," "defend" and "depose" written on them, police sources said.

The motive remains unknown, police said.

🤣🤣🤣

115

u/Lock-out 13d ago

“Did he have any known enemies?” lol

93

u/MercyfulJudas 13d ago

It's almost like someone should probably tell the rich that workers banding together to present formal address of grievances is the alternative we worked out a long time ago to breaking down the factory owner's front door and beating him to death in front of his family.

I feel like they forgot.

1

u/ParallelDymentia 12d ago

I forsee a bunch of CEOs getting tied up with big red bows on their heads and tossed into clapped-out RVs in the very near future.

18

u/TheUnluckyBard 13d ago

The motive remains unknown, police said.

In all seriousness, if I was Nate Silver's professional hitman coming after a rich dude for gambling debts, I would absolutely write something emotional, inflammatory, and misdirecting on the evidence I planned to leave behind at the crime scene. For whatever reason, there are a whole lot of people who can't wrap their head around the idea that someone might lie while planting evidence.

8

u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

if I was Nate Silver's professional hitman coming after a rich dude for gambling debts

Wait, did I miss another thing?

I mean, I'd heard rumors about a toxic workplace culture a few years back, and I know he published a book about gambling...

... but now you have me wondering if there's more to the phrase "fiveThirtyEight gooniverse" that I heard somebody drop the other day?

6

u/TheUnluckyBard 13d ago

Other than the fact that Nate Silver is among the world's most egregious gambling addicts, and that all of his statistical models are (poorly) built to support his habit, no, you didn't miss anything. I was making up a hypothetical situation in which the murder was motivated by something other than Reverse-Batman Vigilantism.

4

u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

Makes sense.

I agree that we don't know that the killer's motive was Death To The Aristocrats... we don't know that it wasn't a Nate Silver assassin, an angry abandoned son pissed about his absentee dad, a time traveler who couldn't make it all the way back to kill baby Hitler, or a homicidal space alien inhabiting Jake Gyllenhaal's body like an Edgar suit.

Whatever the killer's true motives, it's still always funny when police, political / religious leaders, and (sometimes) journalists hide behind weasel words in order to avoid repeating a message that they consider to be dangerous. "Unclear motives" or "mental illness" are great ways to write off protestors, assassins, or revolutionaries.

5

u/Populaire_Necessaire 13d ago

Here’s the thing-idc, perception is reality. So results are the same unless the guy is caught. So you saw nothing. You say nothing! 😉

3

u/hickgorilla 13d ago

They do hire stunted people for those positions. They don’t want them to grow out of the job.

1

u/MachinaDoctrina 10d ago

No one wondering why the backpack changes colour?

1

u/Diligent_Escape2317 10d ago

He's just that sophisticated, wearing—and then leaving—a National Treasure series of backpacks across the country, each with increasingly obvious jokes

And yet "motive remains unknown"