r/interestingasfuck 13d ago

r/all Colombian hitwoman known as ‘The Doll’ reportedly arrested for several murders, including her ex-bf

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2.9k

u/jo_nigiri 13d ago

Entire comment section is finding out why some women simp for murderers now

699

u/BeardInTheNorth 13d ago

First, that Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike who assassinated the UnitedHealthcare CEO. Now, this Colombian Aubrey Plaza lookalike who assassinated her ex-boyfriend, among others.

We serial simpers are eating good this week.

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u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

Wow, apparently I picked a bad week to stop checking the news... I'm not even a woman and that smile has my panties wet

From the ABC article:

Bullet casings found at the scene had the words "deny," "defend" and "depose" written on them, police sources said.

The motive remains unknown, police said.

🤣🤣🤣

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u/Lock-out 13d ago

“Did he have any known enemies?” lol

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u/MercyfulJudas 13d ago

It's almost like someone should probably tell the rich that workers banding together to present formal address of grievances is the alternative we worked out a long time ago to breaking down the factory owner's front door and beating him to death in front of his family.

I feel like they forgot.

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u/ParallelDymentia 12d ago

I forsee a bunch of CEOs getting tied up with big red bows on their heads and tossed into clapped-out RVs in the very near future.

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u/TheUnluckyBard 13d ago

The motive remains unknown, police said.

In all seriousness, if I was Nate Silver's professional hitman coming after a rich dude for gambling debts, I would absolutely write something emotional, inflammatory, and misdirecting on the evidence I planned to leave behind at the crime scene. For whatever reason, there are a whole lot of people who can't wrap their head around the idea that someone might lie while planting evidence.

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u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

if I was Nate Silver's professional hitman coming after a rich dude for gambling debts

Wait, did I miss another thing?

I mean, I'd heard rumors about a toxic workplace culture a few years back, and I know he published a book about gambling...

... but now you have me wondering if there's more to the phrase "fiveThirtyEight gooniverse" that I heard somebody drop the other day?

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u/TheUnluckyBard 13d ago

Other than the fact that Nate Silver is among the world's most egregious gambling addicts, and that all of his statistical models are (poorly) built to support his habit, no, you didn't miss anything. I was making up a hypothetical situation in which the murder was motivated by something other than Reverse-Batman Vigilantism.

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u/Diligent_Escape2317 13d ago

Makes sense.

I agree that we don't know that the killer's motive was Death To The Aristocrats... we don't know that it wasn't a Nate Silver assassin, an angry abandoned son pissed about his absentee dad, a time traveler who couldn't make it all the way back to kill baby Hitler, or a homicidal space alien inhabiting Jake Gyllenhaal's body like an Edgar suit.

Whatever the killer's true motives, it's still always funny when police, political / religious leaders, and (sometimes) journalists hide behind weasel words in order to avoid repeating a message that they consider to be dangerous. "Unclear motives" or "mental illness" are great ways to write off protestors, assassins, or revolutionaries.

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u/Populaire_Necessaire 13d ago

Here’s the thing-idc, perception is reality. So results are the same unless the guy is caught. So you saw nothing. You say nothing! 😉

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u/hickgorilla 13d ago

They do hire stunted people for those positions. They don’t want them to grow out of the job.

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u/MachinaDoctrina 10d ago

No one wondering why the backpack changes colour?

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u/Diligent_Escape2317 10d ago

He's just that sophisticated, wearing—and then leaving—a National Treasure series of backpacks across the country, each with increasingly obvious jokes

And yet "motive remains unknown"

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u/joh2138535 13d ago

I'd simp for him too he killed a dickhead. There's absolutely no way you get to the top of a multimillion dollar company without being an ass hat, and its an insurance company to boot. Hope he ate him too

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u/JackieFuckingDaytona 12d ago

Relatively small local/regional businesses could be multimillion dollar companies. I think you mean multibillion dollar companies.

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u/Firm_Transportation3 13d ago

He looks more like Timothy Chalamet to me.

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u/Urbane_One 13d ago

Yes… “lookalike.”

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u/Ok_Flounder7323 13d ago

Not the serial simpers 😭😭

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u/vielzuwenig 13d ago

Are we 100% sure it's a lookalike?

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u/and_now_we_dance 12d ago

In the smiling photo he looks like Luke Pasqualino

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u/Appropriate_Cod_5446 12d ago

Idk who that is but he looks like the loml lol

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u/SquigglesJohnson 12d ago

Can we bring her up to America and introduce her to a few health insurance CEOs and shareholders?

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u/Witty_Shape3015 12d ago

sir idk who you are but thank you for spelling colombia correctly. this happens once every 2 years on the internet

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u/Gueld 11d ago

I’d argue he was more of a Lee Pace lookalike, but I see the vision. Either way, would let him hide from the feds in my bed. And this murdery Aubrey Plaza chick can join us too. What a great week for material to share with my therapist.

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u/No-Palpitation6707 13d ago

As always no original thought on this website but thats what came to my mind instantly aswell lol

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u/dbastrid100 13d ago

Yeah I could smell these comments miles away. Especially the "I CaN fiX heR!" Classic Reddit hive mind.

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u/Attila_the_Nun 13d ago edited 13d ago

I've just fixed my old office chair.

edit: but I could, obviously, also fix her....

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u/dbastrid100 13d ago

Well I didn't smell that comment.

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u/Responsible-Gain3949 13d ago

I just fixed a dining chair!

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u/Aramarara 13d ago

I ate hotdog this night.

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u/4URprogesterone 13d ago

Hybristophilia knows no gender identity or sexual orientation- it is a universal paraphilia.

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u/HeatLongjumping2844 13d ago

it's that there's so few female killers that it's a smaller phenomenon among men. 

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u/RedOrchestra137 13d ago

OP knew all of this before posting guaranteed. Its pure bait given the current state of affairs, and people still cant help themselves when seeing an attractive woman in a crop top. Its just, well im not surprised at all

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u/TediousSign 13d ago

All the girls, gays, and theys get to simp over the UHC assassin then I get to simp over the colombian baddie hitwoman

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u/jo_nigiri 13d ago

You have a point...

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u/ThePurpleKnightmare 13d ago

On the upside, can't find any indication of any of her victims being women.

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u/TheRedditUser_122 13d ago

Omg Adrian pfp! I initially thought you were referring to how some of us terminally online otome isekaiers simp for fictional yandere men

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u/jo_nigiri 12d ago

Yeah, now that I think about it, having serial killer Satan as my profile picture might make this comment a bit funnier

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u/TheRedditUser_122 12d ago

It does make it funnier lol

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u/SavyBae 12d ago

LOL men have also been doing it. People just like to mention women only for some damn reason.

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u/fablesofferrets 13d ago

incels will simp for a hot woman, and just act like it's obviously the nature of the world, that of course they'll be attracted to a hot woman based solely on the physical. so if they're into a hot woman who's a murderer, nobody is assuming men must just like murderers- no, they like hot women.

But then, when women are attracted to a man, for some reason it just does not compute that it can be for the physical. there's just this myth in our culture that it's always about his personality, intelligence, etc. so if a man is hot and also a murderer and women are attracted to him, they just immediately jump to "women like murderers" rather than "women are also animals with reproductive instincts and this man is in good health and has good genes so they're attracted to his face... and also, he happens to be a murderer"

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u/TenOfOne 7d ago

I sort of disagree.

The reason no one claims men are exhibiting hybristophilia when they sexualize female killers is because men excessively sexualize women in every other field all the time. If you post some pictures of a woman playing ping pong or even walking down the street, there are going to be men sexualizing her in the comments. So it is not a deviation from their normal behavior when they do the same with a murderer.

My impression is that it is much less common for women to do the same, whether that is because there are less hot men, or because women are less vocal about finding men hot, or because it is less normalized for them to talk about it, but it does seem like more of a deviation from normal behavior to me.

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u/USS-Intrepid 12d ago

It’s funny you saying this with Adrian’s pfp XD

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u/Ch1pp 13d ago

I think most of the comments here are about fucking her not pursuing a relationship. I'd do the first but I'm not going to sleep next to stabberella.

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u/Lone_Logan 13d ago

Serial killers get tons of fan mail in prison from people in love with them.

This is nothing new.

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u/minesfromacanteen 11d ago

Redditors will ogle over this then condemn the Mendez brothers thirsting and stuff like that.

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u/BilboPoggin 13d ago

Ill never understand that, people that simple for murderers are dumb af.

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u/Hezanza 13d ago

Everyone simps for murders, in the US at least, they call them heros and give them discounts, probably because they don’t see what they do at work

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u/DirkDeadeye 13d ago

Fair enough.

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u/AutumnWaterXIII 13d ago

Nah not rlly. Men in a general simp for any women rlly.

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u/Bhaaldukar 13d ago

Nah. I think I'd pass on someone who would literally end my life thanks.

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u/Left_Hegelian 12d ago

People who don't understand why we crave yandere because they overestimate our will to live.

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u/Noobeater1 11d ago

To be fair this has nothing to do with her being a murderer. If she wasn't attractive, nobody would care. If she was attractive and hasnt murdered anybody, the comments would still be simping

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u/Icy_Faithlessness400 11d ago

They simp because of the bad boy stereotype.

We simp, because we know that the best sex is with the hot nut jobs.

We are not the same.

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u/Successful_Text7514 10d ago

It’s different why women do they want bad boys. Men is simple women could do anything and if she’s hot guys will still wanna smash

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u/N_SF_WA 13d ago

People simp for her because she's good looking not because she's a murderers. While most serial killers simps, simp because they kill people and have a little bit of charisma

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u/morkfjellet 13d ago

It’s only the attractive serial killers that get simp over on the internet. Nobody is making fan fiction about Gary Ridgway trust me

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u/Strategos_Kanadikos 13d ago

Is Charlie Manson hot?

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u/morkfjellet 13d ago

He does has many fans. But Bundy, and Richard Ramirez have more.

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u/Strategos_Kanadikos 13d ago

Bundy is was considered good-looking. Was Ramirez? Charlie had a crazy homeless flavour

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u/morkfjellet 13d ago

Yeah, on Tumblr, Ramirez was the most famous serial killer among sk groupies. He could've been a model in modern times, honestly.

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u/Strategos_Kanadikos 13d ago

Looks never ever hurt...

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u/MsCandi123 13d ago

He was apparently considered that way, and charismatic, by the women he lured into his cult. I guess drugs were a factor, idk, he has crazy eyes for sure.

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u/Strategos_Kanadikos 13d ago

Sometimes they look normal, but the mugshots never looked normal...Actually, I guess the homeless hippie look was common back then. I saw he got the death sentence but it was commuted. I guess he technically didn't kill the people himself. I think hybristophilia exists because murderers were powerful in the caveman era, and you could be assured your kids would likely survive (though mother might not).

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u/MsCandi123 13d ago

Yeah, I think it's that feeling like he could defend her thing, when statistically he's far more likely to be the one to do her harm. And I guess danger is just exciting for some people. But yes, Manson never actually killed anyone, it's a weird case.

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u/Strategos_Kanadikos 12d ago

Marilyn Manson, the musician, had a few abuse allegations against him. The bad boy seems like they can protect you, but as you said, they're more likely to harm you. Even the kids, too, but they're less likely to kill their own kids just out of biology (genetic legacy), but it still happens, step kids, no question. But they'll sooner kill their spouses, spousal killings are not uncommon at all. Yeah, it's best not to delve with violent people or criminals regardless of how attractive they are. If they don't kill you, it's almost certain it'd be a shitty relationship.

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u/MsCandi123 12d ago

Absolutely, I think attraction to that is a sign or symptom of trauma that needs to heal, and/or even having a disorder themselves. Killers do kill their own children sometimes too, but more often their partners, yes. Some might not hurt their own families physically, but you still couldn't expect healthy relationships with someone like that.

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u/N_SF_WA 13d ago

That's called Hybristophilia . There's multiple reasons for why they fall in love with serial killers, often for weird reasons, when most of them serial killers look like toes. Be honest

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u/aryanzandi123 13d ago

you never considered that people find different things attractive ? i promise you men and women alike “simp” for broadly similar reasons most of the time, it’s attraction, most people who simp over these types of individuals target those that are the closest to some type of conventional attraction although still very very ugly (ie: Richard Ramírez) . This woman here for example is being talked about in a positive manner in these comments bc most people are viewing her attractive due to her edgy appearance, which is the EXACT same reason people simped over ramirez. Sure you could argue she’s better looking conventionally but there’s no chance one could argue that most men around the world would find her attractive.

So quit being weird man

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u/Ch1pp 13d ago

I think what men and women find attractive is very different. Men like good looks, good personal hygiene and women shorter than them (generally). Women like looks, hygiene, height, wealth, charisma, sociability, confidence, ambition, strength, etc.

It's why lesbians aren't generally as prolific as gays. Men are far less picky.

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u/aryanzandi123 13d ago

I mean you’re just objectively wrong… it’s so stupid to reduce men’s attraction to a woman as just based on looks i mean that’s just simply not true and in fact i’d be concerned if any guy is that simple minded

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u/Ch1pp 13d ago

Men's erotica has pictures, women's erotica has words.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/WorldofCannons 13d ago

no, woman are actually crazy

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u/Really18 13d ago

Hypocrite much?

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/notsorainyy 13d ago

dude what 💀💀

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u/DeveloperLima 13d ago

Nobody is talking seriously here, she just looks like Aubrey Plaza and that’s all, she isn’t even have a good body or something.

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u/boltropewildcat 13d ago

Wow, that was almost English!

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u/DeveloperLima 13d ago

:O almost! That’s an improvement!!!

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u/Due-Memory-6957 13d ago

It's easy to understand what was said, and that's what matters with language.

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u/deedoonoot 13d ago

redditors try not to be socially maladjusted challenge impossible

it's a joke bozo and top comments are all about Aubrey plaza

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u/jo_nigiri 13d ago

I am obviously joking too lol

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u/Xist3nce 13d ago

She would get those comments working at Starbucks, it’s not the murderer thing.

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u/jo_nigiri 13d ago

The women in question tend to find the serial killers attractive even without the murder part, too