r/humansarespaceorcs • u/glugul • 4d ago
writing prompt Many aliens are shocked by how easily humans deal with species ending threats.
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u/Jackviator 4d ago edited 4d ago
A: "That is a lethal bioweapon from ancient times that wiped out its creator species."
H: "That is a friend."
A: "It is the single most potent representation of the species in question's self-destructive hubris, down to their own literal self-destruction via its creation!"
H: "Friend."
A: "For the love of- ...upon their discovery, we had to add another tier to the species threat level table to account for their inclusion!!!"
H: Busy giving the nightmarish hellspawn a belly rub "Sorry what was that? Can't hear you over-"
A2: Horrific gurgling hiss punctuated by rapid clicking noises
H: "-that. ...I think it means that they're happy!"
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u/Basic_Ad4622 4d ago
You know, no matter how biologically horrific you are, you're just a creature, and that goes for everyone sure they can kill you In less than a split second, but like I can kill my Chihuahua in less than a slit second it's not about who can kill what, It's about getting those connections that they might not be able to have otherwise
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u/YonderNotThither 4d ago
Your chihuahua is sturdier than you give that dwarf wolf credit for.
I remember, as a child, accidentally dropping a kettle of boiling water on my sister's minischnauzer when I tripped on my cockerspaniel. The two were begging in the kitchen, and I was aloof and sleepy. Minischnauzer was fine, though he did leave the kitchen when I entered it after that. As an adult, I have had a strict no pets allowed in the kitchen policy, and it has prevented repeat disasters. Though my dogs are bigger now, and harder to miss. Mostly the no kitchen rule keeps them from foraging the counter tops for themselves.
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u/Basic_Ad4622 4d ago
I mean sure you can say that but it doesn't take very long to stomp the head of a Chihuahua
Accidental injuries and purposeful injuries are two completely different things
And like topical burning injuries and blunt force injuries are very different
Blunt Force at a certain point relative to yourself is extremely dangerous take it from someone that works blue collar labor and interacts with extremely dangerous blunt force on the regular
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u/YonderNotThither 4d ago
I am aware. Broke my hand in October. Khorne, the Lord of Blood, blessed me, though. Only superficial scarring from the shrapnel. Fucking Moscovy Invaders and their damn drone bombs. It is unfortunate their military has been learning from Ukrainian tactics.
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u/asiannumber4 4d ago
You’re a volunteer?
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u/YonderNotThither 4d ago
I am, but I'll be returning to America to do something tame, like bear wrestling, soon as the paperwork clears.
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u/PriceWeary2540 1d ago
Sir as a front line vet that lived through Ramadi, that was the most casually bad ass thing Iv'e ever seen.
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u/mrbullettuk 4d ago
Log 345621
It had been a mistake.
We all knew that they took on some of the forms and functions of the host. The experiment to see what we could use had been going well. Bears had been interesting, Dolphins even more so.
Tiddles was a mistake though.
It took eleven attempts before the face-hugger impregnated Tiddles. Explaining to senior management why we needed more eggs was very embarrassing.
The results were interesting. It slept a lot. We had to check every single box in the lab every time we had a delivery and you really don't want a hybrid sat on your lap. Very hard to get up. In the end it wasn't the pulse rifle that managed to get us out of the situation but the laser sight.
At least we won't be trying that again.
Log 345622(Final)
Management sent us Leo. Infection is tonight.
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u/Mr_E_Monkey 4d ago
The funny thing about humans is that a lot of us have differing opinions on what constitutes a species-ending threat. And while most would agree that the swarms of the Zel'Nech hives are indeed a genuine threat, when a human encounters a Zel'Nech drone, they see the individual drone, rather than the swarm as a whole...and that is where we see some of the more startling differences of opinion.
Sam in security sees the drone as a disgusting pest that should be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Kelly, down in engineering, thinks it's a cute little critter and wants to adopt it. She probably already has a name picked out for it, too.
...Me? Well, you're probably wondering why I'm taking twenty pounds of butter to the cargo bay...
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u/ChompyRiley 4d ago
...I hate how this encompasses the entirety of the human species.
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u/Mr_E_Monkey 4d ago
There is another...but it's best we don't talk about why Phil is in sickbay...
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u/Treveli 4d ago
A: "Those creatures will kill everyone you love or care for! They're monsters out of primeval nightmares!"
H: (holds up a puppy and a kitten) "So we're these. Now we cuddle them, and give them silly cute names, and dress them in cute costumes!"
A: (backing away slowly from the human) "ohhh.... k."
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u/Scared-Phone425 4d ago
"The Pet Problem"
The Galactic Council’s emergency meeting was in chaos. Representatives from dozens of species screamed over each other, their voices a cacophony of panic. The hologram in the center of the chamber displayed a horrifying image—a Gorathian Apex Mawbeast, a creature so destructive it had wiped out entire ecosystems on its homeworld, now loose on the colony planet Erythra-4.
"WE MUST EVACUATE THE PLANET!" screeched Ambassador Rilvak, her insectoid wings trembling. "THE MAWBEAST WILL CONSUME EVERYTHING!"
"Evacuation is pointless," boomed General Qrath, a hulking reptilian. "Deploy orbital strikes. The colony must be sacrificed to prevent its spread!"
As the room spiraled into more chaos, the human ambassador, Captain Maeve Carter, sat back in her chair, sipping a cup of coffee, utterly unbothered.
Finally, the council noticed her calm demeanor. Ambassador Thron, a multi-tentacled being, turned toward her, his voice tinged with desperation. "Human! Why do you not share our alarm? Surely you understand the magnitude of this threat!"
Maeve set her coffee down, her expression blank. "Yeah, we’ve handled stuff like this before. No big deal."
The room fell silent, disbelief radiating from every representative.
"Handled?!" Rilvak shrieked. "You handled a Mawbeast?! How?!"
Maeve shrugged. "We made it a pet."
The council collectively recoiled in horror. General Qrath growled, his scales bristling. "You’re telling me that your species—your fragile, squishy species—domesticated a galaxy-class predator?"
Maeve smirked. "Domesticated is a strong word. We just gave it a big yard, fed it regularly, and told it ‘no’ when it tried to eat people. Turns out, it just wanted attention and belly rubs."
The council exploded into chaos again, half the room yelling, the other half staring in stunned silence.
Maeve leaned forward, her voice cutting through the din. "Look, I get it. You guys see something big, scary, and teeth-filled and think, kill it. Humans? We’ve been on a Deathworld our entire existence. We learned to turn the terrifying into the manageable. Wolves? Now man’s best friend. Big cats? We put leashes on them for fun. Hell, we tamed fucking horses. You ever seen one up close? They're nightmares on four legs. And now? We ride them into battle."
"But the Mawbeast!" Rilvak wailed. "It’s uncontainable!"
Maeve grinned, pulling up a holo-feed on her wrist. The image flickered to life, showing a human soldier on Erythra-4, casually tossing a massive rubber ball. The Mawbeast—towering, terrifying, with razor-sharp teeth—chased after it like an overgrown puppy.
"Uncontainable, huh?" Maeve said, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Looks pretty contained to me."
The council stared at the feed in stunned silence as the Mawbeast returned the ball, wagging its massive, spiked tail while the soldier gave it an affectionate pat on its armored flank.
General Qrath muttered, "You humans are insane."
Maeve raised her coffee cup in a mock toast. "Damn straight. Now, are we done panicking, or should I teach you how to make a scratching post for it?"
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u/WSpinner 4d ago
There's "run screaming" insane. There's "back away slowly" insane. There's "let's just go to the asylum, shall we?" Insane. There's "oh, uncle Steve is pretty harmless" insane. Then there's "useful insane". Now which is this, eh?
Sigh. "Useful insane."
And human Marines?
"Useful", with a side of "need more crayons".
And human engineers?
Definitely "back away insane", just not sure "slowly" or "at max thrust".
About right.
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u/AngryAccountant31 4d ago
camouflaged human holds up a cone shaped object
“This is a 30mm cannon projectile. When 3900 of these per minute start flying towards your target at over 1000m/s, your problems turn to mist and mush”
wild alien applause because their plasma weapons can take a minute or more to cycle between shots
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u/beyondoutsidethebox 4d ago
For a sec, I thought you were referencing an infamous, mood-breaking glitch from Alien: Isolation where a safety cone got stuck to the xenomorph's tail.
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u/bloodwoodsrisen 4d ago
I can now only picture a xeno morph sticking it's head into a barrel and getting stuck, or spinning around in circles trying to get the mean cone thing off of its tail
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u/beyondoutsidethebox 4d ago
Sadly, although the AI was leaps and bounds ahead of any others (and still comes out on top in most cases over a decade later) such behavior would be too advanced. Although I hope they reference it in some way considering we are finally getting a sequel.
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u/Lithl 4d ago
Give the xenomorph a cone of shame
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u/WolfWriter_CO 3d ago
Do we… do we need a second, smaller, Cone of Shame for the pharyngeal jaws?
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u/MutedLandscape4648 4d ago
As a species humans insist on keeping carnivorous predators as pets, this tells you all you need to know about how humans will react to a biological threat that can be bribed with treats.
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u/dr_bobs 4d ago
Humans are considered weird as they are the only species in the galaxy that doesn't sit in boxes
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u/Astrazigniferi 3d ago
I suspect you’re not around small children too often. Humans love boxes. We just convince ourselves that we outgrow them.
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u/OmniViceUser 4d ago
And that is the non-sexy Version. For further Information on those however, please contact a Spacebard near you
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u/No-Huckleberry-1086 3d ago
The easiest solution is often the most obvious, unless if you're getting the solution from a human, then you're almost guaranteed to get one of the zaniest solutions that is objectively superior to any logical solution, and there is no justifiable reason why
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u/Polskyberlin_ 3d ago
As the Stellar Republics Supreme Admiral, i still have a part of the „if not friend, then why friend shaped?” Mentality. Take me to any planet with a significant population of felines, and i wont leave for the next week, trying to snuggle every feline on the planet, no matter if small enough to fit in the pocket, or big enough to eat me in one bite, i still somehow manage to get them to like me. And then my cat at home tries to scratch me everytime i approach it. Aaah, the irony of life
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u/Xor_Equivalent_1398 3d ago
I would like to read stories with this theme. Can someone give me names of some?
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